Fire of the Wolf [The Gray Pack] (Siren Publishing Ménage Amour) (21 page)

“Caroline? Why do you care what other people think? It is perfectly natural for wolves to take multiple mates.” He spoke softly like she was a frightened animal and might attack at any second. She pushed his hands away from her and moved closer to Devin just trying to put distance between her and Damon.

“I’m not a fucking wolf, Damon! I’m a human! I’m a woman! I’m a nurse!
And I’m scared
!” She collapsed to her knees and sobbed into her hands as the two men stared at her, stunned.

Devin’s anger seemed to melt, and he quickly moved to her. He scooped her up into his arms, sitting down on the rock next to the pool and cuddling her tightly against his chest as she fell apart emotionally. When her sobbing had slowed to quiet hiccups, he loosened his grip and waited for her to lift her eyes up to his.

“Why are you pushing us away, Caroline?” he asked her, refusing to let her look away until she sighed and started to speak.

“I can’t stand to lose either one of you. If I let this happen, and let you into my heart and into my life, then I will break into pieces when I lose you. Loving someone hurts so much, and I can’t do it.” She spoke with strength in her voice, trying to assure the men that she was serious, and they both gaped at her.

“Caroline, you can’t be serious? You would walk away from love because you are afraid it might hurt?” Damon’s voice was barely a whisper, and it tore at her resilience. She refused to respond, and after a few moments she pulled out of Devin’s embrace and turned to him.

“I can’t hurt anymore. I won’t survive it.” Her words were quiet, but they tore into the men who just stared at her shell-shocked. The twins shared a look of pain as they watched her finish dressing and putting on her shoes. She stood and took a deep breath. “Come on. We promised Delaky we would be meet her tonight. I would like a chance to speak with her.”

“And then what happens, Caroline?” Devin said, refusing to let her move away from him with a hand on her hip.

“I don’t know yet, Devin. I just don’t know.” Her voice broke with emotion, but she wiped the last of her tears away and lifted her head to stare blankly at him. Whatever he saw or didn’t see in her eyes made him shake his head and he took her hand. Damon moved toward her and took her other hand. She felt their hesitation, and she knew that they both wanted to say more, but she wasn’t sure she could listen right now. Her brain was telling her to go back to the cabin and call Tina. She should just get away from here, and away from these men who had a hold over her. Her heart broke at the thought of living without them. Forcefully pulling herself free from their grips, she started walking back toward the path, and the two men followed silently.

After a little ways Devin moved in front of her, leaving Damon walking behind her. They were an implied barrier of protection to anyone looking as they led her down a side path that she hadn’t noticed before. After about five minutes the path opened up to another clearing. This one held a very small cabin that had a rocking chair on the front porch, and a laundry line tied between the eaves of the house and a nearby tree. There were wildflowers everywhere, and they bordered the house like a colorful fence. It was pretty, and she bent to pluck a daisy from next to the step as they walked up to the front door. It opened before Devin could knock, and Delaky stood there with a serious look on her face.

“Please come in, children. I can see we have much to discuss, and very little time for decisions.” She walked into the house without waiting to see if they followed. Devin held his hand out to Caroline, but instead of taking it she moved past him into the dimly lit room. Delaky now sat on a small wicker bench next to a large stone fireplace. She patted the seat next to her, indicating that Caroline should sit with her. The two men pulled chairs over closer to them from the small kitchen table, and straddling them, they turned to the women.

“Thank you, Delaky, for meeting with us. Thank you also for your blessing upon our mating at Caroline’s introduction today.” Devin spoke with a deep tone of reverence for the small woman in front of him. Delaky didn’t respond immediately. Instead she looked long and hard at each of them before frowning deeply and giving a rough grunt.

“I can see the bond is strong within the three of you, but there are shadows in your light. Why are you fighting your own destiny, my child?” She looked deeply into Caroline’s eyes, and when she didn’t receive an answer, Delaky spoke again. “Stubborn pride. It is foolishness. You feel pain for the past, and still hold anger in your heart. The fears you have are unfounded. You must let yourself speak the truth to your mates. Let them share your burden.”

Caroline’s stomach dropped to her feet, and she started to tremble as tears formed in her eyes. “I have told them the truth.”

“You have only given them a piece of your truth, and without the whole it means nothing. Give them your pain, and you will be better for it.” Delaky’s voice was a soothing caress over Caroline’s soul, and she looked over at the brothers. They sat spellbound, listening to the shaman speak. When they looked back at Caroline, she could see the confusion, the questions, the fear, and the love in their eyes. She couldn’t make her mouth work to tell them. She hadn’t shared her past with many people because her grief for her parents was so overwhelming. She couldn’t stand it if they saw her grief and depression as a weakness, and turned her away.

Delaky watched her closely, and then said, “Your men have explained to you the bond a wolf has with its mate, am I correct?”

Caroline nodded, and she pressed on, “You have claimed them. I can see their marks. You love them?” It was a question but she didn’t wait for a verbal answer. “Eons ago the first wolf claimed his mate from the human world. He met her in a forest where she was picking berries, and upon catching her scent his wolf fought him to claim her. They loved passionately, and with their whole existence, but they were not accepted by her people. She was a princess in her world, but they were banished when her people found out what he was. They faced dangers, and yet they fought because they were two halves of a whole. They each carried a piece of each other in their souls, and would not have survived without the other. They had children, and their children had children, and so the first pack was born. It is said that they died in each other’s arms in their old age, because neither could give the other up to the next life to exist alone. It is that bond that you now have with your mates. If you choose to continue to withhold a piece of yourself, you will never have room for the pieces of soul they want to give to you.”

Delaky turned abruptly to the men. “And how honest have you been with your mate? Have you taught her the ways of the wolf? Have you opened her eyes to our world or have you just shared pieces of your world and your passion with her? How can she build a future on questions? She does not know her place in our pack, and so she balks at the responsibility heaped upon her back. You are at fault for her unease.”

“It’s happened so fast…” Damon started, but Delaky jumped to her feet and brushed his statement away.

“Bah! You are scared children, and none of you are willing to risk the pain for the pleasure. Love is a gift, but it comes with a responsibility. A child is not ready, and so I find you. Caroline, you are of a giving nature. You want a family. I see two paths for you, and you are at the crossroads where you must choose the one which is right for you. I see births and deaths in your future, no matter the direction you choose. But…should you choose the correct path and face the challenges that come with it, the wolf will guide you. Life is what you choose it to be, but you must choose soon.”

Caroline felt the hot tears running down her cheeks, as she turned to the fireplace and stared into the dancing flames. There was so much she needed them to know, so that they could understand where she was coming from. Delaky could see into her soul, or she wouldn’t have pushed her so hard. She let all of her emotions come to the surface, and she started to speak.

“I’m sorry, Devin and Damon. I don’t mean to keep things from you, and you both know that I love you with all of my heart. But I have baggage. More baggage than I have ever even admitted to myself. My parents were killed in the World Trade Center. They were the most loving people I have ever known, but they were very absorbed in each other. I was the only child of two only children. They only had one child because my dad couldn’t stand to see my mom go through labor and delivery again. He loved her so deeply, but so selfishly. Believe me when I say that I know that I was loved, and they told me so daily. But they were distant from me at the same time. They didn’t hug me or cuddle me, and when I got ready for my senior prom my mom didn’t even help me dress. She and Dad were planning a date night and couldn’t be bothered to even take pictures of my date and I.” She began to pace as she spoke trying to get all of the words out before she fell apart.

Out of the corner of her eye she could see Delaky give a slight nod to her to continue, “Even without the affection that I needed from them, they were still my whole world. I don’t have any other family, and when they died I lost my love for life. I lost my grasp on reality. I fell into such a deep depression that it took me almost five years to get out of it. I was suicidal at times, I was angry and hurt, and I felt so much pain. I went back to school for my degree and became a nurse because I had nightmares about being at ground zero with my parents lying on the ground dying. In my dreams I couldn’t help them because I didn’t know how. I need to help people, and I have found that being a nurse fills a void I have carried since they died. You need a mate that can give you everything she is, and become your support. How can I do that for you without giving up what I need? I’m terrified that I would have to live through that grief again if you were killed in the challenge tomorrow, Devin. I don’t think I could survive it again.”

She met Damon’s eyes first, but couldn’t hold his gaze when she saw the sheen of tears there. Devin’s eyes held sympathy, and regret, but not pity like she anticipated. She tipped her chin at him daring him to challenge her feelings.

“Caroline, you have been exposed to an unbearable tragedy in your life, but we want to help you get past the grieving, and learn to live again. We both love you with every ounce of our being, and we are committed to doing anything to protect you and show you that we will take care of you.” Devin’s words were laced with pain and frustration.

“Would you pull out of the challenge, Devin? Would you stop this madness if I asked you to? If I told you that I would open myself up to loving you, and give up my old life completely, would you sacrifice your pride for me?” She didn’t beg, and her voice didn’t even carry a hint of the pleading need she felt inside, because she already knew the answer.

“No. I can’t walk away from this challenge, Caroline. My pack is on the line. My family is on the line. Damn it, Caroline, our whole existence is on the line. We love you, but if you don’t love us enough to accept us as we are…then I agree with you that we must stop lying to ourselves about how easy this will all be. We can’t go on pretending and wishing it would change. But you are still our mate, and we won’t let you walk away.” His eyes drifted over Damon’s bite mark that she had left behind, and Damon’s pissed-off expression.

“I wish it were different. I want a family of my own. I want to have children and my career, too. If I were to stay I would be giving up a piece of me, and I’m afraid I will resent you both for it. I have responsibilities in my real life that I must go back to. I have to work because I have to pay the bills that my dead parents left to me. I need to go back to reality and stop living in this fantasy.” She spoke to them as much as to herself, and then she stood and walked to the door. Turning back for one last look at them, she said, “Thank you for making me feel again. Thank you for loving me, but I just don’t think it’s enough.”

She went out the door, and briefly she wondered if the men would follow her. As she reached the tree line she took off running. Tears were streaming down her face as she flew through the brush running faster than she had ever run in her life. She could feel the branches slapping at her face, and the weeds tearing at her ankles as she ran, but she couldn’t stop. She had to get away from the pain, and as far away from the twins as possible.

Just as she broke through the trees to the main cabin, she spotted Liam climbing into an old red pickup truck and he seemed to see her, and instinctively know that something was wrong. He stepped back out of the truck, and reached his arms out to catch her as she collapsed into his arms.

“Caroline? What’s wrong? Are you okay?” he asked, trying to check her for injuries, and not finding any, he started to push her behind him protectively, as though someone might be chasing her.

“Please, Liam, I need to go. Please take me back to town,” she pleaded with him, pulling at his arm.

“Okay, ummm… Do I need to get Dev or Damon?” The heartbroken look in her eyes told him that was not the right answer, and he held his hands up in front of him. “Okay, never mind, come on and climb in. I’ll take you to town, princess.” He helped her into the passenger side of the truck and then got back in himself.

As they drove down the road toward town, she asked him if she could borrow his cell phone. He gave it to her and listened quietly as she placed a call.

* * * *

Caroline took a deep breath as she tried to focus her eyes on the cell phone in her hand. She wanted to go home to her apartment and be alone, but she knew there was no apartment anymore. She called the one person she knew she could. Relief coursed through her as Tina answered on the first ring.

“Caroline! I’m surprised to hear from you! I figured it would be days before those two sexy men let you out of the bed,” Tina answered with a chuckle.

“Tina? Hey, I’m on my way into town, and I need a place to stay for just a bit. Can I come to your place?” Her voice quivered, and she couldn’t stop it.

“What? What happened, Caroline? Where are the twins?” Tina was now alert and aware that Caroline was upset.