Firefly Hollow (23 page)

Chapter Thirty-Two

S
ARAH’S MOTHER AND NANCY WERE on the road before seven o’clock the next morning. Their parting had been difficult, but Sarah held back most of her tears until they pulled out of the driveway. That said, they probably hadn’t even reached the mouth of the holler before she was upstairs, stretched out across her bed, sobbing into her pillow. After the tears stopped, exhausted by her grief, she fell asleep.

A persistent knocking woke her sometime later. Groggy and disoriented, she stumbled to one of her windows, which overlooked the backyard, and raised the glass. “Hello?”

Owen’s face appeared over the edge of the roof. “Hey. Are you okay?”

“I fell asleep after they left. I’m sorry. I’ll let you in.”

“Hang on. I’ll come up.” He disappeared, and a few seconds later, his shoes came up over the edge of the porch roof to land on the metal surface. He went to a nearby oak and climbed up its trunk. Easing out onto a branch that hung out over the roof, he dropped down onto the sloping surface with an agility that surprised her. In no time, he’d grabbed his shoes and was standing outside her window, a silly grin on his face.

“Knock, knock.”

Sarah felt her own smile start, and she slid up the screen so he could come in. “Well, I can’t say this has ever happened before.”

“I hope not.” He set down his shoes and replaced the screen. “Hi.”

“Hi, yourself.” Remembering she was clad in her nightgown, Sarah grabbed her robe and put it on. “Come on downstairs. Have you eaten?”

“Not yet. You?”

“No. I was too upset to eat earlier.”

Once they reached the downstairs, he stopped her. “Don’t I get a hug?” With a choked sigh, Sarah wrapped her arms around him and clung tightly. She didn’t cry again, but the pain was still there.

“Did they get on the road okay?” Owen asked.

“Yes. You should have seen Mama’s face; she was so excited. I shouldn’t feel so bad that she’s going, not when she’s so happy.”

“Sure, you should. I imagine she felt something very similar when you left to go to college.”

Sarah let out a deep breath against his chest. “I would bet she probably did. I snuck a present into her suitcase last night, just like she did for me every time I left for Berea. It’s the little things sometimes, you know?”

“I do.”

Feeling some of the sadness loosen, she moved back. “How do you feel about pancakes?” Owen’s stomach growled, and Sarah laughed. “I guess that answers that question. Come on. I’ll feed you.”

After they’d eaten, cleanup went fast, a task Sarah was pleased to note that Owen stepped in to help with without being asked.

“So what do you want to do today?” he asked as he dried his hands on a dishtowel. He slung it around her neck and used it to pull her closer, dropping a kiss onto her nose.

Sarah rested her hands on his chest. “I don’t know. All the chores are done, and the laundry’s caught up. What do you think?”

“We could drive over to Buckhorn to the lake, rent a boat, go swimming. Have a picnic.”

“That sounds nice. But the more I think about it, I’d rather not be around other people. Would you mind if we stayed here? We could still have a picnic and swim up at the pool.”

“We could do that. I’ll have to run back to the house and get my swim trunks.”

Sarah pulled away and sent him an impish grin. “Or you could go skinny dipping.” Owen’s eyes widened, and she laughed. “You can borrow Jack’s swim trunks. He left them in the washer and forgot to pack them. They should fit you.”

He shook his head. “You are impertinent. I don’t know. I’m starting to like the idea of skinny dipping.”

Sarah felt her face heat, and she swiped the dishtowel from him. “Behave.”

“Me? You started it.”

“No, not me.” She swatted him with the towel. “Let’s get a picnic packed, and I’ll go change.”

Once the basket was packed, Sarah gave Owen Jack’s swim trunks, pushed him toward her brother’s bedroom, and excused herself. Upstairs, she dug through her dresser, pulling out the new bathing suit she’d gotten when she and Gilly had gone to Lexington two weeks earlier to shop for a wedding dress. The cornflower blue suit was more daring than anything Sarah had ever worn. Though not terribly revealing, the two-piece left her midriff bare. After putting it on, she considered the box her mother had given her and thought about throwing it into her bag, but she was too embarrassed. She pulled a flowered sundress on over the bathing suit and, after stopping by the bathroom closet to get two large towels, hurried down to Owen.

“I’m ready.” She made sure she had her house keys, and they set out. “Did the trunks fit?”

“They did.”

The day was partly sunny. Clouds were moving in, and Sarah figured it would probably rain later. As they got closer to the pool, Sarah felt her tension start to ease, and she breathed freely for the first time in days.

“I needed this. Thank you,” she told Owen as he helped her up over the large step up onto the top of the boulder. They spread the blankets out on the rock, and sat down. “It’s probably still too cool to swim, don’t you think, being only May?”

“Probably. We might have to stay here for quite a while today before it gets warm enough to get in.”

Chin resting on her upraised knees, Sarah turned to look at him. “Yet you were swimming in there a couple months ago. Weren’t you freezing to death?”

Owen shrugged. He unbuttoned his shirt and removed it, leaving him clad in his T-shirt, then stretched out on his back beside her. “Not really.” He squinted against the sun to look up at her and grinned.

“Uh huh. I’ll bet you jumped out about as quick as you jumped in.”

“It wasn’t a long swim,” he conceded. “So…”

“Mmm. So.”

“We haven’t really had a chance to talk about my letter,” Owen said quietly.

“I know. And I’ve wanted to talk to you about it, believe me. I don’t suppose you’ve written me another letter, have you?”

“Maybe.”

She poked him in the belly, and he jumped. “Where is it? Can I have it?”

“I don’t know. I think I need a letter back from you first.”

“I sent you a letter!”

“You did. And I keep it with me all the time. But I’d like something a little longer.”

“You… you stinker.” With a growl, she started tickling him.

Owen’s eyes flared with surprise, and he grabbed her hands. Pulling her close, he tucked a hand behind her head and rolled so that she was underneath him. “Oh, you’ve done it now.” Without warning, he ducked his head into the curve of her neck and blew against the bare skin of her shoulder, making a rude noise. At the same time, he started tickling her ribs. Within seconds, Sarah was shrieking with laughter, begging him to stop. He did, hovering over her with a grin. Her hands captured in his, he drew her arms up over her head. The movement brought their bodies more firmly into contact. “I have you now.”

“So you do. What are you going to do with me?”

He lowered his head, rubbing her cheek with his. “I figured I’d love you.”

Sarah’s heart melted. He lifted his head enough to kiss her, and his grip around her hands loosened. The kiss, which started out slow and gentle, quickly picked up in heat and intensity. Before long, they were both breathing hard.

When Owen again buried his face in the curve of her neck, it was to let out a deep groan. “Sarah, you destroy me.”

She turned her head so she could kiss his ear. “You do the same thing to me.” She ran her hand through his hair. Owen shuddered, and she did it again.

“Okay, this is not a good idea,” he said. Before Sarah could stop him, he levered himself up and stood. “I’m going to take a cold swim. You stay here.”

Blinking with surprise, Sarah sat up. “Owen?”

“Unless you want to find yourself in front of a preacher today, stay up here.” He took the path down to the pool, and after several seconds, there was a splash. Sarah moved to the edge of the rock to look down into the pool. Owen surfaced as she settled down to watch. His clothes were in a pile on the rock alongside the water.

“Cold?” Sarah called down to him, her heart racing at the picture he made. The water was clear enough that she could see the tops of his shoulders and part of his chest, and her hands itched with wanting.

He shook his hair out of his eyes. “Not cold enough,” he replied, and ducked back down under the water.

Sarah tried, she really did, but the temptation was too strong. Before she could let herself think, she stood and stripped off the sundress, then ran down the path. Owen resurfaced just as she jumped into the pool.

“What the hell? Sarah!” When she came back up, he was glaring at her. “Get out! I’m not strong enough to turn you away right now.”

Instead, Sarah swam over to him, her teeth chattering. Her toes barely brushed the bottom of the pool, but Owen was standing, and she used his shoulders to hold herself up. “If you want me out, you’ll have to put me out.”

She closed the distance and kissed him.

Chapter Thirty-Three

O
WEN WAS ANGRY AND AROUSED. He’d thought she understood the danger, but apparently not. Still, he had to try again. Pulling back, he gasped for breath. His heart raced, and his lungs struggled as though he’d run a mile. “Sarah, I mean it. I want you too much right now.” He grasped her arms, intending to pull them from around his neck, but he couldn’t find the willpower to do it. She was too close at hand and too close to naked.

“Please don’t make me go,” she whispered.

As though they had a mind of their own, his hands slid from her arms and down her back, pulling her hips closer to his. Sarah wrapped her legs around his waist. The movement brought her into full contact with his arousal, and they both gasped.

“Oh, God. Sarah, we can’t do this.”

“I know, but I want… Owen, please. Do something. I need you to do something. Make the ache go away.”

She moved her hips against his, and Owen almost exploded on the spot. The rush of pleasure was so intense, the need to be inside her nearly drove him to his knees. With the last ounce of willpower he possessed, he managed to disentangle her limbs from around him and gently push her away. He was so aroused, he was surprised the pool wasn’t boiling. From the Sarah’s panting, he figured she was in the same state he was.

“Look, we have to think about this.” He spoke more to himself than to her, and when she started back toward him, he held out his hands. “Just stop. Give me a minute.” His thoughts racing, Owen tried to figure out what to do. He wanted Sarah, of that there was no doubt, but he knew she was particularly vulnerable at the moment. They had options, he knew. They didn’t have to have actual sex in order for both of them to obtain satisfaction. If they didn’t do something to take the edge off the desire, though, they were liable to tear each other apart trying to stop it.

Sarah went to the edge of the pool and boosted herself out, then hurried up to the top of the rock. With a curse, Owen followed.

“Wait. Sarah, hang on a second here.”

“No. I can’t… I shouldn’t have been so forward. I’m sorry.” Her voice was choked with tears, and after a brief struggle, she managed to get back into her dress.

Frustration and fear caused his temper to flare. Owen started to yell, but stopped himself just in time. Instead, he lowered his voice, and carefully modulated his words. “I’m not saying no. Please, please listen to me.”

She gathered up the blankets and started to shove them into the bag. Owen stepped closer to her and gently placed his hands on her shoulders. They went rigid, but she didn’t move away.

“We can’t make love, Sarah. Not like this, all in a rush. And as much as I would kill to be inside you right now, we have to wait for that. But there are things we can do. Things that will make the ache better. It’s not full lovemaking, but I think it will be enough. For now.”

Her shoulders drooped under his hands, and she let him turn her around to face him. The misery on her face sent a guilty lance through him. Cupping her face, he whispered kisses over her eyebrows, nose, and cheeks, finally settling on her mouth. It took a moment, but Sarah finally responded and kissed him back. Owen kept the kiss light. When he lifted his head, she didn’t look as upset as she had before.

“What exactly do you have in mind?”

“Let’s go back to the house,” he said. “We’ll need privacy.”

He thought she was going to refuse, but then she closed her eyes and nodded. “Okay.”

Sarah was so nervous as they went back to the house, wondering what was going to happen, that Owen had to guide her like a child. Her behavior, her eagerness despite his best attempts to ward her off, mortified her. She’d jumped on him like a shameless hussy, not the proper young woman her parents had raised her to be.

Once they reached the back door, she turned to face him, unable to meet his eyes. “I shouldn’t have come on to you like I did. I’m so sorry; I can’t tell you how much. I forced myself on you, and that was wrong. I don’t expect you to come in.”

He took the key from her hand and unlocked the door. “Go inside.”

Eyes downcast, Sarah turned and went into the kitchen, keeping her back to the door. She didn’t want to see him leave, and she waited for him to shut the door behind her and go, but instead, he followed her. He locked the door and laid the key on the kitchen table. When his arms came up and pulled her back into him, she shut her eyes, a hot tear escaping down her cheek. It landed on his arm.

“Tears? Oh, Sarah, no.” Turning her, Owen wiped the wetness away with his thumbs. “Look at me.”

He forced her to meet his gaze, and he took her hands, sliding them up and around his neck. “Hold on.”

Before Sarah could react, he stooped and lifted her into his arms, then started toward the stairs. “Owen?”

He stopped at the foot of the stairs, and the heat in his eyes kindled an answering flame in her. “If you want me to stop, you have to tell me. Tell me in plain words. Because otherwise, I’m taking you upstairs, and I’m laying you down on that bed. Then I’m going to show you exactly how much I want you.”

Sarah could hardly believe her ears. In answer, she leaned up and kissed him. Owen’s arms tightened around her, and he started climbing.

Once they were in her bedroom, he stood her on her feet and closed the door. “I know no one else is here right now, but I don’t feel right leaving the door open.”

The room was stuffy, and Sarah opened a window halfway, while Owen did the same to the other one. He kicked off his shoes, came back around the foot of the bed, and held out his hand. Trembling, Sarah walked to him. He drew her in, holding her tighter than he’d ever held her. Even as innocent as she was, his arousal was obvious.

“I need to ask you some things,” he murmured, his lips moving against her temple. “I need to know how much you know about this. I don’t want to do anything that’s going to frighten you.”

“I don’t understand,” Sarah answered, dazed by the heat of him, the solidness of the muscles pressed so firmly against her.

He gave a faint groan, and flags of color appeared across his cheeks. “Have you ever… how far have you… how much experience do you have?”

“Um, I don’t have any. I’ve only ever been kissed. I’ve read books, and Mama was very frank.” She blushed, remembering the contents of her nightstand. “As a matter of fact, she gave me a box of condoms before she left.”

Owen’s eyebrows shot up, and he swallowed. “She did?”

Sarah nodded. Moving a step away from him, she got the box out and handed it to him, then hid her face against his chest.

“I’ll be damned.” He rubbed his chin on her hair and ran his hand up and down her back in a soothing motion. “Remember those secrets I told you I have?”

“Of course.”

“I think it’s time for me to let you know one of them.”

Drawing back, she frowned. “Just one?”

Owen placed the box on the nightstand and sank down on the edge of the bed. “For now. One’s about all I can handle.”

Her desire muted somewhat by concern, Sarah sat beside him. “Okay. I’m listening.”

He cleared his throat and coughed. He picked up an empty glass from the nightstand. “Could I have some water?”

“Sure. I’ll be right back.” Hurrying down the hall, Sarah filled the glass. When she returned to her bedroom, Owen was hunched over with his elbows resting on his knees, his hands laced behind his head. He thanked her when she handed him the water and downed most of it in one swallow. Sarah sat back down and waited.

“There’s no easy way to say this. I’m not a virgin.”

“I’m sorry?”

He sent her an unreadable look. “I’m not a virgin. I wanted you to know, especially considering that enlightening conversation at the dinner table between Kathy and Jack a few weeks ago. I thought it was something you needed to know before we... we…” He gestured to her, then the bed.

A sharp sense of disappointment went through her. She knew men were held to a more lenient moral standard than women, but she had never considered that Owen might have been intimate with someone. He was so reticent, so reserved, the revelation was a tremendous shock.

“Do you mind explaining?” she stammered.

He moved restlessly. “After my mother died, I gave some serious thought to moving to Laurel County. There wasn’t much here for me, just the land, and I have family there. So I went down for a few months, stayed with Eli and Amy. It was summer, hotter than Hell itself, and I was hurting. There was a woman, a widow, who Eli knew from the community. She had a farm near his, and he sent me to help her out. We ended up being intimate.”

Sarah was dumbstruck. “Oh. I see.”

“Do you?” His smile was sad. “It lasted a couple months, and it was two people helping one another through a bad time. She was lonely, and I was trying to find my footing. You have to understand, Sarah,” he said, looking down at his hands. “From the time I was thirteen years old, I was convinced I’d never know that sort of affection. I never thought I’d be able to marry, to have children. So when we came together that summer, sex was all it was.”

Sarah had wrapped her arms around her middle. “But did you love her?”

Owen shook his head. “No. I truly cared for her, wished her nothing but happiness, but we were using each other, and we both knew that. After that summer, I’ve not seen her except in passing. I came back here, back to the mountain, and I’ve been celibate since.” He blew out a deep breath. “I had to tell you before we went any further. You have the right to know.”

Unsure of what she felt, Sarah turned her head and studied him. He didn’t look proud of what he’d confessed, but he didn’t seem ashamed, either. She wasn’t sure if she was more comforted by the fact that he hadn’t loved the woman, or not. “And she was the only one?”

Owen met her gaze squarely. “She was the only one.”

Satisfied he was telling the truth, Sarah dropped her gaze to her feet. “I don’t know what to say.”

“Are you angry?”

“No. I’m disappointed, I guess. And jealous. Though that’s ridiculous. I should be grateful you had someone when you needed her.”

“I don’t think it’s ridiculous.”

“No?”

He shook his head. “No. If our situations were reversed, I’d have a very hard time dealing with that, I think. Just thinking about it upsets me, so I can imagine you’re not thrilled.”

Sarah gave a little snort. “No, I’m not thrilled.” She picked at the hem of the sundress. “Did you ever tell her you loved her?” She felt as much as saw the start go through him, and then he was on his knees in front of her.

“No. Sarah, look at me.” When she met his eyes, he told her again, “I never told her I loved her. You are the only woman I have ever said those words to, and you’re the only woman I’ve ever loved. And I never told her about my writing, either. It wasn’t that kind of relationship. Please believe me.”

Though certain her sister would call her all kinds of a fool for doing so, Sarah did believe him. One of his hands was resting above her knee, and she put her hand on his. “I do.”

Owen closed his eyes and laid his head in her lap. Only then did Sarah notice he was trembling. With her free hand, she brushed his hair back off his face.

“I love you so much,” he rasped. “And I’d give anything to go back and not have been with her. But I can’t. All I can do is promise you that I’ll never look at another woman as long as I live, Sarah.”

“How experienced was she?” Sarah hated herself for asking the question, but she needed to know. If the woman turned out to be a modern sophisticate, she didn’t know how she’d handle the revelation. Sarah was forward thinking, but she wasn’t sophisticated, and certainly wasn’t experienced. The only reason she’d let Owen so close was because she was in love with him. If it turned out he didn’t feel the same, the pain that would cause didn’t bear thinking about. Needing to be closer to him, Sarah slid off the bed and onto the floor. Her skirt pooled around her, draping over Owen’s thighs.

“She was a widow. Her husband had been gone for several years, and she was young when he died. So I wasn’t the first man to be with her after his death. But there weren’t a lot of men, either.” His cheeks turned bright red. “It was a long, rainy summer. And we… let’s just say that I learned a lot. Hopefully, I can make things good for you.”