Finding Us (4 page)

Chapter 4

“
Whaddya think, kid?” Baxter
asked after our game.

I turned to see
him raising an eyebrow at me as he pulled off his leg guards from where he sat in front of his locker. He then ran a hand through his hair making it stick up all over his head. We’d just busted our asses but unfortunately had lost game two of the division playoffs to the Giants.

“Fucking sucks. When Na
nvida walked up to the plate, I knew I had him. How the fuck he knew I was coming with the heat, I have no idea. I almost never lead with a fastball. He knows that. How the hell was he ready for it?”

“Don’t know. Saw the third base coach signal him, so maybe he guessed.
But what I meant was, what happened with the bracelet?” he asked.

Oh. Well. Let’s
just go from talking about one disaster to another. “She gave it to her best friend,” I informed him with a grimace.

He gave me a small smile as if he understood
and nodded. “Come to my house tonight. Amanda would love to meet you. I’ve told her about what’s going on and she’s dying to talk to you.” He cut his eyes at me and shook his head after saying that, covering his ass for sharing my personal shit. “You know women.”

“If I knew women, I wouldn’t be in this mess.”
I cocked an eyebrow at him.

“We’
ve all been there, man. But, if we actually knew women, it wouldn’t be any fun either,” Adams, the first baseman, threw in.

“Adams, if you knew
any
women, you wouldn’t know what to do with them,” Logan said laughing.

“Fuck off, Logan,”
Adams shot back, flipping him off.

“I will be in about,” he glanced at his wrist as if he were wearing a watch, “an hour.”

“Don’t forget to go by the ATM so you can pay her first,” Adams said making everyone laugh with a few yelling out, “Ooooohhhhh!” and “Burn!”

And just like that, things didn’t seem as dire as they had. I loved these guys. Loved this game. And I was in my element. Now if I could get my personal life in order, I could breathe again.

“
Mister? Hey, Mister?”

I looked down at Baxter’s four-year-old son who was tugging on my pants’ leg. Squatting down in front of him, I said, “Yeah, little guy?”

His big, brown eyes stared back at me in excitement. “You’re Jag!”

I smiled at him and ruffled his hair. “That’s me.”

He threw his arms up in the air and hopped around. “Wow! Mommy! It’s
Jag
!” he shouted.

I’d followed Bax home to meet his wife and family, interested in watching how he handled it all. I’d been a little nervous since he’d told his wife what was going on, afraid she’d judge me, but she instantly made me feel welcome and I relaxed a bit.

Baxter’s wife grinned at me from where she stood in the kitchen, bouncing a little girl on her hip. “Yes, it is, Spencer!”

Spencer looked back at me, eyes still wide, and whispered, “Can I
have your autogwaph?”

I chuckled. “Sure thing, buddy.”

“I’ll be wight back!” he yelled and ran away.

I stood up and walked over to Amanda, holding out my hand. “Hi, Jag Jensen. Nice meeting you.”

She smiled widely and, man, was she gorgeous, her blond hair and bright blue eyes the total opposite of her husband’s dark hair and brown eyes. I could see why Bax had worked so hard to get her back. “No handshakes. We’re big huggers here, Jag.” She wrapped her free arm around my neck, pulling me down to her and squeezed then pulled back. “I’m Amanda. Gordon’s told me all about you.”

I looked over at Baxter who’d come in the kitchen holding another of their k
ids who looked to be around five. “Gordon?” I said with a smirk.

“Fudge you, dude,” he said with a laugh.

“Fudge?” I asked cracking up.

“Little ears,” he explained with an
eye roll, jerking his head toward the kid he was carrying.

I nodded in understanding. I hadn’t been around little kids too much
except for my sister’s two every now and then, so I knew I’d really have to watch what came out of my mouth.

Baxter kissed his son he was holding
on the side of his head before putting him down. “Cole, go get Josh and tell him we have company.”

“’Kay, Daddy!” and off he ran.

Bax went to Amanda and put his arm around her shoulders, leaning in and giving her a kiss. “How are you, babe?”

“I’ll
be better when you fix the toilet in Josh’s bathroom. I think Spencer flushed a G.I. Joe down it.”

He’d leaned in to give his daughter a kiss when he pulled back asking,
“Again? Godda…ng it.” He caught himself from cussing, which made me laugh again, then he looked at me, explaining, “That’s the second time this week. Kid thinks G.I. Joe’s a SEAL, I guess.”

I laughed even harder
at that. I couldn’t imagine having all this chaos around me, especially after coming home from a game, but I could tell Bax just ate it up. Spencer came back in with a Dodgers t-shirt. “Mommy! I need something to wite wif!”

Amanda went to a desk and pulled out a marker, handing it to him, but not before she had him say “Please” and “Thank you.”

“Here you go, Jag!” he said, holding the shirt and marker out to me.

I saw that most of the other guys
on the team had already signed it, so I did the same then handed it back to him as I ruffled his hair again. “There you go, buddy.”

“Thanks!
Yippee!” he shouted and was off and running again, but not before handing the pen back to his mother and yelling out a “Thank you!” to her.

Just then a boy who was
the spitting image of Baxter came in. He immediately walked over to his dad and Bax wrapped his arm around his son’s shoulders. “Josh, this is Jag Jensen. Jag, this is our nine year old, Josh.”

“Hey, Josh,” I said, starting to hold out my hand, but remembered what Amanda had said
about hugging, so I clapped him on the shoulder instead.

“Hi, Jag,” he said shyly, looking down
at the floor. He then looked up at me and said, “I want to be a pitcher when I grow up.”

I gave a smirk to Bax who rolled his eyes again. “All right! Someone in this family who
actually knows the game!” I held my hand out and knocked knuckles with Josh.

“Yeah, whatever.
But I guess I’d rather his arm goes before his knees,” Baxter said with a chuckle. “Babe, let me take her,” he then told Amanda, taking the little girl from her. “Hey, Chloe Badoey.” He nuzzled her neck and she squealed with glee, clapping his face with her hands.

“Come on in, Jag. We were just about to have dinner,” Amanda said. “Would you like a beer?”

“Uh, sure,” I answered. I followed her into the kitchen and she handed me two beers from the fridge for Baxter and me.

“Let’s go o
utside,” he said, carrying Chloe with him as he walked to the patio doors. Spencer and Cole ran up behind us then around us to beat us out the door.

“Josh? Why don’t you call Kevin and you two can play video games for a bit. See if Sarah will let him stay for dinner,”
I heard Amanda yell to her oldest son as we went outside.

“Damn. Does Disney World have anything left?” I asked Baxter as I looked around the backyard. There was a
ll kinds of playground-type equipment everywhere.

He laughed as he put Chloe down, patting her bottom as she ran off to play. “When you get to thi
s point someday, you’ll understand.”

And by the end of the night, I got it. His kids had so
much energy, that if hooked up properly they could power an entire city for a month with it. Damn. But their playing on everything had eventually worn them out and Amanda and Bax had taken them inside for their baths. As I waited for them to finish, I went inside to watch Josh and his friend play video games, amazed at their skill at the damned things.

When
the kids had been put to bed, Amanda, Baxter and I went back out and sat on the patio talking.

“So, Ellen’s in Chicago?” Amanda asked softly. She’d been looking for an opening, I could tell, and she’d gone with it when I was telling them about my hometown.

“Yeah,” I answered wistfully.

She sighed. “Gordon’s filled me in on all that’s happened
, Jag. I understand, believe me, I do. All I can say is if she’s worth it, don’t give up.” She squeezed Baxter’s forearm and he took her hand in his, pulling it to his mouth to kiss her knuckles.

“She’s worth it. It’s just tough being so far away.”

“I know it is. But don’t give up. I know she’s not very receptive right now, but it’s going to take some time. Have you tried writing her? I mean, real letters not email.”

“No, it hasn’t occurred to me.”

“Gordon wrote some beautiful letters to me when we were apart. I know our situation was different from yours, but try it, okay? I think it just might work.”

I looked at Bax and he blushed as he brushed his lips over Amanda’s knuckles again.

But who was I to turn down advice from a woman who’d gone through a similar situation. I agreed to try it and she made me promise to let her know how it went. I chuckled and told her I would then we talked a bit more about this and that before I headed home.

The silence inside my condo was deafening as I
sat down at the desk and pulled out some paper to write to El. If this didn’t work, I guessed I’d just move on to the next thing that might, knowing I wouldn’t give up until I took my last breath.

“Whoops! You missed El, but I’ll
bet you know the drill! Leave her a message at the beep! Oh. Unless you’re the asshole in those commercials, then save your breath and hang up the phone now.”

Wow. Rebecca had gotten hold of El’s phone and wasn’t that just the nicest voicemail message? Damn.

“El, it’s me, the asshole Rebecca’s talking about, but please give me a call. I love you… forever and a day.” I hung up and threw my phone onto the couch so tired of the silence all around me.

The strange thing was my sister Starr was ten years older than I am, so growing up, it almost felt like I was an only child, the age difference between us being so great. I was used to being alone, but something had been awakened in me, and I knew exactly what it was.

Being at Baxter’s had shown me what I really wanted.

I wanted
El and me to be together so we could create a family, our kids screaming and running all over the place, chaos and craziness everywhere. I wanted us to have the house that every kid in the neighborhood wanted to come to. Hell, I didn’t even mind the thought of digging a G.I. Joe out of the toilet every week if it meant we’d be together.

And
that’s what I’d written to her hoping it might get through to her, ending the impasse we had going.

We were off a day from playoffs, being behind in the series two games to three. If we didn’t win the next night, we’d be finished, which sucked, but I knew I’d be
able to see El if that happened, which made me feel bad for even thinking that way because I seriously wanted to win, but I also wanted to see her. Catch-22 anyone?

I hadn’t talked to her in almost a month and
it’d begun really wearing on me. I’d finally given in and called my mom, who I knew would gripe me out, which she did for a good twenty minutes. When she’d stopped her ranting, she started crying telling me she was sorry and she wished she could talk some sense into Ellen, but every time she called her to try, El would just tell her it was over. And that just made her cry even harder. And made me feel like shit.

Dad had gotten on the phone
next and told me that he had my back and would do whatever I needed. I wondered for a second if that might include his kidnapping El and bringing her to me, which was ludicrous, I knew, but at the time, it sounded like a plan. But tossing that crazy notion aside, we talked for a bit about playoffs then he returned to the original topic and offered some suggestions on how to woo El. I told him that wooing was a little old fashioned, but he said if it worked for Rick with Ilsa, it would work for anyone. I told him they didn’t get back together which was why
Casablanca
was one of the saddest movies ever made. He then countered with Scarlett and Rhett, and I reminded him they didn’t end up together either. He finally told me to ignore everything he’d just said and “just send her some goddamned flowers” which made me laugh.

But I swear, if coming up with ideas to get her back actually worked toward getting her back, I’d have gotten her back right then. She’d have poofed right the hell into my living room rewarding me for all my secret plotting.

W
e hung up, and the silence screamed at me again. I was just about to turn the stereo on to fill the void when there was a knock at my door.

Can you be semi-pissed and semi-happy at the same time, because that’s what I was when I looked in the peephole
, and being so friggin’ starved for company I actually answered it.