Forever Is Over (27 page)

“
Kelly, for the hundredth time, I swear it wasn
’
t! When are we ever
going to draw a line under this and move on? Jemma
’
s moved on.
”

             
“
She hasn
’
t, she still wishes you were dead.
”

“
She
’
s left school, she
’
s got a boyfriend, she
’
s happy. Why can
’
t you
be happy?
”

“
I am happy. Very happy. Thank you!
”

“
You would be even happier if you were
“
going out
”
with me!
”

“
I would not. Anyway, how do you know Jemma
’
s got a boyfriend?
”

“
She
’
s always with some lad from the bank.
”

“
Stalking her now are you? Not satisfied with creeping in and
bonking her. Now you are stalking her too.
”

“
I am not interested in Jemma. I
’
m just interested in you. The only
reason we did not go on a date two years ago, is because your sister broke
my brother
’
s jaw and because he did not want to tell my mother that a
girl did it, so he blamed me. I was grounded for a month because of your
sister. I had to cancel our date, you were upset, Jemma then told you
not to worry about it because I was a complete toerag, who had sneaked
into her room when she was drunk, slept with her and then puked in her hair, right?
”

“
Pretty much.
”

“
And I have spent the last two years insisting I did not sleep with
her and asking you to give me anothe
r chance to take you out. Also
right?
”

“
Yes.
”

“
If I was interested in your sister, why would I spend my whole time
chasing after you?
”

“
I don
’
t know!
”

Kelly blushed. This was going well.

“
So what would I have to do now to wipe the slate clean and get you
to give me that chance?
”

It was the perfect time to ask, only because her three friends were
watching events take shape and I got the impression they liked me. Her
friends decided to start setting the necessary tasks.

Claire Northover chipped in first.

“
What if he came to your door every day for two weeks and sang a
song by your
window, like they do in films?
”

I didn
’
t like that idea.

“
I can
’
t sing!
”

“
That doesn
’
t matter!
”

“
That
’
d be too easy,
”
Kelly replied.

Once again though, I took heart. This was Kelly
’
s opportunity to say,

”
No, I
’
m just not going out with him and that
’
s that!
”

She wasn
’
t saying that at all, she was giving me hope.

“
What if he had to come and sing at six o
’
clock every morning for
two weeks?
”

Sammy Wickes added with a giggle.

”
I
’
m not up at six!
”
Kelly pointed out.

”
You could just get up for a few minutes and then go back to bed!
”
Sammy responded.

“
Still too easy!
”
Kelly pointed out.

“
What if he was only dressed in Speedos?
”
Claire Northover
suggested.

“
Still not enough!
”
Kelly replied,
“
Even if he came at six o
’
clock
every morning for two weeks, wearing Speedos and his Mum
’
s bra, that
wouldn
’
t be enough!
”

“
Good one, Kel!
”
added Helen Kumar,
“
Speedos and his Mum
’
s bra
and then on the
last day, he could do it naked!
”

“
Girls, this is ridiculous!
”
I moaned but in a playful way. There was
a definitely a window of opportunity here.

Kelly decided at this point to define the task.

“
OK. OK. I tell you what, if you come to my house at six o
’
clock
every morning, for the next two weeks, s
tarting tomorrow, dressed only
in a pair of Speedos and your Mum
’
s bra and sing a different love song
to me every day and the last morning you do it naked, I will go on ONE
date with you. Providing you do one other thing.
”

“
What
’
s that?
”

“
Apologise to my sister.
”

“
What for? She should be apologising to me!
”

“
Richie, that
’
s the deal!
”

Kelly and her mates then all turned and walked off, heading up
Aughton Street into Ormskirk, towards the clock tower, linking arms
and singing a song. I had it in mind that they sang En Vogue
’
s
“
Never
Gonna Get It
”
because that would have
been entirely appropriate, but
it must have been something else as that song didn
’
t come out until a
few years later!

“
Kelly!
”
I shouted after her,
“
I don
’
t have any Speedos!
”

Kelly turned her head around, her body was still linked to the other
girls.

“
That
’
s not my problem, Richie! If you want that date, I expect to see
you in the morning in Speedos and your Mum
’
s bra. Don
’
t be late!
”

The Birch
’
s party was an epiphany for me. If there was one thing in
life I did not want to become, it was a clone of Vomit Breath. She spent
her entire life either drinking, drunk or hungover and men were used,
not as a tool for a relationship, but basically just for their tool. If they
liked drink as well as sex, that was an added bonus, but sex was the key.
If I had taken Vomit Breath with me to the Birch
’
s party, her behaviour
would have mirrored mine, get drunk beforehand, turn up, strut around
like you own the place, getting progressively more drunk along the way,
find a random man for sex, throw up, miss your taxi and arrive home at
five in the morning, waking at midday feeling like Timmy Mallett had
attacked you in your sleep.

Richie Billingham had taken advantage of my situation but on
reflection, I was a more than willing partner and if he had wanted
to continue on an orgasmic journey, I would have let him. I was still
annoyed with him for throwing up in my hair and in the days after the
party, I did everything I could to sabotage any chance he had with Kelly, but the desire to buy a shotgun and paint a target on Richie Billingham
’
s
forehead soon passed.

With regards to sabotaging Richie
’
s chances with Kelly, he pretty
much did this himself. On the Wednesday night after the party, Kelly
came into my room, sobbing her little heart out. She came over to me
and hugged me tightly. After Kelly had spent the majority of the Birch
’
s
party looking after me, it felt good that I was reclaiming the senior sister
role. I stroked her hair.

“
Honey what
’
s the matter? What
’
s happened?
”

Kelly stopped hugging to take a tissue out her pocket and blow her
nose.

“
Oh, I
’
m being ridiculous!
”

“
Let me be the judge of that.
”
I said,
“
Who
’
s upset you?
”

“
Richie
’
s cancelled our date on Saturday.
”

A wave of relief swept over me. I was tempted just to say,
“
Good! That lad
’
s an arse!
”
but I needed to regain some credibility with Kelly, so for once, I
actually thought before I spoke.

“
Why has he done that?
”

“
He
’
s grounded.
”

“
Well, can
’
t you just arrange it for another time?
”

“
No, you don
’
t get it. He
’
s not been grounded for one night, he
’
s been
grounded for a month! Outside of school, he
’
s under house arrest!
”

“
Bloody hell! What did he do to deserve that?
”

“
Nothing! That
’
s why it
’
s so upsetting!
”

Kelly blew her nose again.

“
You don
’
t get grounded for a month for nothing, Kel!
”

Then she hit me with a verbal sucker punch, unintentionally I think,
but it hurt all the same.

“
He
’
s been grounded for a month for breaking his brother
’
s jaw!
”

“
How did he do that?
”

I asked the question but I knew the answer.

“
HE didn
’
t, Jemma! You did!
”

So much for reclaiming the senior sister role! I felt humiliated.

“
I
’
m so sorry, Kelly! I was an idiot at that party, but why has Richie
taken the rap for me?
”

Maybe Richie wasn
’
t as bad as I thought.

“
His brother and sister stitched him up. They said he did it.
”

“
Do they not like him?
”

“
They were annoyed because he stayed at the party instead of going
to Casualty with them.
”

“
No wonder they were annoyed! If you broke your jaw, I wouldn
’
t
stay at a party whilst you went off to hospital!
”

“
I know you wouldn
’
t but I
’
m not Jim Billingham, am i? Jim
Billingham
’
s an arsehole!
”