For His Honor (2 page)

She chewed a little on her lower lip, thinking about what two or three days alone with Kane would be like. There was no way she could ever be attracted to him. In fact, she could hardly stand to be in his physical presence.

On the other hand, if he kept to his word about this trip, all she would have to do is grit her teeth and bear it. Make conversation, go swimming, eat a few meals with him.

She’d of course stay in her own room—that was a deal breaker.

And when it was over, Red would be safe again. Except that she had no idea if Kane Wright would honor the agreement.

“I’m just not sure I can trust you,” she said.

“What have you got to lose?” Kane asked.

“A lot,” she said, her eyes locking on his. “Just because I’m not rich like you, doesn’t mean I have nothing to lose.”

“Here’s my cell number,” he said, handing her a business card. “Don’t answer now. Sleep on it tonight.”

Nicole didn’t even look at his card—she just thrust it into her purse.

Kane walked her out of the room and down the hallway, into the stairwell. As they descended, he gently put a hand on the small of her back. Nicole almost told him not to touch her, but decided it wasn’t worth it.

His gesture made her miss Red all the more. If Red were here, he’d be cracking jokes. She’d welcome his strong firm hand on her back or around her waist.

Kane Wright might be conventionally handsome, but he was all wrong for her.

And the worst part was, he didn’t much care. He was one of those men so used to getting what he wanted that it never occurred to him whether or not someone else felt the way he did. It was enough that he was “taken” with her, now he would find a way to force her to feel the same about him.

When they reached the street level, she turned and looked at him. “You know, there’s consequences to how you treat people, Kane. I think you’re going to find that out the hard way.”

Before he could reply, she opened the door and quickly made her way to the limousine waiting curbside.

And then she was taken home.

***

She’d been having a dream about Red—she knew that much. And then she was suddenly awake, heart pounding, feeling he was right next to her. She could remember every single sensation of his body next to hers in bed, how it was to wake up next to him in the mornings. The way he smelled, the way his curly black hair fell onto the pillow, his body sprawling out across the sheets.

Nicole half expected to see him turning over onto his back and grinning at her with sleepy eyes. Pulling her across the gap and into his arms.

She sat up in bed and tried to calm down, as if she were recovering from a nightmare. Only she realized the nightmare was her reality. In the dream, she and Red had been together again, happy again, ready to spend their lives with one another.

It was in her waking life that everything had gone wrong.

Instantly, memories of the previous night and Kane’s threats flooded her mind.

He was such a poor replacement for Red Jameson; everything about Kane was a turn-off for Nicole. At least when Red was being aggressive, you knew it—but with Kane Wright, it was all hidden. He didn’t even have the guts to just command her to fuck him.

Instead, he’d tried to bribe her, extort her—as if he had to fool her into being with him.

But would he hurt Red if she refused to play along? That was the million-dollar question.

Nicole wondered what Red would advise her to do. Probably he wouldn’t advise anything, he’d have been too busy hunting Kane Wright down so that he could turn his face into a bloody mess.

Suddenly, her stomach lurched. Nicole’s mouth flooded with spit and her throat constricted. Stumbling out of bed, she ran to the bathroom and as soon as she got to the toilet, heaved her guts up.

Last night’s mac and cheese (hurriedly eaten before going out with Danielle) was clearly visible now in the toilet water. Just looking at it was enough to cause her to heave again. More came up, and then Nicole was using some toilet paper to wipe her chin and mouth, tossing it in the toilet. A quick flush and down it all went.

She patted her stomach, feeling a little better now.

What was it, she wondered? A slight case of food poisoning? She’d never had food poisoning before, but she’d always assumed it was pretty brutal. She imagined herself clinging to the bowl, sleeping in the bathroom, every twenty minutes being struck by another bout of nausea.

This didn’t feel like that at all.

Maybe a touch of a stomach flu? Nicole certainly hoped not. She didn’t feel like spending the next twenty-four hours in bed.

She went to the sink and quickly washed her face, patted it down with the nearby hand towel, looked at herself in the mirror. Her eyes were puffy, but other than that she looked fine. Not great, just fine.

How could she ever really be great again? She was lost without him.

Don’t think like that, Nicole told herself. She’d been doing a lot of pep talks lately, telling herself to buck up and stay strong and other clichés that never really helped.

I miss Red. I miss him so bad that it literally hurts. Maybe that’s why I threw up.

She was thinking crazy thoughts. Nicole knew she needed to get it together. But the plain fact was, she was tired of keeping it together, tired of pretending everything was okay. Not only did she miss him terribly, every single moment of the day—but now she also had to deal with Kane Wright completely on her own.

Today was going to be a no shower day. In the past, before the latest and greatest breakup with Red, there had never been a “no shower day”—she took a shower at least once, very often twice a day.

But lately she couldn’t even muster the energy for that. Today she simply put her hair up, put on deodorant and some clean clothes, a little makeup—and done. She didn’t feel sexy or fresh or awake.

Nicole didn’t much care though. Perhaps I’m depressed, she thought. She found she didn’t care too much about that either.

And then it was off to work for the day.

Work had become an altogether different place since Red was fired. The fun had left Jameson International altogether. There was an interim CEO, someone she’d never heard of before, who’d given a twenty minute speech a couple of days ago. He’d talked a bunch about ships travelling rough seas, teamwork, holding strong through the tough times, and on and on.

Nicole had found herself spacing out a few minutes into it and just daydreaming about Red. Their work lunches together, the way he’d looked at her, the hunger in his eyes.

But she knew she wasn’t the only one who missed him. Even Remi had commented on it one day. Remi wasn’t the type to get all soft and nostalgic about anyone or anything, but she turned to Nicole randomly and said, “I put my resume up online yesterday. I just can’t see myself working here in six months. All the life has gone out of this place.”

Nicole had simply nodded, because if she’d spoken, she might have started to cry, and the last thing she needed was to be seen sobbing in her cubicle.

A mental breakdown at her job? No thanks.

Today, she had a busy day, thankfully. Edward was using her as his all-purpose assistant, which meant accompanying him to his meetings, taking notes, getting his schedule straightened out, and going over the reorganized files on the network.

Being busy was good. Being busy was the only was Nicole stayed sane anymore.

Still, in those brief downtimes, the quiet moments, no matter how short they were in duration—she instantly wondered where Red was and what he was doing right now.

And of course, the most clichéd line of all: Does he miss me the way I miss him?

Towards the end of work, her cell phone started to buzz. Her heart started racing at the mere possibility that it might be him—that Red might finally be breaking his self-imposed exile.

It was her mother.

“Shit.” Nicole had been avoiding her calls. She’d only called back once, at a time when she knew her mom wouldn’t be around, and left a brief message acting like she’d been disappointed to have missed her.

But now she was starting to feel guilty. So despite her qualms, she finally picked up. “Hey, Mom.”

“Oh! I was so used to getting voicemail, I’m a little startled to hear my daughter’s real voice.”

Nicole smiled—actually it was more of a grimace. “Sorry about that, Mom.

Things have been really busy around here.”

I’ve been busy moping, not showering, and occasionally vomiting for no apparent
reason. That’s why I haven’t picked up lately.

“Busy doing what?” her mother asked, a hint of suspicion in her voice. Of course she suspected that Nicole was seeing Red again—nothing else explained the lack of communication.

“Work’s pretty crazy right now.”

“I read in the newspaper that Red was let go,” she said.

Nicole sighed. Shit. She forgot that her ex-fiancé’s entire life was chronicled in the media, so of course her parents knew about the events at her company. “Yeah, the board of directors met and decided that a change was necessary in order to facilitate a new direction.”

Christ, I sound like I’m the interim CEO right now, she thought.

“How do you feel about that?” her mother asked.

Nicole hesitated. “A little sad,” she admitted.

“Hmmmm.” Her mom clearly didn’t like to hear that. “Well, it’s always sad when someone loses a job. But sometimes it’s necessary. Sometimes change is a good thing.” Nicole could translate her mother’s words better than anyone after all these years.

What she really meant was, I hope you’re not still upset about splitting with Red Jameson, because he’s obviously a loser. First he lost you and now he’s even lost his own company. I hope you’re not pining away for him.

But with her mother, things were rarely spelled out like that unless she knew she could get away with it. And after so long without talking, her mother wouldn’t want to upset Nicole and then not speak again for weeks.

“Yes, change is necessary,” Nicole replied, after a long pause.

“So, what else is new?”

Well, you’d probably be interested to know that a very wealthy man is trying to
bribe me to spend a few nights with him in the Cayman Islands. I might not even have to
fuck him—we’re still working out the details.

She smiled, imagining how her mother would react to such a description.

Instead, Nicole talked a little about all the work she was doing for Edward and about how she and Danielle were spending a lot of time together. She tried to keep her tone upbeat and light.

But of course, her mother knew. Mothers always know, Nicole thought.

“I’m glad you’re keeping busy, honey.”

Translation: I’m glad you’re finding it possible to stay away from Red Jameson.

“Thanks Mom. How’s everything there? How’s Dad?”

“Things here are fine. The same. Although your father’s prostate is acting up again.” She launched into a long story about how dad had gone to the doctor last year after being uncomfortable for months on end and then been told he had an enlarged prostate. Not cancer or anything, just an enlarged prostate. Only, the discomfort had continued and continued and he’d resisted going to the doctor for so long. Finally, Mom had forced him to go and it turned out he had an infection.

“But he’s feeling better?” Nicole said. Now she really felt guilty for not calling back. Her dad had been sick and she hadn’t even known.

“Yes, he’s doing much better. That man just hates going to the doctor. I swear, he drives me crazy sometimes.”

“Yeah, men can be difficult, can’t they?”

“Some men more than others.”

Nicole knew exactly what that meant too. Sure, her father might be stubborn and wear his jeans until the knees were ripped and threadbare and mom had to practically fight him to let her throw them away—but he was still a good, dependable man. Red Jameson on the other hand, he was of a different breed. He was undependable, unstable, and totally unsuitable husband material.

Red Jameson might replace his jeans when they needed replacing, and he might go to the doctor if he needed to, but it didn’t make up for everything else that was wrong with him.

“I should go,” Nicole said. “I’m still really swamped at work. With all the changes and everything, it’s incredibly hectic.”

“You’re okay, though? You’d tell me if something was wrong?”

Nicole was surprised her mother had come out and actually asked. For a moment, she almost told her everything. It would have been nice to just go outside and spill her guts to her mom over the phone, tell her how hard things had gotten. But she knew it was impossible. She didn’t want to sit there and listen to her mother badmouth Red in order to try and make Nicole feel better. That wouldn’t help anything.

So in the end, she just nodded her head. “I’m fine, Mom. I swear.”

“I’m sure it’s confusing right now with all the changes at your job,” her mother said delicately. It was the closest she could come to saying she was sorry about Red.

***

Nicole should have known that Kane Wright would track her down again. He wasn’t going to wait for her to come to him.

She shouldn’t have been surprised then, when the dark limousine pulled up next to her and Danielle as they walked down Fifth Avenue later that night.

It had been Danielle’s idea to get out of the apartment and go spend some time in Manhattan together. Nicole had complained that she’d just spent the day in Manhattan.

“That’s not the same—you were working. Sitting in a tiny cubicle is not spending the day in Manhattan. You could have been in Hoboken.”

“But I wasn’t.”

“Still.”

Nicole was too weak too fight. So she and Danielle had taken the train into the city and walked around, and surprisingly it was actually fun. Maybe it was all the walking and the fresh air, but Nicole found herself smiling and joking around for the first time in ages.

It couldn’t last though, and it didn’t last. The limousine pulled up beside them on the street and they turned and looked at one another.