Flat-Out Celeste (15 page)

“Celeste?”

“Yes?”

“I like you. Yes, as a friend, if that’s what you want, but that’s not all. I want to take you on a date. A real date. A not-just-friends date.”

“Oh.”

“And the last time that we went out, I wanted it to be a date, I really did, but I didn’t know if you’d say yes, so I guess I didn’t clarify on purpose. Then you could think of it as a date or not a date.”

“Not having experience in this arena, it did not occur to me that you might have been exhibiting interest other than friendship.”

“How could I not? You’re you. And why you didn’t run screaming after I doused you in ice water, I have no idea, but you didn’t run.”

“No, I didn’t run.”

“I had a great time that night.”

“I did, as well.”

“You tolerated all of my craziness. You made me happy.”

“You did the same for me.
Do
the same. You create contractions.”

“Because I make you all relaxed and full of warm fuzzies?” Justin may have been teasing, but he spoke the truth.

“Yes.”

“Victory! But now we have a problem.”

Celeste’s stomach dropped. What had she fouled up? “I am listening.”

“I messed up, not only our first date, but apparently
your
first date. That’s not okay. In fact, it sucks. I want to fix that.”

“You have not messed up anything.”

“I did, and I feel like a schmuck. But you already agreed to a second date. Or rather, a real first date. And know something, Celeste?”

“What, Justin?”

“It’s going to be good. It’s going to be a really good first date. You deserve that.”

She rolled onto her side and tucked a hand under her head. Justin was saying things that no one had ever said to her before. Trying to comprehend that his words were truly meant for her was going to make her brain explode. But he didn’t strike her as one to lie. She would believe him because he was worth this risk. “I am very flattered that you would like to take me on a date.”

First she’d had a group of peers at her house every night last week and now this. Her world was changing.

“And I’m honored that I get to take you on a date, so this works out well, what with all the flattering feelings flying far and fast. Did you like my use of alliteration?”

“Given how much I enjoy words, I really did.”

Celeste heard some banging and grunting noises on the other end of the call. Justin groaned. “Oh geez, I can’t find my poli sci book anywhere. Imagine that. I tried to move my desk, thinking that maybe it fell behind it, and I knocked over my lamp and broke the bulb. Anyway, I have to walk over to the campus store and then the architecture building. You wanna come or should we hang up? I should probably let you go. That’d be boring for you. You don’t want to do errands with me. Oh, shoot, I have to check my mailbox. I haven’t done that in, like, a week. Wait, where’s my wallet? Got it. Okay. Sorry, do you want to go? I mean, go as in go with me or go as in go away from this progressively weird phone call. Are you still there?”

“I am still here. I would like to continue talking to you while you do your errands.”

“Yeah?”

“Yes.” She didn’t want to let him go. Not yet.

“All right. But if you get bored, just tell me.”

“I won’t.” Celeste sat up and moved back to her cozy chair. The ice outside didn’t bother her anymore. “Do you have your keys?”

“What? My keys. Damn, thank you! Okay, now I’m ready. Remind me that I have to get milk at the store. Forget I said that. It’s not your job to remind me to get milk. I don’t know why I asked you that. My study group is at three today, so I’ve enough time. Wait, what time is it? It’s not even nine; what am I worried about?”

She heard a door shut and listened happily as Justin talked aloud to himself while he worked his way out of his building.

“You still there? Wow, it’s gorgeous out. Sorry, is it freezing there?”

“It is sleeting ice chips here, and the weather is perfectly miserable, so tell me more about your sunshine. And do not worry because I will remind you to get milk.”

“You’re a lifesaver, Celeste.”

“No, you are my lifesaver, Justin.”

AFTERSHOCKS

THERE WAS NOTHING in her closet. There was too much in her closet. Celeste put her hands on her hips and scowled at the hangers. Justin had not told her what they were doing tonight, so she was unclear about what would be considered appropriate attire. Jeans? A hideous Christmas sweater with a pom-pom reindeer? A ball gown? She hoped not a ball gown, since she didn’t own one; and it was snowing right now, so heels would be horrific footwear. It was a good thing that she had the entire day to figure this out. A first date was not to be taken lightly.

And she was taking this anything but
lightly. She was in a near panic. Figuring out what to wear was the least of her worries. Date etiquette was entirely out of her repertoire, so this evening was weighing heavily on her. It appeared that one could want and not want something at the same time. Matt would make some Schrödinger’s cat joke were he here, but Celeste was not in the mood for amusing analogies.

Julie would surely be able to help, but Celeste felt somewhat ashamed of relying on a twenty-something with a full life and friends her own age. Plus, calling her would cement this date as a monumental deal worthy of a complete freak-out.

There was Dallas. Celeste thought about her. She was a good choice.

Celeste:
Hi, Dallas. I hope that your winter break has started off nicely. I was hoping that you could help me with something.

Dallas:
Hey! I’m coloring my hair green today! What’s up?

Celeste:
I wanted to consult with you because I have a date tonight, and I do not know what to wear. He has not told me where we are going.

Dallas:
Oooooh, a date, huh? Nice! Unless it’s somewhere really formal, which I’m guessing it’s not, what about that pretty pink sweater you have. It’s soft and fuzzy looking. Then just do nice jeans and simple jewelry. Be you! You’re always dressed so well, anyway, so nothing to worry about.

Celeste:
Thank you. Yes, I think that pink top might be a good choice.

Dallas:
Call me tomorrow and let me know how your date goes!

Celeste:
I will do that. Text me a photograph of your green hair if you like. I feel positive that you will look very much in the holiday spirit. Many thanks for your assistance. I am fortunate to have a friend who is knowledgeable in such matters!

Dallas:
And remind me to tell you about Zeke! God, he’s so super-hot. Thank you for sitting me next to him at your house! We’ve been chatting on Facebook and stuff, and I think he might like me. Maybe you can ask him? No, that’s dumb. But we’ll catch up on that tomorrow, okay?

There. She had reached out to a friend and received a good response. This was a positive sign. Despite the overt differences between herself and Dallas, Celeste liked her quite a bit. And it seemed that Celeste’s matchmaking maneuver had potential, so discovering that was a surprising bonus.

She retrieved the pink sweater from the closet and held it up against her chest, assessing her appearance in the mirror. Dallas was right; this was a good choice. As she was looking for a good pair of jeans, her phone dinged.

Justin:
Who invented time zones, huh? It’s past noon and I’m just waking up. I’m going to UNINVENT them. Whatcha think about that?

Justin:
And good morning. I made you a coffee with a picture of me jet lagged and groggy.

Celeste laughed out loud at the chocolate face that rested on milk froth in the picture Justin attached to his text.

Celeste:
I think that you look dashing, but I am sorry that you are struggling to adjust to Eastern Time.

Justin:
But have no fear, I will be caffeinated and alert tonight, okay? 7 still good for me to pick you up?

Celeste:
Yes, that is fine. I am uncertain about proper attire, as I do not know what we are doing; but I have made a decision nonetheless.

Justin:
I suggest a pirate costume. I’ll bring extra peg legs in case you lose yours.

Celeste:
As you wish.

Justin:
Also, a pair of wings. And a squash racquet.

Celeste:
My anxiety level is rising.

Justin:
Then no squash racquet. Better?

Celeste:
Slightly.

Justin:
Are you actually nervous?

Celeste:
Yes.

Justin:
Why? It’s just me. You know me. Nothing bad is going to happen. I mean, I might fall down or something, but YOU will be just fine. You need to trust me.

Celeste:
I will do my best.

Justin:
I have to go shopping, so as long as I’m not stampeded at the mall on this final Saturday before Christmas, I’ll see you tonight. Wish me luck!

Celeste:
I have minimal concerns about your outing, but I wish you luck nevertheless.

Justin:
#amwearingprotectivegear #picturewithmallsantaforsure

She felt a bit better. He was right. It was
Justin
. Justin with whom she had been emailing whom she had been talking to and texting on the phone, and whom she had seen in person a total of three times.

She sighed. Three was not many. Still, it wasn’t about the amount of face time one had with another, it was about the quality of the overall relationship, and she did believe that she and Justin had some level of connection. Or she was trying to believe that.

Life was getting better for her. Very slowly, bit by bit, she was allowing the walls she’d so carefully constructed to come down. Every move felt to be a most dangerous risk, but she was taking those risks, and they were paying off. The world might not be such a hateful place after all, and there was the faint hope that she might just be able to find a place in it.

Celeste abandoned her fretting and headed downstairs to tackle some gift wrapping. The dining room table was set up with wrapping paper, various bows and ribbons, tape, scissors, decorative bags, and tissue paper. Really, more materials than anyone would reasonably need, but Erin had become a big fan of elaborate gift presentation. Matt was coming over later to make use of the supplies. It was Celeste’s understanding that twenty-six-year-old males were unable to purchase their own wrapping paper
and
that they often had hidden hopes that showing up at their families’ houses would result in younger sisters taking over the wrapping of said gifts.

She finished affixing a piece of tape to the
Come to the nerd side. We have Pi.
T-shirt that she was wrapping for Matt. She had wanted to get him the shirt that read,
Dear Algebra, Stop asking us to find your X. She’s not coming back,
because under normal circumstances he would find it funny. However, now it felt inappropriate, given that Matt’s romantic life appeared to have stalled significantly since he and Julie ended their relationship. She still wasn’t sure exactly what besides distance, if anything, had come between them, but perhaps that was enough to keep them apart. Although it had been two years since they’d broken up, it still bothered her. Matt and Julie not being together felt all wrong.

When her text alert sounded repeatedly, Celeste couldn’t help but grin over her increased social network. Her stomach rarely dropped anymore when alerts came through.

Justin:
Michelle! Hope you got home with no layovers. I heard the Denver airport cancelled most flights yesterday. Miss you already. Winter break will fly by, and Kevin and I will throw a party the night everyone is back.

Justin:
And why didn’t you let me take you to the airport? I’d even remembered to gas up my car the night before. I heard you leave, but by the time I was fully awake you were long gone. I would have gotten up with you (even at that ungodly hour of FIVE IN THE MORNING!).

Justin:
You left a shirt here, by the way, in case you’re looking for it.

Celeste read the messages over and over. Obviously Justin had texted her in error, but that did not ease the nauseated feeling that threatened to choke her. The phone shook in her hand.

Celeste focused on Matt’s present, and she finished wrapping it, carefully and methodically. Then she set his T-shirt under the tree and walked slowly up the stairs to her room. She took the pink sweater and placed it neatly back on the shelf in her closet and shut the door. The full-length mirror was in front of her now, and she turned away quickly. She couldn’t stand the sight of her reflection.

Celeste pulled off her sweatshirt and pulled the blinds shut. She crawled into bed, wearing her jeans and tank top. The silent tears came easily, wetting her face in seconds.
Of course
Justin had a life outside of her, a real life with girls at his school who were fun and functional. Who were normal. How she had deceived herself into dreaming that anything meaningful could happen between Justin and herself was nearly incomprehensible. This date tonight could not happen because there was no point. And based on those text messages, Justin likely already had a girl, one who was in his room early in the mornings, one whom he was missing already.

She rolled onto her side and pulled the covers over her head. It was fortunate that her parents were gone for the day at the outlet stores, so that she could be alone. Explaining her devastation would be impossible. All she could feel right now was the depth of her total inadequacy when compared to every other girl her age. She would never, ever be a girl who could hold Justin’s attention, and why he had even paid her any mind in the first place was a mystery.