Flotilla (21 page)

We moved into what Riley referred to as 'the friend zone'. Lots of talk and IM'ing - no texting service out here. I only had two weeks to establish some kind of relationship that would continue after I got back to shore. Ethan gradually won Dad's respect and they discussed different topics not related to fishing.

Dad and Ethan spent a Monday evening debating aspects of anthropology and the Colony over a bottle of cheap red wine. Their arguments got more passionate after the second or third glass but they parted on friendly terms. I tried listening but the entire discussion was way over my head. Dad could be incredibly intellectual when the mood struck him ... he never behaved that way with me. Why was he being so nice to Ethan? "I thought you hated them."

"When did I say that?" Dad asked, looking confused.

"You never say anything nice about them."

"I'm not a fan, kid, but it's been a while since anyone got me warmed up on the sociology of the colony." He lit a cigarette and blew smoke at the ceiling. "You'll never catch the rest of these knuckleheads cracking a book. Ethan's a nice change."

I was due back on Saturday. The day before, Dad and I were working cold weather pen patrol ... this was a change for me. In the cold weather, you swapped off pens and spent double the amount of time warming up. Dad wasn't demanding that I do the work ... he even offered to swap me for his heated dry suit, but that creeped me out. I didn't want to wear Dad's suit, you might as well be trading underwear. Dad shrugged and commenced pulling neoprene over his head. He also went to the extra trouble of brewing a large pot of hot coffee and boiling water for hot chocolate. Some of these preparations ought to have flagged me that something was up, but I was distracted with an email from someone at school.

Dad poured himself a large cup of the coffee. "Okay, sport. Let's roll." We went out into the fishing porch while Dad finalized his dry suit prep. It was cold out there but my wet suit was keeping me warm. Dad took the first pen and left me out there on the dock as line tender. No big deal ... I felt myself moving into the same familiar routine of holding Dad's line and listening to the regulator for any weird noises. Dad moved quickly through the pen. Practice makes perfect. He climbed out, spitting his regulator out and groaning as he pulled himself up on the ladder.

"So cold I almost turned into a woman," Dad said through his chattering teeth and I laughed ... Guy humor. I was anxious to get back at it again but Dad stopped me as I was pulling my mask and fins on. "It's colder than I thought. Let me do it." How cute, Dad was worried about me.

"Nah, I got it, Dad," I said. I did this for over two months during the summer - what was the problem? I bit onto the regulator and waved bye-bye to Dad as I stepped off the dock and into Pen 2.

The cold water was bad, it turned out. As soon as I jumped into the green world again, I started to hyperventilate. This was cold, colder than anything else I'd ever felt out here. I slowly got my breathing under control and tried to swim. The cold water drove spikes into my head and swimming took more air, more effort and more time than I ever remembered it taking. Was I that out of shape? No ... it's just cold. I pulled myself out of Pen 2 with a groan and slumped over on the dock, gasping for air.

"Com'on, ya big baby," Dad said, pulling his face mask back on. He tried to warn me and I didn't listen. I wasn't getting sympathy from him. I groaned again and finally caught enough breath to say: "My nuts ache, Dad." I was horrified to hear a female snicker on the docks behind me.

Stacy had decided to drop by and say 'good-bye' for tomorrow. I was too cold to notice her when I first got out. The teenage years of anyone's life seems to be populated with epic stories of embarrassment and shame. With a little time and distance, you can laugh about it, but when they happen, the world manages to skip a beat. My unrecoverable gaff was there for all to see and enjoy.
Epic Fail.

My earlier problems were nothing more than a distant memory. I was frozen, unable to turn or raise my head. My heart started doing crazy palpitations while I cast about frantically, trying to explain why I was refusing to get up off of the wet and cold dock. Dad was unaware of all of this and when he turned around from where he was finalizing his prep, he saw me lying frozen on the dock like road kill. "Get up, Jim!" he ordered.

I wanted to commit suicide right there. Since there were no swords to fall on, well, the only thing I could think of was: Leave. Bolting upright, I walked away from both Stacy and Dad and disappeared into the
Horner
. Dad was left standing on the deck open-mouthed and confused.

I didn't come out of my stateroom for hours and when I did, Dad was quietly looking over some inventory sheets that had to do with how large his catch was, which was shortly being turned over to Pac Fisheries. He didn't say anything and neither did I. Don't ask me if I want to talk about it.

God help me if Riley ever found out. We shared a last dinner together of canned tomato soup and grilled cheese sandwiches. We talked about the catch, about Madison, about school and I just kept chattering to keep the conversation steered away from me and my
huevos
.

I returned to the mainland the next day without a word to Stacy. Give it one or two days, tops and the I'll have a new nickname: Ice Cold Nuts or something. I refused to meet anyone's eye when I boarded Ignacio's boat for shore. When I got back, I didn't bother telling anyone about Stacy. There was no way I would be hearing from her again.

This made the mail from her about a week later a nice surprise. She wrote to ask how the trip was and told me how Dad and Ethan were continuing to hammer away at each other with their 'differing world views'. She had met Hector, Mitch Cutter and Jeb Francis, who she said "kept staring at her in a really disgusting way". I surprised himself with a lot of manly talk about 'taking care of Jeb' or other nonsense. If Ethan was comfortable about using a machete on me then he could handle anything Jeb might dish out. This was my first serious relationship ... I was falling for her hard. I had all the classic symptoms.

Our current position is: 34deg36'13.03"N 120deg40'1.51"W

Frigging Riley. He IM's me late in March while I'm discussing my return to the Colony and asks "Has Stacy told you about Mitch?" That was all he needed to say. I was completely paranoid about Stacy breaking up with me and hooking up with Mitch. Like I didn't hate him enough already. I fantasized about the perfect method: tied to the flukes of that antique anchor on the
Gun Range
and dropped off the side - no muss, no fuss.

I don't think anyone would miss Mitch much but I think Miguel would miss the anchor. He dropped this drama bomb on me one night when I was chatting with the both of them. She's going on about something over on one window and Riley's telling me she's secretly cheating on me in another. What I did next was very ill-advised:

ME: ARE YOU CHEATING!

STACY: What?

ME: Are

ME: You

ME: CHEATING ON ME!???

ME: ARE YOU CHEATING ON ME!!!!!11!!!????????/?

S: No, Jim, I am not cheating on you. Who told you that?

M: It doesn't matter. When was the last time you saw Mitch?

S: Riley told you I was seeing Mitch, didn't he?

M: When did you see him!?

M: That jerk - I will kill him - you better kiss him good-bye because he's dead tonight, DO YOU HEAR ME!?

M: I WILL HAVE HIM GONE - ONE PHONE CALL.

S: Jim, calm down.

M: ONE PHONE CALL - I'M DIALING RIGHT NOW

Blah, blah, blah. Can you imagine a 14-year-old talking like this? I think I got it from a movie. I might have sounded really tough except my voice was cracking and I sounded like Mickey Mouse.

I go on like this for a few hours with Stacy. We start arguing back and forth, we suddenly bring up all kinds of relationship crap and we almost break up over this. Riley disappears on me in IM after 'promising to keep an eye on Stacy' - idiot. Now I have all kinds of questions and he drops out on me! I wasn't sure who I was more pissed off at, him or Stacy. Either way, the entire thing makes me absolutely crazy and I lose it. She reacts by getting pissed herself (and I can't blame her, I was a real ass) and our relationship almost ends right there.

About 9 o'clock that night I'm in my bedroom, still fuming, when the phone rings. It's Riley and he's laughing his butt off. "Hey baby," he says laughing.

"Where have you been all day? I've been trying to get more info out of you and she's denying everything!" I was ready to reach through the phone and throttle him.

"Of course she's denying everything, what do you expect?" He was still laughing.

"Whattaya mean?"

"I made it up."

His laughing and my current state of mind made me a little slow. The sentence took a few seconds to register. "What?"

"I made it up. I was yanking your chain."

I went mad ... seriously. Completely bonkers. He hung up on me, still laughing, as I screamed at him like I did at Emil at the good ol' Mugu Rock. Marty and Mom ran into my room convinced I caught my balls in a light socket or something. I tried to get Stacy back on chat but she was offline and Mom wouldn't spring for a phone call. "It's too expensive...emergencies only," she said. Relationship emergencies didn't count, I found out. I was frantic; I sent an email to Dad late that night. He got back to me the next morning. Sounds like I screwed up ... he would do what he could. I waited on pins and needles.

Dad decided in his infinite wisdom to cut me a break and explain the whole thing to Ethan who in turn explained it all to Stacy. Imagine a father sticking up for his daughter's boyfriend - it doesn't happen often but in the end they both went to bat for me. Now that I think about it, this was a huge favor. Stacy and I spent a lot of time making up and inventing steamy scenarios via instant messenger and email for 'make up time' when I got back out there. We had a relationship to mend.

But what to do about Riley? Great prank but I was still pissed that he'd pulled it on me and I wanted some payback. I asked Dad and all he said was "Hey, I just saved your relationship." Miguel? I didn't bother asking. It was necessary to get Riley ... it was a moral imperative.

A gay kid in my English class was offended when I asked him what I wanted but then he decided it was funny after all. He gave me a picture of himself with his digits on the back and I mailed it off to Riley, courtesy the Pac Fish offices that accepted mail for all colony residents. The first picture he ignored, the third or fourth, I got an email from Riley. All he wrote was "IS THIS YOU?"

I had forgotten the prank and replied back "What?" Then he breaks open with this story about a rapist sending him pictures and planning to 'do something'. He sounded genuinely freaked out and it was all I could do not to give the game away. I stayed with my "I know nothing" line. I took a picture I had of Riley and started putting his face on a variety of beefcake pictures to email them. I started getting updates from Stacy when his mom heard and freaked completely out.

She had the IT staff at Pac Fish trace the mails and demanded they run it down as a potential terrorist threat. The gay kid used a fake address and they never traced it farther than the high school library computer. He didn't know what high school I went to so it was a perfect cover.

Probation ended, finally. I had my last visit with my probation officer, a last urine test and that was that. Mom was happy but she still got on me about school and Stacy. The tone of the conversation was the same except for Instead of 'slacking through high school because of your hoodlum friends', I was 'slacking through high school sending emails to your girlfriend'. We fought about once a day over something and the whole house was on edge because of us.

As luck would have it, I got stuck one night about three weeks before the end of the school year. Marty and Madison were out at the store and I was up in my room playing video games while Mom had her friends over for cocktails. I stopped for a biology break between rounds and on my way to the bathroom I caught part of a conversation that sounded like it had something to do with me. I stuck around for a listen. It's always jolting to hear your parents discussing you like a kid you barely know. She was answering someone's question.