For Better, for Worse, Forever (8 page)

He jumped to his feet. “I didn’t expect you to take his side.”

“I’m not taking anybody’s side,” she insisted, grabbing hold of his hand. “Except for you, I never knew anybody in your family. How can I take sides? I’m just wondering if either you or your father could have stopped your mother no matter what you did. She made the choice to die, Brandon. She took the pills all by herself.”

“He should have figured out what she planned to do,” he insisted stubbornly. “He was
married
to her.”

“Being married can’t stop something bad from happening to a person, no matter how hard you try.”

“How can you understand? I’m sorry I told you. Just forget it.”

April could have told him plenty. She could have told him she was no stranger to the pain of feeling helpless and powerless. She could have told him about her brain tumor. But he didn’t need the added shock right now, and she didn’t need to become
too embroiled in a relationship with him. She wanted to be around him as long as they could be friends and have fun. At the end of the summer, they would go their separate ways. “You’re right,” she told him quietly. “I don’t understand, but please don’t be sorry we talked about it. I’m not. It helps me to understand you better. And you’re the one I care about. I’ll never bring it up again, if that’s what you want.”

He stared at her. “I—I didn’t mean to yell at you. I know you were just trying to help.” He dropped beside her on the bench and took her shoulders in his hands. “I’ve never met anybody like you, April. It’s like you can sometimes see inside me, and that makes me scared because I’m afraid you’ll see all this bad stuff and hate me.”

“We all have bad stuff inside us. I could never hate you, Brandon.”

“I’m not used to talking about … about what happened to my mother. I miss her.”

“I miss Mark.”

His eyes, only inches from her face, looked moist. “He was very lucky to have you to love him.” She felt her heart thudding and
heard her pulse roaring in her ears. “I know I could never take his place, and I’m not trying to, but April, I really like you. I … would … like … to kiss you.”

Her mouth went dry and she wanted to tell him,
“No, don’t,”
but couldn’t force her lips to say the words. She had kissed no one except Mark in more than a year, but suddenly, with all her heart, she wanted to kiss Brandon. She raised her chin in acceptance. He pulled her closer and tenderly kissed her parted lips.

So, this is what it feels like to fall in love
, Brandon thought as he sat on the sofa in the great room of his house, mindlessly flipping through TV channels with a remote control. His best friend, Kenny, had tried to describe the emotion when Kenny had fallen for his latest girl. “It’s a rocket ride, man. You feel like Superman and you want to walk on the clouds.”

Well, Brandon agreed. Ever since the night before with April, he’d wanted to fly. She was everything he’d ever dreamed about having in a girlfriend—beauty, brains, sensitivity. He loved her, but he was afraid to tell her. She
was still entangled with the memory of her dead fiancé, and Brandon wasn’t certain how to untie her from her past love and get her to see him as a new one. His attraction, his attachment to her, had been happening for months, but it had all come to a head when he’d opened his heart concerning his mother. A pang shot through him as he realized the two of them would never meet.

His father’s bedroom door opened, and his dad wandered sleepily down the hall. He stopped when he saw Brandon. “I didn’t know if you’d be home.”

Brandon flipped off the TV and looked at his father. “I have exams next week.”

“You, um, doing okay with them?”

“If you’re asking if I’m going to pass this year, the answer’s yes.”

His father went into the kitchen area that adjoined the great room. “You want some coffee?”

“I’ve had some, but there’s more in the pot.”

His father sat down at the breakfast bar that separated the two rooms and sipped his coffee. “It’s good. Thanks for making it.”

Brandon shrugged. Suddenly a thought
occurred to him as he remembered the pretty woman having dinner with his father last night. He stiffened and glanced down the hall toward his father’s bedroom. “You are alone, aren’t you?”

“I’m alone. Elaine’s a nice woman and I’m sorry you and your girl didn’t join us for dinner. Can you tell me a little about April?”

Brandon told his father about their meeting, her family, the plans the two of them had made for the summer. “I want to show her a great time before she leaves in August.”

His father set down his cup. “She’s a beautiful girl, son. And you looked as if you were having a good time with her. That’s good. You should be having a good time. Maybe I could take the two of you to lunch sometime.”

The offer surprised Brandon because the two of them rarely did things together, mostly because Brandon hadn’t wanted to be around his father. “Maybe,” he said.

“No one can show April a better time than you. You know this island like the back of your hand.” His father sounded downright buoyant.

“I took her sailing. She liked that.”

A heartbeat of silence; then his father said, “Sailing’s a lot of fun, and you’re a good sailor.”

But not fun for us
, Brandon thought. He stood. “Well, maybe I’d better go cram for today’s test. Graduation ceremony is next Saturday,” he added. “In case you want to come.”

“Of course I want to come. You’re my son and graduation is a big day. We’ll do something afterward—lunch at the club. Oh, and be thinking about what you want as a gift. If there’s anything special. If not, you’ll have to take potluck.”

I want my mother back
. “I’ll let you know.” Brandon left the room without saying another word.

B
randon invited April and her parents to his graduation ceremony, and his father extended an invitation to all of them for dinner at the yacht club. Although the graduating class was small, the ceremony in the school’s auditorium was well attended. Brandon ripped off his cap and gown as soon as his father finished taking pictures outside in front of the school seal. “This thing is suffocating me,” he grumbled.

“I hated mine too,” April assured him. “My friend Kelli said we looked as if we were wearing waffles on our heads.”

She looked gorgeous to him, dressed in a summery cotton dress. Her long coppery hair caught the sun and shimmered. He saw her
take several pills at the water fountain and asked, “You all right?”

“Fine. Just a slight headache. It’ll pass.”

At the yacht club, Brandon’s father had reserved a table overlooking the sparkling blue waters of the ocean, where sailboats glided in a stiff westerly breeze. Brandon’s father and April’s parents seemed to have plenty to talk about, which gave Brandon the opportunity to concentrate on April. He told her, “I know my summer work schedule at the golf course—mornings from six until noon. I cut back on my hours—no weekends. That way I’ll have every afternoon and evening free. I want to spend as much time as I can with you.”

She rubbed her temples. “You didn’t have to do that.”

“Why not? You do want to do stuff together, don’t you? You haven’t changed your mind?”

“What about your other friends? Don’t you want to be with them? I shouldn’t hog all your free time.”

“I was sort of a loner this year, April, and so I don’t fit in too good anymore. Most of my friends are going away, and my friend
Kenny is stuck on his girlfriend still, so I wouldn’t see much of him anyway.”

“This might be your last chance to be with your friends. Once high school is over, everyone goes their separate ways.”

“I should care? Until I leave for the States in August, I want to spend all my time with you.” Suddenly embarrassed, he added, “I mean, that is, if you want to spend the time with me.”

A slow smile lit her face. “Of course I do. It’ll be a super summer. But it’s okay if you change your mind at any time and want to include others in your life.”

He nodded but knew that she was the only person in the world he wanted to be with. There was no one else. And perhaps there never would be anyone as special as April in his life again.

The room was spinning. April lay on her bed clutching the sheets, feeling as if she were caught in a whirlwind.
Stop! Stop!
Her vertigo had come on gradually over the past few weeks, sometimes making her feel as if she were aboard the pitching hull of a sailboat, sometimes as if she were being sucked into a
whirlpool. She knew better than to try and stand; she’d fall over and the thud would bring her mother running, and the questions would start: “How long have you been having dizzy spells?” “Do you have headaches too?” “Why didn’t you tell us?” “We’re calling your doctor.” “We’re going back to New York immediately!”

April knew what would happen if they found out she was experiencing problems, and she didn’t want to leave. She loved it here. She was happy. She didn’t want to break her promises to Brandon. The loss of his mother had been devastating. How could she add to his unhappiness? The two of them were supposed to go sailing today. Brandon had told her, “I’ll pack a picnic lunch and take you to a special little island where we can snorkel. You’ll love it.”

Her forehead broke into a sweat, and she felt nauseated. She swallowed a couple of pills, took deep breaths, and prayed for the vertigo to pass. She didn’t want to think about what might be causing it. Perhaps it was only the start of an inner-ear infection. Or maybe she was anemic again. Iron deficiency
was common in girls her age. She’d been treated for it while she was still in high school. It couldn’t be something horrible … like the tumor … it couldn’t be. She wanted more time.

Slowly the room stopped spinning, and she sat up shakily. As soon as she ate breakfast, she’d feel better. She wobbled to her private bathroom, where she showered and changed into a bathing suit. By the time she got to the breakfast table, she felt better. Her father was off playing golf, and her mother was reading the morning mail.

“A letter from Caroline,” her mother said as April poured herself a glass of orange juice. “She says the things I shipped last month have really sold well in the store. She wants me to send more.”

“Can you?”

“Brandon’s father told me about an auction next week at one of the old sugar plantations on the west end of the island. I think I’ll go. Why don’t you come with me?”

April had often attended auctions with her mother and found them exciting, with people bidding against one another for estate furniture—the
once-prized belongings of generations past. And driving from one end of the island to the other took little time. But April didn’t want to commit to such a long day. What if she started feeling sick? “I’ve promised Brandon we’d do some things together.”

“It’s only one day. And you spend most of your free time with him as it is.”

“Mom—please don’t pressure me.”

“I’m not pressuring you.” Her mother set down Caroline’s letter. “Honey, I’m glad you’ve got a friend like Brandon; he’s a nice young man. I just think it would be nice for us to do something special together.”

“I’ll think about it,” April hedged.

“Pity about his mother.” April had told her parents about Mrs. Benedict’s suicide.

“He doesn’t talk about it much. I think he feels as if there was something he should have done to stop her.”

“I knew a woman once whose mother committed suicide, and she really had a hard time getting over it. If a person ever really does get over such a thing. That’s one of the things that’s so pitiful about it. The victim’s
family often feels somehow responsible, although psychiatrists say that’s not true.”

“That’s what I told him. But he’s mad at his father, as if
he
might have somehow stopped her.”

“My friend was angry for a long time too. Truth was, she was angry at her mother for killing herself, but she couldn’t tell her how she felt. She couldn’t do anything except suffer mentally.”

April understood. She saw how much Brandon was suffering over his mother’s death. Even she felt angry at Brandon’s mother for making him hurt so badly. She hoped he would be able to find some path out of his pain and make peace with his father. There was nothing she could do to help him. Worst of all, she was only going to go away from him too.