Flutter (32 page)

“Good idea.” Mae was slightly relieved at that.

“Well, I’m going back to bed,” Milo yawned. “I’m sure
she’ll turn up.”

I hurried across the hall to my room, and Jack
trailed behind me. Mae stayed behind in the hallway to argue with
Milo about how innocent Jane was while I pulled my cell phone out
of my pants pocket. Jack rubbed his bare arms and shook his
head.

“You don’t really believe something happened to
Jane?” Jack asked quietly.

“I don’t really know, and I’ll feel better making
sure.” I scrolled through my phone for her number, then hit
call.

The phone rang in my ear, and I watched as Milo and
Bobby slunk back to their room. Mae looked at me expectantly, and I
started to tell her that Jane wasn’t answering when Jane picked
up.

“Yeah, what?” Jane sounded bored.

“Jane?” I asked tentatively. “Where are you?”

“Out. Your place was a drag,” Jane yawned.

“Really? You’re calling us a ‘drag?’” I asked. Mae
peered at me with concern, but Jack rolled his eyes and walked to
the other side of the room.

“No, you’re not.” Jane sighed. “Look, I know you guys
have been really good to me, and I appreciate all your hospitality.
But… the thing is, I need a bite.”

“We have food here, Jane. You didn’t need to-”

“No, not a bite to eat,” Jane cut me off. “I need to
be bitten.”

“But… No,” I shook my head. “We just got you out of
there. That life is bad for you, and you know it.”

“Jonathan is bad for me, and I got a little carried
away on Halloween.” Jane made it sound like she had a drink too
many at an office party. She had almost died because a vampire was
eating her throat. “But I still love the way it feels, and I’ve
just been craving it.”

“Jane!” I shouted, incredulous. “No! You will die if
you keep it up!”

“I don’t think I will, but so be it.” There was noise
behind her, and Jane sounded in a hurry when she spoke again. “I
gotta go. Thanks for everything, though, Alice. I’m sure I’ll see
you again.”

“No, Jane! Wait!” I said, but she’d already hung
up.

“What’s going on? Where is she?” Mae asked.

“I don’t know.” I shook my head and tried calling her
again, but it went right to voicemail. “Dammit. She shut off her
phone.”

“What did she say? Why did she leave?” Mae asked.

“She, um…” I considered lying to Mae, but what was
the point? “She wanted to go get bit. I guess she’s going back to
being a bloodwhore.”

“No
!”
Mae’s eyes widened with terror. “She can’t! She’ll die!”

“I know. I told her that.” I was taken aback by her
intensity, and I looked to Jack for help.

“Mae, she’s a junkie,” Jack said, not unkindly.
Considering how much he currently disliked Mae and Jane, he was
handling this quite well. “The last high had worn off from being
bit, and she had to go out and get another fix. You can’t keep her
here for a couple days and expect to cure her.”

“No. She was doing so well,” Mae shook here head
fiercely. “I refuse to believe she willingly went back out there.
I’ve got to find her.”

“Mae, the sun is about to come up.” I gestured to the
windows. No light ever spilled in around the curtains, but I could
feel when the sun rose and set. It was a weird vampire tick. “She’s
probably crashing somewhere for awhile. She won’t even be able to
find a vampire until night fall.”

“You don’t know that!” Mae insisted. “I’m going out
after her.” With that, she walked out.

“Mae!” I went to stop her as she left the room, but
Jack put his hand on my arm.

“Let her go,” Jack said. “She’s not going to listen
to reason anymore than Jane will.”

I ran my hands through my hair and stared out the
door. Across the hall, Mae had left Peter’s bedroom door open, and
I could see into the empty disaster that had been Jane’s space.

“Do you think we should go after Jane?”

“Where?” Jack stared across the hall at the same
thing I was. “Do you know where she went?”

“No. It feels weird just letting Jane go, though.” I
chewed my lip.

“You can’t save her if she doesn’t want to be saved,”
Jack smiled sadly at me.

I knew he was right, but I just hated the way it
felt. We had gone through a lot of trouble to get her here, and
Bobby had risked his life. I thought Jane had really seen the error
of her ways, but she just needed a place to crash. Jack put his
hand on my back, and I leaned into him, resting my head on his
shoulder.

“I probably say this way too much, but it’s going to
be okay, Alice. Honest.”

“I know.” I wasn’t sure if I really believed it, but
I had to hope it was true. Jack kissed the top of my head and
pulled away from me. “Hey, where are you going?”

“Taking a rain check on tonight.” He went over to the
closet and changed into his pajamas. When he walked out, he was
still pulling his shirt on over his head. “The mood is kind of
destroyed.”

“I can reset the mood,” I offered with a smile, but
it felt plastic even to me. I wanted to want him, but my heart
wasn’t really in it just then. He walked over to me, and I put my
hand on his chest, amending my sentiments. “It could be a really
good distraction.”

“Probably,” Jack agreed, smiling. “But I’d like to be
more than just a distraction.” He kissed my forehead before heading
out of the room. “I’ll be in the den if you need me.”

I stayed awake long after Jack left. I should’ve
convinced him to stay with me, even if we didn’t do anything. In a
house overflowing with people, I felt strangely lonely. After
everything I had tried to do for Jane, it had inevitably been a
failure.

Even if I saved her today, what about tomorrow? Or
the day after? Eventually she would die, and all my efforts would
amount to decomposing in the dirt. Everything suddenly felt really
pointless, but I tried to shake it off and get some sleep.

Jack once again started the day with an apartment
hunt, which I once again declined. It had taken forever for me to
fall asleep, and I wasn’t up to it. I wasn’t even sure that I
wanted to move out, but by now, I knew that I didn’t have a
choice.

Peter had made it perfectly clear that cohabitating
with him would be impossible, and considering Jack had actually
been alive for over forty years, it was about time that he started
living on his own.

I hadn’t been awake for that long when Jack returned.
I decided to take a shower, but I noticed the state of our
bathroom. Mae was still gone, determined to rescue Jane, and I
thought as a nice treat for her return, I’d get all our towels down
and actually clean the bathroom.

I pulled my hair back in a messy bun and grabbed the
Comet and got to work. I was scrubbing dried toothpaste and shaving
cream off the sink when I heard Jack bounding up the stairs.

“Alice!” Jack shouted. “I’ve got great news!”

I came out of the bathroom, and I know I looked hot.
I had on yellow rubber gloves to keep my hands from getting all
mucky, and I held the Comet soaked sponge. My pajamas had water and
soap splattered on them, and my hair fell out of the bun.

“What are you doing?” Jack gave me a perplexed look,
but his delight was unmistakable.

“Cleaning, but never mind.” I tossed the sponge back
in the bathroom, since I doubted I needed it to converse with Jack.
“What’s your great news?”

“I got us a place!” Jack beamed, and it was struggle
for him to keep from jumping up and down. I smiled because he was,
but the nerves in my belly tightened.

“Already?” I asked, and somehow managed to keep the
unease out of my voice.

“Yeah! I know you haven’t seen it,
but it’s perfect! It’s absolutely perfect! You’ll love it!” He’d
already fallen in love with the place. “I had to put money down
because it’s so hard to find a place that matched all our needs,
and it would get scooped up crazy fast. But I set up a time for you
to see it tomorrow, and if you don’t like it, the deal’s off. I
won’t make you move anywhere you don’t want to, but this place was
just so
perfect
.”

“No, I’m sure it’s great. If you love it, I know I
will too.” That was completely true, so I didn’t understand why I
didn’t feel that way. His happiness was taking me over, but a bit
of doubt still gnawed at me.

“They allow Matilda, and
it’s
really
hard
to find a place that allows big dogs, and there’s a dog park real
close by. It’s three bedrooms, one for us, one for Milo, and one
for… I don’t know. Cause why not?” Jack shrugged. “And it has this
fantastic balcony!”

“Do we even use the balcony now?” I asked. All three
of the upstairs bedrooms had balconies, but I’m pretty sure that I
had never been on one, and the only person I’d ever seen use them
was Peter. After we kissed. That reminded me that I had to move
out. “I’m sure we’ll use it more since we don’t have a yard.”

“I know we’ll be giving up some space and some
creature comforts, but I think it’ll be great.” Jack had calmed
down some, and he looked at me sincerely. “We’ll be able to have a
life of our own, you know?”

“Yeah, totally.” I nodded.

“I stopped and got some boxes on my way back, so we
can start packing some stuff up.” He edged away to the door. “I’ll
be right back.”

“Okay. I think that I’m gonna take a quick shower and
get all the cleaning gunk off of me,” I said. Jack barely heard me
because he was already darting down the stairs.

Once he was gone and took his emotions with him, my
anxiety had a chance to kick in. I tore off the stupid rubber
gloves and went into the closet to get a change of clothes. I
needed a moment to catch my breath. It all felt so sudden, and I
couldn’t explain what terrified me so much about it.

We were just moving out, not that far away, and Milo
and Ezra and everyone would still be a part of our lives. Jack made
decent money working with Ezra, although I was too embarrassed to
ask the exact dollar amount, but I’m sure he could afford to take
care of us. There was nothing to fear really.

Except being alone. As much as I wanted to be with
him, it scared the hell out of me. On top of all these vampire hang
ups about possibly murdering him, I still had the normal teenage
girl insecurities. I had never been with anyone before, and Jack
had. And if something were to go wrong, we were on our own. Milo
wouldn’t know how to handle anything, and Ezra couldn’t get there
in time.

As I leafed through my drawer of undergarments, it
finally dawned on me. Without a doubt, I wanted to spend the rest
of my life with Jack, and I definitely wanted to have sex with him.
It would happen someday, and probably someday very soon if we were
living on our own. So why not now?

Ezra was downstairs in the den, and Milo was next
door. If something happened, I could easily get help. And really, I
was sick of waiting. I was sick of interruptions. I loved him, and
it was time.

- 31 –

I purposely held my clothes close to me when I came
out of the closet so Jack wouldn’t notice, but he probably wouldn’t
have noticed if I were waving them on a flag in front of me. He put
some mix CD in the stereo that he claimed had lots of “upbeat jams”
that got him in the mood to pack.

Normally, I would’ve argued with him about why he had
to have a mix CD to get him in the mood to do something as specific
and rare as packing, but I was on a mission. When I went into the
bathroom, I left him grooving to Robert Palmer while tossing some
of his graphic novels into a cardboard box.

After the shower I slipped on my sexy lingerie. Last
month, Mae had given me a credit card and let me loose on the
internet. I went to Fredricks of Hollywood, and I spotted this
little number. Dark purple, lacy, and sheer, it had a baby doll top
with matching panties. My stomach twisted with excitement and
nerves, and I opened the bathroom door.

The wall was open, revealing the secret closet where
Jack had his thousands of DVD’s. He filled up a box with his
movies, and he was too busy singing and dancing along to the music
to notice me. I did a sexy lean up against the doorframe, and I
didn’t really want to move and ruin it, so I had to wait for him to
notice me.

“I’m probably gonna have to buy like a massive
entertainment center for all these movies,” Jack said, staring up
at his DVD’s. It overwhelmed him for a minute, so he sighed, and
finally turned back to look at me. I have no idea what he was
planning to say, but his jaw fell open and his eyes widened. “Holy
hell.”

“Is that a good holy hell?” I blushed deeply, and I
had never felt so self-conscious in my entire life. Maybe this was
a really bad idea.

“Yeah.” He seemed to recover a bit and smiled at me.
“What’s all this for?”

“You know.” I bit my lip and looked up at him, hoping
he would catch the gigantic hint and wouldn’t make me spell it
aloud. I took a step closer to him, but Savage Garden singing
“Truly Madly Deeply” threw off the mood. “Can you change the
song?”

“Oh, yeah.” He clumsily grabbed the remote off the
bed, almost dropping it, and flicked the song to the next track. It
was Panic ! at the Disco’s “Lying is the Most Fun,” and while I
wasn’t sure how it was an upbeat jam, I liked it a lot more.
“Better?”

“Much,” I nodded.

Jack walked over to me. The butterflies in my stomach
made it hard for his emotions to overpower me, but they finally
managed to. Intense and yearning, his hunger radiated off of him
like heat. He stood in front of me, taking me in a way that made me
uncomfortable, and he exhaled deeply. I couldn’t take it anymore,
so I crossed my arms over my body, trying to cover myself up.

“No, don’t do that!” Jack protested more loudly than
he meant to. I lowered my arms, and he touched my cheek, then moved
his fingers back to my hair. “You are so gorgeous. What are you
doing with me?”