First Light (38 page)

‘I can’t believe Daddy did this to us,’ her voice softened and she perched on the edge of the sofa. Looking at her nails, her gaze never met mine. Rachel wasn’t good at saying sorry. I pulled her so she slipped into the leather cushions beside me and wrapped my arms around her.

‘It’s going to be okay, Rach. I have my job, you have yours. We can keep our house, we just need to sort out some finances. We’ll be okay.’

I watched as a tear ran down her cheek. It had been a long time since I’d seen her so upset.

‘I promise you, it’s going to be okay,’ I repeated, tucking a strand of her silk blonde hair behind one ear.

‘It’s just so hard to believe he left us with nothing. I never knew. All that time and I never knew he had a gambling problem.’

‘I didn’t know either. He kept it from both of us.’ I squeezed her tightly. ‘We just have to stick together now. You and me.’

She whipped her head away from me and sat back with her arms folded across her chest.

I flinched. ‘What’s wrong now?’

‘Sticking together doesn’t seem to be an option for us any more, Ronnie. Not while you’re seeing that hooligan boyfriend of yours. You have to choose.’

‘Oh, come on, Rachel, don’t be ridiculous!’

‘Ridiculous? So you don’t believe me or you just like murderers?’ She was screaming now, suddenly hysterical again.

‘Murderer? You’re being melodramatic.’ I began to panic. What did she know? Had Andrews been to visit her?

‘You should have made the right choice on your own, Veronica. I didn’t want to have to tell you this, but your thug boyfriend has killed four people!’

I sucked in a breath.

‘Enough,’ I said without looking at her. ‘I can’t listen to you any more. Sometimes I think I’m the adult and you’re the child.’

Pushing her hair back from her face, she grabbed at the remote control, flicked on the television and found BBC News.

I forced myself to watch. A wave of nausea ripped through me. Rachel was muttering that she was sorry she had to be the one to tell me and I tried to block her out, reading the words running along the bottom of the screen.

Four Men Killed in Kitchen Blaze

“
A house fire, has today claimed the lives of four men in their thirties. The victims were said to be part of an infamous Cowford gang and were wanted for questioning in a number of gang-related incidents. No foul play is suspected.”

Photos of the victims filled the screen, like a silent alarm shattering my world.

‘That’s them, right? You told me who they were, the ones who jumped you and your boyfriend. They used to come to The Chasers Arms when I was younger. I remember them.’

‘They were, killed – in a kitchen fire.’ My eyes refused to look away. Pictures of the building in flames flashed up on the screen, burning into my soul.

‘Oh, please, Veronica, open your eyes! The police may be foolish enough to believe that, but I don’t believe in coincidences and from the look on your face neither do you.’

‘Get out,’ I managed, my voice a hoarse whisper.

‘Ronnie, I’m sorry I had to be the one to–’

‘GET OUT!’ I heard myself scream, but I couldn’t believe the sound came from inside me. I looked at my sister before she left. Despite her apology there was no sympathy in her eyes. I suppose I didn’t deserve any, but I couldn’t understand her smugness. Did my own sister really hate me that much?

41 – Consequences

Sleep refused to come.
I willed it at first, desperate for a few hours’ peace, but after tossing and turning for what felt like an eternity I wrapped myself in an old sleeping bag and sat on a bench in the back garden. Even at night I could see the tall trees of the forest, adjacent to the rolling fields that seemed to go on for ever, only instead of being the usual shades of green, yellow and gold, they were covered in night’s purple, blue and silver.

Kalen was ignoring my text messages, but I didn't know what to say to him even if he replied. What was I supposed to do now? The question weighted me down. I knew what Kalen was; it wasn’t right, of that I was certain. He had killed people before – probably more than I was willing to believe – but did that mean he was guilty of what Rachel accused him? And if he were, if he really had gone back and murdered his captors in cold blood, could I still love him? I considered his past, telling myself that the people he had killed were bad people, dangerous people. His actions were just like those of anyone who joins the army, anyone who has to fight in a war. But I knew nothing of war. I’d never had to experience anything to make me question my morals or my soul. Until now.

I sighed as I wondered if Kalen had taken four lives in the short time we had been apart. It was possible, and after what they did to him it should have been probable. Still, something didn’t feel right. Kalen was better than that. I was sure of it.

I awoke to a squirrel foraging on the bench next to me. The sun had already risen. As I moved, the tiny animal scurried away. I’d fallen asleep. Cursing, I rushed to get ready and headed for the mansion. I owed Kalen a chance to explain and I still hadn't told him about Andrews.

But he wasn’t there. None of them were. Ignoring my rising panic, I wandered back through town.
It didn’t mean anything,
I told myself. They could all be out running. It didn’t mean they'd left.

Eventually noticing my surroundings, I realised I’d gravitated to the alleyway where Kal had first dropped into my life. The same one where he’d shown me Clanots Ocean from the sky. In that moment a swell of emotion balled like a fist in my chest. A feeling I knew to be complete unconditional love for him.

Closing my eyes, I tried to tell myself that I wasn’t a bad person, that
he
wasn’t a bad person. Yet, at the back of my mind, my sister’s voice grew louder. She’d warned me, more than once, and it was as if the truth of her words had been lost on me because of how I felt about him. But in the harsh light of day – in a blinding light I couldn’t hide from, away from the dreaming and fantasy – I was dating a killer who had potentially killed as recently as yesterday in a fit of rage.

I sank to the ground and sat among the rubbish. I felt as though I belonged there.

***

‘Where have you been?’ Kal asked when I arrived home some three hours later to find he was already there. ‘I got a phone so we could keep in contact and you don’t even take yours out with you?’

I discarded my bag on the kitchen counter. ‘I thought you were mad at me?' I pointed out. 'You didn't answer my texts.'

He softened. ‘I could never stay mad at you, Red. You’re the only thing that makes me happy.’

I gazed at his kind sweet smile and my fears began to melt, but as I reached his eyes, I saw the one part of him that told me what I feared could be true. I looked away.

‘
How did you get in?’ I asked, without caring about the answer.

‘I broke in. Don’t worry, everything’s as it should be, no damage. Hey I have a gift for you.’ He looked pleased with himself, his voice brimming with excitement, but his smile quickly faltered. ‘Red, what’s wrong?’

I searched his eyes for the truth, better yet, a magic spell that would take away any responsibility I felt for the deaths hanging over my head.

‘Tell me what’s happened,’ he repeated with more authority.

‘I found something out last night.’

‘You’re going somewhere with this?’ His dark eyes penetrated mine. I wanted to ignore my feelings, to pretend everything was okay because of those eyes, yet it was exactly those eyes that told me I was far from okay.

‘Kal, have you seen the news?’

‘I have,’ he stated blackly. ‘I had nothing to do with that.’

‘I want to believe you, but they hurt you so badly, I almost couldn’t blame you for wanting revenge. Someone like you, so strong and capable, it would be naive of me to think you wouldn’t want retribution. But in ignoring it, I’m responsible too.’

His shoulders slumped. He stood by the window and stared out. When he finally spoke, his voice was low and tight. He barely sounded like himself.

‘It was difficult. You know me well, Ronnie, but you don’t know everything. I think you underestimate me, or the effect you’ve had on me. I didn’t take any revenge, because of
you
. It’s really that simple. They mean nothing in the scheme of my life now. What happened with them is nothing in comparison to the things I’ve seen and been through – things I’ve already done.

‘Leaving the project was my freedom. I never wanted to take a life and I don’t intend to again. I could have killed every one of them while they were torturing me if I’d wanted. Do you know that? You really think some thugs would be all it took for me to ruin what I have with you? If anything, it’s because of that incident that we’re together. I’d thank them if I could. It hurts to believe you think that of me. You of all people.’

‘I’m just scared,’ I whispered, what felt like a rock was lodged in my throat.

‘Of?’

‘Of being a bad person, of turning a blind eye because of the way I feel about you. I’m scared my father would be disappointed in me.’

He was by my side in a second, crouched down and looking up at my face. ‘You could never be a bad person. Your goodness is why I am so in lo– please, Red, please don’t do this. If you don’t believe in me, I have nothing.’

I tried to contemplate how I was going to make things good again. Good for Rachel, good for Kalen and somewhere in the scheme of things, good for me. As long as there were people I loved who hated Kal, I’d always be hurting someone.

‘Kal, I have to tell you something,’ I began, my gut wrenching with each word. ‘I had a visit yesterday–’

A loud banging sounded from the front door. I got up and looked out the bay window, with Kal close behind me. My mouth dropped open at the scene in front of me. At least twenty people were gathered in my front garden – and they didn’t look happy.

42 – The Mob

Kalen muttered something in a language I didn’t recognise.
Definitely a curse.

‘Do you know what they’re doing here?’ I asked.

‘I’m assuming they’re here to see me off.’

‘They’re morons! Please, let’s just ignore them.’

Lifting his shoulders he said, ‘Morons or not, this means my time’s run out, I have to leave. So I guess you can sleep easy.’

‘I’ll handle this,’ I almost begged. I cursed Rachel and her stupid misplaced loyalty, trying now to be my parent after so many years. Storming out of the living room and towards the front door, I yanked it open, coming face to face with Jared, a group of his friends gathered close behind him, looking ready to carry Kalen out if they had to.
I’d like to see them try
, I thought darkly.

‘Jared,’ I fumed, ‘why are you doing this?’

‘Ronnie, you’ve been given every opportunity to get rid of these hooligans. I won’t be threatened by a teenager. We’re going to do something about it if you’re not.’

I looked behind him at the sea of faces. I recognised them all. I could see from their expressions that some were there to back up Jared, but some were just interested to see what was going to happen.

‘Jar, you and Rachel can’t tell me what to do any more. I’m eighteen.’

His face contorted into a sneer and in that instant I knew he hated me. He’d instigated it all – I should have known Rachel wasn’t remotely vicious enough to come up with such a plan.

‘You’re living in this big house all by yourself Ronnie, you’re just a child and you’re putting everyone here in danger.’

‘Oh really, how’s that? Seeing as you guys are the ones at my door, not the other way around.’

‘He killed those men.’

‘Oh the men who put me in hospital, you mean? You have no proof that their deaths were anything but an accident.’