Fire - Betrayal (8 page)

I
stood there, silently and listened to her.  I did not make eye contact with her.  I did not touch her.  But I could feel her intense pain.

“I saw your nightmare when I pulled the
other dream from you.  I am sorry.  I did not intentionally mean to extract two.  The church one just sort of piggybacked on the other bad dream.  I was taken back with surprise that it would erase so easily considering its mammoth ferocity. I am sorry Cate.  Not just for stealing that nightmare, but for what you have been through, because I did not return earlier. I am sorry.  I alone have done this to you.”

She
rested her forehead on my shoulder.  How I wanted to hold her again.  But I did not.  I could not give myself that hope.

“Ben, I am the one who is sorry.  I said something the other morning that was out of fear from my nightmare.  It was a stupid thing to say.  I wish I could wind back the time and then I would make sure that I didn’t say it. I knew as soon as it came out of mouth, that I shouldn’t have said it, that’s why I walked away down the beach.”

“And why wouldn’t you let me place my hand on your head Cate.  What is that all about, since you are in a confessing mood, “ I said with a little nastiness.

“Because….”
I could hear that this was difficult for her to answer truthfully.

“Because, I knew that you would see that I jumped off the rocks into the dangerous waters on purpose, so that I couldn’t hurt you anymore….”
she replied, her voice breaking.

She dropped her hand from
my shoulder, and then turned around to leave me alone in the water.  She returned to the kentia palm, sat down and put her head into her hands, sobbing.

I
remained still in the water, reflecting on everything that she had said.  Her talk of taking her own life had pierced me so badly it had numbed me. I turned in the water to face Cate.  I looked at her without emotion, and then, walked past her to the beach house.  I needed time to think.

I
left the beach house on the motorcycle again, driving at ridiculously high speeds.  I didn’t know where I was going, I just needed to go – away from Cate.

And I stayed away from her for an entire day.

***

The storm lit up the sky as
I returned to the beach house from my day away in deep thought.  I had so many reasons not to be with Cate anymore, but only one reason to stay with her – I loved her so deeply. But would this be enough?

Entering the house,
I found that there were no lights on.  The power had gone out in the storm. I found Cate sitting comfortably in the great room, with a candle, a book and a blanket, in her summer nightwear.  She looked up at me as I entered the great room and I looked down at her.  She held my gaze as I came closer.  Her eyes full sorrow.

I
knelt down and touched her hand tenderly and kissed it. Perhaps the parting kiss. I did not speak, and I did not look into her eyes to read her emotions, I feared that it would make her angry. I just looked at her and smiled, slightly before I got up and left to have a shower.

I made sure that C
ate did not know what I was thinking or feeling.  My body language gave nothing away.  But at least she had looked at me.  At least she had let me touch her.

As I returned from the shower, Cate was standing and looking out of the window at the storm.  I saw her
wipe away a tear.

I
stood closely behind her and breathed in her sweet scent that I was highly attuned to, and my heart ached for her. She did not move.  She stayed where she was.

Then
I slowly put my arms around her.  I felt her body relax into me as she put her head back onto my shoulder. The lightning showed a tear as it ran down her cheek.

“I still love you,“
I whispered, my voice cracking, and then I kissed her gently on the neck.

C
ate turned around in my arms, looking into my eyes.  I too, had tears falling down my face.

She
brought her lips slowly to mine.  Gently and unhurriedly we began to kiss, lightly at first, until I was kissing her with great passion, and she responded with hunger.

Her
hands where in my hair and then she moaned as I kissed her neck. I held her tightly as I picked her up off the floor, whispering her name, tears streaming down my face. I wanted her.  I needed her.  I could not live without her.

I
placed her back on the floor and looked deeply into her eyes.

“Don’t push me away ever again
Cate.  You’ve got to talk to me.  And we
won’t
get married in that church.  I didn’t come back from Une Autre Terre to lose you.  I came back to be with you. Please forgive me for what I have put you through. I love you with all of my heart, my mind, my soul. Can you still love me?” I asked with sincerity.

She
looked at me intently as I spoke to her, moved with emotion, wiping the tears from my face.

“How can I not love you Ben.  Without you, I want to die.  You have seen it in my
mind.”

Then
I kissed her again, making her head spin.

Without speaking,
I led her to the bedroom, where she lay in my arms.  We could have let our passion overtake us.  But we had made a promise.

“
Cate…
never ever
take away your own life.  It is not yours to take.  It is the One who created you who must choose when you time is done.  You need to live and enjoy your life, even if I am not in the picture.  You have so much to give to others.  Promise me, that you will never try to kill yourself again – promise me.”

“I promise you Ben.” And
I knew that she meant it.

She
slept deeply and peacefully in my arms that night as I wrapped my wings of love and protection around her, scared of what life dealt her no more.

The Promise Ring

The plane touched down at 5:15 pm
.  Unexpectedly, we were greeted at the airport by Ben’s overjoyed family.  They had not seen him for over two years.  They excitedly crowded around him, showering him with hugs and kisses.

I
stood back and watched his family adoringly dote on him.  Little did they know that he had a biological family in a parallel world. Little did they know that Ben was not of this Earth. How would they react then, if they knew, I wondered.  I pushed the question out of my head.  They must
never
find out the truth about Ben and the parallel world, or his real family in Une Autre Terre.

Before
we knew it, we were back at Ben’s parent’s house, being fussed over.  They celebrated his return with delicious food, shared stories and hilarious adventures about things that happened while he was away.

Again, Ben’s family thanked
me for keeping them up-to-date with Ben’s progress, and complained to Ben that his text messages were way too brief.

Finally,
we were able to return to my house.

It was dark, and
I found myself feeling anxious.  This was the house that Grandy had left me. As a child it had filled me with so much joy. But not as an adult.  It had filled me with dread the moment that I had entered it three years ago.  It had beaten me to the ground, bruised me, scarred me, and left me in the depths of darkness and despair.

I tensed up and found myself breathing shallowly. My emotions attached to this house were dark, very dark indeed.

I took a deep calming breath as I unlocked the front door, then turned on the entry light, to walk into the house.

It was bitterly cold outside,
and bitterly cold inside. Ben lit the fire in the sitting room, while I made a hot drink.

Returning
from the kitchen with hot drinks in hand, I found Ben comfortably sitting on the sofa, his mind a mile away.

“A penny for your thoughts,”
I said, and handed him his hot drink.

“
Cate, what
did
you tell everyone when I was away?  I’m intrigued.  They all keep thanking you!” asked Ben, looking at me with admiration.

I
hesitated before I answered. My memories of everything in the time of my deep depression were foggy at times, as I tried to bury them away.

“I said that you had been unexpectedly called away to a place which I could not tell them, because you were not able to tell me, and that you had gone to help with humanitarian and green projects.”

“And the text messages?”

“Easy.  I found your cell phone, and sent them a simple hi, I’m doing okay.  Expected return, unknown at the moment.  Love you all.  Ben.  Occasionally I would change the message around a bit, or add a little bit of detail like missing you all, but basically, I kept it very simple.”

Ben smiled coyly at me, while I sipped my cup of tea and looked into the fire.

“And what about you Ben?  What did you do all of that time in Une Autre Terre?”
I asked.

He
did not answer me straight away.  I could see that he was choosing his words carefully.

“I did a lot.  I learnt a lot.  I spent a lot of time with my mum and dad, brothers and sisters. I also spent a lot of time waiting for the portal to open again so that I could return to you.  That is all that I can tell you
Cate – you know, sworn to secrecy and all that…” he replied honestly.

I
watched his face carefully as he spoke.  I knew that he was holding back a lot of information.  But it was not my place to ask him about it - yet.

I touched his arm lightly.
“Ben, stay with me tonight.  I am feeling anxious about being here alone again.  I need you beside me.”

He
looked into my eyes and reached over to my hand and replied, “Of course I will.”

After the sitting room fire died down,
we made our way up to my bedroom, turning on the lamps and lighting the fireplace there.  It was a very romantic bedroom.  It was well planned out and exquisitely decorated.  Physically it was a dream bedroom.  But emotionally, the associations with it were very bad, and as I lay in bed in Ben’s arms, I worked on details to change the appearance of the bedroom.  I must paint new colours and rearrange the bedroom furniture to create new and happy memory associations there.

Ben lay on his back next to
me, with his left arm around me.  His eyes were closed, and he breathed evenly, but I knew him well enough to know that he would not be asleep yet.  He never went to sleep before me.

I
gently ran my fingertips over his stomach and chest, down his right arm, around his hand and fingers, his wrist and back to his chest again.  He kept his eyes closed, but his breathing pattern changed.

I
gently traced my fingertips up his neck and onto his face, tracing his jaw line, his chin, around his eyes, over his forehead and lightly over his lips.

Still, he kept his eyes closed.

I gently moved my lips closer to his, and brushed them lightly over his, teasing, then along his jaw line before returning back to his lips where I kissed him slowly and softly.

Still with his eyes closed, he
brought his hand up to the side of my face, and kissed me delicately, at first.  But then he became hungrier for me, rolling me onto my back and kissing me passionately.  His hands wandered over my body, caressing me, driving me crazy.  I pulled away from our kissing, breathing heavily, and whispered his name. 
He
was losing control.  It would be incredibly difficult for him to pull away from me now.  He looked deeply into my eyes with burning desire, and then urgently started kissing me again.

He put his hand down on to the bed to lift himself up higher onto
me, only, there was no more bed there.  We were right on the edge of the mattress. Ben went tumbling down onto the floor.

He lay there
without moving, his pride was bruised.

I
giggled from above.  I had found the acrobatics highly amusing. I peeked over the side of the bed.

“How’s the floor? More comfortable than the bed?”
I said humorously.  I offered my hand to him to help him up.  He took it, and then kissed it gently, and then let go.

First he sat up, then he stood up and walked around the bed back to the right side again. 
I could hear him chuckling to himself as he walked.  I could see the dimple on his cheek as he smiled to himself.

As
he lay down beside me again, I looked at him, and whispered seriously, “Our promise.”

He just breathed in deeply and whispered, “Good night.  I love you….don’t touch me
in any way, okay?”

I
snuggled into Ben’s arms again and whispered back, “I love you too.”