Fistful of Roses (What a Woman Wants, Book 1) (13 page)

Her mother’s chest rose and fell rhythmically. Sophie thought about the heart that struggled underneath the frail rib cage. The monitors assured Sophie the weary organ continued to beat. What would that same monitor say about Sophie’s tonight?

“Ms. Hanson, the doctor is here, and he’d like to speak with you.”

Sophie’s reverie was broken by a nurse’s words. Something in her tone was a knell of epic proportions. Sophie nodded. The nurse left and she was alone with a young man, portly in stature but with a kind face and knowledgeable eyes.

“Ms. Hanson, I’m Dr. Carraway. I’ve assumed care of your mother. I’m glad you came in tonight.”

Eyes could tell a person everything. Ryan’s had spoken volumes tonight.

She closed her own eyes against the burn. “Pleasure to meet you, Dr. Carraway. Call me Sophie.”

“Tell me, would you like a cup of coffee?” He smiled and it was full of pity.

“I’m good tonight, I think. I just came in to talk to Mama.”

“Yes, well, I’m glad you did. Ms. Hanson—um, Sophie—your mom’s not doing well. I know you’re aware of her condition, but over the past few hours she’s deteriorated and the respirator is struggling to keep her alive at this point.”

Sophie looked at him sharply. Surely he wasn’t saying…

“Yes, Sophie. Your mom’s dying and there’s nothing I can do to stop it. I think she only has a few hours left. We tried to reach you earlier, but got no answer at your office or your cell.” He reached over and patted her shoulder awkwardly.

She drew in a shaky breath. The knife in her heart twisted. She didn’t cry. There weren’t any tears. Her eyes were on fire, but she couldn’t cry. Too much had happened a few hours ago, and no matter how bad this pain, she couldn’t afford to lose it. Not now.

She’d denied this time was so close. She was mentally unprepared for it. It had only been a few days since the stroke. “I was encouraged to make arrangements the day of the stroke, but I held out hope even though Dr. Morton told me it was a matter of time.” She took a deep breath, and her voice hitched. “Thank you for everything you’ve done for her. She’s comfortable, right?”
You can get through this, Soph. She hasn’t been Mama for a long time now
.

“She’s comfortable, but we’ll only remove the respirator when you tell us you’re ready,” he told her.

“Give me a little more time with her, Dr. Carraway. And I need to try to call my brother.”

“Let us know, Sophie. We’re here for you. Is there anyone you’d like me to contact?” he asked with a searching glance.

She shook her head and he faded away. She sat beside her mother and prayed before she picked up the phone and dialed Gigi’s number.

“I’m coming up there, Sophie. You need someone there with you,” her friend said.

“I’ll be fine, Gigi. I don’t have Gavin’s phone number anymore. When we get off, can you contact him and ask him to at least call up here? I doubt he’ll show up, but I need to let him know he doesn’t have much longer, couple hours, maybe less.”

“Dammit, Sophie, you aren’t doing this alone. I’m on my way.” Gigi hung up.

Sophie placed the phone in its cradle, hoping Gavin would call, knowing he wouldn’t. He had always kept in touch with Gigi for some reason. It was why Sophie had asked Gigi to contact him. The least judgmental person Sophie knew, Gigi had always had a soft spot for Sophie’s wayward brother.

She drew a shuddering breath. And then she talked to her mother.

For an hour, she reminisced about the good times. It took her no time at all to absolve the woman before her of any wrongdoing. She’d been broken early on, and she’d done the best she could by Sophie and Gavin.

Andromeda had just been too fragile for this world and too weak to overcome her addiction.

She called for Dr. Carraway and signed the papers to stop the respirator. He patted her hand and then left the room.

“I love you, Mama. I’ve always loved you,” Sophie whispered and felt a hand on her shoulder.

Gigi hugged her and sat beside her, holding her hand and offering her love and comfort. It was good she was there because Sophie was about to break.

“I told her she can go on. It’s time for her to be happy,” Sophie whispered.

Gigi nodded. “That’s a good thing, Phie. She deserves the rest.”

“I’m going to let her go, Gigi, because I love her.” Silence for a moment. “But I want her to stay, too, because I love her.” Her voice cracked. “I love her, Gigi.”

“Sophie, it’s time,” Dr. Carraway said in a quiet voice.

Sophie wiped her eyes, surprised to find the wetness on her cheeks. She looked at Gigi. “Did you get ahold of Gavin?”

Gigi shook her head and Sophie took a deep breath and then nodded at the doctor. “I can hold her hand, can’t I?”

“Of course. I’m going to shut the respirator off. You can be here as long as you need,” he assured her.

He moved to the other side of her mother’s bed and flipped a tiny black switch. The sound was a sonic boom in the stillness of the room.

“I’ll leave you now. We’re monitoring from the nurses’ station and the charge nurse is right here.”

“Thank you, Doctor.” Gigi stepped closer to hug Sophie.

Her mother’s face, once the most beautiful thing Sophie had ever seen, was lined with pain and the ravages of the drugs she had taken over the years. Her hair had long ago turned gray and fallen out in clumps. Her body was now just a defeated shell.

It didn’t take long, a sure indication that her mother was ready to move from one life to the next. Her chest continued to rise in front of Sophie’s eyes for a few minutes. Then it became slower and slower, until there was a shuddering breath and then no more.

Sophie stared hard, expecting it to rise again. Expecting her mother to miraculously breathe on her own. It didn’t happen. There were no miracles in Sophie Hanson’s life tonight. She held her mother’s hand, bowed her head, and wept. She wept for all the ways her mother had failed and been failed. She wept for herself and her brother and everything they’d not had in a mother. But mostly she wept because her mother had finally gained something Sophie had never been able to give her: peace.

Chapter 12

Four days later and the late afternoon sun shone like brilliant stardust on her mother’s silver casket. As they lowered her into the ground, Sophie decided sunshine was good. Clean and new, it would surely usher her mother into an eternity free of pain. Yeah. Sunshine was good today.

“Sophie, I’d like you to stay with me and Pops for a few days.” Gigi’s quiet voice came to her as if from a great distance.

Sophie looked up into the brilliant blue of the sky above her and knew a pain so great she almost staggered under its force.
Not yet, Sophie. Just a little longer, but not yet
.

“Sophie, did you hear me?” Gigi called to her as she grabbed her hand, and they started walking back to the small chapel on the cemetery grounds.

“I heard you, Gigi. And I appreciate the offer, but I need to go home and rest. It’s been a rough couple of days and I need some sleep. I’m fine.” She turned to her friend and offered a small smile. “I was holding out hope, but she’s gone now. I have to face it sooner or later, and I’d rather it be sooner.” She glanced around, the one face she wanted to see more than any other nowhere around.

“I called him but never got an answer,” Gigi said quietly.

Confusion fogged her brain for a moment. “Who?”

“Your brother.” Gigi tilted her head and scrunched her eyebrows together.

“Oh, yeah, I didn’t think you would. But I’d thought—” She trailed off, unsure what she’d thought actually. Her brother couldn’t probably care less their mother was dead. It was Ryan’d she’d irrationally been looking for.

“You’ve got meals for the next couple of days and work knows your mother passed. You may have to use some sick time, but they aren’t expecting you until next Monday.”

Sophie stopped and turned fully to her friend, grabbing her hands. “I appreciate you so much, Gigi. You have no idea. I know you missed work today, but I’m so glad you were here with me.”
Deep breath
. “I’ll be fine. I just need a few days to mourn.” Her words had gone thick. She swallowed and reached for control.

“I’ll call you tonight and make sure you don’t need anything. Sophie? Are you sure you’re okay?” Gigi peered at her, concern lining her face and dimming the brightness of her eyes.

“I’m a big girl. This is my path to walk. Touch base with me. I may need you in a couple of days, but I’m good right now.” Sophie hugged her tight.

“I’m sure Mr. Locke and Mr. Bent would have been here had they not been out of the country,” Gigi explained with a searching look.

Sophie kept her expression blank, though how she managed it was anyone’s guess. “I’m sure they would have. You go on now. Tell Pops thank you, and Gigi? I love you dearly.”

Gigi hugged her once more, kissed her on the cheek, and turned to leave. “You’ll call if you need anything, right?”

“I will,” Sophie said. “I promise.”

Gigi finally nodded and left.

Sophie was almost too tired to move, and there were still details to be hammered through before she was able to go home and rest.

“Ms. Hanson? If you’ll come this way, we’ll get you the memory book and flowers,” a kindly older man said.

“Thank you, sir. I’d appreciate it.”

Of course, there was also business to attend. She was paying for the funeral out of pocket. She’d taken a policy out on her mother a couple of years ago when she’d realized her mother was a walking time bomb. That policy would help her recoup some of her out-of-pocket expense, but the bill had to be paid in full. This particular funeral home didn’t do lease with an option to buy.

An hour later found Sophie unloading a single peace lily from her car. She carried it and the memory book into the house and locked up. She toed off her heels, unpinned her hat, and shed her coat, sinking wearily onto the couch with a harsh sigh. She’d yet to really cry, the tears still locked up tight. And she’d yet to acknowledge what had happened with Ryan almost a week ago.

Jesus, had it only been four, almost five, days ago she’d walked in on him and Gloria? It felt like an eternity, but that still wasn’t long enough to ease the pain of what she’d seen. Then her mother had passed that same night, and everything since had been a blur.

And it really wasn’t wise to think about Ryan Locke at this moment. All she wanted to do was get some sleep. The memory book taunted her. She’d had some old pictures of her, Gavin, and Mama from years ago, and she’d had the funeral home put them in the book. No one but she and Gigi had shown for the funeral. Mama hadn’t had many friends before she’d gotten so bad off, but not even her own son had come to her funeral.

It wasn’t surprising, but damn did it hurt. She fingered the cold gold filigree writing on the book and grimaced. Against her will, her fingers opened the book. The first picture was one of Mama holding her and Gavin. Gavin looked to be maybe a year old which put Sophie around two. Mama’s face was so proud.

A sharp ache ravaged her chest, and a lump formed in her throat. Picture after picture she flipped through, all reminding her of happier times. There was nothing after Sophie turned fifteen. Life had changed irrevocably then, and there’d been no more pictures. The ache blossomed into a full-fledged sting, but the lump in her throat never disappeared and her eyes remained dry.

Her mother had tried. She’d give her that. But Andromeda had been too weak and too obsessed with her own needs to care for Gavin and Sophie. She leaned her head back against the couch and breathed in roughly.

Memories flashed through her mind, flitting from happy to sad, scared to mad. Life with her mother had been a beautiful kind of hell. She’d been loving until the drugs and codependence on mean men had destroyed her. Afterward she’d been a shell of that woman. Angry bitterness had destroyed her capacity to love.

Sophie laid the book down and folded herself into a ball on the couch. There were too many memories there, and for now, she just wanted to sleep. The silence pressed down on her, only the grandfather clock in the foyer making noise as it ticked time down. Her heart slowed, beat in synchronicity with it, and her eyes grew heavy. A loud knock sounded at her door, followed by the doorbell.

She sat up, adrenaline pumping through her, making her shiver. Who the hell was that? Getting up, she walked to the door and called out, “Who is it?”

“It’s me, Sophie. Open up.”

Ryan
. She almost went to her knees, need and pain warring with each other until she didn’t know which hurt worse.

“Go away.”

“Sophie, open the damn door.” Frustration abounded in his tone.

She didn’t care. Sophie steeled herself and in a stronger voice said, “I said to leave. I don’t know what you want, but you don’t want it from me.”

“Goddamn it, Sophie Hanson. You open this door and say that to my face, and I’ll leave.”

If only she had the opportunity to say it as he had. “You know what the really good thing about having a dead bolt is, Mr. Locke?” Silence met her question. She pushed on. “It keeps unwanted people out of your house. Good-bye.”

She had just made it to her kitchen when her front door shut. She turned, and there he was, standing in her living room. Her mouth dropped open and a gasp escaped.

“That lock is nothing. I meant to tell you the other day you need a security system.”

She gaped at him, mouth opening and closing as she tried to figure out what the hell was going on.

“You broke into my house!”

“Yeah, you wouldn’t open the damn door.”

“Well now, Captain Obvious, I wonder why that is?” He winced, and her stupid heart ached to see it. She took a deep, cleansing breath and grabbed hold of her sanity. Heat like a supernova roiled through her body. She straightened her spine and walked toward him. His face hardened and his eyes glowed in the muted light of the early evening sun streaming through her front windows. He crossed his arms over his chest and raised an eyebrow at her.

Anger made her breaths short. Her nails dug into her palms as she came to within three feet of him. Any closer and his heat would draw her, make her lose her mind.