Forever (19 page)

Katy nodded. She’d thought about this, even though it hurt. III he doesn’t . .

.” She stopped herself. “If we’re here much lonOrr I’ll start spending nights at a hotel.”

Ashley looked torn. “I’d stay if I could. You know that.”

01 course.’ She sat up straighter. This was her job, her
inch. No one could do it but her. “You have Landon and the kills. I can’t believe you stayed this long.”

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“I wanted the whole family to be here. Erin. Kari and Brooke. Even Luke. So he’d know we’re all pulling for him.”

Katy hesitated. “About Luke … have you talked to him?”

“Only for a few minutes, the day after the accident.” Ashley looked uncomfortable. “Pray about him, will you? I’m not sure what’s wrong with him. He just took the bar exam, so he’s been under a lot of pressure. But still …”

“You really think he might be struggling with having a brother?” Katy uttered the question before she remembered that Dayne might be listening.

“He’s struggling.” Ashley glanced toward the hospital bed and shot Katy a look.

“We’ll talk about it later. Just pray for him.” “I will.”

Ashley’s eyes were damp again. “I can’t stay, but I’ll do whatever you need back home. CKT stuff, the new house-anything.”

“Talk to Bethany about CKT. I won’t be there for fall tryouts-at least it doesn’t look like it. Anything you can do to fill in would be huge. And the house …” Katy looked out the window. “I have no idea what to do next.” She’d barely thought about it since the accident. They were in escrow, and already a home inspection had been done. Besides the obvious disrepair, the structure had only a small amount of wood rot and no termite infestation.

Sometime this week Katy was scheduled to meet with the contractor who would oversee the renovation process. They were supposed to talk about windows and walls and doors and appliances. In their initial conversation Katy had learned that the process could take a year and that quality subcontractors in the area were hard to book, especially for renovations. She’d called around, but everyone she talked to said the same thing. There was no way the house could be fixed up by Thanksgiving.

Katy explained all this to Ashley and then lifted her hands and let them fall on her lap. “It feels hopeless, honestly. I can’t ask 145

you to work with the contractor. The process will take hours at a time. Besides, there are a million little decisions only Dayne and I could make.”

Ashley wouldn’t let up. “Tell me. What’s your vision? What sort of doors and windows? What’s the feeling you’re looking for?”

The question allowed Katy to dream for a moment. The break from worrying and praying about Dayne was like someone had opened a window in the boxy hospital room. For the next half hour Katy shared her vision with Ashley. The way she had hoped for exposed wood beams on the inside and rugged natural tile on the floor in the kitchen and dining room. She talked about alpaca rugs and walnut cabinets and granite counters in browns and blacks.

By the time John came back, both of them were giggling. “That’s what I like to hear.” He came closer. “What did I miss?”

Ashley smiled. “We just renovated Katy and Dayne’s house in thirty minutes.”

“The contractor says it’ll take a year.” Katy still felt weary. But the distraction was a good thing. “We figured out the entire job just like that.”

The corners of Ashley’s lips fell. “Really, Dad, don’t you know someone who could get the work done sooner?”

John looked at Dayne, and for a while he said nothing. Katy could guess what he was thinking. If Dayne didn’t come out of the coma soon, his recovery period would take months. Years even. There was certainly no rush getting the house fixed.

But if that’s what he was thinking, he said nothing of the sort. Instead he gave a slow nod. “I know a few people. Elaine does too. She’s had some work done on her house.”

At the mention of Elaine, Katy shifted her gaze to Ashley in time to see her friend bristle. More than once Ashley had shared that she didn’t want her father spending time with Elaine. According to Ashley, the woman was trying to move in on her

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dad, only a few years after her mother’s death. Ashley let tIH moment pass, but Katy was pretty sure Ashley would say soul( thing to John later.

For now, Ashley only patted Katy’s hand. “I’ll make soli], calls. There has to be something we can do to get the plaŤready.”

“I’m glad you’re still going through with it.” John walked 1( , the edge of Dayne’s bed. “I was afraid you might change you! mind.”

Change her mind? About their dream house on the lake? Ili(‘ idea hurt too much to even think about. “No. I’ll never chang( my mind about that.”

They talked a few more minutes about contractors and work that needed doing and how impossible the task felt to Katy.

Then John checked the clock on the wall. “We have to get going.” All the time he’d been here, he hadn’t said more than few words to Dayne. He’d been crucial in aiding communication between Dayne’s doctors and Ashley and Katy, but he’d kept much of his feelings to himself.

Not now.

John put his hand on the top of Dayne’s head and leaned over his son. “You’re going to get through this. I’ve talked to the doctors and… I’ve prayed for a miracle.” His voice filled with emotion. “It’s going to happen; I can feel it.

We just need you to get out of here and show everyone how amazing God is.” He stroked Dayne’s forehead. “I never got to hold you or watch you take your first steps … or help you ride a bike. So we have a lot to make up for, Son. Hurry and wake up, okay?” He blinked and two tears slid down his cheeks. “I love you, Dayne. I’ve loved you since you were born.” He bent down and kissed Dayne’s forehead. With a last nod toward Katy, he left the room.

It was Ashley’s turn. She took her place near the edge of the bed and angled her head. “We haven’t even had time to get to know each other.” She took hold of Dayne’s hand and lifted it a

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few inches off the bed. Katy tried not to notice how lifeless his fingers looked. Ashley had a cry in her voice when she continued. “Now listen, Dayne, you fight to get better, okay? God’s working a miracle here. I believe it and Katy believes it. We all do. Now… now you have to believe it too.”

Katy’s eyes stung, and she blinked so her tears wouldn’t cloud her vision.

“No matter what we’ve missed, you’re our brother. We have a lot to catch up on, so we need you back in Bloomington.” Ashley lowered herself over his bed a little more and brought his hand to her cheek. “We all love you, Dayne. We’ll keep praying.” She used her free hand to dab beneath her eyes. “I’m not saying good-bye, because… because we just said hello. Call me when you wake up, all right?”

She held his hand to her cheek a moment longer, then carefully lowered his arm back to his side. Katy was on her feet by the time Ashley turned to her. They hugged again, both of them too emotional to speak.

Finally, when Katy thought she could find enough air in her lungs, she whispered the only thing that had to be said. “Thank you. I couldn’t have survived this without you.”

Ashley met Katy’s eyes. Her look said that there was still much ahead, much to survive. “I wish one of us could be here with you.”

Katy shook her head. “I’ll be okay. You go take care of your family.”

“I will.” Ashley gave her a final hug, and before she left the room she promised to call tonight.

Katy watched her friend go. When the sound of her footsteps and John’s faded in the hallway, she turned back to Dayne. For an insane moment she wanted to crawl into bed beside him and take him in her arms. But nothing about such a move would’ve been appropriate.

Instead she slid her fingers between his. The sensation wasn’t 148

at all what she wanted it to be. His hand was cold and unresponsive, not what she was used to feeling when she and Dayne touched. She resisted the urge to pull away, and one heartbeat at a time her resolve grew.

“Were you listening, Dayne?” She searched his closed eyes, his still face. “I meant what I said. Somehow we’re going to get the house fixed up, and you’re going to get better.” Her eyes filled again. A few tears fell onto Dayne’s sheet, but she held the sobs back. “You’re going to move to Bloomington, and we’re going to get married in the spring.”

Again she waited. Please let there be a sign, a slight movement, anything. Let me know You’re here, Lord, and that You’re healing him.

She stared at the place where their hands were connected. Please… a twitch or a small bit of pressure. She held her breath, looking at his hand for any sign. But there was nothing. Her eyes moved to his, and she studied him, willing him to move. He looked like a person so deep in sleep that nothing could wake him.

Then, as if God was directing her movements, Katy let her gaze settle on Dayne’s chest. She watched the subtle rise and fall, rise and fall, and suddenly she was filled with God’s peace. His presence. It had been only three days since the accident. Here, then, was sign enough. Not that Dayne was moving or twitching or coming out of the coma. Not that he could respond to anything she might say, even her deepest thoughts.

But that he was breathing at all.

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^

LUKE TOOK the first open seat on the subway, settled back, and stared at the dirty rubber floor mat. Nothing about his life felt right, and here-on the fifteen-minute commute to their apartment-was the only time he could really think about it. The subway lurched into motion, and he grabbed hold of the silver pole on his left side.

Ashley had been home for more than a week, and she’d called twice. The problem was he didn’t feel like talking-not about Dayne anyway. And Ashley hadn’t called to talk to him about anything else since they found out that Dayne was their brother. Especially since the accident.

The familiar knots tightened in his gut. Guilt was certainly part of what he was dealing with. He’d heard about the crash on TV before he took the call from Ashley. Press had been at the scene of the accident, obviously. Of course the world would know before the actress Randi Wells decided to look through Dayne’s cell phone and find their father’s number. Luke had been sitting on the couch midday Saturday watching an NFL

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preseason special when the news bulletin had interrupted the program. He could still remember every word of what came next.

“We have received confirmation that earlier today actor Dayne Matthews was in a serious car accident. Though details are sketchy, reports are that Matthews is in critical condition and might not survive the night.”

Luke kept his eyes on the floor of the subway. His first reaction should’ve been shock and grief. He should’ve jumped up and called his dad or Ashley or one of his other sisters. Instead, for the ugliest minute, he’d felt something closer to relief. If Dayne was out of the picture, so be it. The Baxter family could carry on, same as always. No threat of national attention, no figuring out his place in the family now that he wasn’t the only Baxter son, none of the awkwardness that was bound to come from having a movie star at their Thanksgiving celebration or Christmas dinner.

It had taken a few minutes for Luke to catch himself, for him to realize that his attitude was not only ugly but selfish and petty and downright sinful. He’d called Reagan into the room and told her the news.

She reacted the way he should’ve. She gasped and sat down slowly on the sofa.

“That’s terrible!”

“I know,” he finally said. Only then did he reach for the phone and leave messages for his father and Ashley. As it turned out, neither of them checked their messages and Randi Wells got word to them first. In the meantime, he’d talked to Brooke, Erin, and Kari. They were appropriately concerned, praying for their older brother constantly.

So what was wrong with Luke?

The subway rumbled through Lower Manhattan, up along Broadway toward Midtown. He and Reagan weren’t getting along, and Hannah from work had stopped smiling at him. One time since seeing her in Central Park he had approached her 151

and asked if she wanted anything from Starbucks. She declined and said, “Luke .

. . I’m not interested. I have to be clear on that.”

Which only made him feel like more of a loser. Because if his subconscious interest in the receptionist was that obvious, then he was betraying Reagan.

Even if only in his thoughts.

He pulled a piece of gum from his pocket, unwrapped it, and popped it in his mouth. He and Reagan were still barely holding more than functional conversations-whatever it took to feed and dress and bathe the kids and the usual formalities that were expected of each other.

Reagan blamed the change on the bar exam, the stress of preparing for it, taking it, and now waiting for the results. But if he was honest with himself, there seemed to be a deeper connection with the situation regarding Dayne. The feeling overtaking him from the inside out was one of emptiness, uncertainty. As if he no longer felt comfortable in his own skin. The confident Luke Baxter he’d always been was now just another guy trying to figure out his life.

In some ways he felt the way he had after 9/11. He’d turned his back on God and his family and moved in with a coed who laughed at the idea of Christianity. But after Ashley helped him find his way back to Reagan and Tommy and even their parents, everything seemed right again. He had been there-the rock for his sisters-when their mother died, and often he and Reagan talked about moving back to Indiana.

The subway stopped. A swarm of people rushed to the exit while others, jostling briefcases and backpacks, found their way onto the car and took seats. It was crowded today, stuffy and stale smelling. A dozen people stood, holding on to the ceiling straps, their eyes tired and vacant.

Was that what Luke had become? Another New York commuter trying to get through another day? Where were the thrill and excitement that had marked his existence a few months

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ago? And where was the passion he had shared with Reagan Were the kids wearing them out, leaving both of them wnil nothing left for each other? He worked his gum, but already ill, mint flavor was wearing off.