Flaw (The Flaw Series) (14 page)

I feel the contents in my stomach rise up to my throat. He’s right. The revelation of what I’ve been doing seeps in. It’s not pretty. Since Josh moved in, the feelings I kept trying to deny myself - somehow I let them fall onto Aidan. Going to him for safety, reassurance, reminding myself that a guy like him was who I was meant for. I saw him drawn into the same situation I was heading in. Showing an interest in someone way out of his league, a girl who would use him and then smash him into a million little pieces. I did what I could to try and protect us both from letting that happen, leading him on, away from Jordyn.
What have I done?
This thing with Aidan was just to protect myself…to protect us.

“I was scared,” I admit, calming down, taking a few deep sniffs. “Josh and Jordyn, they’re not the kind of people we should be falling for.”

His breathing comes to halt for a second. “I know.” He releases the words slowly.

“I’m sorry I screwed things up so bad.” I pull his hand into mine and bring it up to my lips. “We’re friends and I turned it all upside down. It would have been so perfect if we were more. I wanted us to be more and I tried forcing something that wasn’t there. I’m sorry.” I sniff. “Are we gonna be okay?”

“Of course we are. I’m just as guilty in all this. I knew what we were doing didn’t feel right.” Aidan attempts a feeble smile. He picks his head up and exhales into his rough hands.

“Josh is gone? He left already?”

“Yeah,” Aidan nods his head. “It was time for him to go, Becca.”

I fight back the new set of tears I feel building. That’s it. I can forget him now. No more fear of feelings that shouldn’t be there creeping in, muddling up my head, making me secretly wish for things that never have a chance of happening. Aidan and I can go back to being friends, no more pretending.

“What about Jordyn?” I ask.

He closes his eyes. “She’s as good as gone, too.”

“What happens now?”

“I guess things go back to the way they were. Back to normal and we get our real lives back.” He reaches for the remote and clicks on the television, filling up the dark emptiness of the room with light and sound.

I slide lifelessly into place, cuddling myself into the crook of his arm, going into our comfortable position. Just like we always used to before our life was disrupted by the wrong two people.

Jordyn

I fold my arms, standing tall, and stare down the sofa where it all went down. I try to review the events of last night logically and figure out where it all went wrong. Try to make sense of it all. He accused me of wanting a night of “slumming.” I wait for my brain to formulate the reason why that is a ridiculously false accusation but a knock on my door distracts me before I have my answer.

I open the door to Josh holding two cups of coffee. I was so taken off guard after Aidan rushed out last night and needed a friend that I automatically called Josh.

“Thank you.” I take the cup he hands me and he follows me into the kitchen. “You didn’t have to come over. I’m fine.” I’m not fine. I’m dying on the inside but I keep that hidden. I did something unplanned last night, without thinking it all way through first and it resulted in disaster. I always plan appropriately, make informed decisions. I always have a backup plan. Until Aidan. Now suddenly, I don’t know what I’m doing or feeling anymore.

“Aidan told me to move out. I mean, I already knew it was time for me to leave, but now it’s official. I’ll have my stuff out by the end of the week.”

“Oh, God, Josh.” I place my coffee down on the table to give him a hug. “What happened?”

“What do you think happened? You think I was gonna just sit back and let him treat you and Becca that way?” He fumes, red faced and puffing. Seeing Josh all worked up like this isn’t normal. Josh is not the threatening type. He’s actually quite the opposite, so knowing that he stood up to Aidan is hard to picture. Really, there’s nothing funny about it, but I have to bite down on my lip to stifle a laugh. He looks at me and his own face breaks into a smile.

“I was like the good guy who had to get all tough and shit.” He shuts his eyes. “How is that even possible?”

“Because you
are
a good guy.” I sit down at the table and take my first sip of coffee. “Now, come on and sit down and tell me everything.”

He wipes a hand through his hair, groaning under his breath. “That living arrangement was doomed from the start. Once I saw that messy pink hair and those shiny lips, I should have packed my shit up and left.”

“Josh, do you really think it could’ve actually worked for you and Becca?”

“What? Do you mean if it wasn’t for Aidan or if I wasn’t such an asshole?”

“No, I meant because Becca is so different.”

“Different? Different how?” He looks at me, confused.

I sit poised in my seat, planning my answer carefully. In the looks department Josh is way above average. He’s not that tall, but he does have a solid build. He’s put together, distinguished, well-groomed, and his handsome face actually borders on pretty. Becca, on the other hand, well, I’ve seen her wear flip-flops in the snow.

“Becca tends to stand out from others,” I say.

“She does.” Josh’s eyes get a spark. “God, I love that.” He takes my cautious statement about Becca being different as a compliment. This tugs at the little knot in my chest.

I bring a hand up to my forehead and rub. “Josh, can I be honest with you? I like Aidan. I like him more than I’ve ever liked anyone before. I felt a strong attraction to him instantly, the first night I saw him. Then I met him and he was so… not what I expected. Then I asked him to help me at a charity event and seeing him with those kids, well, he’s just amazing. But.” I stop there and shrug. That’s the part where I always stop when I think about Aidan. The ‘but.’ I don’t know what the ‘but’ is. I just know that there is one. I realize my shoulders are hunched and I sit up quickly to correct the unattractiveness. Feeling bad on the inside doesn’t mean I have to look it on the outside. Tossing my hair back, I plant a smile back on my face and adjust a bracelet on my wrist. “Nevermind. Why don’t I make us some breakfast? I have fresh vegetables. I can make us omelets,” I say, changing the subject.

“No, thanks.” Josh stands up. “I need to go home and share the good news with my parents that I’m moving back home.”

“Josh, you don’t have to go to your parents. You can stay with me. Stay in my guest room. You’re welcome to stay as long as you want.”

“No, I need to go home and figure stuff out. I rushed to move out the wrong way. I gotta go back home, get my act together, and start doing things the right way, but thank you,” Josh says, dragging his feet towards the door. Moving back home will be hard for him on so many levels.

“Everything will work out,” I say with more confidence than I feel, holding onto him in a tight embrace. His smooth cheek presses against the softness of my own skin, nothing like the rough flawed face that was so close to mine only a few short hours ago, setting my body afire. I step back, feeling my face warm up at the memory.

I know what I want. And what I want is Aidan. But.

Dammit, there’s that “but” again
.

Becca

The movers empty the apartment of all of Josh’s belongings. Aidan went for a run to avoid this. Whether it’s because he’s guilty or just doesn’t care, I’m not sure. I just know I needed to be here. I never got to say goodbye. I’m hoping for some closure watching his stuff be carried out, leaving the apartment.

A part of me does want to contact him. See how he’s doing, say goodbye. But if I do, then what? I fall all over again for his charms? I can’t. I know his end game. He gets what he wants. It’s over. Why fall victim to that if I can avoid it?

The hefty mover wipes a rag over his face, mopping off the beads of sweat on his forehead. “We’re all done here, Miss. Have a nice day.”

“Wait, you forgot the chair.” I point to Josh’s leather chair. The one I had all but taken over while he was living here. “This is his, too.”

The man reaches into his pocket and unfolds crinkled yellow papers, sorting through them. “No, Miss, we actually received specific instructions to leave that chair here.”

I acknowledge the man with a nod of my head and he closes the door behind him. Swallowing down the lump forming in my throat, I take the blanket off the back of the couch and wrap myself up, curling into a ball on the chair. He left this chair for me.
That jackass
. Why did he do that? The tears that automatically come make me so angry at myself. I’m doing exactly what I was warned not to.
Don’t fall for this
. I need to constantly remind myself over and over again.

The doorknob jiggles and I race to quickly wipe away the tears with the edges of the blanket. Aidan walks in and his eyes land directly on me cozied into the chair left behind. He sees my puffy red eyes and without a word he walks into his bedroom and slams the door.

I shake away my sadness and pause outside his door before opening it. He’s standing there, shirtless, and jumps when he sees me. “Whatever happened to knocking?” he looks over and hollers.

“I should have insisted the movers take the chair,” I say, ignoring his outburst at me barging in.

“I don’t care about the chair.” He stares ahead into the mirror above his dresser, examining his reflection, his chin lifted and turned, focused in on his scar. “I’m sorry I slammed the door. I just have a lot on my mind.”

I don’t have to ask what that is. His head is just as wrapped up in getting over Jordyn as mine is in forgetting Josh. “Do you want dinner? We haven’t had Chinese in a while. I can go pick it up and we can get caught up on Netflix.”

“No. Let’s go out for dinner, instead,” he says, to my absolute astonishment.

“Really?” A big smile spreads across my face. A night out? Yes, we totally need a night out. “I would love that. Where?”

“Anywhere. I’ve made a decision. I’m not hiding anymore. The classes I signed up for are starting soon and I’ve just got to get used to being around people again. So what if they stare.”

“This is so great. I’ll be right back, I’m gonna go change.” I feel giddy running out of his room and crossing the hall. I search through my closet and pull out a white shirt and go fancy, tugging a jean skirt on over my hips.

Aidan meets me out in the hall and shakes his head looking down at my feet. “Sorry, Becca, you can’t wear flip flops.”

“Oh, wow, where are you taking me that’s so formal?”

“It has nothing to do with where we’re going…. It’s winter. Put on a pair of real shoes.” He points to my door, frowning. “And cover your legs; it’s freezing out.”

I sulk back into my apartment and swap out my comfy flip flops for an old pair of fur-lined boots. I’m not sure what difference it makes to him, it’s
my
feet that’ll be cold, not his. He can make me put the boots on, but I refuse to change the skirt or even put a pair of stockings on. I’ll just wear my mittens and besides, I like the cold.

“Better,” he says, giving my boots the approval but rolling his eyes when he glances down at my skirt.

Once we step outside, the cold air kisses the skin of my bare legs, sending me into little shivers.
Shit, when did it start getting this cold out?
I do my best to hide my shivers from Aidan, but the way he pulls me in, offering me some of his warmth, shows me he’s on to me. We walk down the street and I realize we’re out of the house, in public, and Aidan isn’t wearing his sunglasses, nor does he yank up his hood. This is huge.

Yes, the scar is bad, but there is no reason for him to hide. Everything about Aidan is way too awesome to hide. Sometimes I think the scar just adds to how cool he really is. I watch as he takes his wallet from his back pocket, slipping out a few bills, and discreetly hands them to a man sprawled out next to the alley. The guy thanks him by name. Aidan is selfless. It’s who he is. He never hesitates to help those in need when he can. Trying to help someone was how he got that huge mark across his face.

We walk into an Italian restaurant on the end of our street and the hostess, a slender blonde, flinches when she greets us and sees Aidan’s face. She overcompensates for her quick reaction by smiling and talking incessantly as she seats us at a back table away from the other guests. Menus are practically thrown at us and she scurries back to her post.

“That wasn’t nearly as bad as I thought it would be,” Aidan chuckles, opening up his menu. “At least she didn’t seat us in the bathroom.”

“Stop.” I laugh along with him, picking up my own menu. “Should I get a drink? Are you getting one? Want to get a bottle of wine?”

“Yeah, I think wine is a good idea.”

The waitress comes over and she’s much more unruffled by Aidan than the hostess had been. She does take a lingering look with raised eyebrows at my pink hair, but that could just be because I totally need to do my roots. “Can I get you guys something to drink to start off with?”

Aidan orders us a bottle of red and the waitress takes off to the bar.

“I want to talk to you about something, but I think I’ll wait until the wine comes.” He says it causally, still perusing his menu.

“What?” I ask and he ignores me. “What? Tell me.” My voice gets louder and whinier. I hate when someone says they want to talk about something and then doesn’t say anything.

The waitress is already back, placing a carafe of red wine in the center of the table and two glasses in front of us. She pours the first two glasses. “You guys ready to order?”

Aidan opens his mouth to start the order but I speak over him. “We need a few minutes, thank you.” The waitress gives us a quick smile and leaves us alone at the table.

“Okay, tell me.” Now this dinner doesn’t seem so special, it seems like a ploy to get me liquored up so he can tell me something bad.

“The night I went to Jordyn’s,” He takes a sip of the wine. “I said something to her that I shouldn’t have. And it’s been bothering me ever since.” He raises his head “I plan on apologizing to her.”

“Fine.” I reach for my glass and take a big gulp. “I don’t care. Is that the big thing you wanted to talk to me about?”