Finger Food (2 page)

Chapter 4

Bella took a deep breath as she took in the familiar studio. She had cleaned and decorated this space for years. She'd seen it dressed in all manner of different guises for various programmes.

But today at the back of the set the words ‘Finger Food' twinkled upwards in pink neon flashing lights. This time she was going to … she could barely allow herself to say the word … This time she was going to present a daytime show. Even if it was an experimental pilot, it was still her show. And if Yvonne wouldn't let on that
Finger Food
was Bella's idea she'd just have to put up with it. For now.

She looked again at the studio with the new set design. Two rows of stacked seating had been laid out at one end for the audience. The brightly lit square where the filming took place was defined by black and white squares of lino on the floor … There was brightly coloured kitchen equipment and a counter. She gave a little shudder of excitement.

Bella guessed that behind the counter would be the usual mess of props rubbish and scripts. She took a quick peek and found she was right. A few apple cores, some electric cable and loads of coconuts. She'd have to be careful not to get tangled up, especially as she might be under pressure. What a leap! From unemployed to under pressure in one hour!

There were three cameras in front of the set arranged to swivel in an instant to capture the audience looking enthralled and happy. If they looked bored or distracted the cameras could swivel swiftly away. She drove back the rising panic in her chest. This was hershow. She was going to make it work.

In front of the ‘kitchen' area were two sofas in bright yellow-and-pink stripes with shiny cushions in clashing greens and reds.

Bella moved a few cushions and props before lining up the knives neatly and obsessively. She polished off a half empty crisp packet left on the counter to calm her nerves.

The journey to the studio had been rushed to say the least. She'd managed to collect her pinstripe trousers from the dry cleaners only to discover they'd been taken up too short and were also too tight. Her carrot-cake intake during the day had topped five large slices so it was no wonder really.

After hair and make up no one will notice, she reassured herself. Bella was looking forward to all the extras offered to presenters. If she was lucky there might even be time for her to ask wardrobe for something to be ironed, like she'd seen other presenters do. With a bit of make-up Bella felt sure she'd look the part.

There was a sudden clatter of high heels. One of the cameramen said, ‘Here comes sunshine,' to Bella under his breath. Bella turned to see Yvonne charging down from the upstairs gallery.

She was wearing a black see-through blouse and black pencil skirt with clickety-click black shiny stilettos. Colour did not feature in Yvonne's wardrobe. Even the bra was black. And as usual she was dressed in the kind of outfit which only pencil-thin people could get away with. She walked briskly up to Bella and blew air around Bella's cheek as a greeting.

‘You'd better get changed then,' said Yvonne, grabbing all the cushions that Bella had just moved. She replaced them, tutting loudly, and did the same with the knives. ‘We're on in ten.'

‘What?' Bella had been determined not to let Yvonne throw her, and here she was, floundering in the first ten seconds. She had nothing to change into. She was wearing her outfit!

‘What about make-up?' Bella was horrified. Flair 4 Living TV never let a presenter on screen without make-up. Everyone knew a professionally applied lip line and gloss cheered up the grumpiest of guests.

Bella could see Louise the make-up girl hovering with her bag of tricks at the back of the set.

‘What about Louise?' she added, breathing out in relief. ‘She can do a five-minute fix.'

But Yvonne was too quick for Bella.

‘Sadly Louise has got to do all five presenters of
Master Pet
now, haven't you, Louise?'

Louise looked surprised.

‘Haven't you, Louise?' Yvonne's voice dropped dangerously. ‘Off you go.'

To Bella's dismay Louise scuttled off.

‘Does
Master Pet
have five female presenters?' She smiled at Yvonne brightly in disbelief. ‘I thought it was just dogs and that old vet?'

‘We've made a lot of changes at Flair since you left.'

‘Clearly,' said Bella, forcing a smile. She decided being rude to Yvonne was too much of a risk.

‘So! A suit!' Yvonne looked Bella up and down with distaste.

‘I know!' said Bella. ‘I didn't have time to correct the trousers or get my shoes …'

‘Oh yes. Your corrective shoes!' Yvonne sneered. ‘You've got that rather weird thing going on with one your feet, haven't you!'

‘Weird? Do you mean my extra toe?' Bella kept her voice casual. This was typical of Yvonne. The toe was an unwanted genetic gift from her mother's side of the family, but she'd ceased to let it bother her long ago. ‘I don't need corrective shoes. Those are for people with bunions,' she added, looking at Yvonne's feet.

Yvonne managed a tight half smile and strode away.

‘So …' Bella was determined to make the best of the situation. She rubbed her hands together and looked around at the sudden influx of crew scurrying around the set. Then she hitched down her trousers to release some caught flesh.

‘These will work, I think …' she said to no one in particular. ‘A tad snug around the old la la, but that won't show on television … it's just head and shoulders … like the newsreaders … and they wear what they want to underneath, don't they …? I mean you don't want to know what Moira Stewart used to wear!'

Her favourite cameraman chuckled. A sound man darted forward and asked Bella if she'd mind him fixing a microphone on her. He then felt all over her chest saying ‘whoops!' and ‘sorry!' as he kept changing his mind about the best way to put his microphone into her blouse.

‘You smell nice,' said Bella, because she knew it was good to get on with the crew.

‘Thanks. Just had some toast,' he replied.

A girl hurried on to the studio floor with a clipboard. She was wearing a T-shirt with ‘Finger Food' written on the front and ‘Flair 4 Living TV' on the back. It was tucked into boyfriend-style jeans which were tucked into well-used Ugg boots. The girl was the same height as Bella but slimmer. Her hazel eyes appeared friendly, but her long hair was sticking out at strange angles from her ponytail, in which there was also a pencil. Bella wondered if the pencil was securing the ponytail or had just ended up there by accident. The girl was wearing an earpiece and mouth microphone that bent round her face. It gave her an official manner that the rest of her appearance didn't match. She was too natural-looking and short to be another Yvonne.

She rushed up to Bella with a panicked look.

‘Hi hi hi!'

‘Hi,' repeated Bella.

‘You must be …' The girl checked her clipboard ‘Bella? Hi Hi.' She gripped Bella's hand firmly but looked distracted.

‘Hi, I'm Fiona?' she said, making the introduction sound like a question. Bella decided she liked her. The girl reminded her of herself when she had just started working at Flair. Slightly overwhelmed but always excited to be here.

‘Are you?' said Bella. She was bracing herself for the return of the sound man. He had warned her he might be back with some ‘gaffa' tape, whatever that meant.

Fiona looked confused for a second and then decisive. ‘Yes, I am.'

Yvonne's voice boomed out from the upstairs gallery. She couldn't be seen but she could certainly be feared.

‘Fiona! Tony says he's on his way. Biscuits?'

‘Biscuits?' Fiona looked frozen with fear. ‘Biscuits,' she repeated as though she hoped this might make them appear.

‘Yes, biscuits.'

Bella said, ‘I saw some Garibaldis on the sink, there. Will there be real water running from the taps, Yvonne, or are they pretend? Just so I know.'

‘Yes, there will be water,' snapped Yvonne. Fiona retrieved the biscuits from the sink and was offering them to no one in particular.

‘Fiona! The audience are coming in! Do your stuff. You arethe floor manager.'

‘Sure yes. I am indeed. Can't wait.' She looked sick with nerves.

As Yvonne clicked her way down the stairs to get at the biscuits Bella moved towards Fiona and whispered, ‘She used to be thin and ugly, you know. With braces.'

Fiona's eyes widened in surprise. ‘How do you know?'

Bella smiled. ‘I've known Yvonne since we were twelve.'

‘That long?'

‘We were in the Guides.' Bella leaned in closer, relishing the chance to dispel Yvonne's illusion of sophistication. We wore awful uniforms and got badges for lighting fires and knitting blankets. If you got loads you got made a patrol leader. I was made one, but Yvonne never even made second in command. Nobody liked her.'

Fiona stifled a laugh and looked after Yvonne's angry retreating figure.

‘Don't say anything but they still don't,' she whispered, adding, ‘Braces? Was she very ugly?'

‘Mostly. She never smiled. Even when they came off.'

‘No difference there, then.' Fiona thought for a moment. ‘Is that why she doesn't like you? Because you remember her from before? I heard her talking about you before you arrived.'

Bella felt herself flinch. ‘That's part of the reason,' she admitted, regretting having brought it up. The other detail of their shared past was a little more delicate. At Guide camp, Yvonne and Bella had both fallen for the same boy, Ian Smith, in the Scout group. He had been attracted to Yvonne at one point (the day her braces came off, in fact) but ended up going out with Bella. And despite Yvonne's best efforts at sabotage (a dirty-tricks campaign so nasty that Bella could hardly bear to recall it) Bella had enjoyed the happiest summer of her life with Ian. That was, until teenage pregnancy had interrupted matters and the happy couple had been broken up by her mother, and Ian's family moved away.

Despite the tragic ending Yvonne had never forgiven her. Bella could only conclude that this was why she took such delight in giving her the job in the first place. So she could get back at her while making her somehow dependent. She particularly loved showing off her ‘special' relationship with Tony who was the boss of Flair 4 Living TV. But, to Yvonne's annoyance, Bella had always preferred to throw herself happily into her work rather than compete for Tony's attentions, whether this was by chopping vegetables or coming up with strange new ideas for programmes to increase the viewing figures.

Annoyingly for Yvonne, these ideas were sometimes not only good, they were also liked by Tony. Which was why Yvonne made sure Bella was never near Tony when he popped in to the studio.

Fiona looked as if she was going to ask something else but then decided not to, instead sharing a secret of her own. She smiled shyly. ‘I'm a bit distracted today. I'm in love.'

Taking Bella's silence as a sign of interest, she launched into a high-speed explanation.

‘Yeah and he's called Zee Zee. He's from Morocco where it's quite sunny with lots of nice cushions and carpets … I love his passion and his politics … and his cute ponytail … and … and his customs, like when he gets angry he does what his family does and he throws a shoe at people because that's like the biggest insult over there.'

Bella nodded faintly. Fiona was captivated by her own thoughts of Zee Zee and wouldn't be stopped. Bella was equally captivated by the prospect of presenting a TV show.

‘Yeah, like, if you call someone a “shoe” you could be arrested, he said, because it's really rude … and showing the sole of your shoe is like … well, it's considered unclean. Mine are always unclean obviously but that's only because I have to walk across the common with all the doggie doo-doos,' continued Fiona raising her foot in demonstration. ‘But anyway he threw a shoe at me once. I knew it was my fault because we talked about it afterwards … and he told me it was … so it must have been! And he only threw a slipper. And it missed. Just got the goldfish … who's quite old, so couldn't see it coming …' She tailed off with a blissful expression. ‘So … you know … if you see me texting you'll understand!' she concluded, waving her mobile phone.

‘I do.' Bella's heart sank. She was about to present a programme but she hadn't even seen a script. The audience were coming in, Yvonne still hated her, Tony the boss was coming … And now the floor manager who she had to rely on for everything was so lovesick she didn't know if she was coming or going.

Bella felt like screaming. Instead she gripped her fists. She must draw on her experiences of watching all the other bad presenters she'd chopped onions for. After years of watching them she knew how to speak, slice and smile at the same time, only better. It was her big chance to prove herself and she wouldn't let it slip away.

Chapter 5

‘OK.' Bella pulled herself together. ‘First things first. Can I have the script?'

‘Script?'

‘The script. Of how the show will run. The running order.'

Fiona looked at her blankly.

‘The order of the items? Who comes on, and when, and what I say and which props I'll need for each item.'

‘Ah. Yes, I saw one of those.'

‘Great. May I have one?'

‘But it might not have been for this show.' Fiona saw Bella's look of panic. ‘I could ask around?'

Bella had another thought. ‘Where's the autocue? I can go through that while you find me the right script.'

‘Oh, autocue. Yes. The lady phoned. She's not in today.'

‘Right,' Bella was speaking slowly and carefully, ‘so I have no script, no autocue. How am I supposed to know what I am presenting?'

Fiona looked unsure. ‘Yvonne said you were familiar with
Finger Food
.'

‘I am. But I still don't know what's been decided on for today's show.'

‘Right. Well, the best thing is … I'll find you a script, shall I?' said Fiona.

But as she raced away Bella saw her take out her phone, scrutinise the display and then veer off towards a small group of elderly people who had begun to file into the studio with an array of walking sticks and shopping trolleys.

If this was the
Finger Food
audience Bella's hopes of getting whoops of recognition were fading. Getting them to join in could also be a challenge. Fiona seemed to be pushing some of the slower ones quite roughly into seats. Someone should tell her old people are quite frail, thought Bella. There were about twelve of them, including a St John Ambulance lady who had pulled out a large bag of knitting. Yvonne had clearly not gone all-out to draw a lively crowd.

Fiona stepped onto the studio floor and began her ‘warm up' of the audience. She held up a few big cards which instructed them to ‘applaud!' or to ‘go crazy!'

Normally the floor manager would explain to the presenter which shot they were doing first and where they should be. But Fiona seemed to have forgotten. With a sinking heart Bella looked at the phone gripped tightly in Fiona's hand, and realised she was on her own.

She moved to the side of the studio where she'd seen other presenters wait for their introduction.

But then she looked down at the pinstripe trousers and had a sudden crisis of confidence. They really were too snug for a live audience who would see ‘everything' when she made her entrance. She caught a sudden glimpse of the wardrobe lady far back in the set, and made a snap decision. There was time, she decided, for a quick change. She whipped the trousers off and called the wardrobe assistant over, waving the trousers in the air.

‘Hello … hello there, ladies and gentlemen … this is exciting.' Against all the odds Fiona had got her audience seated and was doing the introduction. Bella swore under her breath. The wardrobe lady had at least understood her request and was going through a rail of clothing. But she wasn't doing it fast enough.

‘My name is Fiona, I'm the floor manager … of
Finger Food
 … it's my first time actually
managing
a floor so … right, hello and welcome to Flair 4 Living TV. We've got a great show lined up for you today … oh sorry, the lady who's presenting the show today is probably going to say that when she comes on. So act surprised if she does say that, could you?'

Bella tried to signal the wardrobe lady to move faster.

‘Oh, and hands up anyone who's in an exciting new relationship? Just me then? Oh well … but I am committed to my job, I mean I can multitask. And the doors are there if you need them … oh and please turn your mobiles off … I'm leaving mine on … in case I get a call from my lover! And what else … Oh yes! We've got the owner of Flair 4 Living TV popping in today. He's called Tony, which is why we've got the biscuits.'

Waiting in the wings Bella gave a sigh of relief. Fiona was gabbling in her nervousness. And now the wardrobe lady was headed towards her holding a handful of trousers.
Any
trousers would do. She didn't feel the aging audience were quite ready for her white mottled thighs and big pants.

‘Well, let's get the lady on stage. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Miss Bella Le Parde!'

The
Finger Food
jingly-jangly music took Bella by surprise. She crouched instinctively as the studio lights shone out.

‘Dressing gown, DRESSING GOWN!' Bella was yelling in panic. But the wardrobe lady had disappeared, thinking her job was done. Luckily Louise the make-up girl had come back and thrust a make-up bib in Bella's direction.

‘Ladies and gentlemen. Bella Le Parde!' Fiona sounded uncertain now. There was some repeat clapping, slightly quieter this time.

Grabbing a handful of trousers, Bella put on the make-up bib and rushed on stage. It was only when the warmth of the lights hit her bare legs that she realised. She should have put on the trousers, not the bib.

‘Hello, ladies and gentlemen.' She tried for a professional tone. ‘Err. I'll be coming on again as I've got a slight issue in my trouser department. But I'll just come on now so it's not a shock for people later. Sorry about that but I've just got to make a decision about these.'

Bella held up the trousers.

There was a moment of stunned silence from the audience and then a single old man began to applaud. Fiona rushed on with a tea towel. She held it uncertainly between Bella's midriff and the curious crowd.

‘The colour, you mean, Bella?' asked Fiona. ‘It is a bit icky. What do you think, ladies and gentlemen?'

The audience began to murmur. Opinion seemed to be divided but most of them felt a pair of trousers would be an advantage.

‘Especially as it's a food programme,' Bella could hear one woman murmuring to her friend. To make matters worse an old man called out cheerfully, ‘Like your drawers, love!'

Mortified, Bella walked backwards to crouch behind the counter.

‘I'll just pop these ones on if I may. They are woollen but I believe they have been worn by Anna Ford way back, so at least they've got historical interest. Excuse me.'

Bella disappeared behind the counter to put on Anna Ford's old woollen trousers.

From the upstairs gallery Yvonne's voice boomed out, trembling with anger.

‘Can we go again, Bella? Fiona, you fill while Bella gets herself decent. Nowplease.'

A hiss of static revealed that Yvonne had not switched off her microphone button from the gallery. So the whole studio could hear her yell to whoever else was in the gallery with her, ‘Unbelievable …!'

Fiona popped her head over the counter to whisper down to Bella.

‘Not sure if you've made the right choice about Anna's trousers, Bella. Wool's not the most forgiving of fabrics. Just being honest!'

‘I appreciate that, Fiona, but frankly I'll just have to stick with these. I think I'm ready now,' she added, straightening up with as much dignity as she could muster. ‘Do you have the script?' she added in a hiss.

Fiona looked blank, and before she could answer the jingly-jangly music played for the third time and a patter of applause rang out.

Bella took a breath. She felt in a total muddle without a script or decent trousers. The ones she was wearing felt like they'd been knitted with cat hair. She felt them begin to itch around the crotch just as she surfaced from behind the counter.

‘Hello, and welcome to
Finger Food
.'

She had no idea what came next. Bella swallowed, remembering Yvonne up in the gallery, willing her to fail.

‘I'm Bella Le Parde,' she faltered, ‘and I'm going to introduce you to some easy but stylish dishes for women who juggle their lives … and men who juggle theirs, and also youngsters, juggling and older people perhaps not juggling but who can operate a kettle unsupervised …'

‘Cut!' Yvonne's command echoed round the studio. ‘Cut! Bella, we're going to move on to the melon boats.'

Melon boats?Bella tried to remain calm.What were melon boats?

‘Yup, Yvonne. I'm right on it!' Determined not to be put off, Bella gave her a rather shaky thumbs-up sign.

‘Fiona!' screamed Yvonne. ‘Make her do the melon boats NOW. Don't let her do anything else. Fill in while she sets up. DO IT!'

Bella fished about behind the counter to locate any likely-looking ingredients for making a melon boat.

Fiona stepped forward, looking warily at the elderly audience. ‘Yes … well … a lot of people have noticed a subtle change in me … It might just be an inner glow … and I don't know how it's going to affect me because … I haven't had a job since we met! But we text each other every other hour, which keeps me going, and I expect I'll get my morning text any minute now.'

Fiona looked across at Bella who raised a single finger to indicate she needed one more minute.

Fiona nodded to show she understood and turned back to the audience.

‘He's called Zee Zee,' she said, ‘from Morocco. Lots of nice cushions in his country.' She licked her lips. ‘Funny how love can make you feel quite unwell,' she said faintly, leaning forward on the counter for support. Her eyes sought out Bella.

‘Can you do it now, Bella, because frankly I'm feeling a bit sick, is that OK? Yvonne made me eat some of the food colouring earlier to test it and it doesn't seem to be sitting too well.'

‘I'm ready,' said Bella, feeling anything but. She quickly removed the food colouring from her box of ingredients. She had found three melons and some cocktail sticks and napkins on the floor under the counter.

‘Action!' called Yvonne from the gallery, without waiting for her to get into position. Bella lurched forward with her box, wondering how best to start.