Foodchain (28 page)

Frank was trying to think of something clever to say, something maybe even downright romantic, when Mr. Noe’s dog, all four pounds of pop eyes and bristling fury, came around the corner, strutting through the dead grass with his sharp nose and sharper teeth, and caught sight of Petunia.

But instead of flinching and barking, as Frank expected, he pranced right on over, and now Frank could see quite clearly that Maximus was indeed quite male, as his penis suddenly erupted like an embarrassingly red and swollen cocktail straw.

Before Petunia even knew Maximus was there, the little dog was on her. Frank didn’t even have a chance to stop scratching her ears. Maximus rose up and launched his pelvis at the base of Petunia’s wriggling stump of a tail. Petunia jerked sideways at first contact, somehow swiveling with her front shoulders, kicking her hindquarters into space; she brought her sledgehammer head around faster than Frank’s eyes could follow, and crushed Maximus’s skull in one chomp. It sounded like hitting a shotgun shell full of #9 shot, when you’ve got it in a wood vice and you’re bashing away at the primer with a ball peen hammer, all dry and crackling.

Petunia wouldn’t let go. If anything, she sunk her teeth even deeper, locking those jaws into place. She shook the tiny dog’s body viciously, like she was trying to water the lawn with his blood.

“I guess Petunia wasn’t in the mood,” Annie said.

“Was she in heat?” Frank asked. For some reason, this seemed important, as if it might be some kind of shelter in the face of the inevitable storm.

Petunia tossed the little sack of bones and skin into the air, then pounced as soon as it hit the grass. She shook it again, just for the hell of it, and proudly brought it over to Frank and Annie, dropping it at their feet. She sat back and panted at them, mouth open in a toothy grin, bloody tongue lolling wildly.

“Oh, oh, you’re fucked.” Theo peered around the back end of the fire truck. “You are fucked but good. Dad! DAD! That Glouck dog just killed Doctor No’s dog!”

* * * * *

“Maxeeemussss!” Mr. Noe shrieked and wobbled in front of his dead dog. But he couldn’t bring himself to touch the corpse. Petunia rolled her eyes towards him, decided he was harmless and had no food, and turned her attention back to Frank and Annie, that stump of a tail just a blur. Mr. Noe’s horrified stare went from his dog to Petunia and back to what was left of his dog. He rose and slipped backwards through the knot of hunters crowding around the two dogs.

“For a dead dog, he sure is excited,” Girdler said, nodding at Maximus’s erection.

Sturm’s icy gaze slid over Frank and Annie, noticing everything. “Just what in the hell happened here, Frank?”

Frank shrugged. “I guess Petunia was in heat…and the little dog here thought he’d help himself…and well, Petunia wasn’t…ready.”

Sturm stared at Annie. “What’s that dog doing here?”

“She’s with me,” Annie said, voice sharp and definite.

“Well,” Sturm said, “this is one major fuckup, that’s for goddamn sure. I’m gonna have to give Mr. Noe some kind of a discount…where is he?”

“Here he comes,” Asshole #3 said. “Looks upset. Where’d he get that rifle?”

Mr. Noe shouldered his way through the cluster of hunters, brandishing some kind of stocky European rifle with a banana clip. He jerked the bolt back and let it slam home. Everybody suddenly gave him some room to move; it was like Mr. Noe exhaled, and his breath blew everyone back five feet.

“Now just hang on here now—“ Sturm began.

Mr. Noe pulled the rifle to his shoulder and the barrel found Petunia.

Frank was on his feet, fist around an unopened can of Milwaukee’s Best Ice, and as Mr. Noe’s finger settled over the trigger, Frank flung the can at Mr. Noe’s head. Twelve full ounces of cold beer encased in whisper-thin aluminum cracked into Mr. Noe’s forehead and his rifle spit out a bullet that took out the side mirror of the fire truck instead of Petunia. Mr. Noe’s head snapped back and this time, his hat did fly off.

Annie smacked her open palm across Petunia’s hind end and hissed, “Home! Now!” Petunia was disappointed, but she waddled away.

Mr. Noe shook his head, blinking rapidly. He found a white handkerchief in his coat pocket, fluffed it out and pressed it to the red half-moon on his forehead. His small eyes found Frank. “I think, Meester, you make a very big mistake.”

“Yeah,” Frank said.

I think, Meester, that I will shoot both you and the dog, yes?” Mr. Noe said, reshouldering his rifle.

“You do what you think you have to,” Frank said.

Mr. Noe pivoted, aiming at Petunia in the street. The hunters parted like the Red Sea, giving him a clear shot. Frank was all out of cans, so he simply whipped one of his long arms out and snatched the rifle from Mr. Noe’s hands. He jerked the banana clip out, aimed up at the sky, and fired off the remaining round.

“You aren’t shooting that dog today,” he said, tucking the clip into the back pocket of his jeans. Frank advanced on Mr. Noe, his eyes glowing with an unnatural light from deep within his blood caked skin. “Understand, I’m sorry about your dog. It’s tough to lose a pet, I know. But your dog asked for it. Now, I’d be happy to bury your dog. I’ll show it the respect you demand. But I’ll be damned if you’re gonna shoot her dog.” He handed the empty rifle back to Mr. Noe.

Mr. Noe stared uncomfortably at this man who looked like he’d just crawled from inside of a gutshot elephant and took the rifle gingerly, keeping it well away from his white suit.

“Okay, Frank, okay,” Sturm said. “It’s been a long day already. Why don’t you head back to the hospital, get yourself cleaned up. You’ll feel better.”

“C’mon Frank,” Annie said, taking his arm. “Let’s get you home.”

* * * * *

She led him across the street. Sturm said something quiet to Mr. Noe, then called to Frank. “Frank. Hold up. Frank!” Sturm trotted over to them. He glanced at Annie for a second, but Frank couldn’t read the expression. “Listen,” he took Frank by the waist, since he couldn’t reach Frank’s shoulders, and led him into the center of Main Street. “Listen, I, ah, don’t worry ’bout this. With this client, I mean. We’ll get his money.” He steered Frank on farther, down to the intersection. “I’ll take care of it. Don’t worry. You just worry ‘bout them cats, okay? You make sure Lady and Princess are in the best of health, okay? That’s all I’m asking for.” He glanced at Mr. Noe. “I’ll take care of Mr. Dipshit here. You just go on back to the office and get cleaned up. And keep them cats happy.”

Sturm stopped at the crosswalk white line. Frank took three more steps and looked back. Sturm scuffed his boot against the pavement. “And just as important, I also just wanted to apologize for my behavior the other day, when me and Theo were getting a picture of the monkey.” Frank stopped and listened. “Didn’t mean to come on so strong. Sometimes my temper really gets a hold of me and I don’t know if it’s cause of the tumor or what, but it seems like when it happens, all I can do is spit fire. You’re doing a fine job. Keep it up. Now, you take that bottle and go on back to the office and have some fun.”

* * * * *

“Me and Petunia, we’re lucky, you know.”

“Why?”

Annie still had her arm linked in Frank’s, and now she took his hand, interlacing her fingers within his. They were walking south along the highway, towards the vet hospital. The sun was still at least an hour away from the horizon, but Frank couldn’t feel it anymore. Maybe the dried blood acted as some kind of extra-strength sunblock. The Jack Daniel’s was nearly gone.

“’Cause we met you, dumbshit.”

“I don’t understand.”

“You stopped him.”

Frank shook his head. “Nah. I just distracted him.”

“No. You stopped a man from shooting my dog. I owe you.”

Frank shook his head again. “Shit, if it wasn’t for me, you wouldn’t have been there.” He coughed out a chuckle. “Shit, if it wasn’t for me,
he
wouldn’t of been there. Hell, I’m the one who brought all this to your town.”

Annie didn’t answer. They walked in silence, past the quiet streets that branched off the main road. “Maybe so,” she said finally. “But this town was dead long before you showed up. Now, for the people left, for my family, there’s a chance to make something of themselves. There’s a chance to make some money.” She caressed his shoulder with her free hand, picking away at the dried blood.

“I don’t know. Sturm doesn’t seem to be in much of a hurry to pay me. Has he paid your family yet?”

“Of course.”

“All of it?”

Annie thought for a moment. “Well, no, I guess not. He dropped off the down payment, and we used that for supplies.”

“When’s he supposed to pay the rest?”

“I don’t know.”

“What if he doesn’t pay your family?”

“He will,” Annie laughed nervously. “Would you try to cheat
my
family?”

“No. But I’m not dying of cancer, either.”

They walked in silence for a while.

“All I know is that there’s an awful lot of cash coming into this valley,” Frank said. “And I don’t know if Sturm is gonna share.”

* * * * *

They reached the vet hospital. Instead of going in, she uncoiled a hose, turned the water on, then drank deeply. She turned to him, letting the water hit her chest briefly. “Oops.” The thin cotton greedily drank the water, transforming the fabric into a transparent sheen. “You wouldn’t happen to have some kind of tub around here, would you?”

Frank didn’t take long. “Think there might be something in the barn. Let me check.” Sure enough, buried deep in a pile of junk in the stall next to the rhino, was a metal tub almost three feet deep. He dragged it out to Annie. She had him put in the middle of the back yard, in the direct sunlight, and washed it out.

She said, “Now strip.”

Frank was too tired, too drunk to argue. He peeled off his sticky shirt, and slid his jeans down to his ankles while Annie aimed the stream of water into the tub. Barefoot, but still wearing white underwear, Frank took another swig of whiskey. “In,” Annie said, and flattened her palm against his chest and forced him backwards into the tub.

The water sent sparks through his brain. It felt gloriously cold. Annie grinned and worked the end of the hose along his skull, washing away the flakes of dried blood. She hooked the hose under his knee and let the water continue filling the tub. She handed him the bottle and said, “Drink up. I’ll be right back.”

She went into the vet hospital, leaving Frank alone with his bottle and the hose, shooting fresh, freezing water into his bath. He finished the bottle, deliberately blocking out the day, focusing solely on the field of star thistles and the jagged mountains. He finished the bottle, screwed the cap back on, and let it float around in the tub with him.

Annie came back out with a fresh grin and a bar of soap. She had Frank lean forward so she could work the lather into the short stubble that covered his scalp. “I liked your hair better when it was longer,” she said. “But I can understand why you cut it.” Her strong fingers firmly worked their way up his skull and he shivered. “Sturm told me you had some folks upset with you.”

His vision slipped into liquid darkness. “Sturm told you that?”

“Yeah.” Her slippery smooth fingers moved down to his shoulders, gripping and squeezing.

“When was this?”

“I dunno. The other day.”

The water felt warm all of a sudden; his vision sparked back over, and the quick sun was too bright. “What were you talking to him about?”

“I dunno. Stuff.”

“You talk about me?”

“Already told you. Yes.”

“What did he say?”

“He said you were a goddamn genius with all these animals. Idiot savant I believe is what he said.”

“Anything else?”

“No.”

“You sure?”

Annie sat back and wiped her forehead with her forearm. “What are you getting at here, Frank?”

Frank looked back at the mountains. “Are you here ’cause you like me…or did Sturm set this up?”

“Oh for god’s sake, Frank. I like you. Of course I like you. Thought we’d been through this.”

“But did Sturm tell you to come back here with me? Did he pay you to come back here with me?”

She stopped rubbing his back and flicked the soap off her fingers. “Who cares? I’m here with you. That should tell you everything you need to know.”

“No. That’s not…Did he pay you to be here with me today?”

“Christ, Frank. I’d be here whether he paid me or not.”

“So he paid you.”

“Yeah. Fuck, I wasn’t going to turn down money. It was cash, you understand.”

“Yeah.”

“Listen to yourself. It was a chance for me to be here. And he said he’d pay me, got that? So not only would I be here with you, I was going to get paid for it. Fuck, I wasn’t going to turn it down.”

Frank closed his eyes and sank down to his lips in the water. “Go home.”

“Just relax. I—”

“I said, go home. Get the fuck out.”

“Fine. Fine. Okay tough guy. Enjoy your bath.”