Authors: Giselle Green
Finding You (34 page)
‘And yet Agustina was very clear that she wanted
you
to have her,’ she insists.
I stare at the piece, her beautiful blue mantle newly-painted, her cherry-red lips curved in silent prayer. She looks, despite her age, strangely contemporary. Timeless, maybe. I can’t get over what Eva insists is true—that Charlie’s nan wanted me, of all people, to inherit this after she passed away. The accidental breaking of this little Madonna had been the first event in the chain that led to me leaving their house that fateful New Year’s Eve, the event that led to Hadyn’s abduction and everything that happened after that. I remember her face now, Agustina’s face, when she saw what had happened, how distressed she’d been and how she’d declared it would be
mala suerte
what I’d done; bad luck. And now ... the Madonna is fixed. And I am told Agustina wanted me to have her?
I feel deeply touched. I feel ... validated, somehow. It’s as if Agustina knows, that all my efforts to get my little boy back, efforts which she was one of the few people to help me with in the end, they were not in vain.
‘You know,’ I point out to Eva, stroking the bottom of the Madonna’s feet, once chipped—which had made her unsteady—but now fixed as well. ‘I am not a church-going Catholic. You do know this, don’t you?’
‘Agustina knew what you were.’ For a moment, Eva’s eyes catch mine and I recall the fuss I’d caused the year before last when I’d finally revealed to them that I’d been married before, that I would not be able to marry Charlie in their church.
‘The Madonna is a symbol of many things, Julia. Mainly, it is a symbol of the devoted and loving mother. Agustina knew that this, too, is what you were. What you
are
,’ Eva corrects softly. ‘And it is what you will continue to be, no matter what comes. You keep the Madonna. Agustina changed her plans about who she would go to, and now she is yours.’
She changed her plans.
When she says that, something comes over me. It’s like the sun’s come out, come shining over that cold place in my heart, because in one way, she is right. What does it really matter, in the end, what
plans
I’d had? Plans can be changed, our futures grown, little by little like tender shoots blindly seeking their best way to their place in the sun.
When Eva gets up now and comes over to my side of the bench, she starts to help me put away all the little felt pieces. All the doctors and the teachers and the librarians and the vets, the ambulance men and the carers, they all go back into their spaces in the box. Everyone has their own place. They’re not all in the same place; they don’t have to be. They are all different, and there is a space for them all.
Hadyn will have his place, too.
50 - Julia
Six months later ...
Did I ever think that things could turn out so well in the end?
Maybe, somewhere deep inside me, the optimist part did;
Love always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres ...
When I look out over our garden, all lit up with a thousand fairy lights on this crisp December evening, the place is alive with our well-wishers and guests. At eleven o’clock this morning, on a little flower-bedecked island in the middle of the Thames, Charlie and I were finally married!
Friends and family, old and new, have been gathered this whole day, celebrating with us, and now, as our wedding day draws to a close at last, we’ve all come out onto the lawn to enjoy the sensational fireworks display that’s due to go off at midnight.
‘What a novel idea, to get married on the last day of the year!’ I can hear Naz’s wife Nadia exclaiming to Angus, standing by the Christmas roses on our patio. ‘There’s already a buzz in the air this time of year, isn’t there? A sense of anticipation about the New Year to come.’
‘Very true,’ Angus agrees. ‘And a lovely thing to bring the last portion of the reception to their home, too. Have you ever seen a happier, more handsome couple?’ He glances over at me briefly and lowers his voice, but I can still hear him. ‘I think the whole thing’s been designed to lay a few ghosts, don’t you? They lost Hadyn on New Year’s Eve two years ago to this day and far from home. What better way enter this new phase of their lives, eh?
Heh.
’ His voice changes suddenly. ‘And here’s the groom himself. Charles, old man ...’ he turns now, pleased, seeing my new husband at his elbow.
Charlie gives him what looks like an unexpected hug.
‘I never thanked you properly, Angus, for staying on at the practice for another year so I could get my life sorted out.’
Angus slaps him heartily on the back. ‘You’ll take my place in the summer, though. Don’t think I’m putting off my retirement for you
twice
, you young bugger ...’
‘Lost in your own world, Fearless?’ Naz is at my side, nudging me now. ‘Still can’t take your eyes off him, I see?’
I feel myself colour, caught in the act, though I should be used to his teasing.
‘Though Charlie is looking mighty fine tonight.
As are you
,’ he allows after the briefest pause, which is just for effect. ‘Alys was telling me you took the original dress out of storage?’
He takes a small sip of his beer, shoots me a small grin.
‘I did,’ I admit. Not for economy reasons, though. ‘It seemed fitting. I wanted to complete what was never completed last time round.’
‘Hey.’ Naz gives up being the tormentor for now and breaks into the widest grin. ‘I’m really,
really
happy for you two—that is,
you three—
you know that, don’t you?’
‘I do know,’ I smile back.
‘And did you
see
your mum mopping up her tears when Hadyn came down the aisle to be ring bearer for you guys?’
My smile grows wider. I’d spotted Mum out of the corner of my eye. In fact, I’ve caught quite a few people shedding a tear to see what Hadyn has been able to cope with today. Mrs Benedict, his new teacher at the specialist nursery where he goes, was with us today, too. She’s been coaching him for weeks, and I put it purely down to her efforts that my little boy was able to keep on track. His speech is coming along in leaps and bounds, too. He’s out of nappies and he’s
almost
sleeping through every night.
Naz looks at me thoughtfully. ‘Hadyn’s ... so changed from how I remember him when we took him to Spain in the summer, Julia. What happened?’
‘A miracle called Mrs Benedict at Hadyn’s nursery school,’ I admit without missing a beat.
‘She’s some teacher,’ he allows.
‘They
all
are at that place. You should see them, what they can do with the children. They’ve already helped him so much, taught
me
so much ...’ I begin, but it’s my wedding and there are too many distractions for any in-depth, one-to-one with any one guest. I’ll have Naseem and his family over for dinner next month and then they’ll see it for themselves, how well everything is going at last. ‘Thank you for your prayers,’ I say softly, remembering how Naseem has always prayed for me, that I would be happy, that my life would all work out.
‘There is no one who deserves them more,’ he murmurs.
And then Mum is at my side, thrusting a glass of champagne into my hands.
‘Ten minutes to go, Julia.’ She indicates her watch, reminding me, and down on the lawn, I can spy my step-dad, Dick, chatting away to my real dad, who’s all decked out in a fine suit for once in his life. I think it’s maybe the first time they’ve met, but they both look animated, pleased. My gaze pans out, taking in our whole glorious garden, all the Spanish cousins who’ve flown out, chatting to Alys and her family, all the girls at the office and Charlie’s colleagues from Drapers Street clinic, and our neighbours and the other friends who’ve been invited, their faces all radiant, expectant and happy, lit up like they’ve got beautiful lights shining inside.
Charlie is making his way halfway up the garden steps, calling me to join him in the year’s final moments as his own family group move a little apart: his brother Rob and Eva and their three and the son’s new girlfriend. The youngest daughter, Maite, has Hadyn by the hand and to the other side of her is Illusion, who booked her seat out the minute she knew she was invited. Some members of the Santos family, Charlie’s family’s oldest friends from Spain, are here, too. But not Lourdes. We invited her as form dictated, but she herself decided that she would not come, made some excuse. Illusion, meanwhile, is fussing and cooing over Hadyn; beside those two, keeping a watchful eye on everything, the wonderful and life-saving Mrs Benedict.
I’ve caught up with Charlie and he takes me by the waist, twirls me around, and my beautiful shimmering dress flies out, all the little white beads winking happily in the still, dark air like pearls. Naseem dings on a glass to get everyone’s attention.
‘Ten, nine, eight...’ Everyone is chanting and Charlie has lifted Hadyn up, his other arm warm around me, ‘Seven, six, five...’
‘Are you
happy
, J?’ he whispers into my ear. I just laugh. Does he need to ask? His own face is alight with his joy. I know he believes that there is nothing, right at this moment, that could ever make his world more complete.
‘Four, three, two ... one!’ We all raise our glasses, and a huge cheer goes up in the garden now. A bigger cheer in our garden than any you can hear for miles around. And then fireworks start; one moment of
whoof!
And the small, still whistle of the first huge rocket, the air tight with anticipation before
Whooooosh
... it explodes, strangely quietly, into a multi-coloured fountain of light, to an awed ‘Ooooh!’ from the assembled crowd.
Charlie’s first kiss is deep and loving. ‘Happy New Year, Mrs Lowerby,’ he says hoarsely, wiping at his eyes, and as the rest of the spectacular display goes up now, all our family huddles round, wanting the first hug of the New Year.
‘Last year was a year of many trials, but also many miracles for us all,’ Rob is saying to Charlie. I’ve always found Rob a bit stern, dour even, but he’s looking relaxed, even handsome, tonight. He grasps Charlie close for an instant, and it is clear that Charlie’s older brother is both proud and relieved. Eva smiles over at me. ‘No one could have predicted the way things would turn out and... no one could have asked for more.’
‘No, they could not,’ Charlie admits, stifling a laugh. He kisses our son’s sleepy head and out of the blue, Hadyn puts his arms around the two of us now, pulls us both towards him. I think this counts as a hug.
A hug from him at last!
As I lean my own head in closer to his, Charlie’s twinkling eyes turn to me wordlessly and say,
Shall we tell them?
Because it looks as if by July, we might be expecting another Little Miracle of our own.
THE END
