First and Last (11 page)

August 2001

I
t’s been two months since we went to Lookout Mountain and it’s the perfect morning. The sun is up, there’s a cool breeze coming off the lake, and I have the best person in the world in my arms. I wanted to do something low-key with Mia before we go out with our friends tonight, so I planned a little quiet day by the lake with a picnic.

“This is nice,” she says, a content sigh following her words. I squeeze her to me and plant a kiss on the top of her head.

“Sure is,” I agree. My face tilts up toward the sun while I lie on my back with her on my chest.

“Can you believe the summer is almost over?” she asks almost absentmindedly.

“I know. It’s going by fast.”

“You excited for our senior year?” She traces soft circles on my chest. It feels good and puts me at ease. If she keeps doing it, I might fall asleep.

“Yeah, I can’t wait to be done with school.”

“Well, almost done. We still have college after this,” she reminds me.

I’ve been avoiding her or giving vague, half answers whenever Mia talks about plans after high school. Mainly because I don’t have any set in stone. But the closer I get to graduating, the more I think college might not be the right fit for me. It’s not like we made some pact to follow each other afterward, but that was before we became . . .
us
. Things are more complicated now and if I thought it would be hard to not see her before, it kills me now.

I study her features, briefly seeing the six-year-old little girl who moved in next door almost eleven years ago. Now, she’s a gorgeous person that is kind and thoughtful and selfless. And she amazes me every damn day.

Holding her face in both of my hands, I look into her big, blue eyes. “I love you, Mia.” I couldn’t hold it in another moment. I think I’ve loved her since she came over and ate a grilled cheese sandwich with me the first day I met her.

Her eyes widen and her lips part, but she’s silent. My heart gallops in my chest and I forget to breathe as I wait for her to say something—anything. Finally, her features soften and the smallest smile pulls at her lips. “I love you too.”

I’m soaring with those four words. Words that let me know she feels the same about me as I do her. I’m like a kid who has seen fireworks for the first time. I’m both amazed and so damn happy.

My lips gently collide with hers, wanting to taste every inch of her mouth slowly. To pour all the love I have into her soul. She gives just as good as she takes, and we can’t get enough of each other.

I feel her smile against my mouth as her hand threads through my shaggy, brown hair. My hands travel to her waist and grip it. She moves to her knees, never breaking contact from my lips, and straddles my lap. My palms go to her ass and pull her close. I let out a small groan in the back of my throat as her center touches my hard on. It’s straining painfully against my zipper, begging to break free.

Moving back to her hips, my thumb slips under her shirt, rubbing the smooth skin below it. Her grip on my hair tightens as does my hold on her. Needing to feel more of her as she devours my mouth, my hand moves under her shirt, claiming the same spot my thumb was resting. I explore her flat stomach like a blind man reads braille. When I’m satisfied that not an inch has been left untouched, I move slowly north, taking my time to make sure this is okay with her. My thumb reaches the underside of her bra covered breast and her breath hitches. She pulls away a little and stops my hand. I smile against her mouth and halt my progression.

“Sorry. I got a little carried away,” I tell her breathlessly.

“It’s okay,” she whispers, not meeting my eyes.

I place my finger under her chin and lift her face up until she’s looking at me. “Hey, it’s okay. Don’t feel bad. You can tell me to stop whenever you want, alright?” The tension and worry in the corners of her eyes relaxes and she nods. “Now tell me you love me.”

“I love you,” she says with a smile.

“Good. Remember that in a few seconds.”

“Wha—” Her squeal cuts off her question as I scoop her up and run toward the water. “Blake Collins, don’t you dare!” she threatens, but I don’t listen. I run into the water, kicking it up behind me as I go. Her giggles and screams are heard above the splashing until I’m thigh-deep and drop her.

She emerges with a gasp as she holds her hands out and looks at her soaked clothes. “I swear to God I’m going to kill you,” she says.

With a cocky grin on my face, I tell her, “Bring it.”

Present

I
open my eyes slowly, blinking several times as I adjust to the light.

Damn, I must have been knocked out. Taking a peek at my body, nothing seems to be wrong. Well, other than I still can’t fucking move my legs and it feels like someone has taken a hammer to my body.

My head throbs and I can hear my pulse in my ears. I landed on my back, looking up at the sky that’s tainted with the product of hell on earth. Smoke blows through the trees, making the air thick with ash and hard to breathe.

I pat my thigh to make sure my radio is still there, and send up another thank you that it is. Pulling it out, I try again to call in to someone. I’m hoping with my new location I might get a better signal.

“Anyone copy? This is Blake Collins, Redmond smokejumper. I need help. Can anyone hear this?” My voice gives out as I start coughing.

There’s no static this time, only deafening silence. Holding my radio to my chest, I glance back up at the sky and hope they’ve sent a search party out for me.

Every so often I check my chest to make sure my emergency beacon is still flashing. As long as I’m transmitting, there’s hope they’ll get my ass out of here.

I should have listened to Mia all those years ago. She never wanted me to become a firefighter, especially not one that jumps out of planes. Now look at me. Stranded on the side of this stupid-ass mountain where I’ll burn up if someone doesn’t come get me. My selfishness to chase after my goals and dreams brings back a vivid conversation where I realized Mia wasn’t only my first love, but my first heartache too.

April 2002

“H
ey, Mia,” her dad calls up and I jump off of her at lightning speed. My heart is beating frantically, and I don’t know if it’s from the effect Mia always has on me, or from almost getting caught making out on her bed by her dad. I’m sure he’d cut off my balls if he saw us.

“Yeah?” she responds, humor in her voice. I glare at her when I realize she’s not nearly as freaked out as I was.

“You’ve got some mail.”

She hops up off the bed and runs downstairs before I can get out of her room. By the time I make it, I can hear her tearing open an envelope.

“I got in!” she exclaims. “Look, Dad!”

“Congrats, sweetie. I’m so proud of you.” He wraps her in a hug, but it’s her huge smile that catches my attention. When he puts her down, she turns her attention to me.

“I got into Ohio State!” She’s beaming and I am too despite my internal sadness. I feel like I just watched someone kick my puppy. That’s a lot farther away than I was hoping she’d end up going.

“That’s great!” I do my best to mask how I’m really feeling and try to be happy for her. I rationalize with myself that even though that’s about six hours away, we could still make this work. Hugging her tight, I place a kiss on her cheek and look into her glowing face. God, it’s going to kill me not to see her every day.

“Have you gotten in anywhere yet?” she asks, excitement lacing her voice.

I rub the back of my neck and look at the ground. Right now isn’t the ideal time to tell her, but I can’t lie to her anymore. “Actually, I wanted to talk to you about that.” Her head tilts to the side as her eyebrows pull in, but before she can say anything, I grab her hand and lead her outside.

The spring air is muggy for this time of year. It’s stifling and constricting, which is kind of how I feel right now. My insides are coiled up tight with anxiety and dread over what the future holds for us. I know we’re young and have a lot of growing up to do, but when you meet your soulmate, age is just a number. The idea of us not working because of the distance or what I’m about to tell her creates a sick feeling in my stomach. “Is everything okay?” she asks, breaking me from my thoughts.

“Uh, yeah.” With a deep breath, I spit it out. “I haven’t been honest with you.”

Her hand reaches out to touch my arm. “Blake, if you didn’t get in anywhere, that’s okay. You can always apply again.”

I shake my head. “That’s not it. You know I have the grades to go anywhere I want.”

“Then what’s wrong?”

“I didn’t apply to any schools because I’m not going to college.”

She blinks a few times before she responds. “What do you mean? What are you going to do then?”

With a confident stare, I say, “I’m going to join the fire department.”

Her hand falls off my arm instantly as if I’ve burned her. “What?” she asks incredulously.

“This summer when I was helping out I got to thinking. One of the guys, Gary, gave me the steps I need to take to become a firefighter, so that’s what I want to do.”

Her mouth parts as she shakes her head. “You never mentioned this before. Why? I thought we’d both go off to college and get office jobs or something normal.”

Normal.

The word rolls around in my head for half a second before I shrug, disregarding the way she made me feel as if my goals aren’t good enough. “Part of me wasn’t sure, and the other part was afraid of your reaction.”

Her head continues to shake. “No, you can’t do this. I don’t want you to.” Her voice rises in volume and pitch.

“I can, and I will. I’ve always supported you. Why can’t you do the same for me?” My hands point to my chest as my anger increases. I don’t care if she wanted to study garbage, I’d have her back.

“If you do it, you’ll do it alone.” With a set jaw, she looks at me with a blank face.

“Oh, really? I don’t fit into a certain mold and you’re going to up and leave me? That’s how you want to play this?”

“I can’t sit by and watch you do this, Blake.”

“Why?” I shout, my hurt and anger getting the best of me.

“Do I have to spell it out for you?” She matches my tone as she leans forward.