Forever Red (37 page)

“Ms. Foster?” I glanced up from my magazine. “We’re ready for you.”

I nodded, setting last month’s issue of
People
back on the table and reaching for Courtney’s hand. She squeezed my fingers back, letting me know that whatever the outcome was, she was right here with me. The nurse took us back to a small exam room, telling me I didn’t need to change into a gown for this appointment. After taking my vitals, the nurse left, promising that the doctor would be right in.

Cort sat in the chair, making small talk, trying to get my mind off the appointment. She was here to be my support and hold my hand, no matter what we discovered today. I didn’t know what I’d do without her.

In the last seven weeks, my friends had been the only thing keeping me going. I went through the motions of my daily schedule, pretending to be okay while I was slowly dying inside. I missed Neil.

Thankfully, the tour was over and Mr. Kelly had been keeping a low profile. Molly’s record had come out a few weeks ago so he’d gone to parties with her. But his face wasn’t splashed all over the headlines like it had been just six months before. It made it a little more bearable to be away from him.

I’d called him after he left. I’d sent him text message after text message. I’d emailed him, explaining why Craig had been in my apartment. Either he hadn’t read them or he didn’t care. I was determined not to give up, not to let him go. By the time October came, though, I had to face the fact that he was serious. He was done. If he was going to forgive me, he’d have picked up his phone.

When Cort found me two weeks ago, sobbing on the couch, she held me and coaxed my secret out. I was late. Late, late. There was no way after years of being on the pill and years of being careful that I could be pregnant, right? She’d gone out immediately and bought two tests. We’d sat together on the edge of the tub, waiting for the lines to show up. Both had come back negative.

I’d been relieved. And sad. It would have been a little piece of Neil that I got to keep. But then again, I didn’t want to bring a baby into this world knowing the daddy hated the mommy.

That had been then, though. I still hadn’t started my period. Now, I had a stomach bug that wouldn’t go away, and honestly, both Cort and I were terrified it was something more. So I’d called my OB and made the appointment. Apparently, false negatives were very common early in pregnancies and they wanted me to come in for a blood test the day before. We were back to get the results today.

Cort was convinced I needed to tell Neil. I’d run the possible scenarios over in my head a hundred times. I could picture him telling me to get fucked. He’d probably say something like, “That’s a new low, even for you, Red. Never thought you’d be the kind to try and trap me.” Or he’d say it wasn’t his. I couldn’t forget the look in his eye when he’d found Craig at my apartment. It didn’t matter to Neil that Craig was there to help me or that we didn’t have sex. His mind was made up the second he saw my guest. So I hadn’t told him anything.

A knock on the door pulled my thoughts back to the present. Dr. Andrews was a very pleasant man in his late fifties. He’d been what I lovingly called my “lady doctor” since I moved back to Maine. He smiled at me, sat on the stool, rolled it over in front of me, and as he always did, cut right to the point.

“You’re not pregnant.” My shoulders sagged in relief. At least, I chose to believe that’s what it was. “You’ve missed two cycles?” he asked and I nodded. “And you’re nauseous?” Another question, another head-nod. “What’s going on at home? Is work okay? Money troubles?”

I shook my head.

“She and her boyfriend broke up,” Cort supplied helpfully. “And she’s dealing with…” My glare made her swallow her words. “Other stuff,” she finished.

Dr. Andrews nodded. “How long ago did that happen?”

“Seven”—My voice broke, causing me to clear my throat—“Seven weeks.”

“Okay.” He nodded again, offering me a little smile. “It’s quite common that women your age start to become less regular. The body’s way of saying you’re getting older. But in some situations, stress can also cause hormone production to get out of whack, causing missed menses. Stress will also cause nausea.”

“So you’re saying since I’m stressed, my body decided not to work, causing more stress?”

Dr. Andrews smiled. “Exactly.” Then his face turned serious. “I need you to find a way to relax. Start running, take a yoga class, go on vacation. If you’re still having trouble at the beginning of the year, I want you to call me. It could be something more.”

We talked for a few more minutes before he stood up, shaking my hand, and Cort and I made our way back to the reception. “I’m sorry,” she whispered as soon as we were back in my car.

“Don’t be.” I smiled. “This is a good thing, Cort. Neil and I really are done. I can move on now.”

The only problem was that I just didn’t know how.

*****

Fall had always been my favorite season. I’d decided after we left the doctor’s that I was not going to let anyone take that away from me. If Neil didn’t want to be with me, then fuck him. It was his loss. If Ben wanted to stalk me – always just inside the boundaries of the law – then fuck him, too. I was getting back to me.

There was one major change I’d had to make, and even though I didn’t want to, it had to happen. Noah had called me and sent me messages, trying to check in on me. He never mentioned Neil and I wasn’t sure he told his brother we still talked. I appreciated the friendship. Communication with Mike, on the other hand, had been sporadic. I knew he loved me as much as I loved him; he was the closest thing to a brother I’d ever have. But they were Neil’s family. I needed to let them go.

Noah argued when I asked him to stop calling me. His point was that I was his friend, and while Neil was his brother and boss, he couldn’t choose his friends for him. His final words when we hung up were, “I’ll call you again in a few weeks, babe. And I’m gonna keep callin’ you every few weeks. When you’re ready, you call me back.”

Mikey had been much easier because he never answered the phone when I called, so I was able to say goodbye without having to hear his response. He was Neil’s best friend, and Neil needed him. I’d asked him to choose sides once before. I wasn’t going to do that this time. I told him I loved him, that I wished him the best, but that I needed a clean break with no more ties to Neil. Thankfully, he never called me back.

The last thing I had to deal with was Ben. I didn’t know how to get that message across because I wasn’t going to call him, and I sure as hell wasn’t going to go talk to him. The last time I had was the Sunday before Labor Day.

He’d been waiting in the parking lot of my apartment when I came back from my run. He’d grabbed me before I realized what was happening, slamming me against the side of his car, spewing some lunacy about it being time to forgive him because he was forgiving me for being a rock star’s slut. I’d kneed him in the balls and locked myself in my apartment. But I’d been shaken just the same and hadn’t wanted to be alone. Cort couldn’t be with me so I had recruited Craig to stay.

I needed to show him I wasn’t afraid. He seemed to think he had some control over me and as long as I acted like I needed to be babysat, he would continue to believe he did. I started slowly. Running in the morning alone when Cort couldn’t come. Going to the grocery store without Nina. Staying home alone when Cort went away. Baby steps.

Fall drifted into winter and even though I thought of Neil every single day, and missed him more than I wanted to admit, the pain was getting better. Unlike last time, I was doing it. I was moving on.

*****

I couldn’t take Christmas in Alabama. I loved my family and hated the idea of being away from them, especially on Emma’s first Christmas, but I couldn’t bear to be around them. Even though no one talked about her or asked about her, I knew they were all thinking of Lia. It killed me.

Thanksgiving had been hell. Molly had come with me and we thought her album’s success would be a good distraction. It hadn’t been. Natalie had made some snide bitchy comment about being happy Mols was my date, not anyone else. That pissed off Noah, who decided to be a prick the rest of the day, especially after my mother seconded Nat’s opinion.

Nik, who was back to being herself again, tried to change the subject with talk of the world’s cutest baby, but mom steered it right back to me. This time, asking Mols and me when we were going to start thinking about kids of our own, and wondering if she was going to be a working mom or if she was going to give up her career.

Molly, God bless her, took that opportunity to inform my family that we actually were not dating, had never been dating, and that I was not talking about her in the interview that originally linked us together. Then, to add insult to injury, she informed them all that I was an “effing idiot” – harsher words had been spared because of sweet little Ems – and that they should all realize that the perfect woman for me had gotten away. After that, she smiled as sweet as you please and asked my very shocked mom to pass the potatoes.

Yeah. Couldn’t handle Christmas with any of them. So Linc and I had gotten in my truck and headed up to Boston. Carson lived in the Boston house when we weren’t on tour, taking care of it for me. It was close enough to his kid so he could visit with him often. But it was far enough away from Jules and her new husband so he didn’t feel the need to knock the stepdad’s teeth down his throat. He’d seemed relieved when I called and told him we were on our way.

For the first few days, we hung out, playing pool or video games, heading to a local bar that he frequented at night. We avoided all serious discussions, just two friends catching up. That all changed the third night we were at the bar.

“Jesus,” he muttered under his breath, a hateful expression crossing his face.

“What?” I turned, trying to see who had just walked into the bar. I didn’t know the guy, but I knew men like him. He oozed money but didn’t look like he’d worked a day in his life. He was alone, but headed straight to the table behind Mike, joining two other jizz monkeys. “You know that fuckwad?”

Carson rolled his eyes, twisting his neck from side to side. “Yeah.” He clenched his bottle tight. I waited for him to explain, but he didn’t.

“Another Julie ex?”

He shook his head, not really paying attention to me. Instead, he seemed to be listening to whatever the minge was saying to his friends. I stared at my friend, confused. He was barely containing his rage.

If it wasn’t Jules… then it hit me. “Lia. That’s Lia’s ex.”

That got his attention. He took a pull from his bottle as if he was trying to decide what to say. “Yeah. The thundercunt she dated before you.”

I tensed. “That’s him?” I leaned over, trying to get a better view. “That’s the prick that put his hands on my girl?”

“She ain’t your girl, Kelly. Not anymore.” Hearing the words made my heart ache and put the familiar burn back in the bottom of my stomach. “But, yeah. That’s the one.”

I sat back up, not wanting to ask but needing to. “How is she?”

He shrugged, taking another gulp. “I wouldn’t know. She won’t talk to me.”

I glared at him, subliminally ordering him to explain.

“Said she wouldn’t put me in the middle again. Said that I was your friend and that your ass needed me more than she did. So she dumped me ‘cause you dumped her. Cort calls me, talks to me, but Lee won’t.”

“That’s stupid.”

“Naw, man. You wanna know what’s stupid?” He adjusted in his seat. “Breaking up with the woman you’ve loved your entire life because your fucking pride got in the way. Or because you were too dumb to listen to her explanation.”

“Fuck you, Carson. I was tired of being played.”

“She wasn’t playing you, dumbass. The fucker behind me grabbed her one morning. Cort said he roughed her up pretty good.” His words had me clutching my beer so tight I thought the bottle might burst. Why didn’t she call me? “Scared the shit outa her. She called her boyfriend”—he paused to glare at me—“but he was too busy being a bitchy little girl to call her back. She was afraid of being alone so she called the other man in her life that would kill someone before he let them hurt her. He dropped everything to show up at her place.”

The muscles in his jaw tensed as he listened to the table behind him again. “Sounds like he still isn’t leaving her alone.” With that, he pushed away from the table, standing up and turning toward the men behind him. He leaned on the table, getting in the rich bitch’s face.

“Ah, fuck,” was all I had a chance to mumble before he was hauling the guy from his seat, his fist connecting with the guy’s face. I laughed, rushing to join in before the douche’s friends tried to get involved. If Mike beat the guy senseless before I had a chance to land some blows, I’d kick his ass.

It didn’t matter what I tried to tell myself. Or what I told her. I’d been so sure she’d leave me again that I had believed what I wanted. But I fucking loved that woman. I’d fallen for the crazy, anti-social teenager years ago. I’d longed for her ever since she left, not knowing where she was or how she was doing. Now, I’d fallen for the sassy, smart-mouthed, funny woman she’d become.

This guy walked into the wrong fucking bar. Nobody touched my girl, nobody scared my girl, nobody made my girl cry. Except for me. And that was something I was going to spend the rest of my life apologizing for. As soon as I got her back.