Firebird (35 page)

As she flounced off down the drive, she was aware that she was being childish but somehow, she knew, with a deep certainty, that the peace she had hoped to enjoy in Eynon's home had vanished like the mist before the sun.

CHAPTER TWENTY

It was high summer when Binnie and Maura were married in the church that crested the borders of Greenhill. Maura looked beautiful in a cream velvet gown and cloak, her red hair upswept into a cascade of curls. Binnie was self-conscious in his new cut-away coat and fine polished boots, his hair parted and slicked down with water.

Llinos sat beside Eynon and watched as Father Martin conducted the service, his gentle voice rising and falling as he intoned the words.

‘I never thought I'd see Binnie become a married man,' Llinos whispered.

‘It was that or lose Maura altogether.' Eynon squeezed her hand. ‘Aren't you tempted by all this to find yourself a wealthy husband?' He smiled down at her and Llinos shook her head at him.

‘No, I am not!'

The wedding reception was held at Eynon's house. The place gleamed with cleanliness; in the kitchen cooks hovered over pans of steaming water and the mouth-watering aroma of roasting pork filled the house. Llinos, satisfied that everything was in hand, returned to the drawing-room.

Binnie crossed the room towards her. He had grown tall. His dark hair was groomed, his moustache neatly trimmed. He was still a young man but he had worked hard all his life and there were lines on his face that should have graced someone much older.

‘I wish you every happiness, Binnie, you know that.' Llinos hugged him. ‘You have a good job at the pottery and a fine house to live in, a healthy child and a very beautiful wife. You are to be congratulated.'

Maura did look beautiful. Her skin and hair glowed in the sunlight. Her eyes were warm as they looked across the room at her husband. He met her eyes and her smile was full of love.

‘I should have done it long ago – I suppose.' Binnie's voice was heavy.

‘You had to wait until you were sure,' Llinos said. ‘You are sure – aren't you?'

He made a face at her. ‘I don't know, Llinos. I know what I don't want and that is to feel trapped before I'm twenty years of age.'

‘You feel – trapped?'

‘If I'm honest – yes.'

‘Wedding nerves. You'll see, everything will be just wonderful.'

‘I wish I had half your optimism.'

Maura's happy laugh rose above the hum of conversation as a maid handed her the baby. Maura hugged her daughter close, her features softened with love.

‘I suppose I should be grateful for everything.' Binnie sounded doubtful. ‘After all, as a boy coming from the workhouse, I've been more fortunate than most.'

‘You can still have dreams, Binnie,' Llinos said. ‘Being married isn't the same as being dead, mind.'

‘How would you know?'

‘Binnie! Come and see the baby. She's got another tooth!' Maura was alight with happiness.

‘Go on.' Llinos gave Binnie a gentle push and watched him thread his way through the room crowded with Maura's relations. It seemed that Maura was forgiven now that she had become a respectable married woman.

Llinos let herself out through the French doors. It was chilly outside, the sun had vanished and grey clouds filled the sky.

‘Things will work out for them, don't worry, Llinos.' Eynon was beside her. He put his arm around her shoulders. ‘They'll have a comfortable enough life together, you'll see.'

Llinos shook her head. ‘I'm not sure, Eynon, Binnie doesn't look at all happy.'

On an impulse, she put her arms around Eynon's waist and hugged him. He was thin beneath his clothes, his body slender with little strength.

‘Thank you for being a friend, only you understand how I'm missing Joe. I want him so much, Eynon.'

‘But will you ever get him, that's the question? Try to steel yourself to the fact that Joe might never come home.'

Llinos closed her eyes, resentment at Eynon's words warring with her affection for him. She resisted the urge to give way to tears, knowing Eynon was right. Joe might be gone for ever.

Sometimes Eynon made her think a little too clearly but he was stability in her world, the world that had changed so much in the last few months. Soon even he would be gone from her life, at least for a while.

Eynon sensed her thoughts. ‘You'll survive, people fall in and out of love all the time. And remember, I am always here for you, always. Anyway,' he said briskly, ‘whenever you've had enough of the festivities, go upstairs out of it.' He smiled.

‘You realize Aunt Catherine is sure we have a “love nest” here and as for Georgina, well, she is jealous of you already. If they spot us like this, arm in arm, their worst fears will be realized.'

Llinos did not reply, she was in no mood for banter. She stared across the grounds to where the trees stood tall in the sunlight.

‘You mustn't think about me, Eynon. Live your life the way you want to, then at least one of us will be happy.'

A burst of laughter echoed from the warm cheeriness of the house and Llinos felt vulnerable and alone.

‘Damn Joe! I sometimes wish I'd never met him.'

‘I know exactly how you feel.' The irony in his voice was not lost on Llinos.

She looked up at him. His mouth was drawn down into a grimace. ‘For heaven's sake,' she said, ‘stop looking so sad. Let's go in and join the others before we start weeping on each other's shoulders.'

Llinos stayed at the celebration for as long as was polite but it was a relief to leave the noise of the crowd behind and relax in the privacy of her bedroom. She sank into a chair, thinking of Joe, trying to draw him to her with her thoughts, when a knock sounded on the door.

‘Excuse me.' One of the maids stood hesitantly on the threshold. ‘Miss Fairwater has been asking for you, Miss Llinos.'

‘Oh? What does she want, Gladys?'

‘Don't know, miss, bit put out she was, with all the noise and such from downstairs, says it's disturbing her godmother. She's asking can you go and see her.'

‘I can't do anything about the noise,' Llinos said impatiently. ‘And I haven't time to run at Miss Fairwater's beck and call. Will you bring me some nice hot tea, Gladys, please?'

When Gladys had gone, Llinos stretched her feet towards the fire. It was good to be alone, good to sift through the images of Joe she had stored in her mind. If she closed her eyes she could see him, feel him, taste the scent of him.

She tried to imagine him with a wife and a family around him but the image blurred and became misty and when she opened her eyes, they were filled with tears. He would come back to her, she knew he would, she prayed he would.

The door opened and Llinos, expecting Gladys with the tea, did not look round.

‘I am so sorry to interrupt your solitude.' Georgina's voice was edged with sarcasm. ‘I just wondered how you could be so rude as to leave me to languish alone in my room.'

Llinos sat up straighter. Beneath Georgina's hostile tone, she sensed a real feeling of loneliness.

‘I'm sorry, perhaps I should have insisted you join me, but I didn't think you would be interested in the marriage of an orphan from the workhouse and an Irish girl from Greenhill.'

Georgina sank down in a chair. ‘Everyone seems to be avoiding me, even dear Eynon. What have I done wrong?'

The maid came into the room with a tray and set it on one of the small tables. Llinos noticed that there were two cups and grimaced inwardly.

‘I see you are going to join me for tea.' She heard the cold tone in her voice and swallowed hard. It was ungracious of her, she should at least make an effort to be civil to Georgina.

‘Am I not welcome, then?'

‘Please, you are most welcome. This is Eynon's house and if Eynon wishes you to stay then stay you must.'

Georgina sat near Llinos. ‘Now we can have a cosy chat.'

Llinos tried to hide her impatience. ‘Have some tea while it's hot.' She sat back in her chair, realizing quite suddenly that she was tired. It had been a long day.

‘My godmother wishes me to marry Eynon,' Georgina said, putting down her cup with a dainty droop of her wrist. ‘But he takes no interest in me. Is he in love with you?'

Llinos shook her head. ‘Eynon and I are great friends.' She looked levelly at Georgina. ‘I have no romantic interest in Eynon at all.'

‘That's all right then. You and I have no need to be at loggerheads. I just thought that you and Eynon were lovers. It's a bit strange, you living here with him, I mean.'

‘Why? We have ample servants to chaperone us, not to mention Binnie and Maura, who are our friends.'

‘But Eynon takes care of you, doesn't he? I mean you can stay in his house whenever you like. Does he do all this out of friendship? Or does he offer you charity because he's sorry for you?'

‘Don't be absurd, I don't need charity,' Llinos said sharply and then regretted her tone, knowing she had allowed Georgina to breach her defences.

Georgina was persistent. ‘Perhaps you have grown accustomed to taking advantage of dear Eynon's good nature.'

Llinos flinched. Georgina had exposed a raw spot. She had worked hard to tell herself that she was doing Eynon a favour but did she really earn all that Eynon was giving her? She was living in comfort at his expense and giving him nothing in return. She saw the situation clearly in that moment and it was not a good feeling.

‘Finish your tea.' She spoke more abruptly than she intended. ‘I need to bathe and then I shall go to bed. I'm sorry if I seem inhospitable but I'm tired.'

Georgina rose to her feet, her face set. ‘Now you are cross with me. I can't make you out, Llinos. You don't want Eynon, or so you say. You tell me you are not lovers and yet you enjoy all this.' Her hand encompassed the room. She moved towards the door.

‘I'm sorry to be blunt, but I think you are a liar.' Her expression was hostile. ‘Why would any man be so generous unless he was being paid in some way or another?' She smiled triumphantly. ‘The whole town is talking about you, you do realize that, don't you?'

‘Oh, and what are they saying?'

‘They are saying that you are a kept woman and they are right, are they not?'

‘I work for a living!' Llinos said. ‘Oh, go away, you wouldn't understand!' She opened the door. ‘Just leave me alone, Georgina. If you have any other questions, I suggest you address them to Eynon.'

The door slammed shut and Llinos closed her eyes in frustration. Damn Georgina! She had stirred up a cloud of questions in Llinos's mind. Questions that must be faced and answered. Was she allowing herself to be a ‘kept woman'? Could she blame the townspeople for talking about her that way?

She drank her tea and moved to the window, her face resting against the cold pane. She stared into the garden, at the shifting shadows thrown by the clouds racing across the moon. She saw the flash of silver in the fountain as the water cascaded into the ornate bowl below.

She was not being fair to Eynon and she was not happy at home. Surely she could find the courage from somewhere to change what she did not like about her life?

She did not sleep very well that night. She sat hunched against the pillows in the high, narrow bed and tried to sort out her mixed thoughts.

By the time the morning light was slanting through the tall windows, one thing was clear, she could not live on Eynon's charity for a moment longer.

Binnie sat up in bed and stared at the pink of the morning sky. Beside him, Maura lay, her hair spread around her face, her golden lashes touching her cheeks. She seemed like a beautiful stranger to him.

He might as well face it, he did not love her, he had never loved her. She had been his first taste of life, his first experience of love. But it had not been love at all, he recognized that now. What he felt for Maura had been nothing but the natural lust of a young man. He rose quickly and went into the small dressing-room. The water in the bowl was icy but he felt better when he'd splashed his face and hands with it. He looked into the mirror and saw a man old before his time. A married man.

Binnie stood for a moment, staring around him. He felt strangely removed from the everyday world. Panic engulfed him. He couldn't be tied down, not yet. Maura was a wonderful girl but she cared nothing for ambition. She had no urge to explore new worlds. Maura was content to live and work and bear children and live a humdrum life in which there was no excitement. Could he settle to that for the rest of his life? He could not.

Hurriedly, he packed a change of clothes and took some money from the drawer in the bedroom cabinet. He tip-toed across the bedroom, trying to sort out his muddled thoughts.

He descended the small stairs at the back of the house, hearing familiar sounds from the kitchen. The maids were at work, the fires would be lit and a good hot breakfast would be waiting for him. He was a very lucky man – so everyone told him.

Silently, he entered the gracious hall and put his bag on the floor.

‘Morning, Binnie, how's the happily married man?' Eynon came into the hallway and stopped short.

‘I'm all right.' Binnie had grown to like and respect Eynon. The man was not strong, he lived an indolent life, but he did not set himself above others.

Eynon even ate in the kitchen sitting at the same table as the cook and the maid. This was an unheard-of practice among the higher orders, but then Eynon was not like the other rich businessmen of the neighbourhood.