Fireman Edition (3 page)

Well, obviously I was serious. I mean, the ad was posted, so of course, I was serious. Maybe, I should have thought this out better. The phone rang again and Rich scowled. I sent the call to voicemail.

“Maybe you should change the ad and your number.”

It rang again.

“You think?”

Rich turned back to the computer just before demanding my login and password to correct my snafu. A few strokes of his quick fingers, finished off with a dramatic and quite flamboyant press of the Enter button, and he was done.

“There, I set you up an email where they can write to you and won’t have access to your personal information. You need to change your number as well.”

Well, damn. I was actually enjoying the sound of the phone ringing for once. Normally, I was only graced with the melodious calming birdsong ringtone I’d chosen when Brad was calling to complain about something being stocked incorrectly or Rich was calling to complain that I’d left my delicates soaking in the bathroom sink.

I’d had precisely fifty-two minutes of being popular and all of that would go away with one trip to the phone store.

“Fine.”

Chapter Three

Three hours and a new phone later and I was just as unpopular as I’d been previously, but now I was also new and improved with the latest smartphone on the market. Normally, the ability to conduct my entire life on a device the size of my hand had never been important, but now I was a single woman on the prowl for the men I thought only existed in books. I needed to know the minute I received a response to my ad.

“Jane. Clean up on aisle four.” Brad announced.

My head popped up from the shiny screen of my phone. “Not the teenager again? It’s only noon. The little shit should still be in school!”

“Nope. This one is a housewife who is really pissed that the last copy of
Boinking the Billionaire
is missing. She tore through the books looking for it and made a mess of the section.” Approaching the front desk, he eyed me. “You wouldn’t happen to know anything about that, would you? I checked the sales receipts last night and it appears nobody purchased it.”

Like a deer in headlights, I stood still with my eyes opened wide. “You said I was allowed to borrow books. We had an agreement. I’d just finished
War and Peace,
I needed something a little on the lighter side.”

He laughed knowingly. “You finished
War and Peace
? You? Okay, I’ll play along. Who wrote it?”

Shit. He had me. Taking a wild guess, I said, “Shakespeare?”

Shaking his head, he slammed his hand on the counter before buckling over with laughter. Finally, gaining control of himself, he looked up and laughed again to see the expression on my face.

I hated him.

“Okay, Jane. Whatever. If you want to read romance, that’s perfectly fine. I’m not judging you.”

Yes he was.

“Kiss my ass, Brad.”

“Which acre?”

Dammit. He won this round.

Chuckling, he walked off in the direction of his office, turning his head slightly to say over his shoulder, “Be sure to get the aisle cleaned up. I’ll be in my office if you need me.”

It took me a total of fifteen full minutes to rearrange the aisle previously set askew by a pissed off housewife in search of her next literature induced orgasm. Settling back at the front desk, I eyed the store that had zero customers. Left bored by the non-existent demand for used books, I picked up my phone to check to see if anybody had called. The indicator said no, so I decided to check my emails.

Punching in the password ‘idiotlookingforadate’ that Rich had kindly set up for me, I gasped when I saw that I had twenty unread messages. Scrolling through to browse the subject lines, I thought to myself that this dating thing was going to be easier than I thought.

That was….until I read the actual messages.

The first two messages were welcome messages from the email site itself. I hated those messages. Was the email site trying to make me feel important? Was I supposed to jump up and down from the thought that I was so in demand that within seconds of setting up my account, someone had somehow found me and sent off important correspondence? Why did the site feel the need to let me know I signed up for their site? Obviously, I knew I signed up for their site because I was checking my email on their site. It made no sense and I was getting a headache just thinking about it. Hitting delete on those, I moved on.

The next email was from Rich.

Dearest idiot
, it began,
Please, for the love of all things normal, please…PLEASE…don’t do this. You have no idea who the men are that will respond to your ad and one of them might actually BE an abductor. I’d hate to see you tied up and shipped off to a third world country to be used as a sex slave to a sheik. Also, we need milk. Please grab some on your way home. Sincerely, your friend who is looking out for your best interests, Rich.

Delete.

Moving on, I opened the next email with the subject line,
I might be what you’re looking for.”

Score!

One click of the mouse and I was about to find out who my first date would be.

I saw your ad earlier last night and left you several messages on your phone. I am everything you are looking for, baby. I can be your billionaire, your cowboy, your fireman and your captor. I can let you ride my dick and sit on my…

Whoa.

Delete.

There was no way in hell I was going out with that guy. Plus, I highly doubted he could be all those things at once. But then I wondered: Could he?

Books would answer my question.

Quickly flipping out of my email, I scrolled the internet to see if any romance books mention main heroes with multiple occupations or standard stories. It didn’t take long to stumble upon a book wherein the hero was a billionaire, a captor and part of a motorcycle gang while also playing guitar in a rock band on the weekends.

Busy guy, I thought and continued scrolling. Immediately, I realized the problem with working at a bookstore that only sold used books. There were so many ebooks from independent authors that would never make it to our shelves, and thus, would never make it into my greedy little hands. I didn’t have the money for an ereader and never thought to actually
purchase
a book since I had my pick of the store that I worked in. But now that I was looking through the titles, I realized there was an entirely new world of books that I never knew existed.

I was ticked off at first, then interested, and then slightly disappointed. Title after title of what looked to be the same book, over and over, with different character names. Maybe I wasn’t missing much after all. But, there were some interesting choices to be found. Apparently in romance world, people were also dating dinosaurs and family members.

Ew.

Clicking out of that, I returned to my email. It would be easiest for me to stick with the oldies but goodies. The titles I had at home that kept the hero simple and didn’t add on the complications that came with multiple occupations and family ties.

Next on the list was an email with the subject line ‘
I never usually do this, but your ad has me intrigued’.

The little arrow on my computer hovered over the message, my mind wondering if this idea had been a good one. After holding my breath and waiting a beat, I clicked.

Dear Woman Looking for Love. I’m not sure what to call you since you didn’t list a name, so please ignore the cheesy greeting. My name is Mark and I think I can help you out with your quest. I’m a fireman, so I don’t have much time for dating and I recently divorced my wife of one year. I was looking through the personals on a whim while at the station and ran across yours. Normally, I don’t answer these types of ads, but yours was amusing. I can’t fill the part of all thirteen of your requests, but if you want to meet for dinner one evening, I have tonight and tomorrow off of work. Sincerely, Fireman Mark.

Hallelujah! Finally, I had a response from someone who seemed like the real deal. Unfortunately, I hadn’t yet read the fireman book and I didn’t know what to expect. Luckily, quick thinking was on my side. Flipping out of the emails, I shot off a quick text to Rich.

Emergency! I need you to bring me a copy of Flirting with the Fireman. I left it on the dining room table.

Almost immediately when I flipped back to my emails, my phone dinged to alert me to Rich’s reply text.

I’m sleeping! How is a book an emergency?

Once again, quick thinking was my trusty companion as I fired back my reply.

A customer is looking for it and Brad is pissed that I borrowed it. Stop asking questions and bring me the book!

Back to the email. Clicking reply, I typed up what I hoped would be the message that brought me together with my first romance story hero.

Hey there, Sexy Fireman…

I chewed on my lip for a bit. Should I come on so strong? What would the fireman romance story heroine do? Set her house on fire? Chuck her cat into a tree, followed by her neighbor’s cat and maybe her neighbor? I wasn’t sure.

I needed that damn book.

Scraping that, I tried again.

Hi Mark. Thank you so much for replying to my ad. I hope the fact that I’m seeking multiple men isn’t something that will eventually scare you away…

Hmm. I wasn’t quite sure about that either. I sounded like a slut. Once again, I hit delete and typed out what would be my final email.

Tonight sounds great. I’d love to meet up with you. I work until 5:30, but can be available to meet you somewhere at 7 p.m. Just let me know where and when. My phone number is 555-3048. Text me with the details and I’ll be happy to go wherever you like. By the way, my name is Jane.

Simple. Direct. To the point.

I hoped that’s how they did things in romance books because, in all honesty, I had no fucking idea.

Chapter Four

Quitting time rolled around quickly and I’d had all afternoon to speed-read
Flirting with the Fireman
that Rich so kindly dropped off. The extra bonus of that adventure was that he’d left the house on his day off and as he’d left the store, I reminded him that we needed milk.

Now, with no errands to run and a general idea of what happens when dating a man in uniform, I was ready to ditch this dusty place and go meet my first standard romance hero.

“Jane. Can you stay late tonight? We need to do inventory for the online sales and make sure the shipments are ready to go out tomorrow with the mail.”

Brad wobbled out of his office, scratching his behind and I believed that was the faint smell of tuna emanating from his office.

Without looking up from my book, of which I had three more chapters to go, I replied, “No can do. I have a date tonight.”

The ground stopped shaking, so he must have stopped in his tracks in response to what I’d said.

“A date? You mean with an actual person?”

Without missing a beat, I looked up and replied, “Yep. I haven’t met my vampire yet and I’m afraid of dinosaurs, so tonight I’ll be meeting up with a real live human being.”

“Vampires? Dinosaurs? What the hell are you talking about? Never mind…just…are you sure you can’t do inventory tonight? In the three years you’ve worked for me, you’ve never dated and Rich doesn’t count if that’s who you’re meeting up with.”

He glared at me and I glared back.

“Fine! I’ll do the damn inventory.” Throwing his hands up, he about-faced and marched his happy ass back into his office.

Perfect. Back to reading, I went.

“I want you Stephan, more than I’ve ever wanted a man before. When we come together…”

“Shhhh.” Placing a finger over Mina’s lips, Stephan arched his hips towards her, letting her feel the full and hard evidence of his lust. “No words tonight, Mina. I’m going to take you places you’ve never been before.”

“Here?” Mina couldn’t believe his audacity. In all the years that she’d been dating and having sex, never had she allowed a man to undress her in such a public setting. But, it excited her at the same time. “We could get caught…”

“Don’t worry, Mina. Let me take care of you.”

“What if there’s a fire? We can’t have sex on top of the fire truck, Stephan. People will see us…”

His lips silenced her, the heat of his breath mingling with her own as his tongue sought entrance.”

I closed the book before that scene had me panting and squealing like a stuck pig on top of the desk.

Sex on top of a fire truck?

It sounded like a damn good idea.

. . .

“I’m ready for my date!”

Stepping out of my bedroom, I sauntered into the living room, trying like hell to not trip on the 4 inch heels I was wearing.

Red satin flowed out around my knees with each step, the soft material flashing in the light of the living room. The wrap dress was tied at my waist with a plunging neckline that didn’t do much to hide my cleavage. The black strappy heels I chosen to wear with the dress made my legs look long and lean, adding to my confidence.

“What do you think?”

Turning in a circle, I allowed Rich to examine the outfit I’d chosen.

“What the hell are you wearing?” His curt reply was muffled by the potato chips he had stuffed in his mouth. Bits of crumbs flew out with every syllable he spoke and I backed up so I wasn’t wearing salt and vinegar chips out on my first hot date.

“It’s a dress, you moron. You know, the things women wear that most men don’t. It’s been hanging in my closet since I bought the damn thing, so now I finally get to wear it out.”

Turning in his seat, he looked me up and down. “No. You’re not wearing that.”

“Why the hell not?”

“It’s too revealing!” He shouted.

“That’s the point!” I shouted back. “From what I’ve read in
Flirting with the Fireman
, I’m supposed to have easy access. How else are we supposed to have sex on top of the fire truck without getting caught with our pants down?”