For the Love of His Life (24 page)

Jared stared after her, with Raul a silent witness. Jared put one foot up onto the railing of the paddock and leaned his forearms against the top of it. He seemed to be deep in thought, then he sighed audibly.

“I’m sorry, Raul. I thought you were lying. I thought you were cheating on my cousin. I’ve loved Ronnie since we were kids. The thought that you were hurting her made me crazy. I called her Wednesday night to tell her about the tattoo that you shouldn’t have known about. She said she was going to keep her commitments, make a few extra pies to cover for the weekend, then head into the wilderness after they were done Friday.”

“So you can’t even drive me to her house?”

“It wouldn’t do you any good. She’s not there.”

Raul turned his face away because he was really afraid he was going to cry and it felt like if he started, he wouldn’t be able to stop. “She wasn’t going to give me a chance to explain?”

“No. She figured you’d played her for a fool and she needed some nature therapy to begin to heal.”

“Then I guess it’s over between us. She won’t listen to anything I have to say.”

There was a heavy silence between the two men as one wrestled with his guilt and the other began to experience the immense suffering of a man whose love was being rejected as his dreams turned to ashes.

After a time, Raul turned and began to walk away. Jared called after him. “Wait!”

“What for?”

Jared hurried over and was shocked by the depth of the pain in the other man’s face. “Did she ever take you to what she calls her
secret place
?”

Raul nodded. “Yeah, a couple of times.”

“Could you find your way up to it?”

“Probably…once I found the path. But it doesn’t matter. I have no idea how to get to the island, or how to find the cove where she beaches her canoe.”

“But I do,” Jared said excitedly. “If I get you to the cove and her canoe is there, I could leave you there. She’d have to talk to you. You’d have no other way to get back. No matter how pissed she is, she couldn’t just leave you there.”

A tiny glimmer of hope began to pierce the darkness of Raul’s heartbreak. “Can we go there now?”

Jared shook his head, “I’m afraid not. It’s after seven already. By the time we got to the resort, it would be starting to get dark. You can’t canoe that many miles in the dark. I mean, I know where it is, but I need to see landmarks to find it. For that I need daylight.”

Raul’s face fell.

“And you’d never be able to find the path in the dark. I’ll drive you to the resort first thing in the morning. We can use one of Gram-Marie’s canoes.”

“What if Nica isn’t there? What if she went to hide somewhere else?”

Jared frowned. “Then you’re SOL until she gets back. I’ll make her listen to me, Raul. I’m sorry that I jumped to conclusions. I was wrong about you. She’ll have to believe me.”

“Because you’re a saint who never lies?”

“No, because I’ve never lied to her.”

“Neither have I.”

Jared patted him on the shoulder. “I’ll make this up to you…really I will. Get some sleep and we’ll leave early tomorrow.”

Raul walked slowly back to his trailer. He didn’t smoke, he didn’t talk to anyone. He shut the door behind him, sat on his bed and looked out of the window. He imagined his life without Nica in it. He felt his face getting hot before the tears started to run down his face. He tried to remember the last time he’d cried.

Probably when I was still getting beaten for being the new kid. Before I learned how to lie to get bullies to leave me alone. Only now, I’m crying because I am alone. Oh Nica, I hope this isn’t easy for you. Because my life depends on you listening to me and believing me tomorrow
.

Eventually he looked for and found a bottle of whiskey. It had always been written into his acting contracts as a required furnishing in his trailer. He gulped down a few shots, but got even more depressed from the alcohol. He’d had sought oblivion and only gotten unhappier. He put the bottle down, angry at his former best friend’s inability to console him. He lay in bed most of the night staring out of the window, wondering if Nica was looking at the same stars. And he offered quite a few prayers to the God who had no reason to even listen to him.

Chapter Eighteen

Raul felt as if he had just closed his eyes when he heard a knock on his door. He jumped out of bed and opened the door to see Jared already dressed.

“Morning, Raul. I’ve got a few things I need to take care of and then we can leave. How about I meet you in the dining tent in about an hour?”

Raul nodded, feeling light-headed from lack of sleep. The grumbling of his stomach reminded him he hadn’t eaten any dinner last night. His nerves were stretched to the breaking point by anxiety. He took a quick shower and changed his clothes, putting on a pair of jeans and a sleeveless tee shirt, along with his sandals. He grabbed a flannel shirt in case it got cool at night, and put it into a backpack with his hiking boots and heavy socks. He made a face at himself in the mirror as he brushed his teeth.

Why would she want to listen to you, you lying sack of shit? She has every reason on earth to think I’m a jerk. I have no idea how I’m going to change her mind. But I have to try. She’s the love of my life. I need her.

Jared found Raul forcing himself to chew a bagel. He didn’t look like he was enjoying it, as much as he looked like a condemned man having his last meal.

“Hey Raul, I’m ready. Just bring your coffee with you. That’s what I’m going to do. We can finish it on the way to the resort. We’ll grab some supplies from the shed when we get the canoe.”

Raul followed Jared to his rented car and got into the passenger seat. He buckled himself in and folded his hands in his lap for the ride.

Jared glanced at him as he buckled himself in and started the car.

“I just hope we don’t have to explain much to Gram-Marie,” he began conversationally. “Maybe it will be better if you just stay in the car.”

Raul shook his head. “I won’t be able to sit still. I’ll go into the shed and grab the water bottles and the oars, then drag the canoe to the water.”

“Okay, if that’s what you want to do.”

They settled into an uncomfortable silence that lasted until they were parked in the lot next to the main resort building. They both got out of the car and headed out to do what they had to do.

Jared told Marie he was going to borrow a canoe to take Raul out to Veronica’s favorite island, in hopes he would be able to find her and tell her the truth. Her eyebrows rose into her hairline.

“Now Jared,” she began, “I don’t know what you told Ronnie. She wouldn’t tell me anything. But she looked ready to cry the past couple of mornings while she made the pies. Yesterday she didn’t even go on her run first. She packed some supplies, then just marched down to the lake and took off in a canoe. Now here you are, telling me that you need to take Rall there to talk to her. Have they had a lover’s tiff?”

Jared hung his head. “No, Gram-Marie. I jumped to an erroneous conclusion and told it to Ronnie like it was true. It wasn’t. But it confirmed her worst fears about Raul, so she believed it. I believed it too, when I shared it with her. But now I know I was wrong. It’s my fault that they are both in such pain. I have to make this right for them. That’s why I’m going to drop him off next to her canoe and leave. I’m hoping she’ll give him a chance to explain.”

Marie walked over to him, reached up and grabbed his ears, so she could look into his eyes.

“Jared, you’ve always been a headstrong boy, quicker to act than to think. Paul used to tell you to think first
and
second. Only act as your third impulse.”

“I know, Gram-Marie. I’ve tried to live like that, to be like Grampa. I’m glad he’s not here to see how badly I can mess things up.”

Marie shook her head, patting his face gently. “He was always so proud of you, Jared. Go on now, make things right. And when you come back, I’ll have some coffee on, and you can sit with me on the back porch and tell me about those darling girls of yours.”

He smiled. “I’ll do that. But I have to get going. Raul will be waiting…”

Marie shook her head. “That man! I pegged him as trouble the first time I saw him. But Ronnie’s gone and fallen head over heels with that Rall. He’s not good enough for her, but she doesn’t seem to care. I’m not sure if I want her to make up with him so she’ll smile again, or to send him packing.”

“It’s not up to us to decide,” Jared began. “I just don’t want to be responsible for making them both so unhappy over a misunderstanding of mine.”

“Go on! Get!”

“Bye, Gram-Marie. Thanks for the loan of the canoe. See you later.”

She nodded. “I’ll be here.”

Jared hurried down the path to the shed and found it empty. He looked around and saw that the canoe was already in the water, the supplies bag was loaded in the middle, and Raul was having a smoke while he waited.

“Let’s get going,” Jared said as he neared the canoe. Raul ground out the cigarette and they both got into the canoe and started paddling.

* * * *

Almost two hours later they paddled into a cove and both of them saw one of the resort’s canoes up on the beach.

“She’s here!” Raul said with great relief in his voice.

Jared nodded. “And we made really great time! I don’t think I’ve ever made it here in less than two hours! Usually more like two and a half. You’re a natural with an oar. You row like you were born doing it.”

Raul shrugged. “I was anxious to get here. Now I’m afraid to find her, for fear that she’ll tell me to go fuck myself.”

“Just tell her I’ve left you here and you have no way back. She won’t be able to tell you to get lost if there’s nowhere you can go. And no way for you to leave.”

“I hope you’re right,” Raul said as he climbed out of the canoe and sloshed his way up to the other canoe.

“Do you see the path you need to follow?” Jared asked as he put a couple of water bottles and some granola bars into the backpack then tossed it to Raul.

Raul caught the bag and sat on a rock to change into his hiking boots. He tucked his sandals into it and pulled the pack onto his back.

“Yeah. There it is, right? I just follow that deer path to the right, then when it splits, I turn left.”

“Yup. You’ve got about an hour of hiking to do. Pace yourself. No need to run. She’s probably out fishing now.”

“Bye Jared, and thanks for bringing me here.”

“It was the least I could do, Raul. This is all my fault. I hope you can get her to believe that.”

Raul nodded. “Yeah, me too.”

Jared pushed the canoe off of the beach and began to paddle back the way he had come. Raul took a long drink from one of the water bottles and put it into the outside pocket of the backpack. Resolutely, he started walking into the woods.

* * * *

Veronica was fighting a large fish, trying to get it out of the water. She hadn’t had any luck and was trying to ignore the tight knot of pain in the pit of her stomach. She wasn’t the kind of person to wallow in grief, but then she’d never been hit so hard before. In the past, she’d always been the one to walk away from a relationship. Now her illusions were shattered and she kept second-guessing her decision to even allow Raul to affect her emotionally.

I should have known better! He’s got a reputation to uphold. That asshole I disliked so much when he first got here, is the real man. The one who’s been romancing me for weeks was just an act. I guess he’s a better actor than anyone gives him credit for!
She drew in her breath with a sob.

The fish kept struggling to get off the hook and she imagined it was a metaphor for her disappointment.

I’m the fish he hooked and I’ve got to struggle harder to get off his line.

The battle between her and the fish grew more intense so, as she’d hoped, she had to forget about her inner turmoil to pull it in. She adjusted her balance on the side of the lake and reeled her line in firmly.

Failure is not an option.

* * * *

Raul followed the path slowly, trying to remember the landmarks Veronica had pointed out while they’d hiked it together. She’d had him practice being able to navigate around in an unmarked wooded area. She told him he would have to appear to know how to do that, in order to realistically portray Hank Maynard’s life story. At the time he’d been more interested in watching her ass in her tight jeans as she walked in front of him. Now he regretted he hadn’t paid closer attention. A couple of times he took a wrong turn, only realizing it when what he thought was the path ended at the water’s edge, or at a pile of rocks.

It was with great relief that he caught a glimpse of her tent, set up next to a small pile of ashes that must have been from last night’s campfire. When he got closer, he saw the blanket they’d used on their picnic, spread out next to the tent. He strode a little past the makeshift campsite, hoping to see her nearby. He was disappointed, but lit a cigarette and perched on a big rock, to think over what he was going to say to convince his love of his fidelity. He’d never imagined himself having a conversation like this, and felt keenly the lack of a script written for him. He sighed as he contemplated the enormous importance of what he had to say, and just how much his future depended on his words.