For You (7 page)

He pinched the bridge of his nose. He needed to get some rest, or he was going to be a mess in the morning. They hadn’t left the ball until two a.m., so it was approaching three now. Julia had insisted that to leave any earlier would be suspicious. At least, leaving earlier together would be noteworthy. Had he left with his gang of buddies, or within a few minutes of Lady Bolden, no one would have raised a brow. But to leave early with his wife? Unheard of.

“Does your head pain you, my lord?”

Julia’s softly spoken question brought him back to the moment. They’d arrived at the door to her room, and she’d turned to stare at him.

“Just a little tired.
Fugheddaboudit
.” He used his best mob voice, but the joke was lost on her. Stupid. Stupid. The crease between her brows was adorable as she stared at him like he was some kind of moron. Which he was. “I’m fine.”

She still held his hand, so he cast around for something to talk about so she wouldn’t pull away. “I’m meeting with the solicitor in the morning. I’ll see what can be done about Vincent and make sure you and Mellicent have nothing to worry about if anything happens to me. I’d have you in the meeting, but I suspect—”

“Nonsense.” She gave a slight squeeze to his hand. “Mr. Geeson would have a fit if I were to accompany you. My presence would cast your ability to handle matters of estate into question. We have worked too hard at this charade to jeopardize its success over such a slight.”

“When he leaves, I’ll go over everything—”

She put a hand on his chest, and his words, and all thought, trailed away.

“I don’t wish to discuss business matters tonight, my lord.”

He tugged at the collar constricting his breathing and realized he’d done away with the cravat on the carriage ride home and pushed the collar to the side. Julia had stepped closer so barely a hairsbreadth separated them. He gulped. “Yes. Of course. You probably want to get to bed.”

“Indeed. My maid will be waiting to undress me. Will take but a few minutes.”

Thoughts of her undressing immediately flooded his brain. He shifted where he stood, uncomfortably tight in his trousers and hoping she wouldn’t notice.

She took a deep breath and peeked at him through lowered lids. “When she’s done,” she hesitated a fraction of a second, “would you care to join me in my bedchamber?”

“Get some rest, then. Goodni—” His hearing caught up to his brain. Had she just…? “Join you?”

She nodded.

“Once you’re undressed?”

She nodded again.

Holy shit. “Yeah. Um, I’d love to.” He did not want to ask this question, but, “Are you sure?”

Color was high in her cheeks, but she smiled. “Yes.” She pushed the door open behind her and stepped back. “Shall I have Lizzie inform you when I am ready?”

He didn’t trust his voice, so he nodded. She slipped inside and shut the door behind her.

He bolted back to his room. “Brecken,” he practically shouted. He needed to get ready. Between the tension of pulling off this charade of being someone he wasn’t and spending hours packed in a ballroom with dozens of ill-washed people, he’d been sweating steadily all night. He couldn’t go to Julia smelling like a baboon’s ass.

Brecken emerged from the small walk-in closet where he seemed to spend most of his time keeping Payne’s clothes neat and boots polished to a high shine. The man needed a break. And he’d give him a nice vacation if he managed to get him clean enough so he wouldn’t embarrass himself in front of Julia tonight.

****

Julia’s hands shook in the gossamer thin fabric of the nightrail Lizzie had helped her into but a few moments ago. She’d sent her maid off to fetch Drew to her bedchamber.

What was she doing? Was this a wise decision? Or a huge mistake?

Lady Bolden’s presence this evening had reminded her that men had certain desires. Payne had seen to them outside of their home for the most part. She had no desire for Drew to follow in those footsteps. The anger that had coursed through her body when Lady Bolden had approached him had surprised her. She’d known of Payne’s little affairs, but they’d never bothered her overmuch. The thought of Drew doing the same…

She did not think he was the type of man to embarrass her with a highly public affair as Payne had done, but were Drew’s needs not met within their home, what
would
he do?

In the eyes of society, she was his wife. Surely, there was no shame in what she had set into motion? Mellicent appeared to approve. She’d done all but lead the two of them into the bed.

The problem was figuring out how
she
felt about it. That he was not her husband had ceased to bother her. He treated her better than her real husband ever had. That he had shown up as he had surely meant something. Was he her reward for being a dutiful wife to an undeserving husband?

Or was he a test? Temptation of the most devilish nature. For he was everything she had ever dreamed before marriage to Payne had dashed her hopes. If she gave in to her desire to know him in the most intimate manner, would she be punished for her sin?

Her thoughts were left at sixes and sevens.

The door to the earl’s room inched open, and Drew poked his head through. She might have laughed at the timid way he stepped into her domain, except, his attire set her nerves jangling and all thought of laughter fled in an instant to be replaced by the strongest desire to rise and meet him halfway. The sheer nature of her own clothing kept her perched on the edge of her bed, hidden somewhat by the bed drapes.

His short hair was wet, slicked back away from his face. Damp patches on his shirt clung to his frame, almost see through and showing he was in much better physical shape than her late husband.

“Did you have a bath, my lord?”

He plucked at the fabric, drawing it away from his skin. “Yes. I needed to clean up a bit.” He scratched at the back of his neck, his gaze darted around her room, avoiding looking directly at her.

An awkward silence fell. Her face grew hot as she struggled for something to say.

Drew laughed.

She jumped at the sound, and her gaze flew to his face. What was so funny? Was he laughing at her?

He crossed the room and sat at her side. He continued to chuckle, but he kept biting his lip as if he struggled to stop. “I’m sorry. It suddenly struck me as funny that I’ve been dreaming about being here with you, basically since the moment we met, but I never pictured myself standing halfway across the room with no idea how to approach you.” He took her hand and stroked her fingers, sending a delicious shiver along her arm. “I can’t believe how nervous I am.”

“You’re nervous?” Her mouth dropped open. She never imagined he might have doubts. Wasn’t all this easy for a man?

“Yeah. I probably shouldn’t admit that, huh? I do know what I’m doing, you know. It’s just that, you know, our first time and all. I don’t want to screw it up.”

“I’m nervous, too.” She bit her lip. His eyes focused on the motion. She let go and wet her lips with the tip of her tongue, fascinated by Drew’s small gasp and the way he stared at her like he wanted to devour her. Her heart thundered in her chest, and she had to concentrate to continue breathing.

His interest was obvious. Should she lay in the bed, get beneath the covers? “Shall I snuff the candles?” Lizzie had left several burning, in addition to the fire roaring in the grate. Shadows lurked in the corners, but the room was fairly well lit.

He kept hold of her hand when she tugged at it, preparing to suit action to her words. “No. The lighting’s romantic, don’t you think? You should see how beautiful you look.” He trailed his gaze all along her body. She shivered. “Are you cold?” He moved closer, wrapping an arm around her back and bringing her hand up to his lips. He kissed her fingers while staring in her eyes. Each kiss warmed her and sent tingling sensations straight to her center.

Not cold. Not at all. Heat enveloped her. Her heart fluttered in her chest. She longed to feel his kiss upon her lips and leaned into him.

When their lips met, those delicious tingles spread throughout her body. She strained toward him, wanting these wonderful feelings to last forever. Seconds passed—or hours?—and she found herself lying back against her pillows, Drew’s body on top of her. That fascinating hardness in his breeches pressed tight between her legs. His hand on her thigh grasped the hem of her nightrail, drawing it up toward her waist.

She flinched, anticipating what would come next. Her limbs stiffened, prepared to endure pain as he entered her. She squeezed her eyes shut.

“Julia?”

Her eyes shot open when she realized Drew had stopped moving. He hovered over her. His brow furrowed, his breathing quick.

“I’m fine. Please continue.” She gritted her teeth and turned her head. She tried to relax her body to please him, but tension had taken control of her limbs.

“No, you’re not.” He shifted to the side so he was no longer on top of her.

A sinking sensation took hold of her stomach. She’d displeased him. Tears burned her eyes. “I’m sorry.”

Drew ran a finger down her cheek and applied pressure on her chin until she turned to look at him. Shame burned her inside. She didn’t want to face him.

“Look at me, Julia. Please.”

She couldn’t deny him. She forced her eyes open to see concern and the heat of anger in his gaze. But the kiss he placed on her lips was gentle.

****

Anger coursed through Drew. He wished Payne were alive for just a few minutes—Enough time to beat the shit out of the bastard. The way Julia had tensed told him more about their relationship than she’d ever said out loud. He’d known the asshole was cold and emotionally abusive, but now he suspected the abuse had been more than mental. “The more I’ve learned about Payne, the more I’ve disliked him, but I’ve never really hated the man until this moment.”

Did she really think he would treat her the same? His heart ached thinking she didn’t know him better. His arousal died in the face of her fear. “You don’t need to be sorry.”

He kissed away a tear that had slipped down her cheek and buried his head in the crook of her neck. Slowly, her arms came up and wrapped around his shoulders. Some of the tension drained from her limbs.

He leaned back, pulling her with him so she lay half on top of him. Her eyes widened as she looked down on him, but the fear he’d glimpsed seemed to have faded.

They needed to talk about this, but how? Should he come right out and ask? Would she tell him anything or be pissed at him for intruding? He sighed.

“I have disappointed you,” she whispered so quietly he had to strain to hear her.

Julia’s frown tore at his heart and made the urge to kick something stronger. “No.” He smiled to show he wasn’t upset with her.

“Then why did you stop?”

“I—”
Just say it, dude. Quit stalling.
He cleared his throat. “If I hadn’t stopped, you wouldn’t have liked it. You tensed up so much I probably would have hurt you. I’m guessing your husband wasn’t exactly gentle with you?”

She shook her head. A lock of hair fell across her eyes revealing a small scar he’d noticed before. She pushed the curl carefully back in place, smoothing it over the spot. Her hand shook.

“Did he give you that scar?” Please, no. He couldn’t stand the thought.

But she nodded. His hands curled into tight fists. He forced himself to relax. There was no one to take out his rage on, and he needed to be here for Julia.

“I’m sorry. I’ve said it before, but your husband was an asshole. I hate that he hurt you. I wish I could make everything better for you.”

She surprised him with a sweet kiss to his cheek. “You do make everything better. I have never been so happy as I have these past few weeks since your arrival. Never has anyone taken my wishes into such consideration as have you.” She traced her finger along his jaw, then outlined his lips. He caught her finger in his mouth and licked the tip, pleased when she gave a little gasp of pleasure. “I wish to be your wife in all ways. I’m afraid I don’t know how.”

“We’ll take it slow.” He gave her a wicked grin and swung them over so they lay side by side, but he propped himself on an elbow to lean over her. He began with a long, slow kiss that left them both breathless. He pulled back so their lips barely grazed. “We’ll take time to get to know each other better until you’re comfortable with me in your bed. And when you’re ready, I’ll be here.”

He trailed kisses along her jaw, down the elegant curve of her neck, to the pulse pounding at the base of her throat. She tasted sweet and salty all at once. Heaven.

She moaned when he sucked on the tip of her ear and nipped gently. “Yes.” Each breath, each moan, drove him wild. He wanted more. “I want to hear every little moan, every gasp you make as I bring you pleasure. I’m going to taste every inch of you, and you’re going to explore every inch of me.”

He wanted to be inside her with every fiber of his being, but he’d take it slow. He opened the neck of her nightgown and trailed kisses along the edges of the fabric, teasing them both as he skated around her nipples so clearly outlined by the thin fabric.

“And when you’re ready, when you’re as eager to have me inside you as I am to be there, that’s when it will happen.”

He could only hope that day would come soon.

Chapter Six

Julia hummed to herself as Lizzie helped her into her riding habit. Drew had arranged for them to picnic at Hyde Park, and she was late meeting him.