For Her (Broken Promises #2) (2 page)

I’m never going to get through this.

Braydon

Three days ago

“So you’re good for tomorrow night, then?”

“Gabe I’ve already answered this,” I huff. Fucking band shit, fucking bar shit… fucking cancer shit. Fuck!

I haven’t had enough time in the day lately to be the best friend I can to Lane and Al, be the best bar owner (albeit behind the scenes but it’s still a fucking ton of work) and be the great lead man in the band that everyone expects me to be. It’s been stressful, to say the least.

“Yea, you have. But the last two sessions you’ve backed out. We need to practice if we ever plan on making it bigger than these local bars.”

“Don’t fucking worry about me,” I grumble, getting pissed as I watch Lane drive like a moron just to impress Alexis. He shouldn’t need to impress her. He’s got her. He’s the lucky one. He should be treating her like a fucking princess, not be driving like he has nine lives. These Goddamned roads are slick, he’s probably too busy finger fucking her to pay attention properly.

“Shit,” Gabe huffs into the phone. “I don’t wanna give you a hard time, Bray. I know this shit with Lane isn’t good… but we can’t drop everything. We need to practice and keep preforming.”

“I know.” It’s the truth too, I know. I just can’t find it in myself to care about too much right now, because my thoughts are on my best friend and his shortened life. My thoughts were on his girlfriend and how devastated she’s going to be when he passes. My thoughts are NOW on the fact that he might not be passing, he might be able to live a full life, and I’m going to have to go on with mine, trying to find some sort of meaning in it. “Fuck, you’re right man.” I need to start moving forward. It’s been too many months of sitting still. “I’ll be there. Make sure everyone’s ready, I have some new shit.” I hang up and toss my phone, hating that I was on it while driving. Last thing we need is a damaged band member.

I’ve been writing on my down time lately. They aren’t the happiest of songs, but it gets me through the nights. The ones when Lane’s been so sick, I can hear him throwing up from my apartment. The ones where I hear Al out in the hall crying to herself, because she’s too strong to cry in front of anyone else. Those nights.

“What the hell, asshole!” A car comes at me straight out of nowhere. These mother fucking dark roads and the fog really put everyone at risk. Pulling the steering wheel directly to the right, I barely miss the side rail, swerving around a pole and slide to a halt just before hitting a light pole. “Mother fucker.”

That’s when I hear it.

The crunch. The collision right where Lane and Al’s car was just a second ago. Sparks start flying, there’s smoke billowing from the truck.
Oh God
. Fuck it’s so foggy.

“No!” I stumble out of my car, not one hundred percent, not quite seeing straight. The explosion sends me to my ass, though. One explosion. Two cars. At least three people. All probably dead. “
Fuck fuck fuck fuck no!
” I run towards the car, immediately noticing Lane’s license plate lying in the road. “No, fuck!”

By now there’s other cars stopping, I’m yelling at them to call 911. Call the cops. Do something! I’m yelling for water, or a fire extinguisher. There are tears running down my face, no doubt covered in soot already from the burning truck. I hear nothing from the inside of Lane’s car, I’m so fucking afraid to approach it, but I have to. If they’re alive, it’s barely, and I have to be the one to help them.

“Sir, you need to stay back,” an older man calls from the sidelines.

“Fuck off! They’re my best friends!” I stumble to the car, noticing the front of the car completely gone, the driver’s side door mangled. “Shit shit shit.” I’m mumbling, crying, and trying to pry open the passenger door, because the truck is on fire and still somewhat attached to the driver’s side of Lane’s car. I can’t see inside the shattered windows, but I see nothing moving; no shadows, no screams. My hand on the handle is no us; the fucking door won’t budge!

That’s when I hear her. The moan that tells me Alexis is still alive.

“Help me! She’s alive! There’s someone in here! We need to get her out!” I’m pulling at the door with every muscle in my body and it isn’t budging, so I do the only thing I know. I smash the rest of the window in as carefully and quickly as I can so I can see her.

“Oh my God, Al,” I cry. My hand goes to her bloodied face, her eyes flicker open, but close again. Her head rolls into my hand,“It’s ok, it’s ok, it’s alright we’re gonna get you outta here.” I start frantically pulling at the door, the glass shards cutting through my hands, but I don’t give a fuck. I need her out. I need Lane out. I need my friends safe before this entire thing blows.

A few onlookers help, we finally get the door open enough to find Alexis’ seatbelt. To get her unbuckled. To get her safe.

“She’s not goin anywhere ‘till the ambulance gets here,” one of the men helping says, nodding towards her leg. And that’s when I see it. The car is crumbled around her leg. Her foot looks like it’s completely smashed, I’m not even sure the bottom part of her leg is connected anymore.

“Oh my God,” I manage before letting the sobs start. “Lane! Lane, come on man, you gotta get up.” If I can’t get her out now, I can help him. I can’t just stand by useless when the two people I love in this world are dying. That’s not fucking happening.

Kissing Al’s forehead, it’s dark, but I can see a wince when I lean over her. “Fuck Al I’m sorry,” I say, frantically searching to let loose Lane’s seatbelt. His hand comes to mine, which makes me jump, and when I look at his bloodied, grey face, he’s smiling gently. Blood running out of his mouth, he looks like something from a horror movie.

“Jesus Christ, Lane.” My hands try to work him out, but he shakes his head ‘no’. Then, without words, nods down to his abdomen.

“Mother fucker,” I whine, like a ten year old school kid. “No, no no no, Lane No!”

The metal lodged in his stomach is probably about the size of a baseball bat. It’s so fucking dark I can’t see where it’s coming from. Out of instinct I start to pull until I hear him groan.

“Shit, Lane I have to get you out of here!”

His head shakes no again. With his eyes closed, he takes a ragged breath and opens his eyes. Looking directly at me, his brilliant eyes flick to Alexis, then back to me.

“Take...” he tries, his voice pained, “Care.” He spits and coughs up blood, taking another very slow, labored breath.

“You fucking asshole, don’t you fucking die on me.” I’m crying, trying to apply pressure, but I have no clue where to start. Everything is wet with blood, it’s so fucking dark and I don’t know what to do! Where the fuck are the paramedics!?

“Her.” He groans and shakes his head when I start crying harder. Grown fucking men aren’t supposed to cry, but I am, I have no fucking shame in it. “Proms,” he slurs, blood starting to drip from his nose.

“No. You’re not fucking dying like this Lane. This shit isn’t happening. You’re taking care of her. You’re her love, you love her, you two will be old together and you can’t fucking leave me here alone! Don’t fucking die, Lane!”

He coughs and groans, shaking his head faster. “Promise, Bray,” he manages to get his voice louder and that’s when I see all the color’s drained from him.

“Oh my God I fucking promise, but you’re not going anywhere man.” I’m a bumbling mess and only slightly hear the sirens approach. “Don’t you fucking die, Lane Sheridan.” I cry, but don’t put up a fight as the paramedics and fire fighters start to do their job.

A job they’ve been trained for. Saving lives is what they do for a living. Saving lives is what they’ll do tonight.

They have to.

***

Present Day

“Sir, she’s awake.” I’ve been waiting days for this moment, now that it’s here I think I’m going to hurl. Her mom rushes in ahead of me, I give them time to reconnect before barging in… because once I go in there, I’m not leaving her side again.

These past few days have been nothing short of hell on earth. I’ve watched my best friend get cut apart, sewn back together, and go in and out of consciousness for days. I watched my other best friend… well…

“Shit,” I huff, starting to pace the hallway outside her door.

“You’re gonna need to reign that in,” the male nurse that’s been helping Alexis since she got here says, shaking his head.

“I made a promise,” I growl. “I keep my fucking promises.”

“Right, and what? You’re gonna go in there, announce to the already breaking girl in there that-”

“She’s ready,” her mom says, head peeking out the door. She’s been crying and she’s not trying to hide it. There’s no use. We’ve cried together so much these last few days I don’t even try to hide it either.

Something about tragedy that sends people into self-preservation mode. Mine consists of leaning on other people and not looking after myself. Hence why I’m walking into my best friend’s hospital room unshaven, un-showered. I’m only in clean clothes because Al’s dad, Frank, was nice enough to bring me something so I wouldn’t have to wear blood while sitting here.

So much blood.

Walking into her room, the familiar hospital smells no longer burns my nostrils. I see her, franticly staring at the door, and I know who she’s waiting for. I know I’m not the one she wants to see right now. I know, because I agree with her. We’re both let down by the fact that it’s just me.

Trust me.

She’s been awake before, she knows her condition, but they had to drug her to stop her from overdoing it. So she doesn’t know anything else. Her parents both agree it needs to come from me, but staring at her now, with her mom looking at me with pleading eyes to make her better, I just want to wrap her in my arms and never let her go. She’s my Al, and I broke her.

“Where’s Lane?”

Fuck. Just the sound of his name makes me want to vomit. 

“I just need my boyfriend!” She’s crying, sobbing, but I can’t help her. All I can do is go to her. Be with her. Jesus Christ this hurts so bad. “I… I… what happened to me?!” Her wail slices through my heart, straight to my core, and I lose it. All composure I thought I had when walking into this room is gone. I’m left with pure emotion.

So I do the only thing right now that will help either of us. I hold on to her. I wrap my arms around her while she sobs into me, scooting on the bed next to her, I lay my head back on the pillow. Letting the tears fall, we lay there and cry together. We cry for all the sorrow, agony and pain we’ve gone through, for what we’re going to go through in the coming days, weeks, months... hell years. I’m not certain I’ll ever get over that night. The nightmares haunt me every time I close my eyes. The sirens pierce my ears every time I start to fall asleep.

I’ll never get past it.

“Bray?” her whimper calms me. Just hearing her voice calms me… even if it is surrounded by sniffles and hiccups.

“Mmm?”

“Where’s Lane?”

Fuck that name. Son of a bitch just his name alone makes me want to throw up. I haven’t eaten in days, so it wouldn’t be anything, but I can’t. I can’t hear it. What I thought was going to happen, I’m not sure, but I didn’t prepare for this. I didn’t write a speech, or get notes on how to tell terrible news to a girl… but I’m sure there’s really no good way to go about it.

Is it like a Band-Aid? Just rip and move on? Or does it need to be gently coerced and nudged without any rips?

I have no fucking clue. No one teaches you this shit in school.

“He uh…” I trail off, trying to stall. “What do you remember, Al?”

Maybe if I know what she knows, then it’ll be easier for her to know what I know.

Makes perfect sense.

Right?

“Dinner. We were at dinner.” She moves her head up to me, her brilliant green eyes hit mine, I suddenly don’t want to tell her. I don’t want to take the shine out of her eyes. “That’s it. We left dinner and that’s where it all ends.” She pushes her brows together and shakes her head. “Please, Bray. Just tell me what happened.”

Alexis

He’s staring at me, it’s obvious he’s at a loss for words. Every second that passes the silence in the room grows louder. I hear everything I don’t want to hear. The ticking of the clock reminds me how long he’s taking to answer. The dings from the machines reminds me that I’m in a hospital and don’t know why…. Which then reminds me of my leg.

My mother fucking leg.

I can’t work like this. I can’t run after models and photographers if I don’t have both my legs. I mean… I know people learn to walk all the time with bionic limbs, but I’m the most uncoordinated person ever. I’d take one step on one of those and fall flat on my face.

“You don’t remember anything after dinner?”

How many times do I have to tell him this?

“I lost a leg, Bray. Not my memory… I just… everything is so foggy.”

Fog. That sounds familiar.

He sighs and curses.

“So uh… there was an accident, Al.” He mumbles something I don’t understand, but it’s clear he’s upset over having to tell me this. A churning starts in my stomach the minute I see the look on his face. Uneasiness spreads over me, I have to remind myself to breathe when I hear the machines start to speed up. “The roads were slick… there was fog… it was dark.” He sighs and shakes his head. “The fucking truck came out of nowhere, Al.” He curses, I see a tear slip down his tired face.

That’s when I remember what happened. That’s the moment it all comes back to me.

“I’m sorry, Al.” A tear slips down his cheek, when he lets another one fall he looks away and clears his throat. “We fucking tried. I’m so fucking sorry.”

He doesn’t have to say the words.

I know. And I hurt.

Everywhere.

“Oh God, Bray,” I whimper, sobs starting to course through me. “Oh my God. I’m never going to see him again, am I?” He looks at me with wet eyes and, tight lipped, shakes his head ‘no’. That’s when I lose it. Completely. I cry. I cry so hard the nurses come in to check on me just for Braydon to wave them out. I cry so hard I’ve soaked his shirt in minutes, but he doesn’t complain.

“I’m sorry,” he whispers. “I tried. I fucking… It was so dark… I just… I’m…” He’s crying about as hard as I am at this point. Both of us are holding on to each other, because we have nothing else to hold on to anymore.  I don’t know what he keeps apologizing for, and I don’t really want to know. It doesn’t matter.

He’s gone.
I can’t feel my body; I’ve gone numb from complete sorrow, but the phantom pains in my non-existent leg remind me of that terrible night. I remember the crunch of the metal; the grunts of Lane. Oh God his grunts.
Oh my God I’m never going to hear his voice again.

“I can’t do this without him,” I cry into Braydon’s chest. I can’t. I can’t think straight, but I know one thing for sure; he was my other half. Without him, I’ll never be whole again.

“You can, Al. We have to.” His arms squeeze around me as we hurt together. “He wouldn’t want us to stop living.” He sniffles and smooth’s my hair, trying to calm me, but I can’t. I can’t calm down.

My Lane is gone.

Braydon’s voice that has soothed me so many times these last few days is actually starting to piss me off. It’s not the voice I want to hear. It’s not Lane. My Lane. And to top it off, he’s telling me to move on. I can’t move on. I’m not going to be ok.

It’s never going to be ok again.

“I need you to go, Bray.” I sniffle and sit up, straightening my blanket. “I’m tired.” I don’t want to be told I have to be ok. I don’t want to be apologized to, I don’t want to be coddled… I don’t want to ‘be’ anything.

“What?” His hurt whisper tries to cut into my guilt, but I can’t find that feeling. “Al, I’m not leaving.”

“Braydon I need to be alone.” I hiccup, wiping my face, trying to dry the tears that are freefalling down my face.

“I’m not going anywhere, Al,” he growls. “I made a fucking promise,  you don’t want me here, but there’s nowhere else I’d rather be.” He stands from the bed, a cold rush coming over my body; a rush of loneliness. “I’ll give you space… but only a few feet.” He scoots a chair up to the side of the bed and sits, making himself comfortable.

“I need to sleep, Braydon.” Glaring at him, all I want to do is cry myself to sleep and never wake up. I don’t want to have to go on with my life without Lane. He’s been all I’ve known since my adult life started.

I can’t, without him.

“Then I’ll be here when you wake up.” Braydon tries grinning at me, but it falls flat. I shake my head at him and grunt when his hand finds mine. His eyes hit mine, I tear up again, seeing the hurt that I’m selfishly ignoring. “I promised him, Al.”

“Promised him what?” I whisper, not wanting to talk about him, but he keeps saying he promised him. My morbid curiosity has me wanting to know everything.

“Just go to sleep, Al. I’m not going anywhere. It’s been a hard afternoon… We can talk about this later.” He sighs and lays his head back, closing his eyes, but I’m not done.

I don’t ever get to hear another word out of the man I love. I need to know. I want to know. As much as it hurts, I want to know everything I can.

“Bray I can’t sleep,” I whisper. “Every time I close my eyes I see his face. His smile. Every time I close my eyes and try to sleep I can hear his laughter. It hurts.” I cry, because there’s no use holding the tears back anymore. “I’m broken, Braydon. If hearing about it helps me, then I want to. As much as it hurts, I want to know.”
Another tear slips down his cheek, he shakes his head.

“You don’t want to know everything, Al.”

“I may not want to, but I need to,” I whisper, squeezing his hand.

“It’s not pretty, Alexis,” he warns. “It’s nothing that’s going to help you.”

“Don’t sugar coat it, Braydon.” I take a deep breath through a pain in my back. “I need to know what happened. All of it.”

“Jesus, Alexis,” he huffs. “I…” he shakes his head and sniffles, rubbing his face and leaning back. “I don’t want you to have the visions I do. I don’t want you to remember him like I do… that… bad.”

“You… you saw him?”

“I saw it happen, Al. I got your door open… I saw your leg…” he trails off as his eyes go to my sheets. My sheets where my leg should be. “I was there for it all.”

Reaching over, I take his hand and pull him up to the bed. I thought I wanted to push him away, but I don’t. I need him here. He saw it. He saw… us…

“Bray, what happened?”

Climbing in bed with me, I hate that I have to keep asking that question, but I have a morbid need to know the details. I hate that there’s a part of my life, a major part, which I don’t remember at all. My life has been pretty good so far. Predictable, successful, happy… I’ve never had a moment in life where everything changed in one instant. Until now.

He sighs, wraps an arm around me, letting me do my best to curl into him. He’s soothing, he’s sad, and we’re both hurting. The only difference is that I’m suffering physically, emotionally, and mentally… I don’t know how he’s suffering. Was he hurt too? Did his car get hit too? I thought he was behind us, so it stands to reason he would have been in an accident too, right?
“Tell me, Bray.” I urge him, because I don’t want to live my life a question of what happened. I want to learn. I want to mourn.

“Fuck,” he groans. “It was wet, and foggy,  you guys didn’t see the truck that was out of control.”

I remember the lights.

“I hit the brakes and slid off the road… right as I heard the collision in front of me. By the time I got to the car… to his car… it was too late, Al. I didn’t think either of you were alive. The car… It’s totaled. Bad. I thought you two were dead, Al.” He pauses to wipe the tears and collect himself. I’ve never known Braydon to be this emotional, it’s tearing my heart apart even more seeing him like this. He’s one of my closest friends, I care for him deeply… I hate to see him hurting like this. “When I heard you whimper I knew you were alive so I started fighting with the door to get it open. After some help I finally pried it open to see you… but I couldn’t get you out. You were stuck.” He glances down at my leg and sighs. “Jesus Al… There was so much blood. No one thought you were going to make it.” He trails off, that’s when I notice his fingers gently rubbing my arm. Something Lane used to so absentmindedly. It hurts, knowing I’ll never get that from him again, but it’s still comforting coming from Bray.

“Go on, Bray,” I whisper. He sighs and leans his head back, obviously struggling telling me the rest.

“There was no saving him, Al. I tried. I fucking tried… but he… the metal… it… impaled him.”

I gasp and squeeze my eyes shut, forcing myself to not break down again. There’s nothing tears can help right now.

“Was he already gone?”

“Al, stop. This is torture for you.”

“I need to know, Bray.”

“He wasn’t gone yet.” He sighs and I let a sob escape.

“He was awake?!” I cry, because the thought of not being there for his last words. Not being there to tell him how much I love him. Not being there to tell him not to worry.

“Yea,” Braydon whispers. “He was.”

Then it clicks. Braydon talked to him. He had to. That’s why he doesn’t want to tell me anything else. That’s why this is so fucking hard for him, because he watched his best friend die.

Dead.

“Oh God, Bray… you talked to him didn’t you?”

He clears his throat and clenches his jaw as another tear streams down his face. His features that are normally clean, shaven, and tight look nothing less than ragged right now. He’s been through so much, and I haven’t thought one bit about his feelings today. I didn’t just lose a boyfriend, he lost a best friend.

A brother.

“Shit, Braydon.” I hug him tighter, and even though it makes everything in my body hurt I can’t let go. I feel so fucking selfish… he’s hurting just as bad as I am.

“He made me promise to look after you, Al. You… you were on his mind. In the last moments, you were the only thing he was thinking about. Just you.” He sniffles and I feel a tear hit my cheek.

“Oh my God,” I whisper through the tears. The endless stream of sorrow spilling from my eyelids is starting to feel typical. I wonder if I’ll ever be able to stop crying.

“He loved you, Al. He’s loved you for so long, even if he just told you a few months ago. I remember the night we met… and the way he looked at you. He’s loved you since day one, Al. He never stopped loving you, until the second he left us… He never stopped. I’m so sorry, Alexis.”

Braydon’s words break the dam again so I let the sobs escape me. I lost my Lane. My love. Right when I thought things were looking up, everything is destroyed by some careless driver.

“I’m so sorry, Braydon.” I whimper into his chest, hating that he’s hurting. Hating that I’m hurting. Hating everything.

“For what?” His hand comes to my head and pets my hair again, finally starting to calm me. This is how we would sit when I just couldn’t take being in Lane’s apartment anymore. During the day, when Lane would sleep the sickness away, I would sneak upstairs to let him rest. I’d cry my tears to someone that completely understood and never judged.

“I’m sorry I tried pushing you away. I’m sorry you had to see that. I’m sorry you had to watch… that…. I’m sorry you lost your best friend. I should have made him slow down. I should have made him drive slower and safer. I should have been able to stop him,” I cry.

“No… no Alexis. Don’t you dare put this on you. It was a fucking accident.” He lifts my head gently with his finger on my chin and his pained eyes find mine. Red rimmed, shiny still from the tears, he silently watches me for a reaction.

I know it was an accident, but accidents don’t happen unless people are being careless. I was being careless. It’s my fault he’s dead. Maybe not all my fault, but some of the blame has to lie on my shoulders. He’s watching me, his lips so close and wet from the tears streaming down his face. Even days unshaven, not primped, Braydon is sexy as hell.

Then I realize where my mind is going, I look away. Ashamed.

I want to vomit. I want to scream. I want to kiss the sadness away from him.

And that makes me cry even harder.

What’s wrong with me?! Braydon’s my best friend. He’s my dead boyfriend’s best friend… practically brother! Who the hell has a thought like that in the middle of all this shit that’s happening?!