Forged: A Devil's Spawn MC Novel (3 page)

“Alright, baby. You got your lunch?”

Rolling her eyes she props a hand on her hip making me try to stifle a laugh that bubble from my chest at the sight.

“Yes, mom packed it last night. Where were you last night anyway?”

Such a simple question, yet such a complicated answer. Thankfully before I have to lie to one of my kids, again, I hear the horn blare and watch Dakota scramble to get all her stuff. When she’s at the threshold of the door I call out,

“What, no kiss for your old man?” I didn’t have to ask for something as simple and routine as a kiss goodbye before. A few years back she would have demanded one of me before I ever had to. Just another thing that’s changed.

Running back she gives me a harried peck on the cheek, before hightailing it out the door after giving each of her sisters a hug. I reach down and scoop Nevie into my arms nuzzling the side of her neck, which makes her giggle. Making my way back into the kitchen to get her breakfast started, I see Tilly standing in the archway watching us.

Hair wet from her shower, still dripping, she’s dressed in her usual attire of painted on denim jeans and a tank. But regardless of matter casually she’s dressed, Tilly’s still the single most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen. Even after all the years we’ve been together, despite everything we’re going through right now, I can’t imagine there’ll ever be a day I don’t want her and admire her beauty.

Before I can walk past her she reaches out, gripping my forearm lightly.

“We need to talk later, Saint.” At her words all I can do is nod. I knew this day was coming, and it doesn’t take a genius to work out Tilly’s close to, if not at, her breaking point.

Nevie wriggles unhappily in my arms trying to get down so she can make her way to her mom. I place her on her feet and watch as Tilly scoops her up cooing to her quietly.

“I’ve got a run later today. Priest said it’d be three days, maybe four at the outset. You need me to do anything before I go?” Eyeing me warily I can see the doubt written all over my wife’s face. She doesn’t say a word, but she doesn’t need to. I know her well enough to be able to read every one of her looks. I can’t say it doesn’t piss me off she’d question me with her eyes, but I know I’ve given her good reason to. I don’t have the right to demand she trust me. Not anymore, but it still stings that she doesn’t.

See, this is where our sordid tale gets even more fucked up. Tilly knows about the other woman in my life. She knows my other not so well protected secret too…my son. The fact Stacey had my boy in the same hospital while Tilly was still recovering after having Nevie didn’t help me hide it, but Tilly knew long before that, so was a moot point.

I never planned stepping out on my wife, but I suppose every cheater says that. However, in my case it’s actually true. I’m not using it as an excuse, merely stating a fact. How it happened is simple. It wasn’t premeditated, and frankly, if I’d been in my right mind it wouldn’t have happened. Bluntly put, I fucked up. I got wasted, as in, can’t remember a fucking thing wasted, and woke up bare assed naked with a woman plastered to my side that wasn’t my wife.

I felt like a piece of shit afterward, like I’m sure every man who’s been faced with that scenario does, and promptly freaked the fuck out. When I calmed my ass down, everything inside me screamed at me to tell Tilly. Told me to try and explain it to her, but then I realized that would be pointless. I didn’t, and still can’t remember a thing, all I know is I fucked up. So how in the hell could I explain anything to her if I didn’t know what had happened myself?

Of course, like most men in a situation like this, I made an even bigger mistake by trying to hide it, which is something I’ve sincerely regretted ever since. Obviously I wasn’t too careful that night either, making another critical error in judgement be forgetting to wrap my junk.

Don’t get me wrong, I love my boy Tucker, but the fallout from his conception and birth was hell on Earth. It still is. I live with the aftermath of my fuck up daily, and no matter how hard I try to envisage a time Tilly and I get past this I can’t. Not that I blame her for feeling the way she does, because I don’t.

When the news came out that I’d fathered someone else’s baby I was kicked in the balls by all of the old ladies at least once. Literally not figuratively. Four or five times by Priss until Tank restrained her and dragged her out of the clubhouse. The worst of it though was when Tilly found out, from Stacey no less. Her reaction all but ripped my heart out. It was so bad I can still remember it like it was yesterday, the whole conversation is burned into my brain, and etched permanently into my memory.

Sitting across from Tilly who’s curled into an armchair, I lower myself onto the couch and start talking without hesitation.

“Gotta talk to you, sweetness. I’ve got some shit to tell you, but I want you to hear me out before you say anything.” I’d gone over and over it in my head a million times, and decided I couldn’t live with myself if I kept lying to her. She deserved to know the truth, so today I decided was going to be the day I confessed all.

Throwing her hand up Tilly cuts me off.

“I already know, Saint. I know it all. Every single heart destroying detail.”

That’s when I knew things had already changed between us. Because not once in our entire relationship had she called me Saint. Not until today.

“What do you know, babe?” It was a stupid fucking question, especially when I could see the accusation written all over her face.

I want to make something clear before I tell you about the conversation that blew my whole fucking world apart. My wife, the reason my heart beats, my Tilly, is the strongest woman I’ve ever met. You might think that by staying with a cheating asshole, one who has a child with someone else makes her weak, but you’d be dead wrong. It takes a strong woman to hold steady in the face of a storm like the one that was brewing here.

Shifting to make herself more comfortable Tilly snaps at me.

“I know everything, Saint. Stacey approached me at the store yesterday and happily told me your news. From what I can gather, if what she said was true, you’ve got more than one reason to celebrate coming up soon.”

You need to bear in mind my wife is four months pregnant with Nevie at this point, and the last thing I want her doing is getting too worked up. Easier said than done I know, but I didn’t want this to be harder on her than I already knew it was going to be.

“Jesus Christ. Fuck, I’m sorry, sweetness. I told her to stay the fuck away from you and the girls. I told her I’d tell you in my own time, but she just kept running her mouth demanding it be now and…”

“Shut your mouth, Saint. It’s time you let me talk.” Needless to say, when you’re in the position I am, there’s only one acceptable reaction when your wife gets pissed like this. You shut your mouth, nod, and let her say what she needs to. “I spent all of last night and this morning thinking about this, and I want you to know from the outset that this is coming from me. No one else, only me. I haven’t spoken to anyone else about it and I won’t.”

Not what I was expecting. I figured Tilly would have run it past at least Priss, because those two tell each other everything. At the same time I’m not that surprised she didn’t. Especially seeing as Priss has been busy with Tank and their forth kid, Jacob, who was only born three weeks ago.

“The way I see it we have a few ways this can go. One, you can pack your shit and move in with the bitch you’ve knocked up.” I go to speak, to tell her that’s not an option but she silences me with another raised hand. “Let me finish.” Tilly waits patiently until I clamp my jaw shut yet again, glaring at me the whole time. “But that would be too easy, so I’m not inclined to go that route. Two, you can pack your shit and go find an unoccupied room at the clubhouse until I work out where we’re going to go from here.” Shaking her head she sighs. “Now, that one I seriously considered for a while there. I decided against it because I have no doubt you’ll keep fucking around, and I don’t have any intention of giving you free rein to do so. Three, you stay here and we go through the motions while I file for a divorce.”

This time I don’t pay her hand any mind before cutting in.

“No, no fucking way. That’s not happening, so get that out of your head right now, Tilly.”

“I said let me finish for Christ’s sake,” she yells before taking a deep breath. “But divorce would be too easy to, wouldn’t it? It would wrap things up in a neat little package for you. It would leave you free to make a nice, new, little family with the home wrecking slut that thought it was a good idea to fuck my husband for the past eight months,” she says sneering. “So no, that’s not a viable option either. The last one, the one I think is going to work for everyone is; you’re going to play this out, Saint. You’re going to have to live with consequences of your actions. You’re going to have your cake and eat it too per say. You’re going to live both lives.”

Sitting up straighter she glares at me until I ask,

“What are you saying, babe? You can’t fucking mean that. I don’t want her, I want you, and only you. I love you, Tilly. I’ve loved you for eleven fucking years, and I don’t intend to let that bitch come between us. Even if she is having my kid I’m not letting that change things for us.”

“I do mean it. You put us all in this situation, and honestly no matter how much I don’t want to admit it, I love you too. I can’t see there being a time when I won’t, but you did this. You did this to us, and now you have to let it play out however the chips may fall,” she replies shaking her head.

“I still don’t get what you’re trying to tell me. You can’t be saying you’re happy for me to keep this shit going. No one would want that, babe, least of all you.” Raking my hands through my hair, I look up when I hear a muffled sniffle. Up until now Tilly hasn’t cried, but at the sight of her tears I’m out of my seat faster than you can say ‘fuck me’.

Kneeling in front of her stroking my palms up and down her thighs sees me sighing.

“Shit, don’t cry, Tilly. Please, please don’t cry, baby. I’m not worth your tears, sweetness.”

Roughly pushing the tears away Tilly grabs my hands in hers.

“No, you’re right. I’m not happy about any of this, but what can I do? If I choose any of the other options I lose you, and if I put my head in the sand and pretend it didn’t happen, pretend I don’t know you’ll go back to her and ignore the fact I
know
you’ll be with her again, then I’ll lose me.” Shaking her head jerkily she says, “No, I can’t do any of those things. And as much as it breaks my heart, all I can do is let you live what you’ve done to us. Let you work out where you really, truly want to be.”

Standing up so quickly it almost knocks me off balance, Tilly straightens her T-shirt, and brushes an imaginary piece of lint off her jeans.

“I don’t want you to think for one minute me letting you do this that means I forgive you, because honestly, I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to forgive you for what you’ve done. You’re the one person I thought I could trust with everything I am, and now I find out I can’t. Do you know what that does to a person? What that does to me? To know that I’ve given everything I have to you. That I’ve loved you more than I ever thought I could love anyone, and then to have that thrown back in my face. Do you have any fucking idea how it feels to be happy, so very happy you’re having another child with the man you love more than reason, only to be slapped with the knowledge that you aren’t the only one with that honor?” Shaking her head angrily she answers herself. “No, you don’t and you never will, because I would
never
do something like this to you. I would never make you question whether you were good enough. Whether you had done anything to make me stray. I would never do this to
us
.”

When she goes to walk away I grab her wrist, not hard enough to hurt, only with enough force to make her stop and get her attention.

“Don’t! Don’t ever think this is on you, because it’s not. It’s on me, all of it. I fucking love you more than all the stars in the sky, and I’m sorry, so fucking sorry I’m making you feel like this. But don’t
ever
think I have a choice to walk away from you because I don’t. I would never fucking leave you, not even if you tried to make me. You can’t leave the other half of your heart behind, sweetness. I can’t live without it, and I won’t live without you.”

“Well, you’re lucky I’m not trying to make you then, aren’t you?” She snaps ripping her wrist from my grip. “I love you too, Saint, but you aren’t my Tobi anymore, and I don’t know if you ever will be again.” With that she walks away from me and the life we had together, leaving us where we are now. This isn’t a place I want to be, but more than that it’s not a place I ever wanted Tilly to be.