Fire Inside: A Chaos Novel (21 page)

And I liked it.

But I wondered at it.

“I don’t know,” I answered Dad. “The name his parents gave him?”

“That’s ridiculous,” he bit out.

“I like his name,” I returned sharply. “I like pretty much everything about him.”

Dad took two more steps toward me, stopped again and hissed, “Lanie,
wake up
. Do it now before you waste your life. No children, no decent man to look after you, no future. Before you’re dragged into yet
another
world that is not good for you in any way, by a weak man who takes the easy path of life, and you find yourself paying for
his
choices.”

His words, each one…

No.

Each
syllable
slammed into me, breaking something I was holding together by a miracle.

And when it broke, there was no way to hold back what it was keeping at bay.

So I let it rip.

“Would that Papaw took the time before he died to warn Mom of that very thing,” I clipped and Dad’s head jerked. “You gave her children but you took away everything else, being a weak man who chose his own selfish needs over his family. You cannot stand there and say Hop is not decent, at the same time sinking in the mud you stepped in your own damned self. All that while Mom’s passed out cold upstairs, losing herself in a bottle because she can’t cope with the fact she lost her husband three decades ago. But he didn’t have the courage to cut ties and walk away so he tortures her with his selfishness every single day.”

His face turned to stone before he made an attempt to do something he couldn’t do. That was, putting the lid back on his boiling over pot of deceptions.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Yes, you,” I leaned toward him, “
fucking
do.”

“Remember who you’re speaking to and who you are, Elaine. That language—”

“Go fuck yourself, Dad,” I snapped and his head jerked again.

“I cannot believe you would dare—”

I took a step toward him and hissed, “Believe it!” I leaned back and threw out both my hands. “You know, when you go to her, you don’t just fuck over Mom. You fuck over Lis and me. Every time. Every time you go to her, it says, straight up, you do not give one single,” I leaned into him again, “
shit
about any of us.”

“This, this right here is the effect of spending time with that Tyra friend of yours and the kind of people her husband and your friend
Hopper
are.”

“Yes,” I agreed, nodding my head. “Yes, Dad. This right here is the effect of being around people who are loyal, decent, and
honest.
This right here is the effect of being around people who do not let other people mess with their heads or screw them over. This right here is the effect of exactly that. And, in about five seconds, there’ll be another effect. The effect of me walking upstairs and packing my bag. After that, the effect will be me walking out of here. After that, the effect will be you having to explain to Mom tomorrow where I’ve gone. And after that will be the effect of me explaining to Mom that I’ll speak to her if she doesn’t call me drunk off her ass but I am never again speaking to
you.
”

“You play that game, just like your sister, you’ll be cut off,” he warned.

“Newsflash, Dad. Just like Elissa, I wanted a father who was loyal and true to my mother and, if he couldn’t be that, he could at least let her go so she could find happiness in herself or someone else. Money and cars and houses, nothing holds a candle to that, so you can’t buy my love and loyalty and you can’t hurt me by taking things away I never wanted in the first place.”

“You say that now but—”

“Save it,” I bit off, lifting my hand and throwing it out at the same time turning on my boot and stomping to the stairs.

“Lanie, you leave, you do this, your mother will be devastated,” he called to my back. Four steps up, I turned back to him.

“You’re right. She will. And that sucks. But you know what? She’s lived with devastation a really long time. She knows the drill.”

On that, I turned again and stomped up the steps.

I yanked out my suitcase while pressing buttons on my phone.

“Lady,” Hop greeted after one ring.

“I… uh, Hop…” I trailed off mostly because my throat closed and I couldn’t force words out of my mouth.

He heard it, sensed it by Hop Magic or both.

I knew this when he ordered low, “Talk to me.”

I forced down a swallow and tossed my suitcase on the bed. “There was a, um… some unpleasantness… when I got back. Actually I would say it was more like…
extreme
unpleasantness.”

He didn’t ask.

He didn’t hesitate.

He just clipped out, “Pack. Text your address. I’ll be there as soon as I can.”

My body stopped dead and my eyes closed tight.

“Lanie? You hear me?” Hop called.

“Yes,” I whispered.

His voice was gentle when he replied, “Pack, baby.”

“Okay.”

“Text me first. I want to be waiting at the door when you’re done.”

“Okay.”

“See you soon.”

“Okay.”

“Bye, lady.”

“Bye, Hop.”

We disconnected and I moved, flying through the room, packing with haste.

I was nearly finished when Dad appeared in my doorway.

“Don’t say another word,” I warned, not looking at him.

He didn’t heed my warning.

“Please understand. I started that downstairs because I’m worried about you, Lanie. Your mother and I are both worried. Very worried, and we have been for years. You’ve been alone for a long time and a beautiful girl like you, a girl with your heart… honey, that’s just not natural.”

I made no reply, just kept packing.

“I love her,” he whispered, and pain seared through me.

“Not another word, Dad.”

“I love both of them.”

Oh God!

I stopped and whirled on him. “Not another word, Dad.”

“Can you imagine, living years, loving two women, knowing what you’re doing to both of them?”

“No, I can’t and I don’t want to and furthermore, what is the
matter with you
that you’d even ask me that shit? I’m
your daughter.
”

He winced.

I went back to packing.

“I love you too, Lanie,” he said quietly as I zipped up my case.

I yanked it off the bed, stomped to him and stopped.

“Then prove it. Pick one or the other. If it’s Mom, get her in a program. But do
something
, Dad, because this is going to end in tragedy one way or another. You’ve had a good run but you lost one daughter to this, and you’re losing another right now. Two tragedies. Don’t court more.”

With that, I shoved by him, hauling my case with me. I struggled down the stairs (it
did
weigh half a ton) grabbed my purse off the side table by the front door and took off through it.

Hop in his shiny, black, twin-cab Dodge Ram was idling outside my parents’ condo.

He leaned across the cab and pushed open the door the minute he saw me, the interior light coming on.

With a heave, I failed to toss my bag in the truck bed. On the second heave, it was caught in Hop’s hands, pulled from mine and tossed over like it weighed as much as a pillow. Without hesitation, I turned to the car door and, with another heave, I hauled my body into the passenger seat.

Seconds later, Hop hauled his in on the driver’s side.

“Babe—”

“Go,” I whispered to the seatbelt I was wrapping around me.

“Lanie—”

I twisted to him and cried, “Go, go,
go!
”

Eyes glued to me, he put the truck in gear. He only looked to the road when we were moving.

“You gonna talk to me?” he asked.

“No.”

“Didn’t like leavin’ the kids, babe. Gotta take you back there.”

“Okay.”

“You sleep with me. We’ll get up early.”

“Okay.”

“Lanie—”

“Please,” I whispered and got silence.

We were closing in on his condo when he broke it.

“Your eyes are haunted, honey. This is more than your mom bein’ an alcoholic and your family livin’ in denial and that’s already fuckin’ bad enough.”

“Yes.”

More silence while he waited for me to share.

I didn’t.

Hop didn’t push. He parked, came around to my side, hauled my suitcase out of the back and grabbed my hand. His condo was quiet when we got in. I hadn’t been gone long but clearly his kids had crashed after an active day.

And clearly Hop read my mood because he took me and my bag straight to his room and ordered, “Get ready for bed. I’m closin’ down and lockin’ up. Be back.”

I nodded, did as ordered and wandered from the master bathroom into his room while he was pulling off his tee.

I went directly to the bed.

Hop went to the bathroom and met me in bed after he turned off the lights.

He didn’t turn me into his arms.

I burrowed there.

“Thank God you came up here. Thank God. Thank God. Thank God,” I chanted quietly into his chest.

He gathered my hair away and I felt his lips at the top of my head where he whispered, “Lanie, talk to me.”

I shook my head.

“Later?” he asked.

“Later,” I answered, relieved I didn’t have to get into it then. I didn’t have it in me.

“Promise?” he asked.

“I promise,” I answered.

His hands left my hair and he closed his arms around me.

I let his warmth and strength seep into me, feeling the tension and pain dull. It did not go away but I’d take it dulling for now.

“It’s his.”

Hop said this into the dark.

“What?” I asked.

“Knew it the minute I saw the arrogant, stick-up-his-ass fucker.”

I lifted my head and looked at him in the dark. “What, honey?”

“That monster in you. It might have fed on other shit along the way, got strong and took control, but it was your father who planted the egg that hatched.”

I dropped my face to his chest. This was my way of answering in the affirmative.

He cupped his hand to the back of my head.

“Enough. I’m done. You sleep,” he ordered.

“Okay.”

His hand sifted through my hair.

I turned my cheek to his chest and held onto his warm, strong body.

His fingers kept sifting through my hair.

My body had melted into his, my eyes drooping, I was close to sleep when I whispered, “Please be real.”

His hand in my hair stilled, curled around my head and Hop whispered back, “Lady, I’m as real as it gets.”

I burrowed closer and fell asleep hoping he was telling the truth.

No.

Hop and I were sitting at a table in a biker bar that was so much better than the one I where I’d met Monster Truck Man, it wasn’t funny. That said, it was still rough but rough in a cool, kickass way, not a scary, precursor to being violated way.

Two mornings before, Hop had woken me early at his condo in Vail with a kiss that led to some cuddling and groping but he didn’t take it anywhere. Still, it felt nice and it was better than phone sex even if it didn’t lead to fruition. This was because it involved Hop, his hands, his mouth, his rough, sleepy voice right in my ear and his body right there for me to put my hands and my mouth on. It was fantastic.

We were up and out of bed before the kids woke. I was in the kitchen making pancakes when they cutely and sleepily made their way downstairs.

As an aside, Hop got gold stars because he had buttermilk available for pancakes. These stars started shining when he told me pancakes weren’t worth making without buttermilk and, since this was the God’s honest truth, I took it as happy indication that Hopper Kincaid and I might just be soul mates.

As they were waiting for pancakes, Hop gave the kids a vague explanation of why I was there, saying my parents had to go home early and he was helping out by giving me another day in Vail. The kids took this in but they did it in a way where I knew explanations were unnecessary. They liked pancakes. They liked being in Vail with their dad. They liked me. So it didn’t matter to them why I was there. They were just happy to go with the flow.

We did pancakes, we went into the Village, we had lunch then we headed home. Riding the high that was being with Hop and his kids, not to mention Hop coming to my rescue in a Dodge Ram the night before, I asked if they wanted to stick around when they dropped me off at my place and I’d make them dinner.

To this offer, I got two enthusiastic replies from the back of the cab and one eye slide complete with sexy, warm grin from the driver’s seat. I took this as ringing endorsement for my idea. I also didn’t try to stop myself from processing how nice that felt.

I didn’t have food so we stopped by the grocery store before we went to my house. Hop dragged my suitcase upstairs while the kids alternately explored and chattered to me and I made chicken fried steak, mashed potatoes, thick white gravy with loads of pepper and green beans. Since I didn’t have time, I cheated on the key lime pie and made the pie my grandmother taught me how to make, “When you’re in a pinch, sugar plum.” That was, frozen lime juice concentrate mixed with Cool Whip, tossed into a premade graham cracker crust and chilled. It didn’t hold a candle to the real thing but, like Mamaw said, it did in a pinch or at least the way Hop, Molly and Cody wolfed it down, it seemed to.

Dinner was another revelation of all things Hop.

After taking my suitcase upstairs, he, like his kids, explored my house.

But there was something sweet and strangely profound in the way he did it. So much so, I found my eyes wandering to him and I found that warmth around my heart growing.

This was because I caught sight of him holding the framed picture of me and Lis. We were in profile, our foreheads pressed together, looking in each other’s eyes, smiling huge, clearly close and loving. When Hop was looking at it, his lips were curved up in a sexy smile, his eyes were soft, his expression something I felt like a physical touch. The same with the picture of Ty-Ty and me, both in little black dresses, both sitting at a swank bar, both holding a martini glass, both laughing so hard our heads were thrown back. The same when he ran one of his long fingers down the fake fur of the stuffed black panther I had on my couch. It was my aunt’s. She’d died young, but before she died she gave Lis and me a lot of loving. When she died, that panther was the only thing of hers I wanted. I got it and I kept it right on my couch so I could see it every day.