Fitting The Pieces (The Riverdale Series Book 3) (25 page)

           
“Is everything okay?” Cara asked
perching her head on the palm of her hand.

           
“Yeah, just a bad dream. She’s
sleeping.” He said softly as he stepped closer to the bed. “You okay?”

           
 
“I borrowed some more of your clothes.”

           
“Are you planning on giving them
back?” He asked lightly and sat on the edge of the bed, kicking off his boots.

           
“I haven’t decided yet.” She said
smiling as she stared at his back. He pulled his shirt over his head, but kept
his jeans on as he slid into bed next to her, leaning against the headboard.
His eyes found hers and even though just minutes ago, he had her half undressed
begging for his touch, he sensed her head got the best of her and the mood was
lost.

           
“You’re a great dad.” She stated as
she wrapped an arm around his stomach hugged him to her.

           
“Thank you.” He said, pressing a
kiss to the top of her head. “She makes it easy.” He wrapped both arms around
her.

           
“I should sleep on the couch.” She
said and the moment the words left her lips she felt him tense. “I mean, if Ava
wakes again, what will she think?”

           
“That daddy and Cara are sleeping.”
Luke said with half a smile. “It’s fine…” It dawned on him that he had spent
most of the night speaking of his past when hers was thrown in her face today.

           
 
“Do you know what you’re going to do about
your dad?” He asked softly into her hair.

           
“He’s not my dad.” She said
thoughtfully. “I mean he is but, maybe he’s her dad, but he was never a
dad
to me, you know?” She paused a
moment to right what she wanted to say. “He was nothing like what you are to
Ava, so to me he doesn’t deserve to be a dad not like you do.”

           
“He lost out on having an amazing
daughter in his life.” Luke said while he stroked her back.

           
“Damn straight.” She said trying to
sound lighthearted. Her mind wandered to the young girl who rang up her sale,
with the same eyes as Cara’s, her sister.

           
“I was fifteen when I left for good
and started to stay with your family. That girl I saw today she’s just about
fifteen.” She blew out a breath. “He seemed like the perfect father to her, but
I know the animal he’s a capable of being. I mean, if I forget today ever
happened and he hurt her, that’s on me, because I could’ve stopped it.” She
propped her head up and looked up at him. “Do you think I should leave it alone
or do you think I should pursue it?”

           
“That’s your call, but maybe even if
there is nothing left to salvage with your old man, there is a chance you can
get to know your sister.” He pressed his lips to the top of her head.

           
“It’s definitely something to think
about…” She said, holding back a yawn.

           
Luke reached over to the nightstand
and switched off the lamp before settling back against the head board wrapping
Cara in his arms.

           
“Whatever you decide I’m with you,
all the way.” He paused. “Get some rest Spunky.”

           
She turned in his arms and leaned up
pressing her mouth softly to his. It was a kiss of promise.
 
In that moment she promised silently that she
would continue to try to find herself so that she could be whole and give
herself to him body and soul.

           
It was Christmas Eve, and his family
was in Cabo preparing for Sam and Nick’s wedding. Luke had left Cara and Ava
amongst all different types of cookie dough as they turned his kitchen into a
cookie factory. They had been at it for hours before Luke actually decided to
take a ride, deciding that if he sampled another cookie he’d burst or end up in
a sugar coma.

           
He climbed the grassy hill of the
cemetery with the tattered envelope in his hand. He didn’t plan on visiting
Jake. It was more of a spur of the moment type thing than anything else. He was
sitting in his living room, staring at the Christmas tree, listening to the
giggles that sounded from his kitchen and the urge snuck up on him, the urge to
wish his brother a Merry Christmas in heaven.

           
He hadn’t visited his brother in
months, since Cara had been in Lakeview. Starring at the flowers, trinkets, and
a Christmas tree that adorned his grave site, Luke was suddenly consumed with
his guilt. It was as if everyone but him had been a constant visitor. He was
about to turn on his heel and make his way down the path he came feeling too
ashamed to stay,
 
but he stopped
himself.
 
He took a deep breath, being a
coward was not his style, turning back he stared at his brother’s headstone all
the while clutching the sealed envelope he had been carrying for months.

           
“Hey Jake…
 
Merry Christmas,” he said hoarsely and
kneeled down on one knee as he ran his fingers along the words carved into
stone that read beloved brother. He realized then that part of the reason he
hadn’t been there to pay his respects was the fact that he didn’t know where to
start. Should he start with all the reasons he was sorry? He felt ridiculous
pouring his heart and soul to a slab of granite, but what choice did he have?
That’s all there was left of their brotherhood.

           
“Christ…” he blew out a breath. “I
still can’t believe you’re gone.” He whispered softly and looked down at the
grass. “I stopped asking God why he took you and not me. He never answers. Come
to think of it no one answers any of my questions. The one question I struggle
with the most is how come I couldn’t save you?” He felt tears well in his eyes
and cursed himself for being emotional. What good were his tears they wouldn’t
bring back his brother? “I don’t know Jake, I thought it was my job to protect
you. I thought I was supposed to have all the answers because I was your big
brother. When you came to the garage with the test results I was so nervous
because I needed to be the one to save you. I needed to be able to give you
back your life. Even if Sam was the donor it wouldn’t have been good enough for
me, it had to be me. In my head, in my heart, I needed to be the one. You were
my kid brother. The kid I built forts with and played tag with. The kid I
shared a room with and would stay up late with reading scary stories to, the
kid that looked up to me like I had all the answers, like I was some sort of
super hero. I guess somewhere along the lines I began to believe I did have the
answers. God showed me that I didn’t. I just wish he didn’t use you to prove to
me that I couldn’t fix everything.” He looked up and swallowed hard.

           
“I relive the day I sat at your
bedside, the day you died, every day. Those last few words, we had are burned
into my memory. You asked me to take care of Cara. I don’t know why when I failed
you so badly. And then you cut me when you told me you could always count on
me. Your words sliced right through me and have been every day since you said
them to me. I failed you. I couldn’t save you, but I failed you in a much worse
of way. I can’t even be ashamed because as much as I want you here, alive and
well, I want her. I would move heaven and earth for you to be here right now,
but that would mean I could never have Cara and I’m not so sure I could give
her up. In fact, I know I wouldn’t. I’d bring you back and I’d fail you again
because I would not let go of what you gave me. I’m sorry brother… so sorry,
but I love her. It’s crazy how I feel about her. It’s like nothing I’ve ever
known before and I swear to you I tried to fight it. After Marie, I made sure
to keep that shit under lock and key, never let a goddamn woman in and the one
woman I had no business letting in got me. I tried not to fall in love with
your woman but she wiggled her way deep, Jake, so deep, that I sometimes feel
like I’m drowning in her. I don’t ever want to come up for air either.”

           
He took a deep breath. It felt good
to spill his secret, but it felt wrong still to share it with Jake. He turned
the envelope in his hand over and shoved his finger into the slight opening at the
end and began to lift the seal. Luke pulled the folded paper out of the
envelope and unfolded it. He took in a sharp breath when he saw his brother’s
familiar writing.

Dear Luke,

What’s shaking
brother? I bet you miss me. I’d miss me too. I’m kind of a big deal. Anyway, I
know you and you’re probably frowning reading this, but I want you to turn that
shit upside down and pay attention to what I have to say to you. I don’t write
letters, but then again, I didn’t think I’d go and get sick either. I’ve been
writing everyone though, not just you so don’t go and get a big head. I’ve set
shit up for when Nick and Sam get married, because brother, they’re going to
get married one day and you need to accept that. I’ve made sure that for the
next twenty years mom will get a bouquet of flowers from me on Mother’s day,
ensuring my spot as her favorite son. Ha! And on the first father’s day that
I’m gone, dad will begin his enrollment in a cigar club. The man will probably
never smoke a full one in his life, but he likes to look at them and that way
his humidifier will always be full. You know as much as I do he just likes to
collect them shits.

Anyway, that
leaves you. You were the hardest person for me to leave a piece of me too. I
struggled because it had to be perfect because you’ve always been the perfect
brother. Shit, you were my hero, and will be until I draw my last breath. I
thought long and hard, and realized you’ve shared everything with me. I mean
literally, everything from toys, to friends, to your wisdom. That reminds me I
should probably thank mom and dad for teaching us how to share. Be right back,
have to jot that down. It gets confusing when you’re writing to a bunch of
people. Okay, I’m back, where was I? Oh right, so you shared everything with me,
even at the end you shared your damn bone marrow with me. So I was sitting
outside one day smoking the weed Pop got me, shut up, he made me swear not to
tell mom. He really does have a guy go figure. So back to me sitting in the
yard smoking, I remembered the night I raced and how you came into Riverdale
Ink looking to talk.

Dude, I’m not
going to lie, it was one of the most profound moments of my life. There was my
big brother, who had all his ducks in a fucking row, pouring out his
frustrations to me, ME of all people. Man, I felt important. I didn’t think you
ever let shit get to you, it was pretty cool to find out you were human after
all. I looked into your eyes and for the first time I saw the pain in them and
I heard the fear in your voice. I told you that one day you’d find someone and
that missing piece would be complete. It wouldn’t be you and Ava by yourselves
forever. There was someone out there for you. Maybe she didn’t make it to your
life yet, or maybe she did and it just wasn’t your time. But there would be
someone one day to fit the pieces.

I found myself
thinking about that conversation a lot and the more I did, the more I wished I
could’ve been around to see you finally happy and with a family. But then my
plan would’ve gone to shit and it’s a really good plan. Like the plan of all
plans. I’m so fucking proud I came up with it. I’m grinning right now as I
write this because I finally can give you something back. I can pay you back
for always being my hero. I’m leaving you my most prized possession. I’m giving
you your missing piece.

Did you figure
it out yet? Maybe you didn’t. Maybe you read this letter sooner than you should
have. Or maybe you held onto it. Either way you need to listen. This is the
part where you’re supposed to really pay attention. I’m going to ask you one
more favor. When I know all my chances are shot to hell and that I’m knocking
on heaven’s door, I’m going to ask you to look after Cara. I’m going to make
you promise me that you’ll take care of her, to see that my girl gets a fair
shot at a good life. I want her to be happy, Luke. I want her to have all the
things I can’t give her. I want her to get married one day, because she wants
her own family more than anything. I want her to have a fleet of kids, because,
well, she deserves to be a mom. She’ll be a good mom too. You’ll see. She’ll be
awesome with Ava and you’ll just want to keep having babies with her because
what kid shouldn’t have a mom like Cara. They’ll be really cute too, and you’ll
find it your mission in life to populate Riverdale with cute hazel eyed kids
that are polite and take care of one another because well, they’ll have you for
a dad.

So this is the
part where I calm you down, because either you’re freaking out because you’ve
read this letter too soon or you’re freaking out because she’s already wormed
her way into your heart. I hope it’s the latter because I can coach you through
the falling in love with Cara. She’s a handful and has been dealt a real shit
hand in life. I mean picture not having mom and dad? We’d be fucked. She had no
one, but she had me. Once I’m gone, she’s going to be a mess. She’s been so
strong for me this whole time. I can count on one hand how many times she’s
broken down. I’m sorry, but be the patient man I know you are and you will see
the treasure that is all Cara. I promise. She’s a catch, bro! She has a few
quirky things about her, but by now you’re probably finding them endearing. She
rambles when she’s nervous, and she is absolutely obsessed with Christmas. Give
her good Christmases, and her face will be the best present you ever receive. I
promise that too. Her eyes man, you’ll look into them and see forever. It will
be scary as shit at first, but then they’ll become your saving grace.

I can go on and
on about her, and share all the things that made me fall in love with her but
it’s your turn now. It’s your turn to discover all that she is and all that she
will be to you. It’s your turn to fall in love and it’s your turn to be happy.
I’ll be happy too, bro. I’ll be happy because you are and she’ll be too, and
knowing that maybe I had a hand in that, well, that’s enough for me to be able
to rest peacefully. Be good to her. Be good to each other. And don’t for one
moment feel guilty because once again you’re giving me another gift. You’re
giving me peace of mind knowing that two people I worry the most about will be
happy and living life to the fullest.

I love you
brother and you’ll always be my hero,

Jake

           
The tears poured down Luke’s cheeks
and not for one moment did he care. He bowed his head and wept like a little
boy. He cried for his brother, he cried for the guilt he felt, he cried for the
words that his brother had written, and he cried because he would never be able
to say thank you. Jake would never know that somehow he had become the hero in
their brotherhood, and that made him cry more. He folded the letter and placed
it back inside the envelope, blinking back his tears so he could see what he
was doing. He handled that letter as if it was a fine piece of China. He brought
it to his heart and looked up at Jake’s stone.

           
“Thank you.” He said through a sob.
“I can live up to my promise. I will live up to my promise, Jake. Rest in peace
my brother.” He said hoarsely and patted the envelope that rested over his
heart. “And just so you know, you’re the real hero.”

* * * * *

           
Ava’s eyes traveled along the
counter that was full of a variety of freshly baked cookies. She placed her
hands on her hips and looked up at Cara.

           
“Which do you think he will like the
best?” She asked.

           
Cara bit her lip as she looked at
the dozens of cookies that they had been baking since they woke up this
morning. They may have gone a little overboard, considering they had nothing to
eat now but cookies.

           
“How about we leave him one of
each?” Cara said as she pondered if they could freeze the rest of these.

           
“Maybe he can bring some back to the
elves at the North Pole.” Ava said hopefully.

           
“We’ll leave him a note and tell him
to take as many as he can for everyone at the North Pole.” She smiled at the
little girl who was wearing a matching apron. Benny groaned on the floor,
clearly having too much cookie droppings. Cara bent down and patted his tummy.
She was going to miss the little guy when they dropped him off at the kennel
before they left for Cabo tomorrow afternoon.

           
“Daddy’s home!” Ava exclaimed
happily when she heard the front door open. Cara rose to her feet as Luke made
his way through the house. She was pretty sure he ran away before because she
was in Christmas overload, between the Christmas music that was blaring through
the speakers and shoving cookies down his throat it was no wonder he ran out.