Forever and Always (34 page)

“I was going to, but at first I was afraid that you would have only stayed with me because of that” she admitted honestly. “Then one day I decided I didn’t care anymore because I missed you so much I just wanted to hear your voice. I was just about to ring when Katie and Lucy arrived and showed me a picture of you they came across on some gossip page. You were with her in the photo”.

Suddenly the memories were too much for Melanie and the tears quickly busted free from her eye.

“I thought you had moved on” she sobbed “And I was heartbroken”.

“My poor girl” he said and finally pulled her into his arms. “I am so sorry you went through this on your own”.

“You’re here now” she replied as she buried her face in his chest relieved he finally knew the truth. And more relieved he still wanted her.

They stood there holding each other for the longest time until Sam was the first to speak.

“What was it” he asked

“What was what?” she asked not understanding the question.

“The baby, was it a boy or girl” he asked looking down at her expectantly.

“A boy or girl?” she repeated confused by his question.

“Yeah” he replied, suddenly there was an air of excitement from him as Melanie’s mind raced as to what exactly Katie had told him. “Do you know where the baby went, do you have a photo?”

“Sam I don’t know what Katie told you” she said taking a steadying breath. She felt sick as she realised he actually didn’t know the truth after all. “But there is no baby”.

Her words cut through him like a knife. There was no baby. What happened to it and then her words came back to him suddenly. She was afraid to tell him what happen because she was afraid if she told him he wouldn’t want him anymore. It all made perfect sense. He thought his heart was going to burst.

“You got rid of the baby” he said as his hands dropped from around her and he stepped back abruptly “How could you?”

“Sam
wait
, no” Melanie said as panic swept through her. How could he possible think that about her? But he was now pacing up and down the bedroom and mumbling to himself.

“I can’t believe you could do something so cruel” he said the anger clear and unmistakable in his voice. He couldn’t even look at her. “You know how much I wanted to be a father. It’s all I ever wanted. I wanted to give my child the family I never had. If you had told me I would have been with you every step of the way.  But because you saw some stupid picture of me with some girl I used to know you killed our baby. Did you really hate me that much?”

Melanie stood and stared at him completely devastated by what he had just said. She knew right in that moment if she told him the truth he would do the right thing and keep his promise to her to runaway with her and spend the rest of his life with her. And then he would resent her for not being able to give him what he wanted more than anything else. And that was a child. How had she not seen this so clearly before now? It was all he ever wanted. And she realised she loved him too much to ask him to give up his dream for her. She knew what she needed to do. She needed to let him go. And she needed to make him let her go too.

“I was just a kid Sam” she said trying to keep her emotions in check as she prepared to lie to him. “I was so hurt when I came back from the beach. Then when I found out I was pregnant I was devastated. I wanted to tell you but then I saw that picture and I wanted to hurt you as much as I was hurt so I travelled to the UK and I got rid of the baby.”

“You did it just to hurt me” He asked and she simply just nodded her response because she knew her voice would have betrayed her lies. But he grabbed her by the hands and gave her a pleading look “I don’t believe you”.

“It’s the truth” she cried. “I was so angry with you I wanted every bit of you out of my body”.

“Who are you?” Sam said dropping his hands from her and stepping back away from her a look of pure disgust on his face that broke Melanie’s heart. “You are not the sweet girl I fell in love with back at the beach. And maybe that is my fault because I hurt you but I never meant to. What you did is unforgivable”.

“Sam I am sorry” she whispers and closes her eyes unable to look at him anymore.

“I am sorry too” He said as he grabs his coat from the floor beside the chair and head for the door but he stops next to her for a moment. He was so close she could smell his beautiful scent and it took every ounce of her inner strength not to tell him the truth and beg him to stay. “Goodbye Melanie”.

Then without another word, he was gone. Melanie stood in the centre of her room in shock until she heard the apartment door slamming shut then she collapsed on to her bed and sobbed as her heart once again was shattered into pieces inside her. She had just lost the only man she truly loved. Probably the only one she ever will.

She drifted between fits of sobbing and restless unconsciousness. The sun climbed higher in the sky and then began to set again, cloaking her room in dark shadows but she never moved from her cocoon on her bed.

Suddenly she was woken as somebody sat on the bed behind her and two strong arms wrapped her closely to their warm body.

“It
ok
Mel” Simon said pulling her closer to him. “I have you”.

Melanie just buried her face into her hands and began to cry.

“It’s all going to be ok” he said as his softly kissed her hair.

“Please don’t be nice to me” she whispered pleadingly. “I don’t deserve you kindness or you sympathy”.

“It’s Sam isn’t it” Simon said, his voice surprisingly calm.

“How do you know about Sam” She said turning to look at him.
Surprised by his comment.

“I know everything” he admitted sadly. “I know Sam is the boy from the beach. I know you are completely in love with him. I know you always have been. And I know he has broken your heart again”.

“How do you know about the boy from the beach” Melanie asked sitting up suddenly in the bed and turning her whole body to face him.

“You would never talk about what happened to you” he explained. “It was obvious from the scar that something major had happened more than simply you couldn’t have children. So one night when Katie was drunk I pushed her for information. She told me about you and Sam. Then when I saw you at the hospital with him last week it didn’t take long to connect the dots”

“But you asked him to dinner, you asked him to our wedding” Melanie exclaimed unable to process what he was saying. “You kept pushing us together. I don’t understand why you did this”.

“Melanie from the minute I met you I fell in love with you completely and utterly” he explained. “But it didn’t take me long to realise your heart was already taken. But I was too in love with you to walk away. When I asked you to marry me I honestly believed you would say no. But you said yes and I was the happiest man alive. But when I saw you with him I knew I was already losing you. I could see it in your eyes, the way you looked at him. You have never looked at me like that. I so I decided to make it easier for you. What I hoped was you would finally get him out of your system and finally you could be happy with me. But when I called you from Spain I knew I had made a huge mistake. And I realised I had lost you already. So when your Dad came by the hospital today and told me you had left with him. I was devastated of course but I wasn’t shocked. I knew the other night you were saying goodbye. It was written all over your face. You have no idea how hard it was for me to not beg you to stay. But I loved you too much to make you feel worse than you did. I knew by your face what you were doing was killing you inside”.

“Then why are you here” she asked reeling from his revelation.

“I just wanted to be somewhere that was connected to you” he admitted sadly. “I never dreamed I would find you here. But when I saw you lying here, I am not going to lie, I felt relieved and even a little happy. I hoped you might have chosen me after all. But I can see it in your face that’s not the reason you stayed”.

“I am sorry Simon” she said as her eyes dropped down to the bed, unable to look at him anymore. “I wish I could say that was the reason but I
think
I have lied to you enough”.

“Then tell me” he said as he reached over and take her hand. “What happened?”

“He found out about the baby” she said as fresh tears trickled down her face. “Katie saw him last night and told him about it but somehow he got it wrong and he thought I had the baby. When I told him there was no baby he looked devastated because he thought I had gotten rid of it. All Sam ever dreamed of was having a family and when he thought I had an abortion, it broke his heart and he left”.

“Why didn’t you tell him the truth” Simon asked a little confused.

“Because I can’t be what he needs” she sobbed. “I can’t give him the family he dreams of. I loved him too much to ask him to give up his dreams for me. So I let him believe I had got rid of the baby so he would finally let me go”.

“Are you insane” Simon exclaimed. “He loves you and you love him and if he knew what happened he would have never left”.

“I can’t be enough for him Simon” she cried. “I will never be enough for any man. I don’t deserve to be happy because I am like a cancer that destroys everything it touches”.

“You are enough for me” Simon screams as he grabbed her by the arms and pulls her to him. “You always were. You still are. Please Melanie
give
me another chance. I know you don’t love me but I love you more then you could possible know. If you marry me I promise I will spend the rest of my life making you happy. And maybe you will learn to love me back”.

“Simon please
don’t
do this” Melanie said pulling herself free from his hold and springing up from the bed. “You can’t still want me. For God sake I was running away with another man. I love someone else. You are a good man Simon and I do love you, I honestly do but you deserve someone who will wake up every morning and thank the stars for you.
Someone who can love you back.
Someone who can give you their heart”.

“I don’t want someone else Mel” he said leaping up from the bed and moving to her quickly. “I want you. I love you. I can love you enough for both of us”.

Melanie didn’t reply she just stood in stunned silence. What had she done to deserve this man?

“Mel
please
” Simon said as kissed her softly on the lips. “Please give me a chance. I am begging you”.

She knew she should say no. She still loves Sam. She knew she always would. But he didn’t want her anymore. Simon did. But how could they ever be happy knowing she was in love with another man.

“Melanie
please
” he begged her again.

“Ok” she said suddenly much to her own surprise. She couldn’t believe she had agreed. Inside she was screaming “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO” but it was like her brain had malfunctioned. She was wrapped in Simon’s arms and she wanted to pull away and run but her body didn’t seem to get the messages from her brain. It longed to be held. To feel something other than the gaping emptiness Sam had left inside her.

What had she just done? She wanted Sam. She loved Sam but she had just agreed to marry Simon. She hoped and prayed that this was just a bad dream and that any moment she would wake up and Sam would be next to her and everything would be fine. But as long as she waited she knew she was never going to wake up.

For the next week Melanie threw herself completely planning for the wedding. She tried to keep herself a busy as she could to stop herself from thinking about Sam but it was almost impossible. Every time her phone rang she prayed to God it was him. She would feel her heart break every time because it was not him.

That night that Simon found her in the apartment he phoned Alex to tell him what happened, leaving out the part about Melanie lying about the abortion as Melanie had requested him to. Alex near hit the roof when he heard and arrived around at Melanie’s apartment within half an hour demanding to know what happened but Melanie refused to discuss it.

She was however relieved when she discovered he hadn’t manage to get hold of Sarah. So Alex hadn’t yet told Sarah the wedding was off but he had told Grace who had promised to keep Melanie’s secret too.

Lucy was shocked too. She pleaded with Melanie to let her try and talk to Sam but Melanie refused. Lucy also pleaded with her not to go through with the wedding because she knew it was a mistake and that Melanie would be miserable for the rest of her life. But Melanie insisted she wanted to marry Simon and the wedding was going ahead as planned.

On the Monday even when Simon arrived at her apartment after work he told her that Sam had quit his job and that apparently he was already gone back to the States. Melanie tried to appear unaffected by this news but inside her heart ached.

When Simon kissed her goodnight and left, she climbed into her bed without taken off her clothes and curled up into a ball and cried
herself
to sleep.

In fact that was how she went to bed every night. As the week passed by she could see the concerned looks she was getting from Simon, Alex, Lucy and even Grace. It was just like people had looked at her seven years earlier but choose to ignore it and continued to pour all her energy into the wedding. She was like an automaton going through the different tasks she had to do each day. But her shattered heart remained in pieces locked away in a tiny box inside her, hiding her heartbreak from those around her.