Finding Valor (33 page)

“Stop it, son.”

“What?” Josh looked up and found Zen staring at him.

“Don’t play the ‘what if’ game. It’ll drive you crazy.”

Josh sighed and dropped his gaze back to Shep’s body. Zen and his men had brought several body bags, but they ran out before they got to the men that had died outside the compound gates. Josh had used his own shirt to cover Shep’s face and his jacket to hide his wounds.

Zen twisted sideways and placed a hand on Josh’s knee. “We lost a lot of good men today, but they did not die in vain.”

Josh stared at his hands. He’d used a cleansing spell on himself and several others, including Shep, before exhaustion overcame him. There was no trace of blood or gore on anyone inside the hummer, but he still felt dirty. Would he ever be clean again?

Zen gave Josh’s knee a gentle shake. “Twenty-seven men, thirty-eight women and fifty-two children are alive because of you.”

“How many are dead?”

“Dominance Veyjivik and her evil minions are responsible for all the casualties.”

“How many died?” Josh gritted his teeth. He didn’t know why the number was so important. It just was.

Zen sighed and shook his head. “Two marines, twelve Freedom Ridge volunteers and…one hundred seventeen hostages.”

“We lost more than we saved.” What sort of cosmic algorithm did you use to weigh one life against another?

“We wouldn’t have saved anyone if we hadn’t gone. Every one of the hostages would’ve been executed by now. Including the kids. I couldn’t live with myself if I hadn’t at least tried. And neither could you.”

“I know. I just wish…” Josh closed his eyes and rubbed his forehead. It was too late for wishes. Nothing would bring Shep or any of the others back. They were gone forever.

Zen leaned back and tugged the brim of his hat down over his eyes. “Me too.”

The entire town of Whistler’s Gulch poured out of their houses, shops and bars as the Veyjivik Enterprises caravan rolled into town. Josh was too tired to care what they thought—until three derelict pickup trucks followed them out of town. He waited until he was sure they were following them then tapped the driver on the shoulder. “Stop the car.”

He obeyed without so much as raising an eyebrow.

Josh marched down the road to the closest truck and rapped on the driver’s window with the back of his knuckles.
 

A kid that looked to be about fourteen rolled it down and gave him a sheepish grin. “Hey.”

“You need to turn around and go back. This is a classified operation.”

“Really?” The kid’s eyes widened. “What’s goin’ on.”

“What part of ‘classified’ do you not understand?” Josh knew the kid was just looking for a little excitement to spice up his small-town life, but he’d run out of patience a long time ago. He locked gazes with the boy and let his angry energy seep out, just a little.
 

He didn’t even have to use magic.

The kid rammed the stick shift into reverse, hit the gas and slammed into the truck behind him. Which bounced into the one behind it. Steam spewed out of the middle truck’s hood. No one was hurt, but none of them were going anywhere soon.

When they got to the quarry, the chopper was there and ready to shuttle the first group to Freedom Ridge.

Josh waited with the rest of his men, the fallen as well as the survivors, until the last refugee had departed.
 

He debated hiking back on foot, to give himself time to absorb everything that’d happened—everything he’d
done
. But that was a chickenshit move. He owed it to Hunter and the other people that had lost loved ones to tell them in person. So, Josh went with the first group of the dead. He carried Shep’s body himself, refusing to let anyone else bear that burden.

If he’d been thinking clearly, Josh would have realized that some of the hostages knew all the Freedom Ridge volunteers. A wall of grieving people surrounded the makeshift landing pad. Wisdom and all her loyal soldiers that had refused to go were now holding back the tide of distraught mages. Josh didn’t wait for the rotors to stop spinning. He climbed out then waited for someone to lower Shep’s body into his arms. When he turned around, Hunter was right there, tears streaming down his face. He slipped his arms under Shep’s back and legs and took him from Josh. He turned around and walked away without a word.

~***~

Josh talked to countless mages about their missing and dead relatives, but not to Hunter. He searched everywhere for him, but couldn’t find him. He even looked inside the cave that served as a morgue. He wasn’t there either. Josh didn’t blame Hunter for avoiding him, but he couldn’t stand it if he’d lost his best friend, on top of everything else that had happened.
 

Josh finally found Hunter at the collective memorial service, but he was comforting Billy, Truth, and Honor—all that remained of his family. His brother, Stewart, was also one of the fallen.

Josh’d been up for more than forty-five hours when he finally collapsed on his cot at three-thirty in the morning. He kicked off his shoes, but didn’t undress. He covered his face with his elbow and passed out.

When he woke up, the sun was creeping down the western side of his tent. He must have slept through the entire day. He rolled over and nearly jumped out of his skin. “Whoa!”

Channie’s nephews were standing shoulder to shoulder next to his cot, their faces mere inches from his. He couldn’t help laughing when he saw that someone had written their names on their foreheads--with permanent ink. “What are you guys doing here?”

“Daddy needs your help.”

Josh shot out of bed then grabbed the tent pole to keep his balance as all the blood rushed to his feet. “Is he okay? What’s going on?”

Savvy popped his thumb in his mouth.
 

Zeal chewed on his lip.
 

But Courage lifted his chin and grinned at Josh. “Our magic is so strong, Daddy cain’t handle us.”

Josh sank back down on his cot and laughed with relief. He’d imagined all sorts of horrendous scenarios. Everything from Diego being accused of kidnapping to over zealous freedom fighters trying to execute him as a spy.

“So…what sort of mischief have you three been causing that’s brought your poor dad all the way to Arkansas?”

Savvy spoke up. “We cain’t help it. When we get upset, or excited, magic just…
happens
. Daddy wants you to make him better.”

Josh arched his eyebrows. “Is that right?”

They all nodded.
 

After the horrors of the past few days, Josh was ready for a diversion, but when he saw Diego in the medical tent, he barely recognized him. Angry, red welts covered every inch of exposed skin. “Wow. Are you in a lot of pain?”

“It feels like I’ve been attacked by a swarm of hornets.”

“Maybe you should take some Benadryl or something.”

“It was a stinging spell. Actually it was
three
stinging spells.” Diego narrowed his puffy eyelids at the trips then turned back to Josh. “Nothing but time can heal a magical injury.”

Liz’s injuries were much more serious than Diego’s and Josh had healed her. This shouldn’t be too hard. He closed his eyes and imagined his magic flowing over Diego’s skin, reducing the swelling, soothing the pain.

Diego gasped then sighed, long and loud. “Thank you.”

Josh opened his eyes but they immediately rolled into the back of his head. He didn’t pass out completely, but he was too dizzy to stay on his feet.
 

Diego caught him before he hit the ground and placed him on the cot he’d been occupying. “Savvy, go find your Aunt Wisdom and tell her Josh passed out.”

“I’m fine.”
 

“You’re white as a ghost.”

Wisdom insisted Josh spend the night in the medical tent. She also insisted on giving him an IV.
 

“I thought you healed people with magic.”

“If I used magic for every little problem, I’d be too drained to handle a real emergency. You’re exhausted and dehydrated. I’m willing to bet you’ve got low blood sugar too. An IV will take care of your dehydration and low blood sugar, but more importantly, it will keep you tethered to this cot where I can keep an eye on you.”
 

“Ow!” Josh glared at her as she tried to thread the needle into a vein on the top of his hand. “Have you even done this before?”

She bit her lip as she wiggled the needle back and forth. She jabbed at his vein again. “There! I knew I could do it.”

Josh laid back and tried to connect with Channie through their bond.

Wisdom smacked his arm. “Cut that out.”

“What?”

“You are dangerously low on magic. Keep that bond shut until I tell you it’s okay to use it.”

“Can you really see it, or are you just guessing?”

“I can see it.” She adjusted the drip rate on his IV then left to check on her other patients.

Josh waited until everyone was asleep then reached out to Channie again. The glow from their bond was weak, like a flashlight under a blanket. She was asleep, but still reachable. Not comatose, like she’d been after he used the be-calm spell on her.
 

He kept his own grief buried and let her love flow into his heart. It wasn’t enough to heal the ragged hole left by Shep’s death, but it helped. Sometime in the middle of the night, Josh felt the presence of another mage. “Hunter?”

“Yeah. Can we talk?” His voice was ragged, as if he’d been shouting…or crying…for hours.

Josh sat up and scooted over, making room for Hunter to sit beside him. His IV tugged at his hand, but it was nothing compared to the way Hunter’s pain tugged at his heart.

Hunter wrapped his arms around his stomach and rocked forward. He took a long, shuddering breath. “How’d it happen?”

Josh didn’t want to relive Shep’s death, but if it helped Hunter deal with it in any manner whatsoever, he owed it to him. He glossed over the gory details and emphasized Shep’s courage. “He didn’t hesitate. He just ran for the gate, intent on saving the hostages.”

“Did he suffer?”

“No.” Josh’s eyes filled with tears as he remembered the shocked look on Shep’s face. “I tried to save him, but…Tim stopped me.”

Hunter twisted sideways to look at Josh. “You tried to save him? How?”

“With magic.” Josh stared at his hands and picked at the tape over his IV. He couldn’t look at Hunter. “But I wasn’t strong enough.”

“I’m glad Tim stopped you.”

Josh looked into Hunter’s eyes and frowned.

“I saw Shep’s wounds while I was dressing his body. You couldn’t have saved him, even if you’d poured all your life into him.” Hunter leaned into Josh, resting his head against his shoulder. “All that would’ve done was kill you, too.”

“So…you’re not mad at me?”

“Not anymore.” Hunter sighed then sat up straighter. “At first, I thought that if you hadn’t asked me to stay behind, I might have been able to shoot the son of a bitch before he killed Shep.”

“Maybe you would have.”

“I don’t blame you for Shep’s death. There’s only one person to blame and that’s Dominance.” Hunter clenched his jaw so tightly, Josh could hear him grinding his teeth. “Just promise me that when you kill her on solstice night, that you’ll think of Shep.”

For the first time since learning he was a mage, Josh actually believed he’d have the courage to kill his own grandmother.

“I promise.”

~***~

When Wisdom removed Josh’s IV the next morning, she told him he could use his heart-bond to connect with Channie, but to take it easy. “No more than five minutes once an hour.”

“Thank you for the advice.” He had no intention of following it. He’d told Hunter about Wisdom’s orders last night and Hunter had simply put a pillow over Josh’s chest, blocking the glow.
 

He always felt her love, but he also felt her fear. She’d been kidnapped and was being held hostage so it was only natural that she’d be terrified. Josh poured love and comfort through their bond for hours, even though it drained him. He didn’t relax until Channie finally drifted off to sleep. He kept their connection open, even as he slept, but shut it down when Wisdom entered the tent to make her morning rounds.

She wiped the site of Josh’s IV with moonshine then stuck a band-aid on it. “I want you to eat two meals today. The Cumberland Mountain mages are bringing more food and medical supplies next week, so don’t argue with me.”

“Is everyone else getting two meals today?”

“All the Black Mountain refugees as well as the men that rescued them are.” Wisdom shoved a green pouch into his hands. “Eat.”

Josh glanced at the label and read, ’chicken enchilada.’ His stomach growled. He must be starving if the thought of eating a MRE could make his mouth water. He swallowed then grabbed Wisdom’s wrist before she could dart out of the tent. “We need to talk about you going behind my back and telling our best fighters not to volunteer.”

“I merely pointed out the likelihood of high casualties and that since you were asking for volunteers, participation was optional.”

“If you want these people to accept me as their ‘general and future king…’ Josh stood up and folded his arms across his chest. “You can’t do crap like that.”

“You’re right.” Wisdom nodded—shocking the hell out of Josh. “I’m not used to being second in command.”

Josh had planned on making Tim his second, but Wisdom had more experience. As long as she stopped trying to undermine him, and didn’t use any more death pledges, she was the logical choice. Everyone was already used to her being in charge.
 

After licking the inside of the MRE pouch clean, Josh decided to go check on Prudence. He wanted to do it without Wisdom’s knowledge…or interference. He strengthened the stinging spell on his backpack and left it in his tent. He didn’t want the Book of the Dead to set her off again.
 

He greeted the men guarding her cage then raised his shield and crept closer, as if approaching a dangerous animal. He kept his voice low. “Hello, Prudence.”

Her eyes shifted back and forth in her head before locking onto his gaze. “What do you want?”