For the Save (Playing for Keeps #4) (16 page)

Addie

I was sitting in the lobby of the hospital waiting to hear how Sawyer was doing. His parents had been ushered back awhile ago, but no one had come returned. I’d met his parents briefly before they went back. It’s not exactly the way I’d hoped we’d meet, and honestly I was pretty nervous when they first showed up. I thought for sure they’d blame me for what happened with Sawyer. But they were gracious. Sure, they seemed a little thrown off by my purple hair. Especially his mom. I could see it in her eyes, and the way her gaze kept flickering to my head. But other than that, they were friendly.

As the clock on the wall ticked, my anxiety spread. My stomach was all knotted up like a dozen strands of Christmas lights that were thrown in a box and left to sit all year. Visions of Sawyer’s battered face filled my mind. And the memory of him being hit over and over played like a song on repeat in my head. When Felix first put his hands on me, I didn’t think anything could be worse than that. But I was wrong. Watching Sawyer being beat up had been worse. I felt so helpless to stop him. And it made me feel like crap knowing that he was only there because of me.

Yet, it was hard to wish things had gone differently. If I hadn’t texted Sawyer and if he hadn’t come to my rescue, who knows what would have happened to me. I was pretty sure I wouldn’t be walking around seemingly unscathed. Although I wasn’t sure I could use the word unscathed at this point. I mean, sure outwardly I seemed fine, but inwardly I was a mess.

“Oh, honey, I still can’t believe this happened,” Mom said in a shaky voice, her hands fluttering over my shoulders like a butterfly. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

I wasn’t, but I nodded. I couldn’t talk to Mom about any of it. Partly because I wasn’t sure I could get the words out. But mainly because I wasn’t ready to recount everything again. It was hard enough telling the police the whole story. But I only did that for Ben and Sawyer’s sake, so Felix would get what was coming to him. But there was no reason to tell Mom. It would only upset her. Besides, the police had told her enough.

Sighing, I stared down at the scuffed linoleum under my feet. The lobby was pretty quiet. Only a few other people sat in here. Most of them were on their phones texting or scrolling. It made me wish I had my phone. Maybe if I did, I could distract myself. Perhaps it would help me outrun the horrific images of the night. The only silver lining was that Felix was now in jail.

I was grateful to Sawyer for calling in to the police station as he drove toward Felix’s house. And I was grateful to Kevin for giving him enough information for the police to take him seriously. It gave me satisfaction to know that Felix would finally pay for what he did to my brother. I was convinced now more than ever that he was responsible for my brother’s death. He may not have pulled the trigger, but he may as well have.

“Addie?”

My head snapped up at the sound of my dad’s voice. “What are you doing here?” The shock of seeing my dad for the first time in months caused tears to spring to my eyes. But I wasn’t ready for a heartfelt reunion quite yet. I was still angry with him.

“Your mom called me.”

I threw Mom an angry look, but she shrugged. Snatching her purse off her lap, she stood. “I’m going to go grab a cup of coffee. I’ll be right back.”

“Traitor,” I mumbled under my breath as she scurried away. Then I looked up at Dad. “I’ve kind of got a lot of other things going on right now, as you can see.” I spread my hands out, indicating where I was sitting. “Family drama will have to wait.”

“I don’t think it can.” Dad lowered himself into the chair next to mine.

I rolled my eyes. “I’ve been wanting to talk to you for months, and I got nothing. Now I don’t want to talk to you and I have no choice. That’s typical.”

“I know you’re angry with me, and you have every right to be.”

“Damn right I do.”

Anger flashed in his eyes, and I could tell he wanted to reprimand me for cussing. But to his credit, he eased his face into a smile and didn’t say a word about it. His hand covered mine. “I know what happened tonight.”

“Mom?” I asked.

“Yeah.”

Betrayal coursed through me. She must have called him on her way here. Why hadn’t she told me?

“Are you all right?” He looked at me with genuine concern, and it almost broke me. But I stayed strong. “Have the doctors checked you out?”

I yanked my hand away and hugged myself tightly. “The paramedics did at the scene, but I wasn’t hurt. He didn’t do anything to me. Sawyer’s the one I’m worried about.”

“Is Sawyer your boyfriend?”

Glaring at him, I shook my head. “Yeah, he is. And he’s the only guy who’s been there for me the last few months.” I paused, blinking back the moisture that filled my eyes. “And it’s a good thing he was there, since this has pretty much been the worst time in my entire life.”

Dad looked so sad I almost felt bad for my words. Almost. But not quite. I was convinced that nothing I could say would hurt as much as him abandoning me.

“Addie, I’m so sorry.”

It wasn’t enough. I wasn’t sure anything would be. “Fine. You said what you needed to and now you can leave.”

“I didn’t leave because of you.”

Emotion welled up in my chest making it difficult to breathe, let alone say a word. I sat completely still, willing him to continue.

“I left because I blamed myself for Ben’s death, and that guilt ate away at me. It made it impossible for me to face you or your mom.”

I narrowed my eyes. “I heard you and Mom fighting the night before you left. You said it was her fault.”

Shame washed over his features. “I never should have said that.”

“Tell that to her, not me,” I muttered, clasping and unclasping my hands in my lap.

“I have. Tonight. We had a really good chat.”

Another thing Mom kept from me. Wow, the secrets were stacking up.

“It was easier for me to blame someone other than myself,” he continued. “But it wasn’t your mom’s fault. It was mine.”

Felix’s face flashed in my mind. “Why do you keep saying that?”

Dad took a deep breath, his shoulders heaving with the motion. Folding his hands in his lap, he stared down at them. “Ben came to me a couple of days before his death and asked me if he could borrow some money. At first I thought it would be a couple hundred dollars or something. Like he wanted to go on a trip with friends or take a girl on a date. But he needed thousands of dollars. And I told him no. But then he got desperate. Told me it was life or death.” Dad paused, his voice becoming shaky and laced with pain. “I demanded to know what was going on. That’s when he told me he was in deep with some drug dealer. Well, I got mad of course, and told him there was no way I was paying for his drugs.” Dad shook his head, his eyes glazed over as if he was a million miles away. My stomach ached. “We fought. I was so angry. It took me a couple of days to cool off, but then I came up with a plan to help him. But it was too late.”

So that was the fight Sawyer witnessed. Now it all made sense. And it made this whole thing so much more tragic. We were all sitting around blaming ourselves, drowning in guilt and shame. When really it wasn’t our faults. It was Ben’s. All of this was his doing. He got himself in this situation.

“Did you tell Mom this?” I asked.

Dad nodded.

“Good.” I was glad that Mom knew the truth. I wasn’t sure she’d ever be able to release all of the guilt she’d been feeling, but it was probably a start. “I understand why you felt guilty about Ben’s death, Dad. But I still don’t understand why you left me. I mean, you didn’t even call. Not once.”

“I couldn’t face what had happened. I tried everything in my power to sweep it all under the rug, to make sure no one ever found out. I even took Ben’s phone and hid it so no one would find out what he’d been involved in. I was trying to protect all of us.”

“No, you weren’t,” I snapped. “You were trying to protect yourself.”

Dad hung his head. “That was definitely part of it. Maybe that was the main reason I took the phone and kept all the information about the drugs to myself. But the main reason I stayed away from you was because I thought you were better off without me. And, honestly, it was too painful to look at you when this guilt was eating me alive. You look just like him, you know.” He lifted his hand, his finger touching my face. “But mostly, I didn’t want to see the pain my actions caused.”

“It wasn’t your fault, Dad. It was Ben’s. Solely Ben’s.” I wiped away a stray tear.

“I think I’m starting to see that,” Dad said. “I’ve been seeing a therapist, and that’s been helping a little bit.” He lowered his hand. “Do you think you can ever forgive me?”

“Why? Is this like a step in your therapy plan or something?”

“No.” He shook his head. “Just me being your dad.”

“I needed you to be my dad the last few months.”

“I know, honey. I know.”

I couldn’t do this anymore. “I don’t think you do know.” Sliding off the chair, I stood up. “Look, I’m glad you’ve had this epiphany and you and Mom have clearly made up. But you hurt me, Dad. And I’m not ready to forgive you for that.”

“Fair enough,” Dad said, and the fact that he was being so reasonable only pissed me off more.

Out of the corner of my eye I saw Sawyer’s mom. I caught her attention, and she motioned me over. My pulse quickened. “I can’t do this right now, Dad. I have to go see Sawyer.” When he nestled into the chair, I added, “Please don’t wait for me. I’m tired. We can talk another day.” It was all too much for one night. The only person I wanted now was Sawyer.

With my heart in my throat I hurried over to Mrs. Ridley. “Is he okay?” I asked the minute I reached her.

She nodded. “He’s being discharged.”

“Really?” My spirits lifted. “They’re letting him leave?” That was good, right? I mean, they only let people leave if they were fine.

“Yep.” She threw me a cautiously optimistic smile. “No broken bones. Just a sprained wrist, some bruised ribs, and his face is pretty banged up. But he’ll survive.”

I heaved a sigh of relief. But it was short lived when I remembered that it was because of me that he ended up here in the first place. Man, his parents must hate me. Mrs. Ridley was being polite, but I was sure deep down she was angry. “I-I’m really sorry,” I said. “About all of this.”

“You don’t have to apologize,” she said. “This wasn’t your fault.”

My mouth dropped open. I was speechless. I couldn’t believe she was being so kind about this.

“How are you doing?” She asked gently.

“I’m fine,” I lied.

She glanced around the hall. Doctors and nurses filed past. An elderly lady shuffled by us. “If you ever need anyone to talk to, I’m here.”

I nodded, my face heating up. Clearly, Sawyer had filled her in on what happened. Before I could respond, Sawyer’s voice boomed from over my shoulder.

“There’s my girl.”

I spun around. Sawyer limped toward me. My stomach plummeted at his appearance. It wasn’t much better than it had been when he arrived. His face was covered in purple bruises, his eyes were practically swollen shut, his lip was cut, his arm was in a bandage, and with his other arm he held his side as if it hurt to move. I felt sick.

“Oh, Sawyer. I’m so sorry.” Man, I couldn’t stop apologizing. It was like a sickness at this point.

“Stop. Don’t say another word. I wouldn’t change a thing.”

“But I never should’ve dragged you into this. Especially after what happened with Kevin.” Remembering Kevin, my stomach soured. I had asked Sawyer about him before the paramedics took him away. He told me that he called 911. I prayed that the ambulance got to him in time.

“What happened? Why did you go back to his house?” I could hear the hurt in his voice. I knew he felt betrayed that I had gone over there without telling him. Shame washed over me.

“I found a picture of him and Ben doing drugs together. On the back it had the name Candyman and a phone number, but it had been smudged out. However, it was enough to tell me that he knew something. I know I shouldn’t have gone over there without telling you. It’s just that I thought it would be safe. I never dreamed I’d walk into what I did.”

“I know,” Sawyer said. “I wish the whole thing hadn’t happened.”

“You and me both.”

“But now it’s over.” Sawyer’s lips curled slightly at the edges.

“Any news on Kevin?”

“I had my dad ask about him. He didn’t fare as well as me. He’s got some broken bones and broken ribs, but he’ll survive.”

“Thank god.” I breathed out a sigh of relief. It was a miracle any of us lived through this night. “I’m so glad the police showed up when they did.”

“When I called, they didn’t seem to take me too seriously. But I guess once the local police heard the name Candyman they sprang into action. Apparently they’d been after him for awhile.”

It seemed that maybe some good came out of all this after all. I sighed. “All I want to do is go home and forget this whole thing ever happened.”

“I know.” Sawyer reached out his good arm and touched my face. The memory of Felix’s expression when his hand roamed my face, explored my body, flashed, and I leapt back. Sawyer’s eyes darkened, his brow furrowing. “You okay?”