Flawed Beauty (10 page)

With a growl, he leaned into her,
then over her as she landed lightly on her back. He lifted from her lips to
stare intently into her whiskey-colored eyes.

“You are so beautiful,” he murmured
huskily.

She blushed at his words and
wondered if she’d ever get used to the feeling of amazement that he thought
that way of her.

“So are you,” she whispered.

He slid down her body and slipped to
lie between her legs. On his elbows, he nudged the hem of her shirt as he
kissed and growled against her flat belly. Her heart began to thump madly in
her chest at his intent. He dipped his tongue into her bellybutton and she
shivered. He rose up on his knees and pushed her shirt up slowly and smoothly
until her bra was exposed.

“Oh, my,” he exclaimed softly when
he realized her bra unfastened in the front.

She closed her eyes as the flames of
desire began to curl within her belly when, with nimble fingers, he unfastened
the bra, and taking a breast in each hand, he brushed softly against her
nipples with his thumbs. She couldn’t suppress the moan and involuntary
movement of her body against his at his soft caress on such sensitive points.
When he rolled the points between his fingers, she gasped. When she opened her
fevered eyes to him, he gave her his devilish, dimple-laden smile and slowly
replaced his thumbs with his lips. With the same talent he used when kissing,
he worshiped her breasts with his lips and tongue. With the top of his tongue,
he lapped against each nipple causing her to grind her body intimately against
his as she felt the sensation from her nipples down to her groin. She tangled
her trembling fingers into his short hair as she panted.

Licking up her neck, he groaned in
her ear, “I want you.”

Lowering his hard body into her
soft, pliant form, he rubbed against her intimately and suggestively. The old
familiar panic struggled to gain a foothold in her chest. She closed her eyes,
and just for an instant, she saw Nick looming over her with his evil grin. She
shook her head to rid herself of the image.

Her heart seemed to be trying to
beat out of her chest and she struggled to pull long, deep breaths into her
lungs at his words. She knew he wanted her – he’d told her enough times. But
she was scared of this… of him… of losing him – of closing her eyes and seeing
Nick over and over again. With extreme effort, she struggled to regain her
sanity from the rioting emotions within her. Her body was on fire, but what if
he was like all the rest? What if all he wanted to do was pound
himself
into her, then walk away, leaving her with tears on
her face?

“Not yet,” she whispered almost
fearfully.

With his face still buried in her
neck, he continued to rub his body intimately against hers.

“Come on, baby,” he gusted, as he
licked the outer edges of her ear.

Desire warred with panic. She wanted
him so much. She wanted him to quell the fire burning deep in her belly and
lower. But she was afraid to take the chance that he was different.

“I can’t,” she whimpered.

Breathing heavily, he lifted his
head to stare at her, his blue eyes filled with want and desire.

“I don’t understand.” Then, as
something occurred to him, he lifted slightly trembling hands to her face.
“Tate, have you ever been with anyone?”

Tate inhaled sharply at his words
and almost wanted to laugh at the absurdness of the question. How did she
answer him? She couldn’t… she just couldn’t.

“I’m just not ready,” she whispered.

He stared deep into her eyes, trying
to seek the answers she seemed unable, or unwilling to give.

He leaned his forehead against hers
and exhaled deeply. “Tate, I’m trying to
be understanding
here, but you’re not helping.”

Her heart seized in her chest and
she swallowed to keep her emotions in check. He was understandably frustrated
and there was nothing she could do about it… nothing she was
able
to do.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered.

He jerked his head up at her words.
“Don’t be sorry, damn it. Just tell me what it is. I want you. You want me. Why
is it any harder than that? What is standing in our way?” He stared down into
her sad, desolate eyes for a long time and sighed. “Baby, I can’t help if I
don’t know what the problem is. Just tell me.”

She licked her lips and swallowed
against the rising panic. “I’m just not ready,” she whispered again.

He pursed his lips and stared at her
for a long time before exhaling. “Okay. We’ll wait.” Every degree of warmth
seemed to leave her body the instant he rolled off of her. She wished she could
be the girl
Jace
wanted… instead of the girl she was.

The nightmares came back with a
vengeance. She woke up in a panic and couldn’t seem to soothe the savage beasts
within her. Her heart pounded and her breathing was labored.
Evil
seemed to swirl around the room encompassing her within its icy claws, forcing
her down – holding her down.

§§§

It was Saturday night, and the crowd
seemed even larger than usual. Tate was glad to have the crowd as she was still
trying to recoup the money that had blown away when Blondie and his gang had
attacked her. Besides, she didn’t want time to dwell on the distance which
seemed to now be between her and
Jace
. Between her
knowing she
shouldn’t
be with him, and his frustration because she
wouldn’t
be with him, she didn’t see how it could end well. He’d called her several
times that week, but it was awkward and not filled with his usual good humor.
She always knew it would eventually run its course. It just hurt.

She kept an eye open for
Jace
and finally saw him dart in right after the band
started to play. He hurried to the stage, strapped on his guitar, and began
playing. He looked tired and stressed. She glanced his way several times, but
never was able to catch his eye. What did that mean? The nightclub stayed super
busy and her tables were in a constant state of turnover. She looked around
when the band broke after its first set, but didn’t see
Jace
.
Where did he go? When the band began again,
Jace
was
on the stage. Was he now avoiding her? She battled the hurt feelings and raging
emotions.

The insanity of the night was
dwindling down, and the band was in the middle of their last set. She’d just
returned to the bar and given her order to
Nicko
, the
bartender filling in for Thor, who’d gone home to attend his son’s wedding,
when she heard a commotion on the dance floor. As she turned with her drink
tray in hand, she saw
Jace
wrap his arms around a
woman with vibrant red hair, smile deep into her eyes, then bending her over
his arm, he kissed her – a deep, long, toe-curling kiss; just like the kisses
she’d experienced with him.

Tate’s arms began to tremble and her
stomach roiled. She’d known a man like
Jace
wouldn’t
wait around forever. Her heart felt as if someone had reached in and squeezed
it with a vice. She felt the window of her trust slam shut. Swallowing hard,
she turned away just as he lifted his head and caught her eye. She saw the
shock register. With a catch in her chest, she continued her shift.

After dropping off her drink order,
she was making her rounds when she felt a hand on her arm. Glancing over her
shoulder, she looked into the contrite blue eyes of
Jace
Staton
.

“I… uh… Tate, it’s not what you
think,” he stammered.

Shrugging her arm out of his grasp
she replied more evenly than she thought possible, “This isn’t the time,
Jace
. I’m a little busy. We’ll talk later, okay?” She moved
away without giving him a chance to respond. She couldn’t do this right now.
She had to finish her shift.

For the rest of the night, she felt
his eyes on her, but she carefully avoided his gaze.

 A little after Last Call, Tate
found
Zek
and told him she wasn’t feeling well. As it
wasn’t her habit, he was sympathetic to her cause. She felt guilty for leaving
him hanging, but she couldn’t be in the same room with
Jace
any longer. The kiss and his shameful expression burned a hole in her. And she
didn’t want to talk to him just yet. She just needed time to think things
through.

Grabbing her stuff, she headed out.
She turned towards her apartment but didn’t think she could stand the walls
closing in on her. Heading out down the sidewalk, she walked and walked with
her head bowed. Eventually, she arrived at the beautiful lighted fountain.
Sitting down heavily, she sat for a long time, just watching the play of light
against the water. She thought about Dr. Randall’s words about repairing her
foundation – about opening up to learn to trust someone. Well, she’d done that
and
look
where it’d gotten her. The problem was she
just wasn’t sophisticated enough to run in his circles. What experience she had
didn’t apply to this situation, and it was obvious he had plenty of experience.

She never thought
Jace
would hurt her like this… no, that wasn’t true, this
was exactly what she thought would happen. Maybe she should have just slept
with him. He might have stayed instead of avoiding her and then attaching
himself to the first available woman. Did he have no shame? He’d practically
flaunted the kiss right under her nose. Finally, the crisp night air caused her
to rise and head for home.

She’d really wanted things to work
with
Jace
. She felt a little lost without him
already. She hadn’t realized how much she’d come to depend on the normalcy and
naturalness of seeing and being able to go to him without reservation. Now,
that was all changed. She knew she had no hold on him – she’d always known
that, she guessed. She’d just so hoped. She’d known he was only hers for a
short while. But she was selfish and wanted a little more time. He was way too
good for the likes of Tate Morgan, aka,
Patanga
Moon.
With a heavy heart, she rose from the park bench with its view of the swans who
mated for life.
She hoped
Jace
would find his mate and be happy. After having suffered a lifetime of
unhappiness herself, she'd not wish the same fate for him.

She’d gotten halfway home when the
rain started. She didn’t care, she just kept walking. It was after three when
she turned down the street to Zeal’s. The rain was really coming down now and
she was soaked to the bone. She was happy to see the neon lights of the
nightclub extinguished. More tired than she could ever remember being, she
turned and trudged down the side of the bar and headed towards her apartment.
Dejectedly, she grabbed the railing and pulled herself up the stairs. Reaching
into her pocket, she grabbed her keys and rose up on the landing.

She yelped when a figure dislodged
itself from the shadows.

Jace
!

“Where have you been? Why did you
leave like that? Why are you out walking in the rain? You’ll catch the death of
a cold, you know.”

Exhaling deeply and swiping at the
rain on her face, she ignored what she considered the innateness of his words
and asked, “What do you want,
Jace
?”

After a long silence, he said
softly, “You… only you.”

Tate turned from him – it hurt her
heart to see his beautiful face – to hear his words; words she desperately
wanted to believe. Wearily, she leaned her forehead against the door. “I told
you I couldn’t date guys in a band. This is why. I can’t… deal with… things,
like what happened tonight. I know I have no tie on you, and you are free to be
with whomever you want. But I can’t do… whatever this is between us anymore.
Please don’t worry. It’s fine, really. I’m too busy to date anyway, what, with
school and work and…”

He came up behind her and grabbed
her arms. “It wasn’t what you thought, I swear.”

“So, you weren’t kissing a redhead
on the dance floor?”

“Listen, can we go inside? We’re
both getting drenched.”

“Just go home,
Jace
.
It’s really better this way. We can just be friends. Okay?”

Jace
pounded his fist against the wall
of the apartment. “No, it’s not okay. The woman was out with a bunch of her
friends. It was her bachelorette party and they begged me to kiss her as part
of their celebration. I’m sorry, I didn’t know it’d hurt you so much. I’d never
have done it.” Wrapping his arms around her, he whispered in her ear, “You’re
all I want, Tate, all I want.”

Her heart clenched in her chest. Did
she dare believe his words? She so wanted to believe them, but she was
terrified of taking a chance – but really, what choice did she have? She’d
fallen in love with him. After a minute’s hesitation, she turned in his arms
and they devoured each other. He picked her up and she wrapped her legs around
his waist. He grabbed her head and placed it where he wanted it and plunged his
tongue in her mouth urgently, relentlessly. She whimpered against her immense
need for this man against his lips. He pulled away while gasping for breath.
She slid down his body and landed on her feet. Finally remembering the pounding
rain, she turned and slid her key into the lock, opening the door.