Firsts (2 page)

And she did…as a friend. She loved himas a friend . It ended there. The second they'd become freshmen, Savannah's heart had become the property of Daniel O'Malley, resident big-headed stereotype. Flash a smile, offer an arm, fuck a girl silly, and cast her aside. Thorn had never known hate until he'd met Daniel, a world-class womanizer, and no female, intelligent or otherwise, saw it until she got a close-up look. Thorn had warned Savannah left and right, but a girl in love couldn't be talked down, even if the asshole barely acknowledged her existence. For two years, Savannah had embarrassed herself with a variety of techniques to get Daniel's attention, all failing until last year when she'd lost the braces, dyed her hair blonde, learned how to apply makeup, and essentially morphed into every man's fantasy.

Every man's.

Including Daniel's.

God, those months had been the longest of his life. Imagining her and Daniel together, filing Savannah's face into the roster of women Daniel had used and abused. Picturing her smiles aimed at the last person in the world who deserved them. Tormented by images of the enormous ponce's hands touching what belonged to Thorn.

The only reason Thorn had dated Paige had come from an attempt to one-up Savannah, and God, talk about rotten mistakes. But he'd needed a distraction, and she'd provided it. Provided it and taken his virginity in the process… Something he wasn't particularly proud of, but he couldn't do anything about it now except learn from his mistakes. Sex for the sake of getting back at Savannah had only made him miserable. And Paige, God's gift to drunkards and desperates, had become exceptionally clingy.

But she'd known. Paige couldn't tie her shoelaces, but she'd known he only dated her to get over someone else. Thank the bloody gods she'd never figured thesomeone else had Savannah's face.

He'd only gone that far with Paige because he stood convinced Savannah had gotten it from Daniel, who operated only to fulfill his own pleasures. Daniel used the girls who hung on his every word; if he didn't get laid, he didn't see a reason to spend money on them. But Savannah hadn't given it up, and ultimately she'd found herself single.

She hadn't felt ready.

Neither had Thorn, but only because he'd made the leap without her. His body belonged to Savannah. She just didn't know it.

“That was really uncalled-for,” she said at last, jarring him back.

Thorn drew in a deep breath and nodded. “I know, love. I'm sorry.”

“This is important to me.”

“I know.”

“We're both consenting adults…”

Thorn chuckled at that. “Wouldn't much matter across the pond, but now that you mention it, you've been eighteen all of, what, three weeks?”

“Still eighteen. I am of age, and I'm going to college in the fall, and I want this done.”

“Good for you.”

“Hey, you'll still reach twenty before I do, so unless you want a bunch of old-man jokes, I'd can it.” Savannah inhaled deeply. “It has to be you.”

“Why?” he demanded. “If you don't trust the bloke you're thinking of shagging, seems the reasonable thing would be not to shag him.”

Savannah's eyes darkened. “I am not asking you because I want to shag…erm…have sex with anyone. I just think it'd be easier with you.”

“Why's that?”

“Duh! Have you been listening? Because I trust you, dickhead.”

Thorn smothered a grin, glancing down before amusement could tickle his eyes. “Thanks ever so,” he replied, not insincerely. “But sex changes things, love. You don't think it will, but it does, and I don't want things between us to change.”

That wasn't even a little honest, but better this lie than a different one, or worse, the truth.

“And you speak from your massive experience.”

“Don't need experience to know it. And that's not the point.”

“I heard Paige talking about you.”

His jaw tightened. “Good for you,” he growled through his teeth.

“We never talked about dating other people, did we? I mean, I didn't date anyone until Daniel and then you were with Paige. It wasn't weird, was it? We've been friends so long, and we never really discussed the…what-happens-when-we-start-dating thing.”

Thorn had to keep from growling at the git's name. He'd spent three long, agonizing weeks with Savannah's head buried on his shoulder, her body trembling with heart-crushed sobs. After the first weekend drying her tears, he'd confronted Daniel in the locker room, given him a shiner and a cracked rib, and due to the big sod's ego, managed to evade punishment. The coach hadn't interrogated anyone, and no one had offered explanations. Thorn had long ago resigned himself to the fact that Daniel was only popular because his friends were too terrified tonot kiss the jerk's ass. The locker-room run-in had only confirmed his theory.

He hadn't told Savannah about that…about socking Daniel. No one had. To do so would demand explanation, and while the “he made my best friend cry” excuse was one he had on reserve if ever asked, it would still leave many questions unanswered. On Daniel's part, the enormous wanker had merely shown up for school three days later with a black eye and an excuse not to participate in physical activities until his bone mended.

“We never talked,” Thorn agreed. “But I knew you fancied Daniel, so when he asked you out”—I wanted to bash his teeth in—“your answer wasn't a shock.”

“No,” Savannah replied slowly. “But your asking out Paige was.”

He sighed and fell silent. Couldn't contest the truth, and telling her he'd only asked out the empty-headed cheerleader because she had a head full of blonde hair and a reputation as fast and easy didn't make him sound like much of a prize either. And at the time, doing such had sounded like a good idea. As if he could get Savannah out of his head with a girl who had a future in the sex trade. He'd hoped she'd appear jealous, but she hadn't. She'd just made a snarky comment about his poor taste in women before returning to her ever-growing list of why Daniel stood out as the best thing since sliced bread.

“Yeah,” he said at last. “Just seemed like the thing to do at the time, I suppose.”

“And it wasn't.”

Thorn made a face. “Fuck no.”

If he didn't know better, he would have sworn her eyes brightened with relief. “Oh well…I, ummm…but you slept with her.”

Many times in the month since he and Paige went their separate ways, Thorn had felt inexplicably dirty for everything that had transpired, and the reasons behind it, but never had the shame heaved so potently that he couldn't look a person in the eye. His motives for dating the ditz in the first place might as well have been strewn across his brow; he'd never been very good at hiding things from Savannah—nothing except the big thing—which made explaining himself a trying venture. “Yeah,” he confessed, voice softer.

“And you can't stand her.”

“No.”

“But you can stand me.”

He rolled his eyes. “Savannah…”

“I'm just trying to follow your logic here. You don't like Paige. Even when you were dating her, you didn't like Paige.”

“Wanted to strangle her with her hair,” he agreed.

“But you still had sex with her.”

“I'm never gonna live that down, am I?” Thorn sighed and shook his head. “Look, I mean what I said. We've known each other since Dad and I moved here. You're…the best friend I've ever had, and I don't wanna bollocks it up by sleeping with you. And sex does change things, Savannah, no matter what you say. I don't wanna do this and lose you.”

Her eyes softened at that, a gentle sigh rolling off her shoulders. “You won't lose me, Wesley.”

“You say that now. If we do this—”

“If we do this?” she asked, her voice hitting a note. “You've gone from 'no way, no how' toif we do this.”

Thorn winced inwardly.Bollocks.

“Sex changes things,” he repeated lamely. “And I don't want things to change.”

Not like this.

“Did things change with you and Paige?” Savannah countered.

“Well, no.” He frowned. “I couldn't stand her before, and I couldn't stand her after. It didn't— ”

“Then I don't see—”

“We weredating . There's a difference.”

“And you couldn't stand her—”

“Right,” Thorn said shortly. “And I love you. Didn't fucking matter if Paige never spoke to me again, did it? But if this blows up in my face, I couldn't stand it.”

He stood staring at her, chest heaving, a dull ring piercing his skull. He was distantly aware that he'd said something he shouldn't have, but it didn't matter in that moment. Knowing Savannah, she wouldn't hear the sentiment behind it; she wouldn't pick up on the sincerity, the desperation, the truth in his words. Savannah couldn't fathom him in any other fashion but as her gal pal, only with one rather large exception. In her world, confessions of love didn't mean what they meant in his.

True to form, she smiled again. “I love you too, Wes,” she said in that totally platonic girl way. Thorn's spirits died. He exhaled a deep breath, hid his misery under a quick grin, and tried not to whimper when she continued. “That's why it has to be you. Nothing will change, I promise. It'll just be… We do this, and it'll be fine. We'll just…have done it and go on with our lives. It'll be fine.”

It crushed him to think she could actually do that. Share herself with him, open herself, give him her body to make his, and walk away the next day as though nothing had changed. But the sadder reality told him plainly she wasn't going to let him wiggle away from this; once she got an idea in her head, it seemed damn near impossible to get her to let go. It was one of the things he loved most about her.

On most days.

Days unlike this one, when the idea on which she fixated would destroy him.

To touch her but not have her…God , it'd kill him.

But he knew from experience he couldn't say no to her. If she didn't get him to cave now, it'd be later. Tomorrow or the next day…

She wanted him. If only for a night.

“Right,” Thorn said suddenly, shaking his head. “All right.”

Her face lit up. “Really? You'll do it?”

A small smile tugged his lips, even as his heart sank to his feet. “Yeah, I'll… If you… Yeah.”

She clapped and leaped off the table with an excited bounce. “Oh, Wes!” She grinned broadly, throwing her arms around his neck. “Thank you, thank you, thank you!”

His smile broadened of its own will. He hugged her to him and stole a quick whiff of her raspberry shampoo. God, she always smelled so good. “Not a bad gig, now that I think of it,” he murmured, not feeling a word. “Sex with no strings. Every bloke's dream, yeah?”

She snorted and whapped the back of his head playfully. “Jerk.”

“Gotta play the hand you're dealt, love.” He tugged her closer. “Uhhh…Savannah.”

“Yeah?”

“You understand we gotta be pretty physical if we're gonna shag, right?” He ran his fingers down her back, lingering on her bra band and plucking it once to give his words backing.

“Gonna see your goods and all that.”

If he didn't know better, he would have sworn she gasped. “Yeah, well,” she said quickly.

“You've seen me in a bikini, so…”

Thorn practically purred, arms tightening around her.Fuck yeah, I have . “Mmm…but I'll be seeing things I've never seen. Touching things I've never touched. Holding things I've never held.” His fingers began sliding down her back before resting at her sides, pausing, and slipping upward again. He couldn't stop himself; in easy seconds, he practically had a breast cradled in each palm. He heard her breath catch, felt her heart thundering against his fingers, felt every inch of her body tensing. Andfuck , it was intoxicating. “Kissing things I've never kissed…”

She inhaled sharply. “Kissing? Is…? Do we really need to…? We need kissing?”

This time when he grinned, every bit of it was genuine. “Come on, Savannah,” he purred. “If I'm gonna be inside you, a little kiss couldn't hurt.”

“Wesley—”

Everything switched to autopilot. He felt nothing but the drive: pure adrenaline pumping through his veins. Thorn drew back, cupping her cheeks and softly brushing his lips against hers.

And instantly the doors blockading his desire swung open, and he about fell to his knees. After so many years coveting her, wanting this, watching her flirt and play and look at him like he was anything but a living, need-having man, he had her taste in his mouth. Her soft, perfect mouth against his, resisting before a sigh rushed through her body and her lips parted. His tongue seized the invitation, delving inside warm, wet perfection, and he nearly tumbled apart when she moaned. She tasted like chocolate milk, smelled of her magnolia body spray, and felt so damn good in his arms, there was no way he'd make it out alive with even a shard of his broken heart.