Finding Us (16 page)

Her smile faded as she looked down at her hands in her lap again. “When we leave the reception, the people won’t throw rice. They’ll all have navy and soft yellow balloons with our wedding announcement inside and release them as we run out to your Camaro. Before going on our honeymoon to Belize, we’ll stay at the Four Seasons in the honeymoon suite, and make love all night long before our flight the next morning. We’ll spend a week in Belize, making love on every surface there is of our villa. Then we’ll go snorkeling together and get massages together and have picnic lunches on the beach and feed each other food. And it’ll be magical, Jag. It’ll be perfect…”

She
started crying then and I pulled her onto my lap, tucking her head under my chin.

“We can still do all that, El
,” I told her.

She pulled back to look at me, the tears streaming down her face. “But now you’ve already done it. I know it wa
sn’t real, but it looked real. It felt like a piece of my heart died tonight watching it.”

“Baby,” I said, stroking her
hair down her back. “I’m so, so sorry. It wasn’t real. It meant nothing at all. You’ve got to understand that.” I turned her to me and brushed my lips over hers. “You’ve got to know that.”

I picked her up, carrying her to the bedroom. We made love, me reassuring her that she was it for me, that the commercial was nothing.

We stayed in bed late the next morning, but when we got up, she made me watch the commercial that she’d so graciously DVR’d so she could share it with me. She left the room, leaving me to watch it alone. And I was pissed.

They’d somehow used a body double for me who was completely naked, briefly showing the back of him standing at the side of the bed where Alessandra lay looking up at him invitingly. El had said she wasn’t mad about that because she knew it wasn’t me because my butt was much nicer, which made me laugh but also grateful that she caught that. But they
had
put in the part where Alessandra had basically attacked me when we kissed, which disgusted me. Stupid bitch. The rest of it was as I’d expected, so no more surprises.

After watching it, I went to find El in her bedroom where she sat
on her bed studying. Her eyebrows went up in question when I walked in.

“Sorry,” I said as I walked to her bed and sat down.

“You’ve apologized enough, Jag. I get it. It was just a shock, is all.” She leaned toward me and touched her lips to mine. “I love you.”

“Forever and a day, babe,” I said, taking th
e book off her lap, then showed her I truly meant it.

I left that evening,
driving
the hour and a half up to Milwaukee to get ready for our three-game stretch. I told El I wished I could come back afterward, but we played in Houston the next three days then were back in LA for three more straight games. My schedule was definitely not conducive to making a relationship work that was for damned sure.

But
we talked every night, and she was soon back to her usual self, even able to laugh at her reaction to the commercial.

We
’d made it through our latest mess and things finally seemed to be looking up. But I’d thought that before, so I wasn’t going to hold my breath since I knew I’d probably screw shit up again at some point.

Chapter 16

Funny how
you think things
are going well, but actually shit’s brewing just under the surface. I got a call from Alessandra the night I arrived in Milwaukee.

“Hey, handsome,” she purred when I answered.

I rolled my eyes. “What do you want?”

She let out a sound as if she was disappointed that I hadn’t answered her with some term of endearment too, which wasn’t going to happen ever in this lifetime.

“I was just checking to see if you saw the commercial?”

“Yeah. I did. Is that all you wanted?” I made to hang up my phone.

“Wait! I just wanted to know if you’ve reconsidered our relationship? We looked so good together, Jag,” she said, her words breathy as she tried sounding sexy.

I laughed. “Yeah, I’ve reconsidered it, and come to the conclusion
, yet again, that nothing’s gonna change. I’m with El. Matter of fact, I just left her place earlier.”

“You’re in Chicago?”
she asked, and I could hear the surprise in her voice.

“Milwaukee now. But, yes, I was with El in Chic
ago the past two days.”

She was quiet for a f
ew seconds then she cleared her throat. “So you’re still with her?”

Wow. El had once called me dense, but this chick was the
friggin’ epitome of dense. “Yes, Alessandra. El and I are still together.”

“But she’s… she’s so… not me,” she answered ridiculously.

“One of her better assets,” I mumbled.

“You’
re unbelievable. How could you want
that
when you could have me?”

F
ed up with this idiotic conversation, I said, “I need to go.”

“
But what if she decided she didn’t want you anymore?” she asked.

“Why would she decide that? We’ve known each other for over twenty years. Not gonna happen.”

“You never know, Jag. Things happen all the time that make people break up.”

I’d had more than enough. “Bye, Alessandra.” I hung up shaking my head at how absolutely absurd she was. You’d think someone as beautiful as she was would have no problem dating. But maybe
that was the problem. She could probably date anyone she wanted, but she couldn’t have me, and that’s what spurred her on. Whatever it was, I wished she’d turn her sights on someone new and leave me the hell alone.

“We need to get our shit together,
men!” our head coach yelled at us. Technically, he was the Manager of the team, but to us, he was just Coach. And now he was screaming at us because we’d lost five out of our last nine games.

We sat in our clubhouse having just lost to the Braves
, and it’d been brutal. We’d lost in their last inning at bat, allowing them three runs and they ended up beating us by two.

After
a lull from the berating, Baxter stood up and yelled, “Goddamn it! I wanna make the Series! We’ve got what it takes! We’re better than this! Come on!” He threw his towel into his locker angrily.

There were l
ots of concurring nods and mumbles from around the locker room. We wanted to win. Hell, who wanted to lose? Losing sucked ass.

Coach wrapped up everything reminding us we’d be off tomorrow then had six games in a row, a d
ay off, another six in a row, and another day off before heading into a thirteen-game stretch. We’d be in Chicago to play the Cubs the weekend after this one, and I hoped El would be able to make it to the game I was pitching.

“Wanna get a beer?” Baxter asked me after he’d showered and dressed.

“I do!” Logan butted in.

“Sure,” I answered, cutting my eyes at Logan
with a scowl.

“What? Hey, you should feel lucky that I’m still talking to you after the shit you pulled with what’s-her-face. She blew up my phone with so many texts, calls and voicemails, I was tempted to throw it away.”

“You deserved it,” I replied, walking out the door of the clubhouse with Baxter, in front of Logan.

“Yeah, well, you deserve a throat punch, but you don’t see that happening,” he shot back.

I laughed, turning to look at him. “For what?”

“For introducing me to that bitch in the first place.”

I turned and started walking again. “I’ll remind your sorry ass that I did not introduce you. And I think I even warned you not to get involved with her, did I not?”

“I don’t know. I was too busy staring at her tits and ass in that tiny little thing she was wearing.” He
caught up to me and grinned.

“That’s what I thought… dumbass,” I murmured.

“Can you two stop arguing like a couple of pussies? Jesus. I just wanna have a beer and relax. That too much to ask?” Baxter said as we walked toward our cars in the parking lot.

Logan rode with me
and we followed Bax there.

“Oh, man! This is that place that serves free tacos!” Logan exclaimed as we walked toward the joint.

“He always act like a five-year-old kid?” Bax asked.

I nodded. “Pretty much.”

“Do not!” Logan retorted pretty much solidifying Baxter’s suspicions.

Bax and I laughed then
we all went inside, and I laughed even harder when Baxter told the owner we’d also need a booster seat as he showed us to a special room toward the back. The funniest part about it was Logan didn’t even get it.

“That’s my boyfriend!” I heard
screamed from behind me as I jogged out to the mound. I grinned and turned to see El and Rebecca jumping up and down in the stands behind home plate at Wrigley Field waving at me. El’s and my parents were there as were Ross and Robbie.

I was shocked that I’d heard her
in the crowd, but she had some kind of little plastic cheerleading megaphone in her hand, and I guessed her voice had just carried. That, or I was just so attuned to her, I could pick her voice out of the roar. Damn.

My team
ended up bouncing back from our loss the day before, beating the Cubs pretty soundly, which was awesome, especially since everyone was there to see it. It was Saturday night and Mom had made reservations at our favorite steakhouse that was owned by family friends, and we all met up there after the game.

“Dude, nice,” Ross said, knocking knuckles with me when I showed up.

“Yeah, good win, Jag,” Robbie said, doing the knuckle thing too and clapping me on the shoulder.

Well, I guess
ed bygones were bygones to him, and I was more than okay with that. I was afraid he might’ve been mad about the latest commercial, but he didn’t say anything about it.

I kissed El, pulling her chair out
for her as we were all seated, and it was a great evening until my phone rang halfway through dinner.

“Yeah?” I answered, getting up to leave the table.

“Hey, Jag, Dirk here.”

I hadn’t been answering his calls lately, so I guessed he’d either gotten a new phone or was borrowing someone’s
since I hadn’t recognized the number. Either way, the fucker had pulled one over on me.

“What’s up?” I
asked.

“Got a party you and Alessandra need to attend,” he informed me.

Ha. Fat chance of that happening. “Can’t. Way too many games, Dirk. Only have a couple Thursdays off over the next six weeks.”

“That’s perfect,” he replied. “Next Thursday it is.”

What the fuck?

“Just what kind of party are we talking about here?” I inquired.

“Mine.”

“Mandatory?”

“If you want to keep Nike, I’d say yes,” he answered with a chuckle.

“Great. Text me the details.”
What an asshole.

“Oh, you mean you’ll answer this time?”

“Not likely,” I said honestly. He knew I’d been pissed at him since the debacle back in September, and I felt he should be a little more gracious, but that was just him. I wished Ross would hurry up and finish his internship. I’d asked him a couple times over the past few months if he was ready to be my agent yet, but he’d told me he needed a little more time, that he wanted to get as much experience as he could before taking over so he could do the best job possible for me. I respected that, but I still wished he’d get his shit together.

Dirk and I hung up and I went back to the table, now in a shitty mood.

“Who was that?” El asked after I sat down.

“Dirk.”

I saw her stiffen at the mention of his name. She didn’t much care for him either, and was more than excited for Ross to take over as my agent.

“What’d he want?” she asked.

I sighed. Here we go again. “He said he’s having a party next Thursday and I’m supposed to attend. I’m letting you know right now that Alessandra will be there.”

The look on her face told me exactly what she thought of that, but she only nodded then cont
inued eating, joining in on the conversations going on at the table. I reached over and squeezed her hand and she squeezed mine back, smiling up at me.

I leaned down and kissed the side of her head. “Thanks for understanding.”

She nodded then laughed at a story Ross was telling about something that’d happened at the modeling agency he was interning at. Something to do with a new model getting locked in a closet. I watched her giggling when Ross said the girl had been in her underwear and they’d had to remove the hinge pins on the door to get her out.

And it was at that moment that I decided I wanted to marry Ellen Reese Love.

What? Oh, you think I’d already decided that? Well, no, I hadn’t. I mean, I’d thought about it, of course. Every guy goes there with the woman he’s seriously dating, but it’s not really anything crucial. It’s kind of like when we see a new car and think we might want to own it. We picture ourselves in it. Wonder if it’d be the right fit. Take it for a test drive. Weigh the pros and cons. Then if we decide it’s not for us, we move on. Or sometimes we don’t. Hell, if the gas mileage is good, we might stick around for a while. But we’re never going to love it like we should or seal the deal, as they say.

So when a man proposes, it’s usually a big, damned deal. We’re saying, “Hey, we only want to have sex with
you for the rest of our lives.” And that’s huge. Really. Trust me.

So, yeah, I was ready for El to be my wife if she’d have me.

A week later
I attended the
party Dirk had so masterfully set up for Alessandra and me to reunite in public. Sneaky bastard. He’d invited the press to photograph and interview everyone as they walked into his huge house in the Hollywood Hills. He’d once explained with a laugh when I’d asked about the house, that his parents were filthy rich and had bought it for him, that sports management wasn’t so lucrative that he could afford a place that fantastic just then. And it
was
a great house.

And now as I walked up the sidewalk, I wanted to be anywhere but there. I’d told El to be prepared for any magazine bullshit that’d be coming out, so at least I’d covered that.

“Jagger!” Alessandra said when I walked up. She came to me, tiptoeing up and trying to kiss me on the lips, but I turned my head so she got only my cheek. She frowned but laced her arm through mine, plastering on a fake smile, walking us toward the door amidst a ton of camera flashes. I noticed she wasn’t in any hurry to get there as she soaked up all the attention from the media like a shriveled sponge. Christ.

Inside, the paparazzi continued taking shots. I was surprised Dirk had allowed them inside, but I really shouldn’
t have been, his being the attention hound that he was for his clients, that is. Alessandra hung all over me, trying to feed me hors d'oeuvres, which I declined. When she persisted, trying to shove a baby corn into my mouth, I muttered as I pushed it away, “Try it again and see where that ends up.”

She threw her head back and laughed as flashes went off everywhere, ever the camera whore.

I made it through the damned party in one piece, and at the end of the evening, had to escort Alessandra out to her limo at the insistence of Dirk.

“Do it for the press, man,” he told me. “Besides, she’s drunk and won’t make it
to the limo without you.”

Walking her out, I gritted my teeth as she giggled, saying loudly so the press could hear, “Baby, I can’t wait to get you in bed tonight,” and “I’ll keep the bed warm for you. Hurry home.”

I left shortly after, letting out a breath as I pulled away from Dirk’s damned mansion, feeling as if he’d finally let me have my fucking balls back. As soon as Ross was ready, Dirk’s ass was fired.

“Wow, that’s some article,”
El quipped a week later.

“Yeah, I know. She’s an idiot,” I replied.
We’d played the Cardinals earlier and had won, so I’d been relaxing with a beer when she’d called.

Several pictures of Alessandra and me from the party either graced the covers of the gossip magazines, or were featured somewhere in the others. Whoopee. I was sure Alessandra would be as thrilled at them as I was repulsed.