FORBIDDEN (17 page)

I walked to the window and took a step out and into the air without expanding my wings. I wanted to fall, and I wanted to feel the pain. It was something I could understand. The ground came quickly, but unfortunately for me, my reflexes wouldn’t allow for any misjudgment on how to land. It was a silent, perfect landing, with no pain at all.

Before I had even walked two steps, I heard Hannah stifle a sob, then the window snapped shut.

There would be no crawling through that window again. The hurt in my chest was like a knife. I almost resented Ethan. At least he didn’t have to feel this.

“Human rip your heart out?”

There he was, standing against a willow on the tree line. Ethan. I swallowed and shook my head. “No, she’s just a human.”

“You’ve found your emotional side. Want a box of Kleenex and some rocky road ice cream?” Ethan sneered.

“No, you idiot. I’m fine. Give it a rest.”

“Wish you would have let her die now?”

The thought hadn’t occurred to me until then, but as soon as the thought entered my mind, the pain doubled by thinking of Hannah being gone completely. Why were the Fallen so intent on Hannah and Angie? It didn’t make sense. “No. Her time hasn’t come. The Fallen are wrong. There’s something going on with them.”

Ethan shook his head. “Now you’re just reaching. You know we exist just to protect the humans until it’s their time. The Fallen don’t do anything but corrupt humans and try to ruin their dreams. They don’t kill them.”

“Then why were they so bent on Angie and Hannah, huh? Why those two?” I spat. “The one Fallen said Hannah was changing the balance. The balance of what?”

“Good and evil, of course,” Ethan said lazily. “There has to be a balance. Otherwise if there were too many good people, Ghandi wouldn’t look as good and Hitler wouldn’t look as bad. Balance, my friend, balance.”

“And you think the world doesn’t need more good people in it?”

Ethan laughed, but it was more of a snicker. “You, my friend, make the good people quota go over by at least three people, if not more. Your nice streak is making me nauseous. No wonder Hannah and Angie had to go, and no wonder you got to be a Guardian. You make Mother Teresa look selfish.”

I ignored his comment. The feeling in my gut made me feel like I was on to something. “What if the Fallen are trying to tip the scales in their favor?”

“You know they can’t do that. They’re put in their place by Guardians such as yourself.”

I shook my head. “Ethan, will you shut up about that? I didn’t wake up today and decide, ‘hmm, let’s piss off my best friend by becoming a Guardian.’”

“I’m not pissed off!” He argued, “I just think it’s a crock that you break all the rules, but get the rewards. Here I was trying to be all good and I’m still two steps away from being a Fallen myself.”

“Look, we’re on the same team here. Listen to me. Why would the Fallen come after two girls specifically if there was an imbalance issue? Wouldn’t they just go after the nearest people? Why continue to hunt the same two?”

Ethan was silent. That meant I had actually given him something to chew on that he couldn’t just spit back at me. He nodded. “You might be on to something, but I’m not saying for sure. What do you propose we do about it, hypothetically of course, if there were something going on?”

“I would suggest that we, hypothetically of course, fix the situation in a timely manner and keep our Calls alive.”

Ethan rolled his eyes. “Always the thing with keeping our Calls alive. That’d be so much easier for me if I didn’t want mine dead.”

“Angie is fine, you’re just incapable of being nice, and she’s incapable of tolerating idiots. Maybe you’re good for each other,” I argued. “Just see what you can find out. I know you’re buddies with some of the tamer Fallens. I’ll talk to Reina and see what she thinks. Can you control yourself for that long?”

“The better question is what are you going to do with your time now that Hannah doesn’t want to see you? In the past week you’ve grown attached to her, and for the past twenty-four hours you were inseparable. That doesn’t just go away for us. Humans forget, but we don’t. Not easily, anyway. You already know that, of course.”

I shrugged. “There’s nothing to forget. She’s a human.”

Ethan nodded knowingly, but didn’t argue. “That she is. You’d do better if you’d remember it. Are you over playing school?”

“Why would I do that? I enjoy learning.”

“You enjoy getting whatever is left of your heart put through a blender, more like it.”

“Shut up, Ethan, and go find out what’s going on. Use your devilish charm if need be.”

He smiled. “You know, no matter what side you’re on, I think I’ll like you. That’s even if I get told I have to destroy you for all your goodie-two-shoeing around. I’d probably even think twice about it.”

I shook my head. “Thanks, I think.”

He winked and unfurled his jet-black wings. They shimmered in the light as he prepared to take off. “Anytime, brother, anytime.”

* * *

I must have sat in that tree all night trying to figure out what I could have said differently to make things better between Hannah and I. There were a couple points during the night that I almost burst through the window and explained everything to her, regardless of what she’d told me to do. But how could I tell her all of my past? It was dark. That wasn’t who I was now, but when people hear the background of someone, they make judgments. Mine wouldn’t be good. All that was left was to stare at the mess I’d made of things and hope that Hannah wouldn’t take back her heart. For a moment, I’d almost thought it was mine.

The sky was turning teal and purple as the sun threatened to make its appearance for the day. I felt the dew running along my bare arms and remembered I’d laid my hoodie on the chair at her desk. No way I’d get it now. It was probably better to just wait until she went to school, sneak in, and grab it. No need to interact, no need to get the knife shoved deeper in my unbeating heart, as Hannah had so quickly pointed out.

If I were dead, why did I feel so alive? This was so much more than anything I’d ever felt even during the time I was technically alive. Hannah had set me on fire. She was forbidden, but that wouldn’t stop me. Not now.

“Dude, quit pining. She’ll come around.”

“Good morning, Ethan,” I said without even looking down to the ground. Instead I continued to stare at the rising sun, which caused my eyes to water from the pain.

We remained silent for a few minutes, before he broke the silence. “Wish I could cry.”

“No, you don’t.”

Ethan sighed and instantly was beside me on the branch. “Actually, having a little feeling other than hatred and sarcasm might be a healthy change for me. Unfortunately your moral, emotional streak has made me reconsider my ungentlemanly ways. Call it a post-life crisis, if you will.”

“Whatever you say, Ethan.”

“I’m going to seriously protect Angie, and I’m going to be nice to her. I was thinking I might even get to know her, you know, to see if what happened to you would happen to me.”

That brought me up short. “Ethan, don’t do it.”

“Why not? You seem pretty content to feel the warmth of someone caring about you.”

“Do you not see where we are? We’re sitting in a freaking tree outside of a human girl’s house. We’re sitting here not because it’s our duty, but because she’s somehow torn me apart inside. I feel everything now. I thought I wanted to feel it all, but it hurts. No wonder humans don’t want to know when they’re dying. Did you know when you were going to die, or did you wake up that day thinking it was the first day of the rest of your life? That you had endless possibilities? When you don’t know, you can hope. Knowing everything we do and having to feel the pain of humans on top of it, it sucks. It’s like the worst of both worlds. I wouldn’t want to know if I was going to die. What do you do with that information, anyway? Does any of this sound remotely appealing to you?”

Ethan pursed his lips for a second before responding. He almost looked like he was really taking in what I’d said. Then he talked, and ruined it. “Well, not particularly, but at least it’d be a different form of torture than the usual. Plus, I’m starting to question my svelte-ness. If humans are picking you over me, obviously I need to find a few manners. Humans are lowering their standards, apparently.”

I’d just poured my heart out – all of my thoughts and nonsensical feelings – and that was Ethan’s response. I should have known better than to expect anything more. “Apparently,” I grunted.

“That’s why I’m going to school with you today.”

“You’re coming to Shawnee?”

“What? You pass as a junior; I’ll pass as a senior. One year won’t kill me.”

“No, it’ll just kill someone else who has the misfortune of getting too close to you in the hallway or something.”

Ethan laughed. “Possibly, but that’s what you’re for, Guardian. Keep me in line.”

With that, Ethan hopped out of the tree and grabbed a book bag from beside the trunk of the tree. I hadn’t noticed it before, but it was filled with books. “Don’t freak, but I stole your books from your locker. We can share, since we’re in the same classes. No need to thank me, but I got everything switched around so we’re closer to Angie and Hannah all day. Easier to take care of them, I figured.”

“Well aren’t you just covering your bases,” I said dully.

“Hey, someone has to step up to the plate while you have your emotional breakdown. Just go make up with her so I can go back to being a jerk. You’ll be the re-death of my reputation and me. I’ll have to think of something sinister to get my cred back up if you’re out of whack for too long. Now let’s go make your woman listen to sense.”

He hoisted the bag onto his shoulders and walked a few steps before chuckling to himself. “A woman listening to sense. Now that’ll be a woman I’m willing to chase after. She might be the only one in the universe.”

I ignored his comment. He was probably right, though. Hannah was the only person in the universe that had ever made me feel. Maybe I could talk some sense into her. I nodded and smiled. “Before we go to Shawnee, we need to go to the store.”

“Why?”

I motioned to my bare chest. “Last time I checked, clothes were required.”

Ethan shook his head sadly. “It’s a shame, too. I might like school more if clothes were optional. Actually, civilization in general would be better if clothes were optional.”

Only Ethan would actually verbalize a thought like that.

* * *

When we got to the school, Ethan purposely parked by Angie’s car. I groaned.

“Why are you complaining? You’re the one who needs to explain yourself to someone. I’m just giving you ample opportunity to cross paths.”

I rolled my eyes. “E, Hannah’s my Call. I cross her path all the time.”

“Whatever. You need a wingman. I’m here for you.”

That wasn’t a reassuring thought. It also didn’t help that I had been chewing on the fact that I couldn’t shake the feeling something was going on behind the scenes. Suddenly the desire to go to school vanished. “Ethan, can you do double duty today?”

His head whipped around accusingly. “Are you serious? After everything that has happened, you want me to do double duty?”

“I need to talk to Reina. I need to find out why the Fallen are so intent on Hannah and Angie.”

“You accuse me of being unable to watch Angie. I have repeatedly proved that while I am over three hundred years old, I am the most self-centered, irresponsible three hundred year old the world may have ever known. Not that I’m ashamed of it, I’m just pointing out your personal accusations to get out of doing this.”