Forged: A Devil's Spawn MC Novel (18 page)

Fuck I love when she talks in her librarian voice. Highly educated and intelligent. I’ve got no clue why, but hearing her speak all prim and proper really does it for me. But I’m not sure she’d appreciate me bending her over the table in front of my parents’ and fucking the shit out of her to show her how much she’s turned me on, so I do my best to tell the hard on I’m sporting to calm the fuck down.

My dad nods solemnly, pulling a small leather bound book out of his jacket pocket. I’d recognize that book anywhere, it was Finley’s diary. Something she wrote in every day without fail. Something I’d tried more than a few times to get my hands on when we were younger for no other reason than to piss her off. Handing it to me he says,

“We haven’t read it. I don’t believe it was our place to. You however, I would like to think I knew my daughter well enough to know she’d want you to have this.” Taking a deep breath in through his nose he adds, “We are selling the house. There are too many bad memories there to keep it any longer. Your mother and I haven’t lived there for fourteen years and it’s time to let it go and move on with our lives.”

I’m surprised they’d do that. They love that house, or they did. Moreover, Finley had loved that house. I may have come to hate it, to view it as a living tomb, but when I was younger I’d loved it to. I can’t say I blame them though. If it were me I’d have burned the fucking thing to the ground years ago. And if he’s waiting for me to beg him not to sell it, to keep it in the family, he better not hold his breath because it’s not happening.

Taking the diary from his hand I place it on the seat between me and Tilly, and look up to find mom’s eyes wet with tears.

“You don’t know how long I’ve wanted to see you for, Tobias. Do you think you could spare the time to have lunch with us? Maybe catch us up on what you’ve been doing with your life? It would mean the world to us if you could.”

What the fuck do I say to that? I want to say no. Everything in me is screaming at me to say no, but glancing at Tilly, seeing her encouraging nod, I do the same.

“Yeah. I think I’ve got enough time to do that.”

“Friends are God’s way of apologizing for shitty family.”

-
        
Rotten eCard

Getting to know a little about Tobias’s mom and dad was interesting to say the least. It was obvious my husband wasn’t comfortable with the idea of spending any more time with them than absolutely necessary, but in the end I think he’s grateful he did. Not because it offered him any sense of closure on the past, but because he got to see for himself they had cleaned their lives up, and were finally finding the strength and determination to move on and lay the past to rest.

While I couldn’t begin to understand the pain of losing a child, and to be honest I don’t even want to contemplate it, holding on to that pain, allowing it to define you and the way you live your life isn’t living, it’s existing. Ade is a perfect example for anyone struggling with their loss. I don’t only admire her, I’m in awe of the way she’s dealt with losing two of her babies. They may not have been born into the world, taken their first breath, opened their eyes and seen their mother for the first time, or spoken their first word, but that doesn’t make it any less of a loss. If anything it makes it more of one.

Ade didn’t get to feed either of her children. She didn’t get to hold them in her arms and rock them to sleep. She missed out on holding their hands as they learned to walk, and putting Band-Aids on their knees when they lost their balance. There was no teaching them to ride a bike, no first day of school, and no cheering for them at their first little league game. There would be no birthdays, no celebrations when they graduated high school and college, no congratulations when they got engaged and then married. No, she didn’t get the chance to do any of that. And that’s why, to me, what Ade suffered through, the loss she will always live with is exponentially worse.

Jack and Lillian Phillips may have lost one child due to a horrible tragedy, but they lost the other through their neglect and selfishness. Abandoning Tobias to lick their own wounds was, in my eyes, their biggest mistake of many. If Finley had been their only child, I could possibly have sympathized more with the way they chose to deal with her loss. Not that I’m condoning their abuse of drugs and alcohol, because I definitely don’t, but I would have been less willing to judge their behavior so harshly.

The meal was winding down when his dad hesitantly spoke.

“We would love to see you again, Son. Would you be open to giving our family the chance to see if we can get to know each other again? Maybe spending occasional holidays together. We could take thing slowly, rebuild cautiously. What do you think?”

Tobias’s tension increased dramatically at his rapid fire questions. The mask of anger that had slipped over his previously wary yet relaxed face was one I’d seen many times before. This was the mask he wore every time he needed to deal with something for the club. It was ominous and foreboding, and I’d hate to be on the receiving end of it.

Agitated and impatient Tobias finally snaps. I’ll give him this, he held on to his temper for longer than I’d expected.

“See, this is the thing. I’ve got a family. Two actually. My brothers, my club, their kids and old ladies were there for me when I didn’t have anyone else. Later I met Tilly and my world started to spin again. Her and our three kids are my life. I know for a fact, one that’s been tested over and fucking over again, that our relationship is forged from something far stronger than yours and mine was. There’s not a fucking doubt in my mind she’d be there to support me if anything like what I went through after losing Finley happened again.” Sparing his mom a quick glance before looking back to his dad, Tobias goes on to say, “And you’ve gotta know, that means more to me than any half-assed, too little too late attempt to clear your consciences, which is what your suggestions are.”

Tobias rises from the booth, me following closely behind him.

“You’ve also gotta know, it’s time for you to leave everything in the past. That means me too. I was lost to you the day you turned your fucking back on me. The day you decided a bottle of pills or a fifth of scotch was more important than your own son was the day you chose this path, and you’re gonna have to deal with all that entails. First being, you don’t get to ask me for shit. I’ve got a full life. A life I carved out for myself. One I’d move heaven and hell to keep. One I’d die for. I don’t give the first fuck whether you’ve dried out and been sober over a decade. That shit was for you, not me. Am I happy to see you’re not the fucked up shells you used to be? Sure, but that doesn’t mean I want back in.” Shaking his head sadly he adds, “Thanks for the book. Hope you find the kind of peace you’re looking for some day.”

Tobias takes my hand in his and we walk out of the diner without looking back. I didn’t doubt his words. I know when Tobias says he’s done, he is indeed done. And he isn’t a man who writes people off lightly. It had hurt him to do it, but in his mind it was necessary, and who am I to argue with that? They are his parent’s. It’s his history. The only thing left for me to do, as he said, is to support however he chooses to play this out.

The ride home from Denver was done at a far more sedate pace than the trip there. There wasn’t any anticipation or anxiety over the meeting, meaning Tobias was free to enjoy the freedom the road brought him. Two and a half hours isn’t a long ride by any stretch of the imagination, but having not been on the back of his bike for so long, I found my thighs aching, my ass numb, and my back desperately in need of a stretch. After just over an hour I was close to begging for a break, but I didn’t want to interrupt Tobias to ask for it. I knew the time he spent on his bike he used to think. It was his version of retreating into himself and working things out. No. My need for a reprieve from my discomfort was nowhere near as important as Tobias’s need to ride.

We got home a little after five, and while I was itching to see the girls I wanted one last night just Tobias and I before the chaos of our daily lives intruded. But looking up to see Stacey standing on our door step I knew immediately the tone of our evening was going to be a hell of a lot different to the one I’d hoped for.

Stalking up the gravel path that leads directly to the base of the steps, Tobias’s voice booms, echoing off the exterior walls of the house.

“What the fuck are you doing here? Haven’t you fucked up enough peoples’ lives? I suggest you take whatever bullshit you’re trying to pedal and take it elsewhere, because we’re not buying.”

“I, um, I just wanted to talk for a minute, and to apologize. I promise I won’t take up too much of your time. It’s just, it’s about Tucker,” Stacey manages to barely stutter out.

Rolling my eyes as I push past her to unlock the front door, I know I’m going to regret this but what the hell.

“Five minutes, but do me a favor, don’t bother apologizing. Nothing you can say will undo the damage you’ve done, so save yourself the trouble and the oxygen.”

Tobias doesn’t appear to be particularly happy with my decision, but what did he expect? The second she mentioned Tucker it made me think of Nevie. He’s an innocent two-year old caught up in drama he doesn’t understand, and he’s probably scared and confused. No matter how much I hate his mother, and don’t doubt that I do, I can’t leave Tucker floating on the breeze. It wouldn’t be fair to him, or to my husband for that matter. Regardless of what Tobias says, he loves that little boy and wants to be there for him in some capacity. Whether that be as a friend or Uncle, he wants to remain in his life I know that much.

I gesture Stacey into the living room, my manners reminding me to offer her a drink. Well, screw manners, this bitch doesn’t deserve my hospitality, nor is she going to get it. Waiting, just barely, until she’s settled across from Tobias and I sitting on the single armchair closest to the door I prod,

“Other than to apologize, why are you here? You mentioned something about Tucker. Is he okay?”

“Um, yes. He’s okay, upset and a little confused, but he’s okay overall. I know I don’t have any right to ask…”

“But you’re going to anyway,” Tobias finishes for her. Eyes blazing, hands fisted on his lap, I don’t think I’ve ever seen him look quite so furious. Not even with his mom and dad. “Spit it out, Stacey. You’re here because you want something, not for a social visit.”

Searching his face, Stacey realizes Tobias isn’t going to stay in control of his anger toward her much longer so she cleverly answers him quickly.

“I know it’s not your responsibility and you’ve got no obligation to, but is there any chance you would consider spending an afternoon with Tucker and Dagger? Tucker isn’t sure what to make of him, and Dagger doesn’t know what more to do to bond with him. I’ve tried to help with suggestions and offering to go with them, but as you can imagine, Dagger isn’t too keen on the idea of me tagging along. I don’t know what else to do, Saint.”

Flinching, Tobias looks to me for my agreement. I’d never deny Tucker the chance to get to know Dagger, nor would I deny Dagger the joy of being a father. I might not want Tobias involved with her or the drama she creates, but this is what’s best for Tucker, and in the end he’s the most important person in this whole messed up situation so of course I agree.

Johnathon ‘Dagger’ Paige, is a funny, sexy, and an altogether too charming for his own good man. He’s a loyal, dedicated, and trustworthy brother too. It’s hard to envisage him as a father though, because albeit he’s a wonderful person and a great friend, he’s still kind of a big kid himself. If anyone’s in need of comic relief you can bet your ass Dagger will be there to provide it. All of the pranks played at the clubhouse, you can guarantee Dagger’s behind them or at least thought them up. I don’t think I’ve seen him be serious a day in his life, let alone long enough to be a mature influence on a little boy who needs a male role model desperately now. But stranger things have happened, and at least I know he’ll make Tucker laugh, if nothing else.

After Tobias agrees to help, Stacey visibly breathes a sigh of relief.

“Thank you. Thank you so much. You don’t know how much this means to me.”

“I’m not doing this shit for you, Stacey. I’m doing it for, Tucker. You want my help, then you need to back the fuck off and stay the fuck away from me when I come around to give it. You’ve caused enough shit between me and the people I love to last a lifetime. I’m not giving you the opportunity to cause anymore, and that’s what your presence would do, cause problems. So when I’m visiting Tucker, when Dagger and I take him out, you’re to stay out of it and let me handle it my way. It’s that, or I’m not agreeing to shit.”

Stacey’s shoulders fall a little, and her head drops forward slightly. Nodding sadly she immediately agrees to his demands, but in the back of my mind I’m just wondering how long it will take before she tries to find another way to insert herself into the equation. I don’t trust her as far as I can throw her and I’m sure she has an ulterior motive, but I guess I’ll just have to wait and see how this plays out. No woman fixated on a man to the extent that she’d falsely claim he was her baby daddy is going to give up as easily as she appears to be, visit from Priest be damned. There’s something going on here, but what remains the sixty-four thousand dollar question.

By the time Stacey leaves, I’ve called my mom to check on the girls, and Tobias has locked down the house for the night it’s going on eleven o’clock. As much as I’d like to get wrapped up in Tobias’s body and forget everything but him, I’m too exhausted to get completely undressed, let alone go a few rounds with him.

Stripping down to my panties, removing my bra without bothering to take off my tank top, and sliding between the sheets, I let out an audible sigh. It feels so good to be home.

“You keep moaning like that woman, and I’ll flip you over and fuck you raw.”

I can’t help the shiver I get from hearing his husky, lust filled voice, or imagining what he would be more than happy to give me if I let him. It also has me reconsidering whether I’m really that tired after all. Seeing the indecision on my face Tobias strips off quickly. Joining me in bed completely naked, his erection already digging into my hip and I can’t help myself, I rub against him just to hear the rumble that leaves his throat at my movements.

Rolling me to my side so that my back is pressed to his front, he hooks my leg over his hip and palms my breast through my top. Pinching my nipple between his thumb and forefinger, he starts rocking his hips grinding against my ass making me instantly wet and leaving me panting for him.

“Now, Tobi. I want you to fuck me now.”

His hand leaves my breast, his fingers stop tormenting my nipple as he pulls my panties aside and thrusts inside me in one long, smooth stroke. I moan at the sensation of him filling me over and over again. There’s nothing like the feel of him stretching me almost to the point of pain yet not quite. His strokes aren’t tender or gentle. They are rough, deep, and forceful, but there’s no less passion in them than the times he makes slow, sweet love to me. It’s just a different kind of passion.