For the Best (20 page)

“Those options were neither clerical nor
administrative,” he argued.

“No, then what about the next page?” I
flipped. “Workplace fit- how well your approach fits your work
environment. I do not belong in an office. I tried it with the
beverage company and was unhappy. The workplace fit graph shows
that I lean toward (Realistic) doing and (Artistic) creating.” I
read verbatim from my test, “Realistic types like physical
activity, working with their hands. They enjoy working outdoors and
do not mind physical risks on the job. Artistic types are often
thought of as original and creative by others.”

He threw his hands in the air in
frustration. “I give up.” He stormed outside and climbed an
extension ladder onto my roof, where before the botched aptitude
test he’d declared he had a surprise for me.

I joined him.

Tanner extended his hand showman style
across the laundromat roof. I smiled, focusing on the blanket and
bottle of wine.

“What do you think?”

“I think it is very romantic.” I walked over
to the edge. It wasn’t that far to the ground.

“I’m sorry I’m an ass sometimes.” He wrapped
his arms around me.

“I know you have my best interests at
heart.”

Hanna

A whole summer passed in what seemed a blink
of an eye. Tanner was leaving, embarking on his semester in Europe.
Torn, I didn’t know how to convey how much I’d miss him while still
encouraging him to pursue the adventure.

I walked down the gray weathered boardwalk.
The stretch of the beach had been blasted by last year’s storms. An
X of wood ended where steps once allowed access to sand.

Tanner was sitting shirtless, his arms
spread in a stretch as his hands gripped opposing rails, his legs
dangling off the last plank. The muscles tapered to his waist. I
knelt down and wrapped my arms around him reveling in his body’s
warmth. He moved his hands over my forearms.

“Are you excited?” I asked trying not to let
the loneliness to come inflect my voice.

“I would be more if you were coming with
me.”

“I wish I could.” I kissed the back of his
neck.

“Do you?”

“I do,” I whispered placing my forehead on
his hard deltoid. I breathed him in, the sea salt, the soap, the
warmth. I didn’t want to let him go.

Hanna

The loss of Tanner leaving for Europe was
replaced by the intricacies of Della’s pregnancy.

She had an interview with a placement
agency. Her clothes were strewn across my bed as she attempted to
find an outfit able to conceal her pregnancy. She was holding up
skirts and blouses against her further bulging belly determining if
they looked accountant appropriate.

“Black is out. It makes me look like a
pregnant Goth.”

I paired a dark red skirt with a pregnancy
pouch that gave and a tailored white silk blouse. “Model this for
me.”

She changed without modesty. “Your breasts
are so large it almost looks like you’re wearing a push up
bra.”

She laughed. “Thanks. What about the
heels?”

“Can you walk in those?”

She nodded.

“I think you look great. I guarantee you’ll
come home with the job.”

“I have to.”

“Why have to?” Her face crumbled. The
pregnancy hormones caused her to cry a lot. “What is wrong?” I
hugged her.

Garbling between sobs she cried, “Michelle
told Jace that I was pregnant.”

“How did she find out?”

“Benny told her I was trying to pin my
mistake on him.”

“Oh Della.” I rubbed her back as she tried
to catch her breath.

“My own brother told me to not say another
word until after the baby was born and I could produce a paternity
test.”

“I’m sorry.” I tried to console her.

Finally, she stopped sobbing. “Hanna, can I
live here with you?”

I didn’t hesitate. “Yes.”

“Will you pretend like it’s true?”

“What?” I asked once again confused.

“That I was messing around with someone
besides Benny. That we don’t know who the father is.”

“Why?”

“Because I don’t want it to be him.”

I nodded.

With overseas phone calls ridiculously
expensive, we decided to use the less expensive means of
communicating. I switched on the Skype session. Tanner was the only
person on my contact list. We had scheduled the time. I was saving
up for a new laptop with a camera feed and microphone but for now I
had to be satisfied with instant messaging.

2:34:28 PM Tanner: Hi, how are you doing
over there?

3:09:39 PM Hanna: Good, are you enjoying the
rain? Have you ventured out much?

3:11:00 PM Tanner: Not much, I’m out of
sorts. Soda and candy machines only here.

3:11:27 PM Hanna: Why out of sorts, jet
lag?

3:12:11 PM Tanner: I grabbed some chips,
skittles and coke zero so I am set if the local takeaways can't
deliver...

3:12:59 PM Hanna: I hope they can.

He didn’t reply for a while. I didn’t know
if his internet connection had lapsed or what. Finally, a half hour
later he replied.

4:13:27 PM Tanner: I miss you.

By then I was not beside my computer anymore
and 26 minutes passed before I sent.

4:13:53 PM Hanna: I miss you too.

I didn’t get another message back.

4:14:10 PM Hanna: Let’s try again same time
tomorrow.

Sharing a bed with a large, moody pregnant
woman was a challenge. She’d landed a permanent job that was to
begin in August upon her finishing her remaining classes and
graduating. Until then, all she had to do was study and grow a
baby. I came into the bedroom at noon to find her sleeping still
not having risen for the day.

“You need to get up and move about. Lying
around depressed is not good for the baby.”

“I’m not lying around. I’m preparing for a
different life.”

“Different is good,” I said.

“Different is scary.”

“Are you scared to become a mother?”

“No, I’m scared of losing my youth and
freedom.”

I sighed thinking she should be more scared
of her future medical bills.

The Skype webcam was plugged into my new
computer. The software switched on. I was so excited. No more
instant messaging conversations that seemed to have lag time
between responses. I initiated the call from the main window,
clicking the green video button. He appeared full screen with the
live feed picture of me shrunk into a square on the lower left
side.

I smiled happy to see his face and he
appeared smiling as well.

“Oh, I like this. It is almost as good as
being together.”

“Not quite.”

“So how is it so far?” I asked.

“So far, so good. How are you doing?” He
smiled and the picture froze as the webcam transmitted.

8:40:28 AM Hanna: What happened?

8:41:53 AM Tanner: Not sure.

8:41:57 AM Hanna: Was it just the web cam
feed? Since we can still share on conversation.

8:42:03 AM Tanner: My roommate made a stop
in the loo. Maybe it shook the broadband.

8:42:05 AM Hanna: I hope it isn’t that
sensitive. Loo- are you already going Brit?

8:42:28 AM Tanner: I’m trying to impress you
with my newly learned colloquial expressions.

8:42:41 AM Hanna: I only know their
obscenities: bloody, bullocks, wanker.

8:43:29 AM Tanner: What about bee’s knees,
arse, cheers and spot on?

8:43:44 AM Hanna: I’ve never used those.

Then the connection ceased. It took almost
ten minutes to reconnect.

8:50:29 AM Hanna: Okay, I think it is
working now.

8:50:57 AM Tanner: Finally, hit your video
feed.

“You look really pretty. All the girls here
are pasty white from lack of sun,” he teased.

“Oh yeah? You been scoping any out?” I
joked.

“No point. I’ve got the best girl in the
world waiting across the pond.”

Della was working for me as I talked with
Tanner. Through my closed door, he could hear her loudly laughing
with a customer.

“So how is she doing?”

“Not good but she’s hanging in there.”

“Lucky for her she has such a great
friend.”

“I try.”

“Want a tour?”

“Yeah!” I exclaimed.

He walked the laptop pointing out as he gave
me a visual tour of his dorm room and the hallway outside. He even
opened his window and showed me the street view.

“I miss you so much.” I said sighing.

“I miss you too.”

I really believed him.

Hanna

Della and I made it work in the cramped
space of the Laundromat apartment. Sleep had become so difficult
with her sharing the bed that I had taken an air mattress out in
the common area just for my own space.

Tanner wasn’t in contact as much. I tried
not to read into his lack of communication but as one day stretched
into the next I had a bad feeling spreading like infection inside
me.

On a warm October evening near sunset, I was
lying on the beige sand with pinkish streams swirling through
staring out at surfers trying to master the weak waves of the
Atlantic. Clay was applying wax to his surfboard. Della was
studying for the CPA exam with her book propped on top of her ever
growing belly.

“You ever see that old schoolhouse a few
streets over from the Laundromat?” Clay asked.

“The two story with the boarded up windows
and vines covering the brick?”

“That’s the one.”

“Yeah, I’ve seen it.”

“A buddy of mine is a structural engineer
and he did a sweep, said it was habitable. I went to the county
recorder’s office to find out who owns it. Thought I would make
them an offer. Turns out it is owned by the city, part of the
Economic Revitalization Area - for sale with incentives. But it
can’t be mortgaged. The city is willing to deal but for cash only.”
He sighed.

“What were you going to do with it?” Della
looked up from her text.

“I always wanted to open a microbrew but I
don’t want the hassle of restaurant…but if you serve alcohol you
need food.”

“You could sell appetizers!” Della
exclaimed.

“I see a new trend. Apps and Taps,” he
joked.

“That actually could work,” I said.

“I don’t have the cash.” He shrugged
dismissing the idea.

A thought formed. “I have $25,000
saved.”

“Once Jace sells the house, I’ll have at
least $50 grand,” Della offered. “How much do you have?”

He stared suddenly realizing we were
serious. “About the same but I couldn’t ask that of you two.
Especially you Della, you’ve got a baby on the way.”

Della explained, “It wouldn’t be a loan.
Could we all be partial owners? Is there enough space to allow for
a dog groomer and CPA?”

“More than enough. We could probably live
there if we renovated right.”

We were allowed to begin renovations without
having the title in hand. The good faith money of $50k down had
helped though Della’s portion was being withheld because Jace
wouldn’t budge on selling the house.

I hadn’t let Tanner know. I wanted to
surprise him when we were further in the renovation process. Maybe
take a laptop around the place showing him via live feed like he
had done with his room.

For a week, we’d been working non-stop on
demolition and clean-up. The place was coming along. On a break
from renovating and working at the laundry, I launched Skype,
selected Tanner’s name and Skype started ringing.

I smiled as Tanner appeared. He didn’t. I
don’t know why he accepted the Skype call. It was like I was
interrupting something.

“Did I catch you at a bad time?”

“No, well, kind of,” he didn’t explain
why.

“Sorry,” I muttered. “I really wanted to
talk to you. I missed you the last couple of times I’ve tried to
Skype.” My bright, chipper attitude was forced. My newfound
happiness dampened.

“I’ve been busy with schoolwork and
friends.” He was studying something looking down. I couldn’t demand
his full attention. We were less than ten minutes in the
conversation.

“Tell me about your friends?” I asked.

“Like what.”

“I don’t know. Where are they from?” I had
all the time in the world. Apparently he did not.

He looked up and I swear his eyelid
twitched. Before I could clamp my mouth, “Ooohh,” slipped quietly
out.

“It’s not like that,” he muttered.

“What is it like?” I asked and marveled at
how un-accusing my tone was.

“You are going to be insecure no matter what
I do. I mean it isn’t like I don’t deserve it with my past history.
So let me be the one to offer. Do you want to see other people
while I am over here and then when I come back we can see where
things lie between us?”

My lips were frozen but still I mustered,
“What about Trev? He won’t be able to Skype or e-mail without
me.”

Sarcastically, he answered, “Well I didn’t
say I didn’t want to talk to you anymore did I?”

Calmly, I put his sarcasm in place. “We
shouldn’t continue talking. It wouldn’t be fair to anyone else
either of us dates.”

He became angry. “Got someone lined up
already?”

“Don’t you?” I asked.

He looked guilty. “When Trev wants to talk
can you send his e-mail for him?” he asked.

I nodded.

“Listen Hanna I don’t want it to be like
this between us.”

In our past, there were steps he used to
make me feel like he wasn’t to blame. That was the first, remorse.
I’d seen this before. He was already fucking whoever she was but
refused to come clean. “I’ve got to go to work.”

“No you don’t. Just talk. It’s not like the
Laundromat can’t run without you.”

There it was. Second, the condescension. I
decided not to tell all the plans I’d began. I think he would have
tried to persuade me not to make financial obligations and actually
it was risky. Risk takers were the people that ended up great
successes. If we failed, so be it. Only Della had responsibilities.
We were all young. We had aspirations. Most importantly we had
drive.