Forever After (31 page)

She felt an odd prick in her conscience. Her own attitude hadn’t always been that great where Clarissa was concerned. And she knew exactly when things had gone sour between them. It was after she’d lost the baby—the second baby. Since she’d never told the Morgans about that pregnancy—never told anyone—she’d withdrawn from them. Secrets had a way of doing that. Guilt nudged at her.

She’d been at home the night she miscarried. Alone. She’d known right away what was happening. Even though she wasn’t nearly as far along as she’d been when she lost the first baby, everything else felt the same.

Maybe if she’d gone to the doctor when the cramping and bleeding first started … maybe they could have saved the pregnancy. But she hadn’t really wanted that. She’d lived every day since Zach’s death in terror, thinking about the prospect of raising a baby alone—the way her own mother had. She could not do that to a child. She couldn’t.

When the cramps started, she’d felt hope. Relief. What kind of woman felt that way about losing a
baby
?

And when it was all over, she’d been so afraid that everyone—most of all Zachary’s parents—would be able to see in her eyes what had happened, and exactly how she’d felt about it.

To this day Jenna wasn’t sure why she hadn’t told Bill and Clarissa. Maybe she’d grown so weary of grieving, so tired of having everyone look at her with those sympathetic eyes. Tired of crying with Zach’s
mother, as if by hanging on to Jenna, Clarissa could somehow hang on to her son.

It would have killed Clarissa to know she’d also lost another grandchild—and one final chance for Zach to live on in the life of a son or daughter. And Jenna knew Clarissa would have blamed Jenna somehow for losing the baby.

She hadn’t been strong enough to face that.

But Lucas needs to know.
She looked around as if she’d heard an audible voice. It was an odd thought. It was only her subconscious. He
didn’t
need to know—unless they were to become more than friends.

And with him moving to Tulsa, that possibility had dimmed until she could scarcely imagine it.

He wondered if Jenna remembered that this was the day he was leaving.

35

Sunday, February 8

L
ucas sucked in a breath and glanced around his room one last time, making sure he had everything he needed. Making sure he really wanted to do this.

Didn’t matter. It was too late now. They were expecting him and Sparky at the training center tonight. Classes started first thing in the morning. Sparky would stay with him in a dorm-style room at the facility for the six weeks of the program. Luc had thought seriously about the possibility of looking for permanent housing in Tulsa while he was there.

Of course, that would depend on whether he could find work there. He hadn’t told anyone—had barely dared to think about it—but he’d fantasized about their offering him a job with the center. He hoped they’d be impressed with how much he’d already taught his canine companion.

He mentally rolled his eyes. For all he knew, he might get there and
discover he’d ruined Sparky for life with his unorthodox training methods. But he didn’t think so. He’d done his research, and though there were differing opinions on the best way to train a dog for accelerant detection, there was no denying what the results with Sparky had been. He was a smart dog, and as Pop would have said, he was “coachable.”

Lucas flipped off the light in his bedroom, but at the last second he went back to his closet and grabbed the crutches, adding them to the growing pile of luggage in the hallway. He hadn’t used them for more than a week, but if he somehow messed up his leg during a training exercise, he didn’t want to have to search all over Tulsa for another pair.

Geoff poked his head around the corner. “You need some help loading the truck?”

“Hey, man, that’d be great. Thanks.” He showed Geoff which things needed to go in the back, and working together, they had the pickup loaded and a tarp tied down over everything in no time.

He wondered if Jenna remembered that this was the day he was leaving. He’d thought she might come to see him off. She was probably working. She’d been trying to get as many hours as she could. Maybe he should have invited her.

Oh well … he’d give her a call once he got on the road.

After helping her move her stuff to the storage unit that day, he’d gone back the next evening to get the last of her furniture from the Morgans’ garage. He hadn’t seen her since then, but they’d talked on the phone and e-mailed several times.

He knew she was busy trying to sell her stuff. She’d called him all excited a couple of nights ago because she’d gotten seven hundred dollars for a set of chairs.

He was glad she’d found a way to raise some money. Of course, by the time she finally got her own place, she wouldn’t have a stick of furniture to put in it. Oh, well … let her figure that out.

She’d somehow wrangled another month in Bryn’s apartment. He wasn’t sure of the details—something about Bryn using the deposit
refund for an extra month—but he worried about what Jenna would do when that time was up. He’d tried to stay out of it since the trailer fiasco.

She’d been a little cool toward him ever since he’d told her about his plans for Tulsa. Maybe she was still ticked at him because he’d called her a brat. The thought made him smile. But no, he thought they’d joked their way past that. And he’d had the good sense not to bring it up again since that afternoon at the Morgans’.

He didn’t know what would become of their friendship with him going to Tulsa. Maybe it was for the best. He still felt this crazy magnetic pull toward her—probably any guy with half a brain would say the same thing about Jenna Morgan. But there were just too many things going against them—the miles between the Falls and Tulsa being a biggie. But man, he’d missed her in the two and a half weeks since he’d last seen her. He didn’t want to think about putting three hundred miles between them.

He pulled the door to his room shut. Ma was waiting downstairs and there were sure to be tears. They were both leaving this house. Pop’s house. It was sad to think of the place empty and forlorn. If he did end up coming back from Tulsa, it would be unbearable to live here without his mom. Sure, his sisters might be back for the summer, but that was doubtful, especially if he stayed in Tulsa.

One day at a time, Vermontez.

Ma met him at the garage door with a brown paper sack.

“What’s this?” Lucas unfolded the top and inhaled the aroma of warm chocolate chip cookies. He opened the top wider and peered inside. “Holy cow, Ma, there’s enough in here to feed the entire city of Tulsa.”

Geoff scanned the kitchen counters. “I hope you saved a couple of those for me.”

She patted her fiancé’s cheek. “Don’t you worry. You’re taken care of.” She turned to Lucas and folded the bag closed again. “Don’t you eat all these on the way there either. I made enough to share. I thought it might be a good way to make friends.”

He laughed. “Right, and I’ll be sure and change my socks and underwear every day, too.”

“Yes, and brush your teeth at least once a week,” she said. But her laughter caught on a sob.

He pulled her in for a hug. “It’s only a couple hours from Springfield, and hey, I’ll be there next weekend. You can surely live without me for a week.”

She pulled out of his embrace. “Just go. Let me have a good cry and I’ll be okay. You call the minute you get there, you hear?”

“I will, Ma. Love you.” He gave her another quick hug, then shook Geoff’s hand. “I guess you’ll be wearing a tux next time I see you.”

Geoff stole a glance at Ma and chuckled. “We’re still debating that.”

Ma gave Geoff the evil eye, then looked back at Lucas. “He
will
be wearing a tux.”

“Just so
I
don’t have to.” He shot Geoff a smug grin.

“Hey, that reminds me,” Ma said. “I know you’re not coming back to the Falls before the wedding, but I’m sure Jenna told you I invited her. Where is she, by the way? I thought she might come to see you off.”

Yeah, me too, Ma.
“She usually works weekends.”

“Oh.” She studied his face. “Well, anyway, she e-mailed a lovely note, but she didn’t think she’d be able to come. I wish you’d convince her. The girls enjoyed her so much at Christmas, and I know Abi and Baba would love to see her again.”

Jenna hadn’t said a word about Ma’s invitation. Interesting. He’d have to ask her about that. She surely hadn’t planned to surprise him and just show up at the wedding in Springfield next weekend. The possibility cheered him more than it should have.

“I’ll talk to her, Ma.” He looked pointedly at his watch. “I’d better hit the road.”

W
hen the Hanover Falls water tower disappeared from his rear-view mirror, Lucas dug his cell phone out of his front pocket and called Jenna. “Hey. It’s me.” As if she didn’t know from the caller ID.

“Hi.”

“I just thought … I’d give you a call.”

“Oh.”

“Are you at work?”

“No, I’m home.”

This wasn’t going well. “So do you work tonight?”

“Not till tomorrow night. Are you in Tulsa?”

“Just leaving town.”

“Oh …” Her voice warmed a little.

“There’s zero traffic on the Interstate, so I should make good time. I’ll probably get to Tulsa by eight or so.”

“Oh. So you’re already … gone?”

It struck him then: when he’d said “just leaving town” she must have thought he was planning to stop by to see her before he left. “Yeah, I’m gone. I thought you might come and see me off.”

“I didn’t want to come uninvited.”

“Jenna, you’re always welcome.”

“Oh, good. Nice to know that. I’ll be right over.”

Uh-oh. She was not a happy camper. “I’m sorry. I should have called you—before I left.”

“That would have been nice.”

“I just didn’t want you to feel obligated to come. I figured you’d probably have to work and—” He stopped abruptly, fresh out of excuses. “I’m sorry. I wish I’d called.”

“Well … you called now. I guess that’s something. Unless you called to tell me not to call you ever again.”

He was disproportionately grateful for the smile he heard in her voice. “Not a chance. I miss you already.”

She blew a sarcastic “ha” into the phone.

“Actually … I really do. Miss you, I mean.”

Silence on her end.

“You there?”

“I’m here,” she said. “I’m just trying to figure you out.”

“Good luck with that.
I’m
still trying to figure me out.”

“Yeah, tell me about it.”

He laughed. And briefly considered turning around at the next exit and driving back to the Falls to tell her a proper good-bye. But he kept driving.

And they kept talking, finding—finally—the easy, teasing repartee they’d started out with that night in the coffee shop.

Almost three hours later he started seeing billboards for Tulsa businesses. And his cell phone was chirping at him about a low battery. “Hey, Jen … I need to let you go.” Oh, he did not mean those words. Letting her go was the last thing he wanted to do.

“Thanks for calling. I hope everything goes okay for you there.”

“Yeah, well … I’m a little nervous. I’d appreciate your prayers.”

A brief hesitation. “I’ll pray for you, Luc.”

Her response made him pull the phone away from his ear, not sure he’d heard right. He’d said the words without really thinking. The kind of generic request for prayer he’d make to Ma or his sisters. “Thanks, Jen. That … means a lot.”

“Tell your mom I’ll be thinking about her next weekend.”

“She said she invited you to the wedding. Why don’t you come?”

“I don’t think so.”

“Why not? I know it would mean a lot to Ma. It would mean a lot to me, too.” May as well be honest.

“You’ll be busy. I’d just be in the way.”

“No, you won’t. I need somebody to sit with. And Ma and Geoff will run off on their honeymoon right after the wedding and I’ll be all alone and lonesome.”

“What about your sisters?”

Busted. “They’ll be there. But you know how it is … three’s a crowd.”