Fool Me Once (11 page)

“Oh my God!” She whispered.” Was I being that obvious? Please tell me I wasn’t that obvious.”

Sighing, James squeezed her shoulder.

“No darlin’. You are only obvious to me because I know you so well, but if anyone else bothered to look hard enough, they would see something was up. Do you want to talk about it?”

“Oh James, what am I going to do?” Her voice cracking slightly with repressed tears.” I was stupid enough to fall for him when I was eighteen; I think I have done it again. But this time it’s worse. There are no reasons for me to want or love him, he has been odious to me since we met again, but somehow, I can’t see myself with anyone else. I compared all my dates to him, since I was eighteen, and no one ever measured up. I don’t know what to do, he doesn’t like me, he used to despise me and I’m not sure he has stopped. I never thought I would be one of those girls looking for punishment you know. Never thought I’d fall for a guy that gives me nothing but grief, as arrogant as he is handsome. I thought I was smarter then that. But every time I look at him, I see him the way he was when I first met him, I see the softness in his eyes, and the hidden pain. I see the kind, gentle man, not the cold person he is today. I don’t want to love him, how do I stop?”

“You cant sweetie. You have to wait it out. You are a strong woman; you will live through it. If he can’t see you for who you are, if he can’t see how truly wonderful you are, if he prefers that blonde bimbo to you, then he is not worthy of you. I saw the way he was looking at you, and there was so much in that look. He is not indifferent to you, not by a long shot. Maybe, it is only attraction; maybe it’s more then that. Have you thought of doing something about the attraction bit? Remember Eva, love and hate are strangely close. If he didn’t care about you, he wouldn’t hate you so much.”

“Thanks James but I know nothing of seduction. Plus even if he wanted me, he doesn’t want to want me. He thinks the worst of me, he believes I cheat, play and use men in my everyday life. Seducing him would mean for him to discover that I am still…err well you know, and then he would know he was wrong about me, that I was none of those things. But I don’t want him to find out like that. I want him to like, trust and love me because he knows me, and that the things about me aren’t true because of the person I am, not because he was forced to reevaluate his beliefs because of the state my hymen is in. I also don’t want him to read too much into me giving him my innocence. I am not ready for that.”

Fortunately, at that moment someone required her help and she kept busy until the end of the evening. She had no choice but to put her worries in the back of her mind. She could always deal with everything later, much later.

“Jake darling, you aren’t very talkative tonight.” Shelley purred.” You seem to be paying a little too much attention to the buffet table.”

“Sorry Shelley, I am just a little distracted.”

“Oh? Distracted by what, or should I say whom, that girl by the buffet? Eva is her name if I remember correctly.” She laughed a little too loudly.“ You know, I once stole her boyfriend, I think his name was Ben…or something like that. It was too easy. I dumped him soon afterwards though; he was too immature, too much of a boy, not enough of a man. Know what I mean?” she caressed his arm seductively, but when he didn’t respond as she had hoped she continued talking.” I remember her making a scene at our Christmas formal senior year. “She wrinkled her nose in distaste.” I am not sure what it was about, but her last semester must have been lonely. She always walked around and looked pitiful as if her best friend had been killed or something. It really was pathetic…” She stopped talking when she felt him tense. Clueless she asked “Jake, is something wrong?”

“Nothing.” But in his head he could tell everything that was wrong with her. She was cold, she had no compassion for others, and all she cared about was herself and herself some more. Sure she was beautiful, for a moment, until she started speaking. He didn’t want to be here with her. Why had he agreed to accompany her? Again he looked in Eva’s direction and saw her shake her head again, she looked so sad. Had he come here in the hopes of seeing her? He raked his fingers through his hair and sighed. “Shelley, I think it’s time we leave.” He had to get her out of his mind, and maybe if he lost himself in Shelley, Eva would remain naught but a distant memory.

Eva saw Jake leave the ball early…with Shelley. It broke her heart to see them go together. But it also strengthened her resolve to get over her feelings for him once and for all.

He walked Shelley to the car, silent. She was beside him, oblivious to his change of mood. Not that he was surprised; she was unaware of anything that didn’t relate to or involve her. He half-listened to her incessant chatter, he knew what she was expecting and somehow he couldn’t blame her for expecting it. They had been “dating” for a few weeks now, and besides a few kisses, he had not tried to get more intimate. She seemed puzzled by his actions as if no one she had wanted had ever resisted her. He understood the men who had fallen prey to her wiles; she was a sexy woman if you didn’t care at all about her personality. At one point in his life he would have been more then happy to get her in bed. There was no danger to ever get attached to a person like her. But since he had moved and had bumped into Eva, he hadn’t been able to get interested. He had to tonight though. Sex maybe the only way to get a certain girl out of his mind. He didn’t want to think about and want Eva all the time anymore. He thought that maybe, it was sexual frustration that had him all in knots and unable to properly function. That made him crass to want to use Shelley that way, but she never had to know, and she would get what she wanted. This way, everybody was a winner

Once at the car, he opened the passenger door for Shelley, She pouted prettily at him and offered her lips for a kiss. He quickly bent to give her a peck; somehow, he couldn’t bring himself to kiss her so close to Eva. She didn’t see it that way though, she pulled him down by the neck to deepen the kiss and make sure it wouldn’t be quick and uninvolved. He stood still, trying hard not to retreat as he felt her tongue on his lips. He closed his eyes, and tried to get excited by the beautiful woman in his arms. She must have felt his reticence because her kisses grew more insistent. Why couldn’t he feel a response to her, when he was with Eva, he couldn’t keep his hands off her. He remembered the way she had looked on his bed, so soft, so beautiful. He felt himself get hard at the thought. Shelley must have noticed it because she glued herself even closer and he could have sworn she smiled. He gently took her by the shoulders and unstuck himself from her.

“Maybe I should take you home.”

She smiled triumphantly at him.

“Yes, I think we should” she said breathily. She looked sure he was now hers for the taking.

He almost smiled at the thought of what her face would look like if he told her that his body reaction was not because of her but because of another woman. He didn’t think it would make her very happy, especially since she had previously been so proud of the fact she had stolen her boyfriend so easily before. Maybe he should tell her, after all wasn’t she in part responsible for Eva’s action eight years ago? Maybe he should wait to tell her, until they were well into the night’s…err… entertainment. Or maybe he should be a man and just go home and cuddle with a bottle of some sort of alcohol. The thing was, he didn’t want to go home and feel sorry for himself, so he drove Shelley home and when she invited him up for coffee, yeah right, he accepted.

He had never been in her apartment before, and when he walked in, he felt cold. Not that the temperature was any cooler then it was everywhere, it was just the place itself. The walls were bare and the furniture was very modern and all of it black and gray. There wasn’t any soft color, or any soft rounded surfaces. Shelley looked right at home in it.

She didn’t leave him much time to look around though, as soon as they walked in, she turned to him and launch herself into his arms.

“No more playing hard to get now… you are mine.” She looked at him from beneath her fake eyelashes and drew a long painted fingernail down the button line of his shirt and stopped at his belt. Then she grabbed the belt buckle, brought his pelvis to hers, and somewhat lasciviously rubbed herself against him.

She was his to take but he felt no hint of desire. He looked down at her and was about to try and let her down easy when she said, a bit bitterly it seemed:

“I can please you like no other woman has ever pleased you before.”

Yeah right, he though. If his own hand turned him on more then all her attempts, he couldn’t imagine how she would be the best woman he ever had.

“Listen Shelley…” she stopped him from talking by once again pulling him down for a kiss. He had to stop her. He lowered her arms from his neck, and stepped away from her while still holding her hands.

“Jake? Is something wrong?” To her benefit, she really did look puzzled.

“ I can’t do this Shelley, I am not attracted to you.”

“Yes you are. I felt it outside.”

“No Shelley, I am not. I was thinking of someone else. I’m sorry.”

“You what? It’s impossible, you couldn’t have been. You were kissing me.”

“You were kissing me, Shelley, not the other way around.” He hated to hurt her feelings, but he felt it was better done now then wait.

She looked at him for a long moment, and then slapped him.

“You are a bastard!”

“Yeah, so I have heard.” He answered touching his reddening cheek. Slapping people seemed to be a fun pastime in this town.

“You will regret it you know. One day I will make you pay for this insult.”

“I am sorry Shelley, I never meant to hurt you.”

“I am not hurt, I am angry. Get out.”

And he did, get out that is, happily. Many men would have been happy to be in his shoes, well would have a moment ago, before the slapping of the cheek and the slamming of the door. They would have loved to remove that skin-fitting dress and discover whether she had any underwear beneath it. Instead all he thought about was the somewhat conservative outfit he had seen Eva wearing, how beautiful she had looked in it, and how much she could make his blood boil.

He hit the wall beside the door and swore. Guess it was cuddling with the bottle after all.

             
Eva looked at herself in the mirror, the black shadow under her were still there. She sighed, and hoped she would soon be able to get a good night sleep. Lately, every time she closed her eyes, she saw Jake and Shelley in bed, on the kitchen floor, on a table, anyway, anywhere that one could think of, doing things, she had never done or even dreamed of doing. She applied cover up; it would do no good for her mother to see the enormous bags. All she would get were questions and looks of concerns; she had enough of those from James lately. She knew he meant well, but if he kept acting around her as if she was a fragile doll just about to break, she was going to have to kill him, or at the very least scream. Well, at least he wasn’t going to be at the barbecue today, one of them had to stay at the “office” and start working on the meal for the wedding they were catering next week. Since she was Josh’s sister, it was only fair that she be the one to go, although James would have liked to argue the subject, stating he was as much a part of her family as she was, which truthfully wasn’t too far from the truth, but she had claimed blood ties. He certainly couldn’t argue with that! She smiled as she remembered his mutinous expression; sometimes men were such babies. Talking about babies, she was looking forward to playing with her nieces, the twins, Gillian and Megan. They were such wonderful little girls; she didn’t understand how their mother could just have abandoned them like that. Josh had gotten married six years earlier, but his wife had not been able to handle either married life or motherhood, so she had ran away and left Josh and the babies to fend for themselves. The divorce had become final three years ago and her brother had gotten full custody of the girls without any arguments from his ex-wife. It takes a cold woman to do what her sister-in-law had done. Eva couldn’t even imagine doing something like that; she yearned for children. And if it weren’t for the whole needing a man part, she would already have a couple of her own. Smiling at the thought, she brushed her hair back from her face and tied them in a loose ponytail. The casual clothes she was wearing would do, she wasn’t such a tomboy anymore but she never stopped liking her good old uniform of jeans and tee shirts. With a final look in the mirror she shrugged and grabbed her key from the side table by the door. The drive to her brother was short, and in a matter of minutes she walked in the backyard to be assaulted by two bundles of energy.