First Man (15 page)

Oxygen was rapidly becoming an issue, so I pulled back, just enough to breathe her name against her mouth, and I almost laughed at the perfect irony of her name. Ember. She was truly a lovely way to burn.

That infernal bell rang, shattering the illusion of solitude we’d created in the each other’s arms with the crashing sound of reality.

She was a student.

She was
my
student.

“We can’t.” I hated saying the words, and I didn’t bother trying to hide my relief when she immediately brushed off my concerns.

“I know. But I still want to.” I tried to look anywhere but her face, knowing that I couldn’t look at her and tell her that this meant nothing. “Adam look at me.” I couldn’t deny her anything, and her face was far from the storm of emotions I was certain mine reflected.

She looked calm, even serene. Her lips were red, looking bitten and well-kissed. The flush across her cheeks wasn’t from the cold March air anymore. She said something about coming back after classes ended to talk but I barely registered her words.

She surprised me with another kiss, short and almost chaste, and then she was gone.

I closed the door behind her, shutting out the din of the students changing classes, and sank down into my chair, my mind reeling.

“What the hell did you do, Adam?” I muttered to myself, wishing I was the type of person who kept a flask in his desk, 11AM hour be damned.

She was so young. Eighteen or not, she was my student. My job was to teach her, but all I could think of was getting her back in this room, locking the door and taking her on my desk.

That kiss had broken the dam within me, and every emotion and illicit thought that had crossed my mind about Ember came flooding to the surface. The way she bit her lip when she concentrated. The subtle sway of her hips when she walked. The endless fuzzy sweaters she wore.

How long had this been brewing between us?

I felt like a fool for not noticing it. She lingered in my office far longer than was necessary for our meetings, showing up after school ended for the day and even popping in for a quick hello between classes. And I’d been made happy by those visits and the lively conversations that followed them.

One of us had certainly been acting like a swooning schoolgirl, and it wasn’t Ember.

I taught my remaining classes on autopilot, and I couldn’t have recalled what I or any of my students said if my life depended on it. I was immensely grateful that Ember’s early morning class had already come and gone. I never would have had enough control to keep my emotions off my face with her sitting in my classroom.

The hours until the final bell dragged like days. I had the final period of the day free, and I went into the faculty lounge, hoping a cup of strong coffee might fortify my nerves. Laura was sitting at one of the small tables, grading a stack of essays. “Afternoon, Adam,” she said absently when I walked in.

I replied with a curt greeting as I poured my coffee, thankful that Laura was the only other teacher in the office. I doubted my tattered nerves have endured the inane chatter of a group of gossiping teachers. I tried to make a hasty exit with my coffee, but a talkative mood seemed to suddenly strike Laura.

“How’s that independent study with Ember going?” she asked, putting down her pen and turning her full attention onto me.

I inwardly winced, hoping my face didn’t resemble a deer in headlights as much as I felt it did. “Great,” I answered. “She turned in a first draft today. I’ve only had time to give it a quick read through, but I’m pleased with her efforts thus far.” Every word seemed to have taken on another meaning in the last few hours, and my guilty mind imagined that Laura knew exactly what Ember had done to
please
me earlier.

“I’d definitely like to see a copy of the final once she gets that to you. Fantasy literature was never my cup of tea, but maybe she can convince me otherwise.”

“Of course,” I agreed robotically. “I’m going to go get caught up on some grading myself. Those essays do pile up, don’t they?” I made my escape before Laura could rope me more fully into conversation and shut myself back into the solitude of my office to wait for the end of the day and Ember’s arrival.

I knew what I needed to do. I needed to tell her that the kiss had been a mistake that would never happen again. Discontinuing her independent study would have aroused far too much suspicion among the faculty, and I had no desire to punish Ember for my lapse in judgment, but the study sessions in my office had to be immediately discontinued. We’d work in the library from now on. I didn’t trust myself to be alone with her.

The bell rang, the loud jangle picking at my frayed nerves even more. The minutes ticked by as I waited for her to arrive, not even bothering with the illusion of distracting myself with grading.

The doorknob turned and Ember appeared in my doorway. She closed the heavy wooden door behind her and clicked the lock, ensuring we wouldn’t be disturbed. I opened my mouth to speak, but she cut me off with a raised hand.

“I know you’ve probably spent the last few hours convincing yourself that this was all your doing and that you’re a horrible person for taking advantage of an innocent young girl. But you’re wrong on both counts.” She dropped her backpack and coat on the floor, not bothering to look where they landed. “I kissed you. I wanted to. And I want to do it again.” She crept closer to me, moving slowly around the barrier of the desk. She stood beside me, beautiful and fearless and so sure that what she was doing was right.

“If you can really look me in the eyes and say you don’t want this as much as I do, I’ll go right now. I’ll finish my paper, and I’ll come to class, and I won’t say another word.” I looked up into her clear blue eyes and saw the plea for truth in them. I could lie to her and kill this thing growing between us before it ever had a chance to blossom, or I could take what I wanted and risk damning us both.

In one quick motion, I pulled her down onto my lap and her mouth was on my own, kissing with the desperation of two lonely souls finally discovering each other. My hands tangled in her windblown hair, and I ceased caring about the rules or what would happen to both our lives if we were discovered. There was just her lips against mine and the web of her long limbs pressing against my own.

And we were both lost.

SLOW BURN

Ember

M
ost people never wake up one morning knowing that their life will change completely that day. Maybe on the first day of college or a new job, we’ll think things will be different, but what of those regular days? I certainly didn’t walk into school on an ordinary Monday in March expecting to spend two hours wrapped in my teacher’s arms.

I’d expected him to tell me our first kiss had been a mistake, but I don’t think even he realized how stricken he looked when I walked in. The thought that he’d been spending hours hating himself for tainting some imaginary virtue of mine angered me more than I expected.

I silenced whatever words he had prepared with a few of my own, even offering him an out if he really wanted to take it. I meant what I said. I wasn’t going to moon after him like a lovesick little girl if he really wanted to write that kiss off as a mistake.

I stood beside him, anticipating a bit more proper British protestations but instead he surprised us both by yanking me down onto his lap and answering with another kiss.

My limited sexual experiences had been unimpressive to say the least. Intellectually, I knew my body was built with the capacity for immense pleasure, but teenage boys aren’t terribly giving in any aspects.

Cloistered inside Adam’s office, I felt the ice that had settled around my heart for the last two years crack. Like a spring thaw, my rivers crested and flowed under his touch. I forgot that we were in his office, separated from the eyes of the other students and faculty by just a few inches of worn oak.

We pulled apart for a moment, both of us breathing hard, and Adam gazed up at me with a look of wonderment, like he almost couldn’t believe I was real. “Ember,” he said, twisting a strand of my hair around his finger. “We need to make some rules, if this is going to happen.”

“Mmm-hmm,” I agreed, kissing his neck. His adam’s apple bobbed beneath my lips as he swallowed reflexively. “Rules are good. Rule #1 – we do this at least once a day.” I pushed my hands down his chest, feeling the muscles beneath the baggy wool sweater he wore. My hands reached his belt, and I felt him tense. He grabbed my wrists, preventing me from going any farther.

“No. Not yet.” My head snapped up, but it was my turn to fall silent. “Believe me, I want you, Ember. You have no idea how much, but this means something. The first time I make love to you isn’t going to be on the floor of my office, worrying that a janitor’s going to walk in.”

I shivered at his words. “I hope that’s a promise.”

Adam nodded solemnly. “I’ve never been more serious, Ember.” He gave me one last lingering kiss before saying reluctantly, “I should drive you home.”

“My car’s here.” I climbed off his lap and immediately missed the contact. “And you being seen driving me home probably isn’t the best idea.” I tried to smooth my messy hair and rumbled clothes. “How do I look?” I asked, picking my coat up from where I’d carelessly tossed it earlier.

“Beautiful.”

Dusk had fallen while we’d been hiding away in Adam’s windowless office. The night air swirled around me, bringing with it the scents of rain and soil. Spring rode in on that breeze.

I wanted to tell someone. The heat of Adam’s affection warmed me from the inside out, and I wished, for just a moment, that I was one of those giggling girls who would spend hours every night with a phone glued to her ear. Even if our budding relationship didn’t require total secrecy, the only person I could really imagine wanting to talk with was. . . Adam.

I sat in my car with the heat running, trying to force myself to drive home. I didn’t want to walk up my driveway and see my mother cooking dinner through the kitchen window while my father continued his perpetual battle with ice on the front steps. Coming back to reality after hours of losing myself with Adam just felt too jarring.