Floodwater Zombies (8 page)

“Woody! Quit freaking me out,” Kate said, digging another tightly rolled joint from her oversized black purse. “You don’t have to scare me to get me to sleep in your tent tonight,” she said, getting up and taking Rachel’s seat next to him.

“No, you just have to get her some more wine,” Ashley snickered, coming back over with a bottle of nine dollar cab.

“Don’t do it, Kate,” Rachel warned, handing Woody a cold one. “You two work together.”

Kate shrugged and held her glass up for Ashley to refill it. “Hey, you only live once.”

“Or twice,” Woody chimed in. “If you’re a zombie.”

Kate rolled her eyes and sparked the joint, taking a deep drag and passing it around the circle. “Is that all you ever talk about?”

“No wonder you haven’t been laid since the Bush/Cheney administration,” Ashley said, emptying the rest of the bottle into her glass.

Clutch took the joint and studied Woody with a nonplussed look covering his face.
“Fast or slow?”

Woody frowned. “Huh?”

“The zombies.
Are they fast or slow?”

Woody shrugged. “Fast, I guess.”

Clutch hit the joint and pushed a hand through the air at him. “Fuck that,” he said, holding his breath. “Those aren’t real zombies.”

Rory sat up straighter, his butt going numb from the taught canvas. “How are those not real zombies?”

Clutch coughed plumes of white smoke out like the Hogwarts Express and passed the joint to Rachel. “Because, real zombies are
shamblers
and when they have you surrounded, that’s where the tension is at.” He paused to cough some more. “When they slowly move in for the kill is what gets the viewer every time. It’s all about tradition,
Ror-dawg
.”

Ashley twirled her long blond hair around a finger and grinned at Rory, awaiting his response.

Rory’s bloodshot eyes grew even thinner. “Yeah but, what if you’re out in an open field? You could easily outrun them, which is boring for everyone.”

A perplexed look stole across Clutch’s chiseled features. “Why would you be out in an open field with zombies all over the place?”

Rory laughed, watching Rachel pass the joint to Ashley. “I don’t know. Maybe you’re on a supply run or something.”

Clutch twisted his face in the orange light and pulled out another cigarette. “It’s
gotta
be Romero zombies or
nothin
,” he concluded, lighting up and expelling a stream of rolling smoke that mingled with the billowing campfire. “Anything else is a total joke.”

“So…just because they’re fast, means they’re not zombies?
How’s that possible? They’re dead, their bodies are rotting, and they eat people.”

Clutch took another drag and
blew
smoke in Rory’s direction. “Because real zombies are too deteriorated to move that fast. Their muscle-mass is in decline.”

“Well, then how come they can overpower people so easily if they’re so
deteriorated
?”

“They’re power lies in numbers, Rory, not with the individual flesh-eater itself.”

Rory laughed. “Yeah, try telling that to Barbara’s brother.”

Clutch scrunched his face up.
“Who?”

“Exactly,” Rory muttered.

Woody squinted through the rising smoke. “So you didn’t like
28 Days Later
?”

Clutch pounded his beer and threw the empty can over his shoulder without looking. “It was all right,” he said dully, cracking open a new can and wiping his hand on his shorts. “I wouldn’t call those things
zombies
. They were infected, but at least it was better than the piece of shit sequel.”

Rory sucked in a long breath of warm air and released it. “That’s true, but
28 Weeks Later
does have one of the best openings of any zombie movie of all time.”

Clutch let out a booming laugh that bounced off the surrounding hillsides. “You can’t be serious!”

“I don’t know,
baller
,” Woody started.
“When that one dude is sprinting across that field with thirty decomposing stiffs hot on his ass, that’s pretty awesome.”

Clutch made a sound that ruffled his lips. “Well, it was better than
Contagion
anyway. I’ll give
ya
that, Daddy-longlegs.” He winked at Woody, who blushed with the praise. “Matt Damon ruined a perfectly good zombie movie by not having any zombies in it.”

Rory couldn’t help but laugh. It was so true. Ashley leaned over and passed him the joint, flashing some serious cleavage. Her warms fingers brushed against his as he took it, sending butterflies fluttering inside his stomach. It had been a long five weeks and counting since Danielle had dumped him and the touch of a woman made his heart tremble. He sat back, trying to act casual, and blew ash from the joint’s end while Ashley swept a wine-red tongue across her lips and watched him with mischievous eyes.

Rachel cast a sideways look at Ashley and turned back to the fire. “Okay, can we change the subject please? This is the wrong thing to be talking about out in the middle of nowhere.”

“Especially at night!”
Kate added.

Rory smiled and took a long drag. He held his breath and nudged Kate’s arm.
“Ear.”
When he turned back around, Ashley winked at him. She was also looking better than ever and could have passed for Rachel’s sister. Both had pretty, pale faces and slender bodies that turned heads wherever they went and maybe hooking up with Ashley tonight wasn’t such a bad idea after all. Besides, he didn’t see any herpes. It would piss Rachel off but so what? She was with Clutch.

Despite Rory’s firm resolution, his eyes defied him and landed on Rachel’s red-painted toes, which, of course, led to her silky smooth legs and eventually her perky breasts, hidden by the skimpiest of tank tops. Before he could
accidentally
make eye contact with her again, he pulled his gaze away and found Clutch hitting him with a cold
stare
. Rory kept his eyes moving to Kate who was busy blowing smoke through her puckered lips.

“I’m glad you’re back,” Ashley said, staring at him with dreamy eyes as if she had been reading his mind.

Rory was certain he could read hers. His face flushed. “I’m glad to be back.”

“This summer is going to be so fun, Rory! Wait till you see new Ricky’s new boat,” Kate said, sending the joint around the circle again.

“I heard. It sounds sweet.”

“
Wait’ya
see
the wakeboard rig. It’s sick, dude,” Woody told him.

Kate nodded with thin eyes and a wide smile. “You’ll never want to leave again!”

He grimaced with her statement and forced a smile, catching a look from Rachel he couldn’t quite decipher.

“All I know is,” Clutch said. “If I saw a zombie right now, I’d put my fist through its rotten face.”

Woody gulped loudly. “You would?” he quivered.

Clutch nodded. “Damn straight, stretch.
Cuz
I got
the glow
.”

An eyebrow leaped across Rory’s forehead.
“
The glow
?”

Clutch nodded.

“You mean like…Bruce Lee?”

The DJ leaned forward and grinned widely. It seemed like an open invitation for a challenge.

“Oh, sweet Jesus,” Woody mumbled.

Rory followed Woody’s stoned gaze to see Ashley standing naked on the other side of the fire, her yellow sun dress crumpled around her bare feet.

“Who wants to go skinny-dipping?” she asked, bravely letting it all hang out. “Rory?” she said brightly, biting on a pinky.

“
Uhhhhh
,” he said, temporarily mesmerized by her perfect breasts and smoothly shaven body. He swallowed hard and turned away, noticing Rachel eagerly awaiting his response as well. “I’m probably good for now, but maybe later.”

Ashley folded her arms across her chest and covered her boobs, his punishment for being a wet blanket. “Oh come on, Rory! I won’t bite,” she said, the fire dancing in her bloodshot eyes. “That hard…”

Rory tugged on his collar. “Well, it is pretty hot out.”

Clutch sprang to his feet and dropped his shorts, which took his boxers with them to the dirt. “Who just made you a winner?” he shouted.

“Oh my God!”
Rachel shrieked, staring in horror at his tiny package. “What are you doing?”

“The
fire’s
too hot, babe. I need to cool off.”

Rachel turned her bulging eyes to the woods. “Okay, you have just officially crossed a serious line here,” she said crossly.

“What? There’s nothing wrong with a little late night swim. That’s what summer is all about!”

“I’m in,” Kate said matter-of-factly, setting her wine glass on the ground and pushing herself up from the chair. With a casual air, she wiggled out of her denim shorts, aiming a sultry stare Woody’s way, making sure he was paying attention this time. The shorts hit the dirt about the same time his jaw did. She pulled her tank top over her head and let it slip through her fingers to join the shorts.

“All right, all right, all right!”
Clutch smiled, doing his best Matthew
McConaughey
.

Kate pulled her hair from its ponytail and shook her head, letting long, shiny hair swing freely across a set of gratuitous fake breasts.

Woody was staring so hard, Rory waited for drool to start running from the corner of his mouth. He wasn’t sure why he didn’t want Rachel catching him stealing glances of the two beauties in the buff, but he didn’t and wrote it off to old habits dying hard.

“Wow, okay,” Rachel said, glancing at Kate’s naked body. “This is getting way too weird.”

“Oh come on, Rachel!” Kate laughed. “Live a little.”

“No thanks.”

“It’d be a lot cooler if you did,” Clutch said, handing Rory what was left of the joint. “Last one in is a rotten egg!” he yelled, running for the water and screaming like a banshee. He high-stepped through the shallows, his white butt cheeks glowing in the bright moonlight, and dove in head first. A few seconds later, he came up for air and howled into the night. “Damn that feels good!”

Woody stood up and dropped his long board shorts, making Kate’s and Ashley’s eyes widen.

“Really?”
Rory said, looking away as if Woody had just opened the Ark and released a whirlwind of swarming evil spirits. “You’re just gonna bust that thing out right here?”