Flirting With Magick (30 page)

 "Oh my god." Dianne's eyes suddenly lit up, and her voice went
up a few notches in volume. "Maybe it's you." The woman behind the
counter raised her head in alarm at Di's loudness as we approached.

"Huh?"

"Think about it. He hangs around at your place all the time—"

"
Only in the last week," I corrected her. "He was home alone becaus
e Josh was at work functions." It was nice to just sit and flake out with
Troy and watch a movie. We didn't even need to talk much except for
when he asked me the odd ambiguous question or made a statement
about Josh's trauma. "And that's because he feels responsible for telli
ng
me about Josh and Jemma, and he's just making sure I'm okay." I picked
up Di's purchase off the counter and thanked the sales girl.

"
Yeah, but maybe, he did that on purpose." Dianne nodded smugly
,
seemingly pleased to think she had worked it all out. She pulled open
the shop door, and we stepped out into the street. "He probably wanted
to tell you so you wouldn't get back with Josh so
he
could step in. Cuppa
?"

"Right." I humoured her, gesturing towards the nearest coffee shop
further down the road. "Okay, so what was the past mistake he was
talking about then, smarty pants? As far as I'm concerned, Josh is the only one with past mistakes."

"I think Troy was interested in you long before Josh came along"

"What? Like four years ago?" This was news to me. "But you wer
e going out with him then."

"You know that wasn't serious." Di rolled her eyes and dismissed
my argument with a wave of her hand. "Maybe he wanted to ask you
out, Josh got in there first, Troy being the good friend cut his losses, and Josh hurt you so now Troy feels responsible."

"
Oh, yes. Of course. I should have realised." I didn't hide my sarcas
m
as I opened the door to the very cafe where Scott and I had first conversed
over coffee and sidled through towards a back table. "So you're saying
th
at he feels responsible now, because he didn't ask me out before Josh
,
so it's his fault Josh and I got together in the first place?" I scoffed at he
r
elaborate tale and sat down, placing my purchases on the seat beside me.

"You and Troy were pretty chummy before Josh came along. If he
had asked you out, you'd probably be happily married by now. Would
you even consider it?”

“Marrying him?” I knew I was being facetious, but her question
threw me a little. I’d never really thought about it. He was nice, funny
,
cute… swore a bit, though… wait, how could I even contemplate this.?

Her face curiously dropped before I could continue pondering. "Oh my god. It's my fault."

"What?"

"If he and I hadn't slept together, I wouldn't have asked him out. We wouldn't have been going out at the work party and, instead of
agreeing with me that we would each bring a friend, he probably wou
ld have asked you to go with him."

"Or not. We were just friends, Di. We still are. That's all. Besides, he
had all that time when Josh was away to do something. Why would he d
o
it now when it's more complicated and risk losing Josh in the process
?"

"Maybe to get back at him."

"I don't think so. We've both known Troy for longer than Josh, so you know he's not that type. It was an accident. He thought I knew by now. He thought that was why we were fighting."

Di shook her head. "Does it make you wonder what would have happened if Troy hadn't told you?"

"Yeah." The realisation was saddening. "It was pretty dumb of me t
o go back to Josh in the first place." I rubbed my temples. "So much for telling myself I wouldn't be naive and trusting."

"
Don't beat yourself up." Di soothed, "You were hurt and vulner
able
and he was comfortable and familiar. I would have done the same thin
g.
You expect the best from people, and he didn't live up to his promi
ses."

I was thankful when a waiter arrived to take our orders and save
d
me from dwelling on it. "So..." I attempted a slight subject change. "Tel
l me about Melinda."

"
He brought her along to the office Christmas Party last year. She
seemed nice... pretty, a bit quiet though."

"
Everyone’s quiet in comparison to you,” I teased. “I hope it works
out for him. As I said, he probably just hasn't told me much about her much yet because of Josh."

"Yeah, maybe you're right." Di conceded, "So with Josh out of the
picture and, we'll assume, seeing as you're not entertaining any possibiliti
es
,
that Troy is a no go zone, how are things with you and Scott... and Sean
."

I told her how Sean had come back to Avalon and that he had
apologised and helped me get a pay raise. Since then, we had been slowly returning to our old friendship, and I was beginning to enjoy
his company once more. He sincerely complimented my hair last we
ek,
and we even caught up at the pub again, an old routine I was looking
forward to habituating. "I haven't seen Scott since that night I went
to their gig with Kate and she and Nathan announced their engagement
.
I'm avoiding him, too, I suppose. I don’t want to see him with his
girlfriend. So it just isn’t the same as when we were... um...“

“Shagging.” Dianne finished the sentence for me and stabbed at
her cake. “There's one way to fix that, a couple of cuties just walked in.”

"Nah, not interested." I
finished off my lemon tart. "Over
it, over it all."

Dianne grinned. “Well, you are so over Josh it’s not funny.”

"I know," I smiled, "it's strange. I thought I'd be more upset, but I'm actually kind of relieved."

Moon phase: Waxing

Light a white candle and sit down with it in front of a mirror.

Look at your face in the mirror and say positive affirmations such as:

I am happy

I am loved

I am abundant

I am beautiful

I am confident

And any other positive statements that come to mind.

Repeat as often as you need, until you feel them to be true.

CHRISTMAS AND NEW YEAR HOLIDAYS
came and went, and as
much as I tried to put on a brave face, the stress of soon not having a
place to live and, to a lesser extent, breaking up with Josh, reared itse
lf
midweek in the form of a hideous stomach flu. It really didn't help whe
n I needed to be up and about looking for a new flat.

"
You look terrible. Go home." Chris didn't mince words when I looked
through his doorway to announce that I wasn't feeling well, had thro
wn up three times, and could I please have the afternoon off.

***

By Thursday evening, my stomach cramps had subsided and my appetite had returned, but I had been in bed most of the day to make up for being up half the night. A loud knock on my front door woke
me from a restless sleep, and when I opened it, I barely registered wh
o
was there. "We've got something to tell you and, trust us, you are going
to feel so much better after you hear this." Kate and Di piled into my flat. "Now, just forget everything anyone's told you."

"What are you talking about?" I rubbed my eyes and, by the time
I had caught up, found them already making themselves comfortable
on the couch. "You two want a cup of tea?"

They both started talking excitedly. "You have to hear this."

"You won't believe it."

"One at a time!" I shouted over the top. The exertion drained me, and I pulled out a dining chair and sat down.

They looked at each other.

"You tell her," Kate said to Di in excitement.

I turned my attention to Dianne; her eyes were bright with excitement
. "Okay," she began, "I was at Kate's yesterday... don't look at me like
that, I knocked. You were asleep; otherwise, I would have visited.
Anyway..." She rolled her eyes. "The radio was going, and that new
song by
Reckless Choice
came on. So we were just chatting, and Kate wa
s
saying to Nathan how heartbroken Daniel must have been to write
those lyrics. And guess what he said?"

I shrugged. It sounded like a game, and I wasn’t really in the moo
d for playing.

Kate quickly interjected. "He said Scott wrote it."

"So..." Dianne took back the limelight when my confusion was
evident, "I asked him who he wrote it about."

"And, typical guy," shot Kate, "had no fucking idea, didn't even
think anything of it. So I asked if he could find out."

"Okay..." I shrugged again. "It might not be about anyone or..."
Although it could be about clingy Bianca, or groupie slut Tanya, or his
fucking television big-shot woman, or someone I don't even know.

Whatever. I couldn't care less anyway. Okay, I did care.

"But." Dianne held her finger up. "Kate called Luke."

"And he had no idea either," said Kate, "but he said he would find out."

"I'm still not following." I was still bleary eyed from having only
just woken up. I hadn't eaten in over a day, and they were both talking
very quickly.

"But Luke
did
say that all that time he thought Scott was going out at night to see someone, he really was in the studio, writing. He wa
sn't making it up. He had a tonne of songs done," Kate said.

"
So he wasn't seeing anyone then, and he really was at the studio
."
My mood lifted slightly. "Hmm, okay." I shrugged again and got up to
put the kettle on, still unsure as to what they were so excited about. It was a moot point. He was with Carolyn now.

"We haven't finished yet." Dianne called me back. "I popped in just
now to
see Kate. And
you," she added pointedly, "and Luke had just called."

"Well, isn't that convenient." I answered sarcastically.

"Abby," Di sounded exasperated, "that song is about you! Scott was
upset about you! Don't you get it?"

"Are you sure?" I certainly wasn't. "But he might have written it ages
ago. Or maybe it's just about the fact we weren't having sex anymore.
I
guess that could be upsetting for a guy... maybe. And he's with someon
e else now."

"
Oh pfft," Dianne waved her hand dismissively, "You haven't really
listened to the lyrics, have you?" She scolded.

I admitted I hadn't. It was a beautiful song
—
something to do with
regret and losing someone—but I hadn't listened that intently. Also, Daniel mumbled a bit when he sang.

Next thing, Dianne starts singing. "I shouldn't have held her hand
, because the hardest thing was letting go-ooh-whoa."

"What are you doing?" It was obvious what she was doing, but I really wished she wouldn't.

"
Hmmm mmm mmmm mmmmm mm mm." This was the mumbly
bit where it was hard to determine the lyrics.

She finished the verse, and I was about to open my mouth when Kate started. "Shouldn't have looked into her eyes, because I couldn't turn away, mmm mmmmm mmm mmmm mm."

"Oh god!" Yes, she was just as bad.

Then they both joined in for chorus. "I want to give her all she
needs, but what she needs is more than meeeee-eeeee."

"
Kill me now!" I rubbed my temples, pretending they were giving
me a headache.

They stopped singing and started giggling. "See, doesn't it make sense?" Kate nodded excitedly.

"
Umm, I guess..." I said, "Lovely singing by the way, except it woul
d
have sounded better if those two cats had shut up, and it was in tune."
I smirked, but they obviously had an agenda I needed to address. "But
just because someone goes off and writes a sad song, doesn't necessarily
mean they're heartbroken. He might have been just having a bad day."

"For weeks at a time?" Kate pointed out. "And straight after you
stopped seeing him? And guess what, the next single's called 'I Miss You'.

"It is?" My heart started a little jig.

She then related to me what Luke had told her that morning. Apparently
the conversation between him and Scott went something like this:

Luke: So, who was the song about?

Scott: No one.

Luke: Bianca?

Scott: No.

Luke: Tanya?

Scott: Fuck off.

Luke: You wrote it before you met Carolyn.

Scott: I wouldn't write a song for Carolyn.

Luke: Abby?

Scott: I'm getting some beer, you want anything?

Luke: She dumped Josh, you know.

"
So what?" I said. "What part of 'he's with Carolyn now' aren't you tw
o getting? I still need to move on. It’s pointless being in love with someone who has a girlfriend."

"Well then, the most important thing is," Kate grinned widely at my admission, "Luke said Scott mumbled something about doing the same thing and had a big grin on his face as he walked out."

Oh. Now my heart wasn't just dancing; there were full on acrobatics
going on.