First Class Justice (First Class Novels) (13 page)

Grateful?
he thought as he sat there and finished his
beer
. Grateful? What the fuck?

Mark scratched his head unable to wrap his brain around her
words. He grabbed his jacket and ran after her but she’d already disappeared.

Walking slowly, he headed back to the hotel. He had a plane
to catch back to New York the following morning. He would get back to work. The
Atlanta project was waiting.

*****

 Katy ran out of the restaurant and called Dr. LaVaughn. Her
receptionist answered. She explained she needed to see the doctor, only to find
out that she didn't have any openings this afternoon.

"I did just have a cancellation for tomorrow morning at
10:30."

"I'll take it," said Katy as she turned the
corner, heading to the parking garage to get her car.

*****

Dr. LaVaughn was truly happy for Katy. She was satisfied
with the sentence Danny had received and she was glad that Katy was satisfied
with it.

"I feel like I can actually start again. I know I can't
go back but I think I can move forward and leave this behind me. I want to move
forward. I feel hope. I finally
feel
!"

Dr. LaVaughn smiled. "That is what every therapist
wants to hear. There were some sessions I wondered if we would ever make it to
this point."

"I know. I'm not a very good patient," Katy
sighed.

"Not at all," Dr. LaVaughn corrected. "You
are the perfect patient! You came here hurt and skeptical, but you tried and
that's all I ever asked. You’re the one who has made huge strides in your
therapy. My job is to just facilitate it. You did the work. But I'm not saying
that you're done," she grinned, "just that you’re well on your
way."

"I slept with him."

"With whom?"

"Mark," Katy sighed. "I told him I needed to
sleep with him so I could move on. But it wasn't what I thought it would
be."

"What did you think it would be?"

"I thought we'd just have sex, but it was more than
that, at least for me. What’s that condition called where you fall for your
rescuer?"

"I guess you could be talking about transference, but I
don't think that's what's going on here. You have developed a bond with him
over the past few months. You have to figure out what those feelings are. Is it
love? Is it gratitude? You need to work that out."

"Hmm," Katy frowned.

*****

As it was going to be another sunny day on Saturday, Katy
decided to run outside. It was still early and the sun was just peaking over
the horizon. She could see her breath as she stood on the driveway and
stretched. She needed to think and a good long run had always been Katy's
personal form of therapy. The rhythmic pounding of her feet on the ground and
the concentration on her breathing had a way of bringing things into focus in
her mind and today she needed focus and clarity more than anything.

She started out slowly, warming up her muscles, and as she
hit the park she began the rhythm; one foot after the other, arms relaxed,
filling her lungs with the crisp morning air.

She missed him when he wasn't there and confused and
frustrated when he was. How could that be love? Mark was everything she thought
she wanted in a man. But so was Brett! Katy frowned at the thought. That was a
million years ago and she had grown up an awful lot since then. She wasn't just
looking for physical intimacy anymore. That wasn't love. She knew that now. She
needed to define what love was.
Easier said than done
.

She wanted a relationship where conversation came easily,
not forced, and the silence was comfortable. She wanted someone that could see
her at her very worst and still want to be with her. She wanted to care for
someone else's welfare more than she cared for her own. She wanted a man to
take her hand in his and it be the most natural feeling in the world. She
wanted a man to kiss her and not expect that it should lead to sex, that
sometimes a kiss was just a kiss. She wanted someone to look at her the way
Matt looked at Janie, like she was the only woman in the world that mattered.
When she had sex with someone she wanted it to be an expression of love not
just of lust. She wanted the physical need to be attached to something much
stronger.

As Katy finished the three-mile loop around the park she
realized that she was in love with Mark. Everything she wanted, she wanted with
him.
I manage to fall for the one person that it will never work with!
So she kept running.

*****

Mark had been home in New York for about ten days before he
left for Atlanta to continue his preliminary research on their next
acquisition. Everyone at MEL Holdings was thrilled to see him leave. Jill, his
secretary, came to see Matt after he’d left.

“I don't think I can work here anymore," she said.

"What's wrong, Jill?" Matt asked.

"Nothing I do is right and I am getting tired of being
barked at all day long."

Matt sighed. "How long has this been going on?"

"About the last two weeks. No amount of money is worth
this," she said.

"Jill, I apologize for my brother. He hasn’t been
himself the past little while. Please don't resign. But if you'd like to be
assigned to a different department I can do that."

"Will that be a cut in pay?"

"No. Whatever you make now is what you will continue to
earn."

"Then you can reassign me. Thank you. I’ll have my desk
cleaned out by the end of the day."

Jill stood and left Matt's office. He leaned back in his
chair and rubbed his forehead.
Shit, Mark! How can I help fix this?

At dinner that night, Matt picked at his food.

"Don't you like lasagna anymore?" Janie asked.

Matt lifted her hand to his lips and kissed it.

"Of course I do. I love everything you cook. It's
Mark."

"What's wrong?"

"He's an asshole."

Janie choked on her mouthful of water. "Why?"

"His secretary wants to be assigned to a different
department. He's just not himself and I need to figure out how I can
help."

"Can I do something?"

Matt smiled. How he loved her. He knew what his brother was
going through. He'd been there himself; scared shitless of laying his heart on
his sleeve, hoping like crazy that he wouldn't be rejected. Matt was going to
have to force his brother's hand. Because, apparently, Mark was as stupid as he
had been.

*****

Katy was meeting Sarah for lunch. Since the sentencing
hearing, Sarah had called Katy a couple of times to check on her and so Katy
had asked her to lunch. She felt connected to Sarah and hoped that by talking
to her she could gain some clarity.

Sarah was running a few minutes late and whipped into the
restaurant and flung herself onto the chair.

"So sorry," she panted. "It's always on the
days that you think are going to be
less
hectic than usual that
something
crazy
happens."

"Everything okay?"

"Oh yeah, nothing out of the ordinary," Sarah
smiled. "I'm starving!"

The women perused the menus and gave their order to the
waiter. Katy took a long sip of water and then began.

"Thanks for meeting me. I noticed that you wear a
wedding ring. You're married?"

"I am," Sarah grinned. "Four years now."

"Well, I was hoping you wouldn't mind if I asked you
some really personal questions."

Sarah looked at Katy and smiled. "You want to know how
to get beyond all the baggage and live your life. You aren't the first one to
ask me that."

"So?" Katy raised her eyebrows. "How do you
let it all go? How do you allow yourself to be happy?"

Sarah leaned back in her chair and took a long breath.
"I can only speak for myself," she said. "You've been going to
therapy, right?"

Katy nodded.

"And is it helping?"

"Yeah, it is. I've actually discovered a few things
that have nothing to do with the assault, which has been eye-opening. And I'm
dealing with the assault much better. Although I have to admit that the best therapy
so far was hearing the judge say twenty-two years!"

Sarah laughed. "Yep! I agree with that. That was
awesome!"

The waiter appeared with their bowls of soup. He placed them
down on the table and the two women said thank you.

"You know, it took me several months before I could go
out alone and a
long
time before I was able to look a man in the eye,
like the waiter just now for instance," Sarah continued. "My trust in
men was shattered and my self-worth was non-existent. I had to believe that I
was worth the same as I was before the rape. I had to believe that it didn't
define who I was. And you know what? As soon as I was ready, my husband
appeared, well, reappeared."

Katy tilted her head. "Reappeared?"

Sarah smiled. "Reid was the detective who handled my
case. I hadn't seen him for a few years. I'd left the law firm and was working
as a prosecutor when I was assigned one of his cases and we ended up working
together quite a bit. Then one night he asked me to dinner and I thought it was
just a work thing, you know? And at the end he asked me if he could kiss me
and..." Sarah shrugged, smiling at the memory.

"So you didn't have to tell him all about it because he
already knew."

"Yep, and he didn't care. Well, he
did
care,
obviously, but it didn't change the way he felt about me. It took me a while to
catch up to him," she grinned. "He knew a lot quicker than I did, but
he was patient and he wanted to make sure I was ready. I’m very lucky and very
happy."

Katy smiled wistfully.

"Katy," Sarah said. "Go get want you want.
You deserve to be happy too."

*****

Sweat was dripping from Mark's body as he ran on the
treadmill. He had been awoken at four o'clock by a dream. Actually, it was more
of a memory. He was making love to her but then she'd just pushed him aside and
got up and walked away. He had woken up almost crying for her to come back. He
hadn't liked it at all. So he'd gotten dressed and headed down to the hotel
gym. After a series of weight exercises, he'd hoped the treadmill would banish
the vision of Katy invading his every thought. But it wasn’t working. Running
just brought back more memories of her, of them running together.

He was going home today, his work in Atlanta completed. It
was a good investment and he would be happy to include it in the MEL Holdings
portfolio. He was sure Matt would be happy. He thought about the word 'happy'.
He decided it was the word people used to describe themselves when they weren't
pissed off.
Happy! Who the fuck is happy?
he thought.

After a couple more miles, Mark didn't think his body could
run another step, so he stopped the treadmill and gulped down a bottle of
Gatorade. Matt was happy. Janie was happy. His parents were happy. Mark
frowned. They were happy. He wasn't. And he knew why. 

*****

When Mark returned to his office in New York, he was in no
better mood than when he left. Matt had left a post-it on his desk asking him
to come see him as soon as he got in.

Mark knocked twice on Matt's door and pushed it open to find
Janie sitting on his desk, she and Matt in a heated embrace.

"Seriously?" Mark yelled.

Janie jumped and Matt grinned.

"You're back," he said.

"Obviously," Mark snarled. "You should at
least shut the door if you're gonna do this."

Janie blushed eight shades of red. Matt still hadn't
released her from his arms. She straightened her sweater and tried to stand up
but Matt kept her on the desk. She wriggled some more and he finally chuckled
and let her go.

"Sorry, Mark," she whispered.

"You have nothing to be sorry for," Matt grinned.
"This is my office and you are my wife. No apologies necessary."

Mark smiled. "Glad to see you guys are still in the
honeymoon phase. And it's already been... how long?"

"Almost six months," Janie smiled. "Six
months of heaven."

"Now I'm going to gag," Mark teased. "I got
your note. What's up?"

"Jill has left you."

"What?"

"She couldn't take you anymore. You snapped at her
repeatedly?"

Mark shook his head. "That's probably true."

"You're lucky she didn't file a complaint with
HR," Matt said, slight annoyance in his voice. "She’s now in legal.
You should send some kind of apology."

"Yeah, I should," Mark grumbled.

"I can leave," Janie offered.

"No, it's fine," Mark replied. "I'm the
jerk."

"You're not a jerk!" Janie exclaimed.

"Yeah, he is!" Matt grinned.

"Thanks for the support," Mark whined.

"What is going on here?" Janie was totally
confused.

Mark looked at her and then at Matt. "I probably need a
vacation."

"Can you go to Seattle?" Matt asked.

"Why?"

"I heard rumors that there is a condo building going
into bankruptcy on Queen Anne hill," Matt said.

"You want me to go all the way there for a condo
building?" Mark was shocked.

"Well, if my source is correct, they own several
buildings. This is the first going under. Maybe we could snatch them all. I'll
email you the info."

"Okay, I guess I can. The vacation can wait. When
should I leave?"

"Tomorrow?"

It was hard to believe that six months had passed since
Katy's traumatic ordeal. She sat in the locker room at the hospital after her
shift amazed that she had not only survived, but that she’d been doing pretty
well the past couple of weeks. She felt she’d 'turned the corner' so to speak
and was well on the way to feeling whole again. She had Dr. LaVaughn and Sarah
to thank for that but it was Mark to whom she owed the most.

She thought about him all the time, but he hadn't made
contact since he left after the sentencing hearing and she hadn't tried to
contact him. She assumed that her assumption had been correct; that she came
with just too much baggage for him to overlook. Even if he was interested, it
just wouldn’t work. Katy couldn't fault him for that. She figured it would take
a very special man to be able to deal with all the shit she'd been through.
Sadly though, it wasn't going to be him. But she was very grateful for all he
had done to help her through those dark days. He had been her hero.