For Lovers Only (30 page)
Authors: Alex Hairston
Kenya said, “If you want to share then we're here to listen.”
Joel nodded and said, “Go ahead and open up. Just say exactly what's on your mind.”
Erin said, “Okay.” She closed her eyes and began to rock back and forth a little. Her slow, gentle rocking motion seemed to relax her as she prepared to share her secret. Joel sat close to Erin to provide extra comfort and support. Kenya repositioned herself on the opposite side of Erin because she could tell that whatever was on Erin's mind was heavy. Erin said softly, “It was summertime, about two weeks before the start of my senior year. I was supposed to spend the night at my best friend Nicole's house. Her parents had gone out for the night, to a party all the way down in Annapolis and we were home alone. It was no big deal for two seventeen-year-old girls to be home alone on a Saturday night. We were in her bedroom listening to music and dancing. All of a sudden Nicole left her bedroom without saying a word. I assumed she was going to get us a snack and something to drink because she had mentioned that earlier.” Erin paused for a moment. When she continued, the canteen area appeared to have gotten colder and darker. Joel and Kenya were caught up in Erin's story and relived her experience right along with her. “The entire house was dark and quiet, except for Nicole's bedroom. I remember feeling cold. Cool air filled the house, thanks to their central air-conditioning unit. After dancing for a few minutes I began to warm up and the cool air didn't bother me as much. Before long I was into my own little world, just enjoying the music. The next thing I knew I heard Nicole's bedroom door open. I had my back to the door and was so preoccupied and zoned out that I didn't even notice her older brother Teddy standing right behind me until I felt someone breathing on the back of my neck. I looked up and was startled by his reflection in the mirror. He startled me so much that I stopped dancing and screamed. He just laughed. That's when everything turned really weird. He asked, âDid I scare you, shorty? Don't stop dancing because of me. Who taught you to dance like that? I know you ain't trying to turn into one of them freaky-ass girls from around here, are you?' I said no. He made me show him how I danced again, and then he danced with me, pressing himself all against me. He was aroused and I could feel it. I stopped dancing and he forced me to continue. He started feeling on me. I called for Nicole, but there was no answer. That's when I realized that she thought she had done me a favor by hooking me up with her brother. I always said that Teddy was cute, but I didn't want to be alone with him.” Erin began to sob a little, but was able to continue. “That song called âBump and Grind' by R. Kelly started playing. Teddy said, âI'm gonna see if you can handle me.' At some point it seemed like he was being kind of playful, but then he got aggressive. I knew that he had been drinking because he smelled like beer. He got real rough and held me tight and forced me to dance again. He said, âI like you a lot now that you got bigger tits and a fatter ass. Bet you think you're a woman now. You been fucked yet?' I didn't say anything. He said, âCome on, you can tell me. I'm like a big brother to you and I have a right to know. You better tell me the truth.' I said no, I'm still a virgin. There was a strange look in his eyes. He said, âOh, yeah. You better not be lying to me. Let me check you out to make sure.' I screamed, no. He picked me up and slammed me on Nicole's bed. He put his hand up my dress and all of a sudden he snatched off my panties. Then he pinned me on the bed. He was strong ... a whole lot stronger than I was.” Erin began to cry. “I felt his fingers moving around down there as I squirmed from side to side. I felt his finger penetrate me and I screamed. He pressed his body against me even harder. He kissed me as I tried to scream louder. I kicked, hit and bit him. He was way too strong for me. He said, âI'm gonna see if you really can handle me now.' I remember feeling a strange pain between my legs and then he applied more force. I could smell and feel his hot beer breath against my skin. Sweat dripped from his forehead all over me, and then he rubbed his coarse facial hairs against my face. When he was done he just lay there holding me as tight as he could. Then he started giving me kisses and telling me how sorry he was. I just lay there lifeless, like I had been murdered. He might as well have taken my life. I was breathing, but I didn't want to. He left me lying there with the bottom half of my body exposed. I couldn't move, so he pulled my dress down and told me to go into the bathroom and make sure I washed. He begged me repeatedly not to tell anyone about what he had just done to me. I cried, but I was too messed up to even wipe my own tears. He wiped my tears and said, âI know you don't want me to tell your mother how hard you made me. You're a nasty little thing. You started this by dancing around like that.' I never said a word to him. He kept telling me to remember what he said. I got up and ran all the way home. When I got there my mother was fast asleep and I was so thankful because the last thing I wanted was for her to see me looking like that. I made my way to the shower and washed myself over and over again. No matter how much I washed I still felt dirty. I felt and smelled him on me for the longest time. It felt like he had stained my soul, but over time I found the strength to get beyond that night and I eventually got myself back on track. I never reported Teddy to the police. For all these years I acted as if that incident never happened. I guess that's why I had so many sexual hang-ups. Well, if y'all didn't know me ... hopefully you know me a little better now.”
Erin looked so vulnerable that Joel felt the need to hold her and make her feel safe. But Kenya put her arms around Erin first, and their prolonged hug made Joel feel momentarily excluded.
A couple of minutes later Kenya and Erin allowed Joel to share their embrace. This was an emotionally charged moment. There was a long period of silence. Renee's suicide attempt had helped bring a lot of pain, sadness and honesty to the forefront. The three had opened up and flowed with honesty. They had let each other inside to face issues they usually faced alone. Their weaknesses and vulnerability made them even closer. The three were nakedâstripped down emotionally, but flawless and beautiful to each other. Their exuberance for life made them so strongâtoo strong to let the past beat them down.
Chapter 33
A
few minutes later Joel said, “I guess we better get back around to that crazy-ass waiting area and see if the doctor has an update on Renee's condition.”
few minutes later Joel said, “I guess we better get back around to that crazy-ass waiting area and see if the doctor has an update on Renee's condition.”
As soon as Joel and the girls stepped into the waiting area they noticed that Renee's mother and sister were crying their hearts out.
Joel stopped dead in his tracks and braced himself for the bad news. His stomach felt like it was tied up in knots. He looked at Erin and Kenya and said, “I don't wanna go over there because I don't wanna know ... I don't wanna hear whatever they have to say because I know it's bad news.”
Erin said, “It's obvious that they just found out something. Hopefully it's not as bad as you think.”
Kenya said, “You need to find out what happened.”
Joel said, “All right, give me a second.” He took a deep breath, prepared himself for the worst and said, “I'll go, but I'm still not ready.”
Erin said, “It's probably best that Kenya and I stay over here. I'm sure Renee's family doesn't want us in their business. If you need us we'll be right here.”
Joel gave her a little smile and said, “All right.”
Mrs. Rhodes and Cheryl were so upset that they didn't even notice Joel walking in their direction. When Mr. Rhodes noticed Joel he stood up and greeted him with much more respect this time. Mr. Rhodes seemed incredibly humble.
With a worried look on his face Joel asked, “What's going on?”
Mr. Rhodes said, “Things aren't as bad as they seem. Victoria and Cheryl are just upset because the nurse let us go in the back to see Renee and they had her on a ventilator.”
“Is she okay?”
“I think she's going to be fine. The doctor is supposed to come out and take the family into one of the conference rooms to discuss Renee's case. You're welcome to join us if you'd like.”
This made Joel feel a little better. He nodded his head and said, “Sure.”
“Look, I'm sorry for the way we treated you earlier. It's just kind of unsettling seeing you with your girlfriends. . . together ... like that and all. Victoria and Cheryl didn't want you or them here at first, but now we realize that you didn't do anything wrong.”
Joel felt so many emotions raging inside of him that he was about to explode. He managed to stay composed and said, “I've always treated your family with respect, especially Renee. It's not like I really wanna be here ... she got me involved in this. I thought the two of us had moved on, but evidently not. She's the type of ex-girlfriend that just won't go away.” Mr. Rhodes gave Joel a funny look, as if to say his comment was inappropriate. Then Joel said, “You know what I mean.”
“Of course, I know what you mean.”
Joel sighed loudly and said, “I'd love to be home in bed right now, but your daughter destroyed my apartment and then attempted to take her life in my bed. Can you imagine how that made me feel?”
“No ... I can't,” he said evasively.
“My girlfriends and I tried our best to save Renee's life and instead of y'all thanking us ... everybody treated us like we tried to kill her.”
“I understand what you're saying. Again, I apologize for what happened. I'll pay you for any damage she caused.”
“We can talk about that later. Right now I just want Renee to make a full recovery.”
A few minutes passed, then a nurse gathered Renee's family and Joel and they all headed to a conference room. Mrs. Rhodes and Cheryl were civil, but gave Joel the silent treatment. As they sat there in complete silence a doctor entered the room wearing light green scrubs.
With a mild Latin accent he said, “Hello family, my name is Dr. Richard Diaz. I've been taking care of Ms. Rhodes tonight and she has shown some minor improvements. Her heart rate and blood pressure are normal. We did a gastric lavage and administered a medication to counteract the effects of the sleeping pills. She's still in what we call a medication-induced coma. Luckily for all of us they don't make sleeping pills like they used to. She took a new class of pills that are less potent than the old benzodiazepine class. The new class can be lethal when taken in large amounts. We assume she took the full bottle of thirty tablets.”
Mrs. Rhodes cried out, “Oh God.”
“Ms. Rhodes experienced some respiratory distress earlier and I felt the need to put her on a ventilator ... temporarily. . . just to give her system a break. I expect her to sleep for hours, but she should recover within the next twenty-four hours. However, we're going to admit her so we can observe her for the next couple of days or so. I had the chance to review her records and speak to her primary physician. Has she been acting strange lately? Been depressed? Trouble sleeping? Mood swings? Increased energy and restlessness?” Dr. Diaz watched as everyone nodded their heads in agreement. Then he asked, “Did any of you know that she suffers from bipolar disorder?”
Mrs. Rhodes said, “I knew it.”
Dr. Diaz asked, “Does anyone else in the family suffer from bipolar disorder?”
A dead silence fell over the room.
Suddenly Mrs. Rhodes broke out crying and said, “Me. I'm bipolar too. I've known for years. I was diagnosed with manic depression when I was in my twenties, but I have been in denial the entire time.” She cried so hard she could hardly talk. “I saw the same symptoms in my daughter ... the deep sadness, helplessness and then the euphoric moods. She jumped from one idea to another and could hardly sit still. The poor thing spent all of her hard-earned money ... shopping for all kinds of things. Her judgment was impaired. I tried my best to cover it up and now look what that led to. She tried to kill herself.” Mr. Rhodes put his arm around her and handed her a couple of tissues. She continued, “The only time she was truly happy was when she was with this wonderful young man sitting right here.” Mrs. Rhodes paused for a second and Joel looked completely blown away. Mrs. Rhodes continued, “My daughter's illness started to get the best of her and made her do all kinds of things, including break Joel's heart.” She looked at Joel and said, “I'm so sorry we never told you what was going on with Renee, but we were ashamed. She never meant to hurt you.”
Joel had a huge lump in his throat and could barely speak. With tears in his eyes he said, “It's okay. Now I understand exactly why she did the things she did.”
Dr. Diaz said, “You all have to work together as a team and recognize what triggers the depressive and manic episodes in Ms. Rhodes. From now on it is critical that she take medications and see a psychiatrist on a regular basis. With bipolar disorder she will experience ups and downs that are too much to handle on her own. There is no cure for bipolar disorder, but it can be treated.”
After the conference with Dr. Diaz, Renee's family headed out to the waiting area and allowed Joel time to visit alone with Renee.
Joel hated seeing Renee in the condition she was in, so he tried to keep the visit as short as possible. He took Renee by the hand and whispered in her ear, “Renee, I know you can hear me and I want you to hurry up and get better.” Something inside of Joel made him say, “I love you.” He kissed her on the cheek and then headed back out to the waiting area.
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