Foolproof (15 page)

Chapter Thirty

Ryan

I stared at the magazine, trying to make sense of what just happened. How could she possibly think I was interested in Lex again?

Fuck.

Was it because I told her that Lex and I were on good terms now? I meant as in I didn’t want to scratch my eyes out when I heard her voice. But now that I thought about it, Jules could have taken it completely the wrong way.

I flipped open to the article and stared at my check marks and absentminded drawing.

Double fuck.

I’d just told her we made up, and then she saw the magazine in my locker—oh, shit, I was so screwed.

I pulled out my phone and dialed her number. It went straight to voicemail. I tried again. Voicemail. I refrained from cussing out loud, especially with customers around. Technically, I shouldn’t have been on my phone while on the service floor, but I decided to make an exception.

“Jules, please give me a chance to explain. It’s not what you think.” I almost laughed at my plea. This was the same thing Lex had said when I walked in on her and Dwayne. I knew firsthand that phrase didn’t work. But this was different—I wasn’t actually cheating on her. “Just give me a call back when you get this.” I hung up the phone. Hell would freeze over before she’d call back.

I spent the rest of the shift trying to focus on ringing up customers, but couldn’t stop thinking about how to fix things with Jules. How could I make her see that what we had was real? It was more than that stupid checklist.

By the time I got home, I still had no clue. Ironic that the first time I finally let things go with Lex I inadvertently screwed things over with Jules. I sat at the kitchen table, swirling my spoon around in my cereal. Dad came in through the garage and walked into the kitchen, still in his work clothes.

He chucked his keys on the counter and opened the fridge. “What’s going on?”

I scooped up a Cheerio and let it drop back into the bowl. “What do you mean?”

“Jules looked like she was about to cry when she left work, and now you look like someone stole your grandma’s last biscuit. Did you say something to her?”

Dropping my spoon in the bowl, I shoved my hands through my hair. Couldn’t we call a truce for a day? “Dad, I get that you think I have zero respect, but I didn’t say anything to her.”
She wouldn’t give me the chance
, I wanted to say, but couldn’t. Didn’t want to risk Jules’s job by telling Dad we were together.

He grabbed a soda and shut the fridge. “I don’t think that.”

I gave him a hard look. “Actions speak louder than words.”

Dad sighed and sat down at the table, tapping his nails on the top of the Coke. “I know I’ve been tough on you this summer. I want you to have a good future. We came from nothing, Ryan. I don’t want you to have to take the same path I did.”

I nodded. “I know. And I’m not going to take your path. Or Gary’s.”

He cracked the lid of the soda and stared at me. “What do you mean?”

The more I thought about it, the more I couldn’t follow through with the police academy, not even if I didn’t get the internship. I’d rather keep working at Office Jax until I landed one than sign my life away to the police force. “I don’t want to join the academy.”

Dad’s features relaxed and he scrubbed his hand over his face. “Oh thank God.”

“But I don’t want a career at Office Jax. I’ll work there for now, but it isn’t the end goal.”

He blew out a sigh. “Ryan…it’s job security.”

I nodded. “And I’m thankful that you’d give me a job. But I have something that I want to go for.”

“You have another job?”

I swallowed hard. How was I going to explain this to him? “Not yet.”

He grunted and clasped his hands together on the table. “So you’re giving up two sure things for an unknown?”

“Yes. I mean, I think I finally know what I want to do.”

“Really?” He looked at me, expectantly.

“Fish and wildlife protection.”

I waited for him to scoff, to tell me I was making a mistake. He stayed quiet for a few minutes.

The longer the silence persisted, the more confident I felt about my decision. I said it aloud and it felt damn good. I’d be making a difference in a career that sounded a hell of a lot more interesting than stacking Post-it notes.

He chewed on the inside of his cheek and studied me, probably wondering if this was another half-assed attempt at picking a career. “Is this what you want?”

“Yes.” And this time I was damn positive. The best I’d felt about my future since I started college.

“And you’re willing to give up a sure thing for this?”

“Yes.” It was a nice change of pace to finally be sure of something. So sure, that it was worth the risk to stay here in Spring Hill, even if I didn’t have a job lined up.

Dad pushed back from the table. I thought maybe he’d taken offense to what I said and was going to either go into a tirade or disappear into his office and give me the cold shoulder. Instead, he walked over to where I was seated and clapped a hand on my back. “Good to hear that word from you.”

“I have an interview next week. Up at Humboldt.”

He beamed down at me. An actual smile was coming from him. Fuck, it felt so good that I grinned back at him. “That’s great. We’ll need to get you a new suit.”

“Yeah, maybe my boss can give me a raise.”

“Not likely.” He ruffled my hair. “But I think your old man can spare a few dollars.”

“Thanks, Dad.”

He gave my shoulder a quick squeeze.

My phone buzzed on the table and I grabbed it, praying it was Jules returning my calls.

I frowned as I read a text from Blake.

B:
What the fuck happened?

Great. Jules must have told Payton. And Payton probably wanted to castrate me.

“Is everything okay?” Dad moved across the room, probably on his way to his office.

“I have to figure some stuff out with Blake. Thanks for the talk.”

“Anytime. And Ryan?” He stopped in the doorway of the kitchen.

I looked up from my phone. “Yeah?”

“I’m glad you’re staying in Spring Hill.”

“Me, too.” Hopefully I wouldn’t be eating my words if I didn’t get that internship.

Once Dad left the room, I focused back on the text from Blake.

R:
Meet at Dod’s in an hour?

B:
Yeah.

After parking my car, I made my way into Dod’s. For a Monday it was pretty packed, mostly college students still on summer break. Blake was already up at the bar, sitting on a stool, a beer in hand. I slid onto the one next to him and ordered a Jack and Coke. The bartender was a brunette who gave me a sexy smile when she passed me the drink. The old Ryan would have flirted, gotten her number, maybe more. Current Ryan wanted to bang his head against the bar because all he could think about was a certain girl in an Office Jax uniform.

The one who should be eating dinner with me right now, laughing at my stupid jokes
.

After downing half my drink, I explained the situation to him.

Blake let out a low whistle. “Damn, that sucks.” He took a sip of beer. “Maybe it’ll just blow over.”

I turned to him, almost knocking my drink off the counter. “How can you say that? She thinks I used her.”

He shrugged. “Then show her you didn’t.”

Fucking Captain Obvious over there. Hard to show someone that you don’t just think they’re a piece of ass when they wouldn’t even let you speak to them. “How?”

“What would make her believe you care?”

It was more than that, though. I didn’t just care—I loved her. Everything about her. The way my heart rate doubled when she smiled at me, the way she scrunched her nose when she was dishing out shit, the way she made me a better man. Fuck. I turned into a complete sap. I told myself that I wouldn’t fall for a girl again, that opening my heart would destroy me. Jules wasn’t even to blame for this. It was all my fault that I screwed things up.

I downed the rest of my drink.
Think, you idiot.
What would Peach want? What would make her believe this wasn’t just a game to me?
She’d want you to show her you love her, you moron.
She’d want to know that what we had was real, that I did it because I wanted to, not because a magazine told me to. Not because I was using her for a good time.

A Queen song blared through the bar, and Blake started humming to the tune. Everyone in the bar was either singing along or bobbing their heads to the music. But all I could think about was how Peach’s eye would tick and she’d want to shut off the song as fast as possible.

“This song never gets old,” Blake yelled over the music.

“Peach hates it.” And then it dawned on me. I knew so much about her, her likes, her favorite foods, her dreams, her loathing of that fucking music station at Office Jax. It gave me an idea.

Blake turned to me, confused. “Who’s Peach?”

“Never mind. I have to go.” I dug money out of my wallet, left extra for a tip on the counter, and hopped off the barstool.

I knew how to show her I cared. Even if there was a good chance I was going to be shot down, it was a risk I was willing to take.

Chapter Thirty-One

Jules

Ryan had taught me a special lesson: people let you down. After spending all of yesterday emptying my tears onto Payton’s shoulder, I pulled myself together. No more tears for anyone who only thought of me as a summer fling. The other girl.

I had bigger things to deal with today. Mom had stayed an extra day, shopping down in San Fran before returning home. I’d invited her to coffee. Honestly, I was done caring about what people thought of me. This was my life, and dammit, I was going to live it the way I wanted. I’d been a coward for too long, giving in to whatever she wanted, trying to please her. No more.

At eleven, I pulled up to my favorite coffee shop, Coffee Addicts Anonymous. I had work in an hour, giving me an excuse to leave if things got too heated. Mom was already seated on a plush velvet chair sipping on her iced coffee. I ordered a mocha and sat down in the seat across from her.

“Hello, Juliette.” Her mouth pursed when she said my name, like it actually soured her taste buds.

“Hi, Mom.”
Keep calm. You can do this. You are the key to your own happiness.

“How are you doing today?”

I cleared my throat and smoothed my sweaty palms over my jeans.

Look her in the eye. Do it.
I forced myself to meet her disapproving gaze. “Not that great.”

“Is this about that boyfriend of yours? You know that you could do much better. I can arrange for you to go on a date with Melanie Davis’s son. The architect. You remember him, don’t you?”

“Mom, Drake is thirty. And I’m not here to talk about Ryan.” She didn’t need to know that he’d ripped my heart in two.

“Police officers don’t make very much money. How will you provide for your children? You don’t want them to go to public school or shop at Walmart, do you?”

“What children?” And what was wrong with public school or Walmart? My lip curled as I regarded my mother. Blood pounded in my ears, and my chin quivered. Was this really the woman who raised me? Would I end up like her? So judgmental, poisonous. We were on two completely different wavelengths. Two different planets. “Never mind. I wanted to talk to you about college.”

She let out a heavy sigh and sipped at her coffee, still managing to glare at me over her cup. “This again?”

She can’t hurt you. Do this for you.
I took a deep breath and dug my nails into my palms. I could barely form words to override the
whoosh whoosh whoosh
of my pulse
,
my body begging to run away from this situation, or lay belly-up, surrendering, like I’d been doing for years. But not anymore. I deserved to be happy. “I don’t want to be a doctor.”

Mom waved her hand dismissively. “Honey, we’ve worked so hard for this. Only a few more years and you’ll be done with school. You’ll have a respectable and lucrative career.”

You are the key to your own happiness. God dammit, girl, don’t give in.
Everything in me wanted to relent, to go along with what she said, but I couldn’t. I wanted to scream
why can’t you just love me the way I am?
but it wouldn’t make a difference. That wasn’t my mom. Her love came with a contingency clause. And I was ready to sever our contract. I needed to follow my true passion, regardless of her support. I would never be happy as a doctor. “This isn’t a ‘we’ decision. I need to make decisions for myself. And I’d really like to be an athletic trainer.”

She scoffed. “How can you make decisions for yourself when you obviously need our help?”

Como?
Pretty sure I was the one who earned my grades, not her or Dad. “What is that supposed to mean?”

“If we hadn’t checked you into rehab last year, you’d have lost your spot in medical school. We’ve put so much time and energy into this. You were meant to be a doctor.”

I clutched my coffee and ground my teeth together. Nothing I said was getting through to her. My head throbbed and an ache filled my chest to think that she didn’t give a crap about what I wanted. I had to squeeze my hands into fists to keep them from shaking.

“Dr. Presley, the one who I introduced you to at the Christmas party two years ago told me she’d love to help with your residency after you graduate. It’s all planned.” She continued on, mapping out my future for me, completely ignoring what I’d said. She honestly thought that she could rule my life, like I was a little kid, scheduling soccer practices, art lessons, and quiz practice time.

No more.

I was better than this. I deserved to be happy. This was my life.

“I know you said you aren’t that fond of the hospital, but the emergency room would be a good place to start—”

“Stop.” I didn’t yell, but my clipped tone made Mom’s mouth gape open.

“Excuse me?” She blinked a few times, clearly shocked that I had interjected.

“Just stop.”

“You know, Eric would never talk to me this way.”

“Mom. Please, listen to me. I am not Eric. I’m Jules, your other child, the one who doesn’t want to be a doctor, no matter how hard you try to push her in that direction. I want to be an athletic trainer. When I return in the fall, I’m going to change my major.”

“I won’t support this.”

I pressed my lips together and nodded. A small part of me knew this might be the case. My mom had a
my way or the highway
mentality. Any side routes or avenues were unwelcome speed bumps in her life. “I accept that, but I’m still going to do it. This is my life, and I need to do something that makes me happy, not what makes you, Dad, or Eric happy. I’d really love your support, but I’m doing this for me.”

“You’ll be cut off, without a dime. You’ll be on your own.”

“That’s fine. I’ll find a way.” Even though this was completely terrifying, something became clear: I didn’t need her approval. I was free from her reign. Support or not, I was going to pursue the career I really wanted. The pressure in my chest lifted, and I sat a little taller.

I did it.

She pounded her fist on the table, losing her perfectly poised persona for a fraction of a second. She looked around the coffee shop to make sure that no one had noticed and said, “You’re making the biggest mistake of your life. Your father and I are the only ones who have been there for you and now you’re just going to betray us like this?” Her voice was a venomous whisper.

Who was this woman? If this was how Mom was going to treat me, it was time to peace out. I wanted no part of this. She’d just keep trying to tear me down. And I’d worked too hard to build myself up.

I pushed my chair away from the table, the legs screeching against the linoleum. I took one last look at my mother, aching for her to be kind and loving instead of giving me ultimatums. But if it came down to it, I had to put myself first, even if it hurt to push her away. “Hope you have a safe trip home. I’ve gotta get ready for work. Nice seeing you, Mom.”

She grabbed my wrist, her face flushed, eyes wide. “If you change your mind, we’ll invest in your future.” Her last attempt at a power exchange. And I wasn’t going to give in.

I shook my hand free from her grasp and stood up straight, looking down at her. “I won’t, but thanks.” I strode out of the coffee shop before she could say anything else.

Tears streamed down my face as I got in my car. I may never please my parents or live up to their expectations, but it didn’t matter now. I was my own person. I didn’t need anyone else to dictate my happiness. Not parents, not friends, not guys. Dr. Ahrendt was right.

Ten minutes later, I pulled into the lot of Office Jax and stared at the building. Work was the last place I wanted to be, but at least it would get my mind off the events of the last twenty-four hours. Bonus, Ryan wasn’t on shift today.
I couldn’t believe I was actually going to tell him I loved him. At least I learned that I didn’t need him to be happy.

As I settled into my shift, I focused on the mundane tasks, blinking away fresh tears. Between last night and the fight with my mom, I was surprised I had any left. As I rang up a customer, I resisted the urge to swipe at my eyes. I grabbed the shopping bag and handed it to the gentleman along with his receipt. “Thank you for shopping at Office Jax, I hope we fulfilled all your office supply needs.”

A pang surged through my chest as I watched the customer leave, staring at the door. Who was I going to joke around with about the horrible music or cheesy slogans? Who would I tease about having a stupid unicorn on his ass?
It was all just a game to him,
I had to remind myself.
You don’
t need him.

Just as I was about to turn to the register to sort labels, Ryan breezed through the door, looking so handsome in a fitted black tee
and jeans that it took everything in me to remind myself that I hated him.
Player alert. Do not pass go. Do not collect two hundred dollars.

I leaned against the register, looking away, hoping he didn’t catch the glossiness in my eyes. I wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of knowing that he’d crushed me. I may not have had it in me to give some snide remark, but I’d get the point across that I wanted nothing to do with him.

He strode up to the counter and before he could say anything, I blurted, “Ryan, I don’t want to talk to you.
” I turned away, not wanting to look at him. I hated how much my voice shook, betraying my resolve. If I could tell off my mom, who’d had me under her thumb for years, I could definitely do the same for a guy I’d only known a month.

He leaned over the counter, moving into my personal space, trying to get me to look at him. “I’m sorry I hurt you. I called to apologize to Lex, not get back with her. I had to do that so I could forgive myself. So that I could move forward with dating you.”

I thumbed a stack of papers on the counter, pushing away the queasiness in my stomach. Just being in the same room as him made me want to upchuck. “Save it for someone who cares.”

He touched my arm, the warm pad of his thumb stroking over my skin. “
I think you do care. I know that I care. You mean everything to me, Jules.”

Even though my body ached for his touch, I pulled my arm away. A small part of me wished this was true, hoped we could work this out, but I wouldn’t let him see that. I scoffed and pushed a few pieces of paper around on the counter. “How can you say that? I saw the magazine. I’m not dumb.”

He threw his hands in the air and grunted. “Yes, I used that fucking magazine. Stupidest thing I’ve done. And if we’re being honest, I started the summer wanting a fling. But it turned into more.”

“
I don’t care.” I was not going to let this guy dictate my happiness. I didn’t need him, even if my fingers itched to reach out and touch him. I deserved better. Not someone who still talked to their ex and used me as a summer fling experiment. “You talk a good game, Ryan, but I’m done playing. Just leave. I don’t have anything else I want to say to you.”

He chewed on the inside of his lip and those baby blues pleaded with me. I wished I could forget the past day, but I couldn’t. Words only went so far.

I folded my arms over my chest, staring him down, trying to convey I was so over him. Couldn’t he see he
’d done enough damage? My heart couldn’t handle much more—not when it took every ounce of strength to stand up to my mom earlier.

Instead of leaving, he reached for the store phone, picked up the receiver and pushed a few buttons. What the heck? I asked him to leave and he takes the time to make a personal call? What part of
leave
didn’t he understand?

This was all too much, too soon. Yes, I was all about me being the key to my own happiness, but I needed at least another day to wallow. Maybe curl up on the couch and eat a sleeve of Oreos. But I was at work and had to put on my customer service game face, something proving harder by the second. A tear spilled down my cheek and I quickly dabbed my eyes on my shirt sleeve. “What are you doing?”

The music cut out as he pulled the receiver to his lips. What the hell was going on?

“If you won’t talk to me…if you won’t believe what you mean to me, I guess I’ll have to show you.”

Oh dear God.
What was he going to do?

He cleared his throat and muttered
fuck
under his breath—and then started belting a song at the top of his lungs. Or at least I thought it was a song. If I’d heard this on the radio, I’d think it was someone in pain or dying. I couldn’t tell what song it was, the lyrics a jumbled, nervous mess. Once he got to the chorus, I realized what he was singing.

98 Degrees, “I Do Cherish You.” He was about an octave and a half too low, completely off-key. Nick Lachey would be weeping right about now. But Ryan was singing me a love song. In public.

If it were possible, Ryan sang even louder when he hit the next chorus, his voice cracking on the high notes. Amazing, I didn’t think anyone was more tone-deaf than me. Customers came out from the aisles and stared at him as his singing filled the store. A little kid clung to her dad, her poor little ears being assaulted. The guy had major
cojones
. I gave him that. Most people wouldn’t put themselves out there and act like a complete idiot in public.

Ryan hopped up on the counter as he transitioned into the third chorus, messing up a few words here and there. His dad stood in the doorway of his office staring at Ryan. More customers had congregated, watching Ryan make a complete ass out of himself.

He finished the song in a completely different key. It was quite possibly the worst singing I’d ever heard, but so damn cute, my heart momentarily forgot it had been crushed by him.

He coughed into the crook of his arm and pulled the receiver back to his mouth. “I’d like to make an announcement. When I met Jules Carmichael, I saw the sign.”