Fireflies From Heaven (25 page)

Cora and I were
meeting for dinner at The Pit, but she was stuck in traffic so I got a table
and ordered an iced tea while I waited.
 
I was listening to the band and looking back toward the entrance for Cora
when I saw Reed walk in with a pretty brunette at his side. He didn’t see me at
first because he was looking down at her and smiling at something she must have
said.

I felt sick,
but I didn’t turn away. Whatever happened I was going to face it, even if it
meant heartache, pain or disappointment. It wasn’t the first time I’d seen Reed
with another woman, but this was much worse than when he was with Bunny because
this woman looked like someone he’d date. I wasn’t going to hide from them, but
I hoped that Reed wouldn’t see me because this situation had disaster written
all over it.

As if sensing
my presence, Reed turned and his eyes tangled with mine.

I saw his
surprise, and something else that might have been a challenge, but I wasn’t
sure. I smiled at them both. Reed leaned down and said something to his date
and she looked over at me with renewed interest before they both headed my way.

“Ellie.” Reed
smiled easily. “How are you?”

It was fake,
the smile, the greeting, and I realized that Reed did not want to talk to
me.
 
Since he was on a date, I guess
I could understand him not wanting to introduce his date to the woman that was
having his baby.

“I’m doing
great, Reed.”

He introduced
us. Her name was Julie. We both said that it was nice to meet the other, and
exchanged a few more pleasantries before I couldn’t take it anymore.

“It’s nice to meet
you Julie.
 
Good to see you, Reed,”
I said to them with an overly bright smile. “You two should go enjoy your
date.” I almost choked on the last word.

Reed’s gaze
swung to mine. He looked like he wanted to say something else, but he walked
way with Julie.
 
It was pure rotten
luck that they were seated just two tables away, and I had an excellent view of
Reed and Julie while I waited for Cora, who showed up about fifteen long
minutes later.
 
She noticed them
right away and shot me a ‘what the hell’ look.
 
Apparently, she knew exactly what the
hell because a moment later she said, “Jase set them up.”

“I didn’t know
you were still seeing Jase.”

“We had a
fight. Jase thinks Reed needs to get over you, and I told him that you were
having Reed’s baby and to stop giving his best friend shitty advice.”

I let out a
soft sigh. “He’s just looking out for his friend.”

“And I’m just
looking out for mine,” Cora said loyally.

“I appreciate that,
but don’t let this come between you and Jase.
 
He’s a nice guy.”

“Not nearly as
nice as you.” From the look on her face, I’m not sure Cora meant that as a
compliment. “Tell me what she looks like, I didn’t get a good look at her.
 
She’s Jase’s friend so she probably puts
the ‘T’ in trashy, right?”

My mood sank a
little lower. “She looks like someone he would marry.” As soon as I said it, I
discovered the thought of Reed marrying anyone else was unthinkable.

“The two of you
are having a baby.” Cora sounded frustrated.

“I’m having a
baby. Reed asked me for some time to get used to the idea,” I reminded her. We
hadn’t spoke since that night in the hospital.

“That was two
weeks ago, and I don’t see how dating other women is helping him warm up to the
fact that he’s going to be a daddy.”

“I don’t want
to push him,” I told her, knowing a part of me was afraid to find out that he
didn’t want the baby.
 
“You know how
Isabelle insisted that there was nothing going on with Reed and Amber. Maybe I
made another stupid mistake.” I’d messed up so many times with Reed, I wondered
if he’d be willing to forgive me.

“You’ll never
know unless you talk to Reed.
 
If I
ever start acting this ass-backwards crazy over a guy, feel free to smack me.”

“Yeah, I’ll
remember that.”

“Look, if it’s
okay for Reed to date other people then it’s okay for you.
 
You cannot show up at Brooke’s wedding
alone.”

“It won’t
bother me.” I honestly didn’t care if I found a date or not.

“It’ll bother
me!” Cora insisted, and she spent the next hour trying to convince me I needed
a wedding date.

After dinner, Cora
went to check on her mom and I went back to the apartment and was already
dressed for bed when I heard the knock at the door. Looking through the
peephole, my heart skipped a beat.

 
It was Reed.

Pulling open
the door, my gaze landed on him and I was suddenly acutely aware that I had on
no make up, a pair of cotton shorts and an oversized t-shirt without a bra.
 
Reed, of course, looked like he’d stepped
off the cover of a magazine.
 
He was
still dressed in the clothes he’d worn on his date, black jeans, boots, and
blue button down shirt.
 
I wondered
if he made Julie’s heart flutter the way he did mine.

Opening the
door wider, I stepped back and he came inside, seeming uncharacteristically
uncomfortable as he glanced around the room, his gaze finally landing on me.

“Sit down. I’d
offer you something to drink, but you look like you’re in a hurry.”

He looked
surprised but he didn’t comment, just sat down on the couch.

I sat on a
chair catty-corner to the couch facing him.

“I know I
should have called you sooner.” His gaze caught mine and I saw the sincerity in
his eyes along with, what I thought was, regret. “I’m sorry about tonight. I
don’t want to hurt you, Ellie.”

I felt as if I
was balancing on a tightrope, and I knew one wrong step would send me plunging
into the unknown. “I appreciate that, Reed. I don’t want to hurt you either.”

His eyes locked
with mine. “I love you, but it’s not good for either of us to do this anymore.”

And with his
words, I plunged and spiraled downward.

Something
snapped inside of me. Suddenly, I was desperate for him to know everything. “I
came to your house and Amber answered the door wearing one of your shirts.
 
She made it seem like the two of you
were together.
 
I didn’t believe her
at first, but then I saw you in the shower.”

He just stared
at me, as if trying to decide if I’d lost my mind.

“I saw you
naked in the shower. I thought you’d made love to Amber the night after you’d
been with me.”

“Ellie, I
haven’t slept with Amber since I was eighteen.” Reed frowned, thinking for a
moment. “I know the day you’re talking about.
 
She came over and was waiting for me
when I got out of the shower. I told her again that we were never getting back
together, and she admitted erasing the calls from you on my phone and asking you
to stay away from me.”

Relief, anger
and frustration filled me, the latter two directed at myself for not talking to
him sooner.
 
Still, one last thing
tugged at the back of my mind, and I wasn’t letting anything go unsaid now. “What
about room 211 at the Houston Plaza?”

Reed’s face
registered surprise and then resignation. “That’s where Jane Cox was
staying.
 
Amber mentioned it to me
and she gave me her room number.” He took a steady breath.

Hearing the
name of the woman who’d taken advantage of Reed when he was younger tore at my
heart.

 
“I had some unfinished business with her.
What happened to me is done, but I wanted to make sure she never did that to
anyone else.” Shaking his head, he continued. “I should have talked to her a
long time ago.
 
Jane assured me
there’s been no boys since me, but I made sure she realized that if I found out
differently, I’d testify against her in court.”

Oh God. It had
taken incredible strength and courage to confront the woman who’d abused him,
and instead of supporting him, I’d broken up with Reed because of my own
insecurities.

“Then you know
everything.” I met his dark, troubled gaze.

“Yes. When you
wouldn’t take my calls, I left messages explaining this. I take it you didn’t
listen to any of them.”

“No,” I
whispered shakily. I wanted to beg his forgiveness.
 
“I’m so sorry for what I’ve done.”

“Me too.” His
words held a note of finality to them.

He wasn’t going
to forgive me.

 
I realized what had bothered me in the
hospital that I hadn’t been able to put my finger on, but now it was crystal
clear.
 
Reed had distanced himself
from me, physically and emotionally. I felt none of the warmth, passion or love
from Reed that I’d always felt.
 
It
was as if the invisible connection we’d always shared had been severed, and I
was the one that had done it. His eyes were flat and emotionless when they met
mine, and his tone was polite yet cool.
 
It was finally over.

“Reed, please.
Is there anything I can do to change you mind?” I asked, my voice breaking.

“Don’t,” he
said harshly. I wasn’t aware that I was kneeling before him until I felt his
hands on my arms and him gently pulling me up. “Don’t do this, Ellie.” I
thought I heard his voice catch.
 
He
got up and turned away from me.

“You don’t
trust me, Ellie.”
 
I don’t even
think you realize how much you hold back, and I can’t accept anything less from
you than everything. I’m sorry.”

I reached for
him, but he’d already started walking away. “I can give you everything! I’ve
made some mistakes, but if you’ll forgive me I promise not repeat them.”

Finally, he
turned to face me, and what I saw in his eyes shredded any hope I’d been
clinging to. “Ellie,” was all he said, but it was enough.

Oh my God. It
really was over.

“We’re still
having a baby together, and I don’t regret it or anything else that happened
between us.
 
Call me if you need
me.” With those last words, Reed turned and walked out of my life for good.

I went through
life’s daily rituals thinking that if I sucked it up and acted like I was over
Reed Bentley then no one would worry about me. I was wrong, of course.
 
Cora knew how upset I was, and I’m sure
Isabelle did too. Sometimes I’d catch my dad, watching me with a troubled look
in his eyes, and I realized that I was fooling no one.

Christmastime rolled
around and I went through the motions of pretending it was the most wonderful
time of the year. Inside I was a mess. Still, I checked things off my list of
things you should do at Christmas-- put up a tree, bake cookies, and buy
presents. The last was the most difficult because looking at Reed’s present
made me cry.
 
I’m blaming that on
hormones.

I hadn’t
actually intended to get him anything, figuring I’d already poured enough salt
in wounds to last me a lifetime, but when I saw the picture of the couple
sitting on the tailgate of a blue truck, watching planes take off into the sky,
I knew that I had to get it. Why I loved looking at it when it started the
waterworks, I could not say. It was a symbol of happier times, but who wanted
to be reminded of that when your life sucked.

 
My stomach lurched. I guess my baby took
exception to me thinking my life sucked.
 
“Sorry Baby.”
 
Okay, my life
didn’t really suck. I might be unmarried and pregnant, and my baby’s father was
tired of me breaking up with him, but I still had my family and friends and two
jobs I loved.

 
I thought about my mother like I did
almost every day, and I wished I could ask her how she felt when she’d gotten
pregnant with me while she was in high school. She and my dad were in love, but
she was still only eighteen and hadn’t had a mother to talk to either. When Mom
got pregnant, her grandparents kicked her out of the house and never spoke to
her again.
 
A lot people would have
been bitter and angry about those circumstances, but Mom always smiled and
believed that something good would happen.

I could hear
her voice in my head as if she was next to me.
When you’re happy I’ll be the sun that shines down on your face and
warms your skin.
 
If you’re sad or
afraid I’ll cry so many tears there’ll be a storm in heaven, and when the
raindrops fall from the sky you’ll know that it’s me. When you come to a
crossroads and you’re lost and don’t know what to do, look outside on a grassy
hilltop just before sunset and you’ll see a million fireflies from heaven
lighting your way.

The sun was
setting and the chances of any fireflies being out in late December would be
the same as finding a four-leaf clover in a snowstorm. I ran outside towards
the park, which was the grassiest place I could think of and looked around. I
didn’t see a million fireflies.
 
I
didn’t see a single one, and I hadn’t really expected to see any, but I was still
disappointed.

I went back
into my apartment, and my eyes crashed into the painting I’d bought for Reed. My
knees went weak. What I saw astounded me, and I couldn’t believe I hadn’t
noticed it before.
 
I guess I was
too focused on the couple in the picture looking at the planes to see the tiny
fireflies in the grass surrounding the truck, but there was no mistaking the
lights that ascended toward heaven.