Fools Like Us (Fools Like Us #1) (2 page)

I swallowed. "Cedric..."

"I wont let you change your mind."

He grabbed my hand and dragged me into another small part of the cottage that was the bedroom. He took a lantern with him and placed it on the table beside the bed. I stared at the large black and white blankets on the bed and wondered if John had ever been in this room with his wife, Julia.

"Don't." Cedric stepped in front of me and cupped his hands on my face. "Don't think about them. You're only torturing yourself."

"This is wrong," I whispered hoarsely. "We shouldn't..."

"We should."

"You're so young..."

"I'm seventeen, old enough and it's not like you're too old for me. You're only Twenty-Four, Kai."

"Still..."

"You're cold." He pulled me to him, pressing our bodies together.

"Yes," I agreed, in more ways than one. I've been cold for a very long time now...

Cedric lowered his lips to mine. "Then let me warm you up."

Foolish, I told myself even as I welcomed his warm kiss. This is all so foolish...stupid...bad idea...I moaned as he deepened the kiss. For someone younger he was skilled at this.

"Just for tonight," I mumbled between kisses. Just for tonight I'll forget that John was now married. Just for tonight I'll pretend that this was John who I was kissing, that it was John who was drawing me to the bed, laying me down, giving me heartbreaking kisses on my jaw, cheek, the corner of my eyes as if I was the most precious and delicate treasure.

"Kai," Cedric panted my name out with need as we began to urgently take our clothes off. "Kai...what do you want me to do?"

I chuckled. This boy...he had been so confident earlier but now he was asking me for guidance. "I'll show you," I told him, drawing him to me.

Yes, for tonight I'll forget and pretend.

"
Until we’re allowed to be free…Agonize over the inserted plug, Reach out your hand even farther, heal me furiously, I beg you
"- Gackt

+Kai+

My god...what have I done?

That damning question kept pounding in my head as my brain throbbed against my skull. I stumbled through the woods, desperate to reach my car before anyone found me like this...before Cedric woke up.

"Stupid," I mumbled as I trenched through the thickening snow, "idiot. What the hell were you thinking? Haven't you learned your lesson?"

The moment I had woken up after my lovemaking with Cedric I instantly knew that I had committed a terrible wrong. Looking down at his slumbering face, so young, so innocent, I realized that I should have been stronger. Shouldn't have been weak and given into this kid...this child...

I choked back a sob as I fought my way through the snow and finally stumbled into the clearing behind John's new wife's house. A grand white mansion near a lake surrounded by woods. A Mansion that looked more like a cathedral then an actual home. No wonder Julia wanted to have her wedding here.

I straightened and stared at the people laughing inside through the large windows. The women wore fine dresses, the men in dark tux. They all made a pretty merry picture and there she was, Julia. A blonde goddess in her sparkling white wedding dress. She looked beautiful, this woman who unknowingly took everything from me. This blushing bride.

How I envied her and at the moment, how I hated her.

I should be happy for John, happy that he found a woman who could support his budding career as an artist but what about me? Hadn't he ever considered my feelings? Ever considered that I would have given my last dollar to be able to see his wonderful art displayed in a popular gallery for all to see? No, of course he hadn't. He had seen a perfect opportunity in Julia and had taken it, leaving me in the dust.

I sagged against a tree, ignoring the cold. The snow fall had finally stopped but not in my heart...not in my heart.

"
It's better that we end it this way
," John had said, getting out of bed just after he made love to me. "
This was bound to end anyway, right
?"

I hadn't replied. I had just watched him get dress and leave. That night, three months ago, I had cried for the first time in a long while. Cried until my eyes could shed no more tears and I hadn't cried since then...till now. Now the tears were back, threatening to push its way through but I held them back, desperate to hold onto the shred of dignity I had left.

John deserved no more tears from me.

Three months ago when he had left me and after I had cried my last cry I swore to find someone like him...no, someone better than John. Someone who would cherish me, someone who wouldn't leave. But I never thought the first man I'd sleep with after John would be his own brother.

How pathetic.

"You weak fool," I whispered, eyes still fixed on Julia. "Weak, weak fool." I tore my eyes away from the magnificent picture Julia made and walked away.

"Kaito?"

I froze at the sound of the voice behind me.

"Kai? Ah, it is you. Where have you been? Remember your speech? You haven't made it yet. Come inside...Kai?"

I swallowed and looked back. John, handsome John in his white tux. John with dark hair and laughing blue eyes. John who was mine but no longer. Now he belonged to the woman in white.

"I'm leaving," I told him.

John frowned, "What? Where are you going? Hey, why do you look like that? Your suit is all crumpled." He took a step towards me. "Here, let me fix you up before you make your speech-"

I stepped back before he could touch me. John paused and stared at me, brows creasing into a frown again. "Hey, what's wrong?"

What's wrong? WHAT'S WRONG? I laughed. Yes, of course he'd ask that.

"Everything is wrong," I muttered.

"What?"

I sighed. "Look, John, I came like you asked me to but now I'm leaving. I'm done."

"Kai...I thought we went over this already. Just because I got married doesn't mean we can't be friends anymore." He smiled that charming smile. "Right?"

"John-"

"John!" Julia stepped out onto the porch and smiled at us. "What are you two doing there? Come inside!" She looked at me and her smile widened. "Kai, come in! You have to make your best man speech. Everyone's waiting for you."

This was why I couldn't hate her completely, I thought solemnly as I stared at her brilliant smile. She was so damn nice, so damn clueless. She was too good for John.

"Come on," John said, placing a firm hand on my shoulder, "let's go inside." He paused. "Hey, have you seen my brother?"

Yes
, I thought.
I had just slept with him, pretending that he was you
.

I shrugged his hand away and stepped back. "Sorry, Julia, but something came up. I-I gotta go."

"Kai?" Julia lost her smile. "What happened?"

"I'm sorry." I turned and walked away. I could hear my shoes crunching against the snow but wait, was it the snow I was hearing or the sound of my own heart? Tears threatened to spill again at the thought. Oh John....

"Kai! Wait!" John grabbed my hand. "What's going on? Hey! Kai!"

"Please," I begged, "let me go."

"What?"

I raised my voice. "Let me go, John!"

John released his hold. "Kai, where are you going?"

My chest tightened to the point where I thought I'd suffocate. "I'm going somewhere where you're not."

I glanced back and gave him a weak smile. "Congratulations, John. I hope you found everything you wanted in Julia."

I left him and Julia standing there staring after me. I got in my old blue Toyota and just drove away. At first I didn't know where to go but then I found myself parking in front of my apartment. Tired, I walked up the stairs, unlocked my apartment door and dragged my weary self in.

Clicking on the kitchen light, I went straight to the refrigerator and took out a beer. "Congratulation, Mr. and Mrs. Fitzpatrick," I mumbled, raising the beer up in salute after opening it. "May you two have a happy life together."

I stumbled to a stool and sat down, taking a deep drink from the bottle. The bitterness hit me but I kept going until the bottle was half empty. Tomorrow's Sunday so maybe I can drink myself to oblivion. Instead of forgetting about one thing I now needed to forget about two things.

John and now Cedric.

Cedric...sweet Cedric. He had been so sure of himself when he had approached me boldly but once we got in the bedroom I knew he hadn't had much experience. I had to guide him but it had been all sweet. His neediness, his eagerness to please me. He had kept calling my name over and over again as he hovered above me, that sweet look of strained pleasure on his face.

No, he was nothing like John.

I closed my eyes and rested it against my arm on the table. No, Cedric was nothing like his brother so how could I have slept with him? My only excuse was that I was desperate. So damn desperate.

The knocking on my door jerked me away from my drowsy sleep. The banging got louder and I groaned, my head already throbbing from a headache.

"Coming," I grumbled. "I'm coming!" God, who could it be at this hour? I opened the door and froze. "Cedric?"

Cedric stood before me, hair messy, cheeks flushed and suit disarrayed. "Kaito."

I stared at him, completely surprised by his appearance. "Cedric? What are you doing-"

"You left," he accused.

I swallowed. "I had to."

"You left me."

I closed my eyes. "I had no choice."

"There's always a choice."

I opened my eyes and stared at him. "Cedric, what we did...I'm sorry. I shouldn't have taken advantage of you. I'm the adult here. I shouldn't have-"

"I wanted to do it," he said, cutting me off again. "And I'd do it again."

God, he was serious. "Cedric, no. We can't. It can't happen again. I was wrong." Using him as John's replacement would be wrong. I couldn't use this boy like that.

"Kai," Cedric grabbed my wrist. "I want to."

I pulled away. "Go home, Ced."

He blinked at me. "You're turning me away?"

"Yes."

"Don't." He paused. "Please."

Why is it that he looked like he was about to cry? Like an abandoned puppy, he stared at me pathetically. Cedric, who we all had thought was too mature for his age was looking at me like this. He was still a child after all.

"Don't," he repeated, taking another step to me. "Don't." His lips grazed against mine. "Don't." They trailed down to my jaw, then back up to the corner of my eye. "Stay with me."

"I'm sorry, Ced. I just can't. I can't." I stepped back and closed the door at his tortured eyes and leaned against it. I should have known that Cedric had wanted more from me than "just sex." I should have known...

Now it's too late.

"Kai?" I heard Cedric's voice from behind the door.

I stared up at the ceiling, telling myself to walk away and not answer but I answered him anyway. "Yes?"

"John and Julia are going to their Honeymoon tomorrow."

Ah...there's that aching pain in my chest again. "Yes. I know."

"Will you be lonely?"

Yes.

"No."

"Liar."

I chuckled and sniffed, rubbing my eyes tiredly. "Ced, please. Go home."

"I'll be back tomorrow."

"I won't let you in."

"Then I'll keep coming back," he said firmly. "And I'll wait right here by this door until you open it for me."

"Go home," I repeated and finally walked away from the door. "I've had enough of Fitzpatrick men."

I've always been a bad liar.

"
Everytime we touch I get feeling and everytime we kiss I swear I can fly. Can't you feel my heart beat fast? I want this to last, need you by my side"-
Cascada

+Kai+

Cedric's been true to his words. For the next three days he'd show up at my apartment after classes and sits right next to my door.

He never said anything when I came up the steps and entered my apartment after a long day at work. While teaching elementary school kids how to use musical instruments was rewarding, it could also be so tiring. Speaking of tiring, I didn’t understand how Cedric could just continue sitting there, leaning his back against the wall, hands shoved in his coat pockets day after day. For the past three days not once had I acknowledge him yet he seemed fine with that because he kept coming back even in this cold winter.

Finally, on the fourth day I spoke to him.

"You'll freeze out here," I told him, unlocking my door.

"Haven't yet," was his reply.

I pushed the door open and paused before entering. I looked down at him with a frown. "Why are you doing this?"

"So you won't be lonely."

"I'm not lonely."

"Liar."

"Cedric, go home!"

"No."

"I'm calling your parents. You shouldn't be out here like this, my neighbors are already starting to talk."

"That's their problem."

I sighed. "Like I said, if you don't leave I'm calling your parents."

Cedric finally looked up at me, half of his face covered by a tan wool scarf but his ice blue eyes was visible, piercing right through me like they always do. "Go ahead," he said calmly, "call them."

I glared at him. Stubborn boy.

"Fine," I muttered, "freeze out here. I don't care." I walked in my apartment and slammed the door close. Damn it! What did he want from me!? I already told him that a relationship between us wouldn't work out. It was just asking for trouble. A replacement for his brother? Don't make me laugh!

I shrugged my coat off and hung it on the coat rack by the door. Kicking my shoes off, I walked up to the ringing phone and answered. "Hello?"

"Kai! Hi! It's me, Sandra, your apartment manager."

I sighed. Damn, here it comes. "Hello, Sandra."

"I've been getting complaints from the residents that there's been a teenage boy hanging around your place for the past three days."

"I know, I'm sorry. I'll take care of it."

"Do I need to call the cops for you?"

"No!" I said quickly. Dear god, no. That's just what I needed, for the police to get involve and John finding out about it. "No, like I said, I'll handle it."

"Who is he?"

"One of my students," I lied.

"Really? What's he doing?"

"He keeps begging me to pass him. Look, Sandra, don't worry, I can take care of this."

"Hmm...well okay if you say so. But do it quickly cause the residents are getting nervous. I hear he's cute but a bit weird."

"You have no idea," I muttered.

"What was that?"

"Nothing. I'll see to it. Thanks for the warning Sandra." I hung up before she could ask anymore nosy questions. Damn it all, I knew this would happen and Cedric probably did too, that clever bastard.

I marched to the door and flung it open. Of course Cedric was still sitting at the exact same spot. "Get in, and take your shoes off, " I snapped and walked away. I didn't wait to see if he followed. Instead I went straight to the kitchen and opened a cabinet. I took out two black coffee mugs and set them on the counter. Next I searched for the hot chocolate packets in the drawers.

"Sit," I said when I felt Cedric's presence behind me. I turned on the tap water and filled the cups with water. "Have you eaten?"

"No."

I turned off the water and placed both the cups inside the microwave above the stove. I turned it on and left it to heat the water in the mugs as I opened the fridge. "I have some left-overs. Do you eat fried rice?"

"Yes."

"Good." I took out the carton of fried rice and opened another cabinet to take a plate out. All the while I could feel Cedric watching my movements quietly. Smart boy. In the mood I was in, I was likely to throw the rice at him if he said the wrong words.

I waited until the water in the mugs to get hot before taking them out and replacing them with the plate of fried rice. "Do you like hot chocolate?"

"I don't like sweets."

I poured a packet of the powdered chocolate in the hot water anyway and stirred the steaming liquid with a spoon. I turned and placed the mug in front of him. "Drink." I was testing him and we both knew it.

Cedric stared at the mug before lifting his eyes to meet mine. I noticed that he had unwrapped the tan scarf from his face and let it hang around his neck. "Thank you."

I nodded. "You're welcome." I turned back around to take the steaming plate of rice from the microwave. I could feel my anger melting away as I busied myself. This was how I am. I always needed to do something with my hands to keep myself from getting angrier.

"Eat," I told him, putting the plate with a spoon in front of him on the table. I watched him carefully as he set the mug aside and picked up the spoon. Eyes never leaving mine, he took a spoonful and chewed slowly.

I tore my eyes away from his and made my own hot chocolate. Tapping the spoon on the rim of the mug, I took my place opposite from his and sat down on a chair. Crossing my leg over the other, I sat back and watched him eat.

"How long," I began after a few minutes of silence. "How long did you plan to hang around out there?"

"As long as it took," he replied, taking another bite.

"You could have gotten pneumonia, what were you thinking? You're a high schooler and it's your last year."

"You could have just let me in," he pointed out.

"Or you could have just went home," I shot back, refusing to feel guilt.

"True," he conceded.

I took a sip of my hot chocolate and watched him with narrowed eyes. What was wrong with this kid? One minute he's cool and calm, then suddenly he's like a lost needy child needing comfort and then he goes right back to this. Did he have a split personality or something?

"Drink the hot chocolate," I commanded, "it'll warm you up faster."

He didn't argue with me. Cedric picked up the mug and took several sips but all the while his eyes were on me. I fidgeted in my seat at his bold stare.

"After this, go home. You're causing me problems."

"The neighbors?"

"Yes."

"Then give me a key."

My jaw dropped. "What?"

Cedric shrugged. "Give me a key. That way I wouldn't have to wait outside for you next time. I can wait in here."

I shook my head. "Are you out of your mind?"

"I'll just keep coming back."

I slammed my mug down on the table. "Why? Why can't you just leave me alone? Can't you see I'm trying to do the right thing here, Cedric?"

"I don't think you know what the 'right thing' is anymore, Kai. My brother certainly wasn't right for you."

I glared at him. "Really? And you think you are?"

"Yes," Cedric said with confidence that surprised me. "I'm not like my brother."

"Then why do you want to be his replacement so badly?"

The question hung between us for several seconds. Cedric stared at me before shrugging again. "It seemed like the only way that I'd be able to get close to you."

"What?"

"Like you keep pointing out," he said, "I'm just a teenager, I'm not an adult yet so I knew I didn't have anything that would draw you to me...but my looks. I look like John and that attracts you. So I'm going to use that to my advantage."

I stared at him. "You're serious."

"I have nothing to lose but you."'

My mouth went dry at that. I could feel my heart already racing to his words. My tongue darted out to moisten my lips and Cedric followed its movement. I quickly stopped and looked away. "You should go." I stood up. "Now."

"Why?" Cedric watched me carefully. "Afraid to be left alone with me?"

"No."

Cedric tilted his head to the side, eyes filling with amusement. "You lie a lot but you're really bad at it."

I snatched his plate and turned away. "I'll wash the dishes then drop you off." I heard Cedric's chair scraping behind me but I didn't turn back around. I plugged the sink and let the warm water run as I scraped up the remains of the fried rice in the trash beside me.

I slipped the plate in the running water and squeezed some liquid dish soap in. I set the soap aside and watch the white bubbles form. I didn't have to turn to know that Cedric was now standing only inches from me. I could feel his hot breath against my neck.

"Kai," he murmured, slipping his arms around my waist. "Kaito." Cedric nuzzled his nose against the crook of my neck. "Kai..."

I closed my eyes and steeled myself. "Let me go, Ced."

"No."

"Yes."

"Don't wanna."

Ah, here we go. This was his childish side. I wonder just how many people knew this side to him. I turned off the running water. "I was your first man...wasn't I?"

"Yes." He kept nuzzling my. "It was awesome."

I rolled my eyes. Awesome? Yes, he really was a child. "You're better off with a girl your age."

"Maybe," he agreed. "But I'd rather have you."

"I'm not a toy. I'm a grown man."

"Yes," he agreed again. "But I like you, so I don't care how old you are. Gender has nothing to do with it."

"And you're still willing to be your brother’s replacement?"

"Yes. If that's what it takes." I shivered as one of his hands slipped down the bands of my khaki pants. "Kai..."

God...what was I doing? Was I really going to let this boy have his way with me? I moaned when his hot hand slid under my brief and caressed my thickening length. "Kai," Cedric whispered my name against my ear and captured the lobe between his teeth.

I hissed from the pain as he bit down but I didn't stop him, didn't push him away. Once again I was letting myself be seduced by him. The way he called my name out like that...the way he touched me...

He made me weak.

I leaned against him, resting the back of my head on his shoulder and arching back when he wrapped his hand around my throbbing member. I bit my bottom lip to keep from crying out as he slowly, teasingly, began to stroke me. My heart thumped uncontrollably against my chest at the wickedness we were doing but I let him continue, let him stroke on and on until I was writhing against him.

"Don't," I panted, making a desperate attempt to pull his hand back. "Ced..."

He ignored my pathetic attempts and continued, bumping his own erection against me my ass. "Can I?"

I knew what he was asking. I should deny him, I told myself to push him away and kick him out, to put an end to this madness but I couldn't. I turned around and let him clumsily unbuttoned my white dress shirt, let his large warm hand slid up and caress my torso when my shirt parted open. The cold and his touch hardened my nipples and I found myself moaning again.

My shirt slid down my shoulder and fell to the floor. Cedric circled me and licked my neck before turning me around. I leaned forward, resting my elbows against the sink as I felt him tug my pants down. I shivered again. When he had tugged my pants, he had pulled my brief down with it. Now I was bare to his gaze.

I felt myself turning red. Damn. I shouldn't be embarrassed! We've already done it just three days ago but this...this was different. Now we weren't in dim lighting but in my bright kitchen. My kitchen! I'll never be able to look at this room the same way again.

I gasped when I felt Cedric's tongue trail down from my back to my butt. "Don't," I choked, reaching my hand back to push his head away. "Ced...it's dirty."

"No," he said, ignoring my hand. "You'll never be dirty, Kaito." To prove it to me, he licked my right butt cheek then my left before parting them.

"No!" I said sharply and spun around. I bumped my back against the sink and looked down at him. "No. Don't."

He stared back up at me. "Fine." Cedric easily shifted his attention from my butt to my throbbing erection which I had just practically shoved in his face. It hadn't been intentional but of course Cedric took it as an invitation.

He grabbed my shaft and flicked his tongue against the tip. I gasped, the electric sensation of pleasure shooting through me. Before I could stop him he took me into his mouth, the hot and moist insides of his mouth enveloping me.

"Don't," I choked out, trying to push his head away but it was futile. Cedric resisted and took me deeper into his mouth. He batted my hands away and grasped onto them to prevent me from making another attempt to push him away.

"Ced," I panted as the younger man below me withdrew only to take me in his mouth again. "Ced..."