For Both Are Infinite (Hearts in London Book 1) (48 page)

“What’s your second question?” he sighed. “I really want to be alone.”

I cleared my throat and pushed back my fears. The possibilities of answers terrified me, but I had to ask. “Do you still love me?”

Rhys laughed, but it wasn’t jovial, or malicious, just sad and weak. He caught my questioning glance and his shoulders dropped.

“I wouldn’t be in London for less than twenty-four hours if I didn’t.”

“What do you mean?”

“That’s three questions.” He crossed his arms again.

“Please,” I begged, distracted by his biceps I wanted around me.

“You know what it means…I came back for you because even though it kills me, I still love you.”

We both nodded, but his was sad, as though he wished he didn’t love me. It was all I needed to hear though, and I walked toward him slowly and grabbed his hand. I was surprised he allowed it, but when I looked up I could see my touch hurt him.

“Rhys,” I whispered and put my other hand to his face. He turned away avoiding my caress.

“Don’t,” he said still holding my hand. “Don’t touch me as if everything is fine.”

“Please, Rhys. Please let me talk.” I grabbed his cheek again and stroked the rough stubble on his tight jaw. He was so wounded and angry, and wouldn’t look into my eyes, so I looked down at his chest.

“I don’t know what to do, but I’m so sorry. I can’t tell you how much I regret hurting you.” I started weeping and my voice shook, but I pushed through it. “I messed up,” I admitted, holding his hand quietly for a few minutes. I hadn’t met his gaze because I was too afraid if I did, I’d see that he had given up on me, that he was done. It didn't matter that he had just solidified his love moments before.

After a silence loaded with emotion, Rhys rubbed his thumb across my hand once. I looked at our joined hands and thought I had imagined it, but then he repeated it and pulled my chin up with his other hand. He forced me to stare into his broken blue eyes.

“I need to ask you 2 questions, Ellie.”

I nodded and wiped my face.

“Do you still love me?”

He knew my answer when I continued weeping, but he wanted my words. “More than anything, Rhys.” I paused and thought of my conversation with Anne. “I love you more than I’ve ever loved anyone.”

He squinted his eyes, unsure if he’d heard me right or misunderstood me.

“I love you more than I ever loved Aaron, because it’s you that loved me despite it all. It’s you that I was supposed to end up with,” I elaborated.

Rhys’ mouth formed a tiny, tight smile. One that was still gloomy, but lifted with the smallest amount of hope.

“My second question is, do you still want to be with me?”

My eyes opened wide. How could he ask me that after everything I just confessed? After I divulged that he owned my heart in a way no one ever had. He saw my shocked expression and explained.

“Because if you want this as bad as I do, then we’re still on the same page,” he smiled faintly. “But I can’t be with you unless you swear to never doubt me again. I’ve told you I’m yours, and whether I leave this earth tomorrow or in fifty years, I’ll still be yours.”

I looked at Rhys and kissed him tentatively against his stiff lips that stood their ground. But when I wrapped my arms around his neck and kept pushing my mouth against his, he finally relented and returned my affections. He tasted my mouth; his tongue carefully pushing past my lips, and took a long deep breath of relief.

Pulling back he squeezed my waist. “Ellie, I need to hear you say it…” he cleared his throat. “Because I want to marry you one day, and have babies together, and grow old with you, but I can’t until I hear you say it.”

I shook my head. “I’m sorry I ever doubted you. I’m sorry I hurt your heart. But I’m most sorry I gave up on you when you’ve never given up on me. I swear that as long as I breathe, I’ll never make you feel that way again. I’m going to mess up, but I won’t shut you out because you’re on my side.”

He stared at me for what felt like too long. I worried my words weren’t enough, that he still saw doubt in my eyes or no longer trusted me. But in a moment of clarity, Rhys kissed me hard and lifted me off the ground. He wrapped my legs around his waist and without another word, carried me to bed.

CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT

I
spent the night in his arms or with him above me and under me. Sometimes words weren’t needed; some things could only be said through our touch and embraces. He forgave me with each kiss, each caress on my skin, and he apologized too with every movement against me and within me as he said,
I love you, darling
, and
I’m yours, love
. After all our verbal commitments, that was what we needed that night.

Rhys hadn’t done anything wrong, but he hated that I had been fooled and used as a pawn by the media. He loathed that they attacked me and brought Aaron into it all, but especially that even though I’d tell my family and friends the truth, their image of him had been temporarily tarnished. It would take time to move forward from the mishap, but we would do it together.

We stayed up all night talking, forgiving each other, explaining ourselves with fits of passion in between. He begged me to promise so many things as he held me, and we both hated that he had to leave in only a few hours. In the middle of the night I thought he had fallen asleep when he pressed his mouth to my head and squeezed me tightly.

“Rhys?”

“Hmm?”

“You’re not mad anymore, right?”

“No,” he shook his head against mine. “I was never mad. I was heartbroken, but I partially understood. It’ll get easier.”

“How were you able to come back with filming underway?”

“I said I had a family emergency.”

“But I’m not—” I said before he interrupted me.

“Yes you are, dear girl. You
still
don’t understand.” He forced me to turn and face him. Holding my face in his hands, he said, “You’re the family I’ve chosen. I meant what I said, you know?”

He had said so many things, and seeing the confusion in my eyes made him smile. “I want a family with you…I want a life with you and lots of children. I know you’re afraid, but we can do it, together.”

I nodded and nuzzled into his chest. “It doesn’t have to be tomorrow,” he said, stroking my hair. “But I want all those things for us. I have to leave in the morning, though I’ll be back in two weeks and I swear I will call you every day until then. It’s going to get worse before it gets better, but please hang in there, okay?”

“I will. I promise.”

That morning came sooner than either of us wanted, but we awoke with trust in each other, and trust in life that things would be fine. We knew that we had to stay in control of what we could. Before we got out of bed, Rhys took a picture of me looking over at him, my hair strewn across the pillow and my eyes heavy with sleep. “That one’s for me,” he said smiling, and then he leaned in and took one of both of us. We were both topless, covered by the blanket, and he revealed, “This one’s for Instagram and Twitter. To shut everyone up. Is that okay?” he hesitated. “Noah suggested it.”

I laughed. At that point they had seen us at our worst, so why not?

Rhys had Bruce drive us to my flat and he walked me up. I did my best not to cry as I held him for a few minutes inside my door, but we couldn’t prolong the inevitable. “I’ll call you tonight, okay?”

I nodded biting back tears. “Chin up, darling. Two more weeks, we can do this…just don’t forget I love you.”

He touched the heart around my neck that he had replaced upon arriving at my flat, and kissed my lips warmly. And then as if he’d never been there, I was alone again.

∞

The following weeks I forced myself to stay as busy as possible. Work kept me occupied enough, especially since the week before Rhys would return was reserved for midterm exams. I never gave exams for my courses, instead opting for papers and I was grading them nonstop. I also continued running a couple times a week and made an effort to see people. Sadie and I met for dinner over the weekend, and I saw Lena twice after Rhys left.

She understood my silence when everything was hectic, but wished I had let her be there for me. After years of dealing with Rhys’ fame, she was an expert in handling media crises. Over our first dinner, she told me that when she spoke to Rhys she’d never heard him so distraught. She explained that he was angry that it had happened while he was away, that he couldn’t take care of me, and most of all that he was unable to protect Aaron’s memory for me.

Guilt had been weighing heavily on him, and he had brought it up continuously the week after he left. Hearing Lena confirm that he was at his lowest left me remembering how much I’d hurt him, and my guilt still lingered. I wasn’t sure how long I would take to forgive myself, but I was trying to. Any time I saw another tabloid, or someone approached me in the street, I reminded myself he was worth it. Whenever I worried that Rhys would inevitably hurt me, I took a deep breath and pictured his face behind my door and then his face when he called me family. Those reminders kept my doubts in check.

Despite our distance, we were closer than ever and Rhys called me every night, no matter the time difference, just to ensure I heard from him. I told him it wasn’t necessary, because I could hear the exhaustion in his voice, but he insisted.

“I just want to hear your voice,” he said, causing me to believe he was still anxious I would lose it before he could return.

Once he tweeted the picture of us in bed, the tabloids slowed down a bit. In fact, that picture was on the front page the following week, and it claimed that he was stringing me and the other woman along the entire time. It was so disgusting, but I knew the truth and that’s what mattered. I explained it all to my parents, Julie and Max, and then Anne. They understood and felt bad for judging Rhys so quickly, but he didn’t take it personally as he knew they were just protecting their own. My mother surprised me though and took it a step further.

During one of our midnight phone calls Rhys said, “Your mother called me today.”

“What?”

“You heard me correctly,” he laughed.

“How did she get your number?”

“I gave it to her over Thanksgiving in case of emergency.”

He couldn’t see me but I was grinning like an idiot at how adorable he was.

“That’s cute.”

“Anyways,” he brushed me off. “She called to apologize for assuming the publications were true. She said when she spoke with you that she encouraged you to talk to me, but still took your side without the facts.”

“Of course, I’m her kid…her only one, too.”

“Yes, but she felt badly knowing I was an amazing person and that she had judged me. She vowed not to buy those magazines ever again, except for our future wedding cover.”

I cracked up and cringed. “I’m so sorry, she assumes you’re about to propose to me.”

“It’s fine,” he said, something off in his voice.

“She was pretty angry about it all, though,” I added, uncomfortable with the silence.

“I know, she told me everything. I mean
everything
, how your dad was incredibly upset too. But it’s all fine now, total misunderstanding.”

“I’m sorry.”

“You needn’t apologize anymore, love.”

“But doesn’t it hurt your feelings that we assumed the worst? That we all believed you were capable of that.”

“Honestly, yes. I expected the public to believe it, but not you. My mum even asked me if it was true before I came home, and that was painful. That’s how much she adores you, she took your side as well.”

Shit.
Hearing that broke my heart. “Rhys, it’s never happening again. You deserved so much more than that, I’m so sorry.”

“I know, it’s okay,” he hummed. “I just want to move forward. I can’t wait to be with you again and forget it happened.”

“Me too. Can I take you to dinner when you get back?”

“Oh, you want to butter me up?” he asked, jokingly. Each time we spoke I witnessed little bits of him shedding his morose attitude. He was struggling, but was also trying.

“Yeah, I have quite a bit of groveling to do. But mostly I want to spoil you rotten.”

“That can be arranged.”

∞

We were in a much better place after things started settling. The distance was still a strain, but with only a few days remaining, we finally saw the finish line. I think going through it had made me realize that Rhys and I could make it through anything, that there really was no stopping us as long as we were open and united. I still missed being around him, his smell and touch, but knew I would have it again. With only three days before his return flight, he called me. I expected to discuss our plans for the weekend, or how excited he was to come home, but he only delivered bad news.

“Hey!” I said, high on the idea of seeing him in three days.

“Hello, love.”

“What’s wrong?”

He laughed. “What do you mean?”

“I can hear it in your tone…what is it?”

“I’m fine, but I’m afraid I have some bad news.”