Forgive Me Father For I Have Loved (36 page)

Taking out two blue plates from her cabinet, he placed the hot food on them, arranging it just so, with thick slices of strawberries and juicy, green grapes.

Rhapsody briefly looked away into the living room.

“It’s still raining. I wonder how long this is going to last? I’ll have to cut my grass sooner because of this. I hate mowing the lawn.” She smiled and shook her head.

He walked up to her with a glass of juice and the loaded plate, and set them in front of her.

“I’ll cut it for you,” he offered.

Sitting across from her, he bowed his head and prayed.

This is crazy. He made love to me all night, tore my body up like he’d just been released from prison...

She grinned to herself at her thoughts.

Now, here he sits, praying, and getting ready to chow down…serving me food, too. Truth is stranger than fiction. And I love this man. I love that he has these strong beliefs and is still going to do something about it. I love his beautiful blue eyes, that hair, that smile, those muscles...damn...and his...yeah, that too...

Picking up her fork, she tried to gander his attention as she worked her plate over. The only communication was their forks hitting the plate, the lifted glass being returned to the table and the audible chews. His face appeared tense, serious, as he ate, as if drifting away from her in some way, then back toward her. She hoped it was simply paranoia, and debated asking to probe his mind. Instead, she rose from her seat, walked over to her CD player—the old one she kept off to the side—and popped in one of her favorite CDs by the songwriter, Freckles the Writer. “Uh Huh” came on first, filling the space with music.

That’s better.

She returned to her seat, folding her leg under her, and ate. Occasionally, she looked in his direction, but he kept his head down, eating, living inside himself and closed off from her. She began to feel uncomfortable, like she wanted to put something on, like her robe, but she simply relied on the music to ease her woes as it always did. She began to sing the lyrics and bounce to the rhythm, popping the fork in and out of her mouth. At one point, his fork hit the plate a bit louder, and she looked at him. This time, he was staring at her.

“I’ve never heard this song before...I like it.” He looked back down and clasped his hands together.

“It’s a really good song. The artist is also a song writer and has written music for some pretty big names...but,” she shrugged as she picked with a slice of bacon, “she isn’t as well-known as she should be.”

“She?” his eyebrow rose. “Hmmm, thought it was a guy, great song. I’ll have to buy a copy of it.”

Silence reigned again for a few moments.

Suddenly, he pushed his chair back, seized her and lifted her into his arms. Ignoring her shrieks, he carried her into the living room, over to the piano, and sat her bare behind roughly on the keys, pressing them down into a distorted, uneven groan. Kissing her so hard it knocked the breath out of her like oral armed robbery, he unzipped his pants and entered her, thrust in and out, letting the piano play out the distorted tunes of their lovemaking. Her butt rose and fell aggressively off the keys, while he gripped her tightly around her waist, making her come to him over and over again.

“Uhhh!”

He buried his head on her shoulder, his eyelashes tickling her skin, warm breath caressing the side of her neck, as he continued to move expertly in and out of her, thrusting and moaning. “Ahhhh...” he whispered in her ear. Their bodies continued to make distorted music, with her flesh moving in passion across the ebony and ivory. She gripped him tightly, feeling her own orgasm heightening and heightening until it burst forward, causing her to jerk against his hard body. He gripped the back of her head, the warmth of his hand heated her curls, giving comfort, and he didn’t stop, he kept going, seeing her through her climax.

“Mmmm.” She grew wetter, throbbing and pulsating against him, and gripped him closer, his back now slick with sweat. “Uh!” He dove deep and downward, cupping her behind, fully immersed inside of her. All his length and thickness, filling her up, the tightness paramount.

“Uhhh! Uh! Ahhh!” He thrust in short jabs and she felt him hasten, knowing he was close.

“I love you so much, Rhapsody...so much!” and then she felt the warmth shooting into her as her body twisted against his. After a while, he slowed, then lifted her into his arms and placed her down carefully on the couch, lying on top of her, their bodies, wet, vibrating and intertwined. He smiled down at her and moved curly spirals of hair away from her face.

“This has been difficult,” she blurted out, the emotions bursting forward. Her heart couldn’t take it anymore. She’d tried to dance around this, just as he had—to pretend they were just friends when the entire time, they’d been falling in love, and now that he’d been inside of her, everything came to a culmination and her spirit cried out. When he hadn’t shown up at the park, she felt vulnerable. But instead of running away from the pain, she ran for help... For the first time in years, she’d done the unthinkable.

“Dane.” She kissed his forehead as he rested on her breasts. “I prayed last night. It was the first time in years. I’m so in love with you. A part of me is so scared...so afraid you’ll change your mind, or that in some way I have messed up things for you. But I can’t deny my heart and how I feel, I just can’t.” Her eyes watered, she quickly wiped the moisture away, refused to lose complete control of the situation, although she needed to come clean. The man had confided his deepest thoughts and secrets, it was the least she could do.

He rose on his elbows and looked down at her, his expression thoughtful.

“Well, I’ve been praying about this a long time and at this point, Rhapsody, I just understand that I can’t be expected to be the same man I was while a junior in college, and have to stick by all of those choices. At the time, it was the right thing to do. I helped a lot of people, and that is the reason I was there.” He said it so confidently, so matter-of-factly. It gave her peace that she could fully trust him, made her relax a bit more.

“We have to be real about this though. We made love, Dane.” She shook her head, her body still so thankful for what they’d done.

“Yes, we made love,” he said with tired eyes, as if the entire world were on his shoulders. “And I know according to my faith, because we aren’t married, that was wrong, Rhapsody. I am not going to sit here with you and pretend like I don’t remember what the Lord says about fornication, lovemaking outside of marriage. I knew when I came over here last night what may happen. But I needed you; I was at a point, where I needed the physical contact. I know that my love for you will come as a shock to so many… I never once complained to anyone about the priesthood. I never confessed that I was lonely. I should have, but I didn’t. No one even knew until fairly recently, that I
may
actually be in a situation, so to speak.” He cupped her chin.

“Look, honey, when it is all said in done, I think I did the best job I could. By most accounts, I believe, people will say I was a good priest. I worked on my homilies for three to four hours per week. I heard confessions every day before daily Mass, and invited the congregation to share in my Holy Hour in the morning. During those Holy Hours, I would ask God to free me of love to my paramour, and freedom from my desires...but only my removal from the parish was the answer to my prayer. I’ve known for a while that something was nagging at me, that it may be time to move forward. You coming into my life gave me the permission to do that—it was our friendship, before any hand holding, visits or kisses had transpired, that freed me. I just want to be with
you
, Rhapsody. I can’t do this with them anymore. It’s over. And in the last few months, I’ve had signs that I was holding onto to something that wasn’t meant for me any more...so many signs...”

She ran her fingers through his hair and looked up at the ceiling. “Me? I was the sign?”

“Yes, and many others...You may or may not be aware of this, but priests don’t make much money. I have my education from the seminary, and received my degree as well, but I have no job training outside of it, which would make it extremely difficult for me to find a decent wage with a good company. That was one of my worries about leaving, before I’d met you. Then, as if out of the sky, Rhapsody, I came into some money and... I’ve helped so many with it. Now, it may be time to do the same for myself.”

He caressed her chin and kissed it, then leaned back on her breasts.

“That explains your new car.” She laughed lightly. He laughed back and nodded.

“...And I love that you’ve told me you love me, knowing none of that, Rhapsody. You fell in love with
me,
for me, despite the possible issues we’d run into. You can’t control this,
we
can’t control this. We fell in love, and now,” he shrugged, “I am ready to just move forward, in a positive direction. Back to the bedroom is a positive direction...” He snickered as he felt her moving beneath him, stifling a laugh herself.

Oh Jesus...

He kissed between her breasts, let his hands explore her, sensually, hungrily. Finally, he raised his head to look into her eyes—his sparkling blues told her how much he wanted her. Again.

I thought he was kidding!

“I thought...I thought, ahhh.... we are going to be late for work...”

She grinded against him, unable to help herself, but he didn’t stop. Her body ached, the way he kept taking her over and over...but she couldn’t deny him. She knew what he wanted, what he needed...the pain was still so clear in his eyes and at the breakfast table, she realized, he wasn’t distant...he was
closer,
much closer as he was busy formatting the worn disks in his mind, trying to get the disastrous situation under control. Scraping at his own soul, no doubt asking God to forgive him for each thrust he’d made inside of her body, each kiss planted upon her skin—and yes, he’d covered all areas from head to toe multiple times...

But more importantly, he would have asked God to forgive him for not wanting to stop, and for being completely in tune with her...

He entered her again and she relished it, met his thrusts, one by one. They were a silken skin liquid orchestra, a two person sensual band. He pushed forward, his chest pressed against her breasts; she responded, taking in his slow, sweet thrusts.

He looked down at her intensely, making her heart break, freeze and heat all at once.

She caressed his lips with her own, cupped his ears, kept his face near, so close...

“Are you getting what you need, baby?” she whispered.

“Yes.” He pushed a bit harder, a bit faster...her body worn down by his as he relentlessly continued to take her.

“No regrets...”

Tell me. Tell me. Tell me.

“I have one, but it is an offshoot of another.”

“What is it?” she asked, curious, raising an eyebrow.

“That I don’t care what anyone thinks about what has happened and that...I didn’t get what was mine when I first saw it...
you
. You were
always
supposed to be mine...always, Rhapsody. I’m late...but I’m finally here...”

What was mine? But you’re finally here...So sexy....

He wrapped his arms protectively around her, tighter, and filled her. The sensuality of his moves overwhelmed her core, pushing her into a compact orgasm that tore her up.

“Ohhhhh! Uhhhhhh.....” As the last waves washed over her, she bit into the side of his neck...ravenous…and dug her nails into his back. Drawing back, he pushed forward, over and over and over again...right behind her, exploding deep into her warmth.

Moments later, he kissed her forehead as his body finally relaxed. Together, hand in hand, they walked into the bathroom and showered, spread soap on one another, laughed, talked, joked and made love again under the stream of hot water. The day was getting away, tip toeing out of their reach, and they no longer cared. Soon however, exhaustion grabbed them and stopped them in their tracks, though it had been a good run. They dressed, kissed and parted ways once more, promising to spend more time together the following day...

~***~

“Why are you asking me about this again?” Rhapsody stood in place as she watched Dane wave to her and drive off into the distance. She was prepared to take her evening jog after they’d spent time sitting on the bench, holding hands and simply talking. A peaceful, beautiful time, what she desired above all, and now, the recent memories were soiled as she cradled her cellphone and Melody’s voice rang out, screeching like the motorcycle wheels that had just passed by.

“Because you said you’d be here!”

“I did no such thing, Melody. Why in the hell would I come to a party of yours when every time you invite me to something, you either ignore me, talk down to me, or make obnoxious jokes at my expense to impress your friends? I told you the last damn time that I wasn’t attending anymore.”

“Well, what am I going to do now?” She huffed. “I told them I had a singer.”

“Oh, so now you want me to sing and play the piano for your guests, like some trained monkey when you just told me not too long ago I wasn’t all that talented. You know what, Melody, yeah, we need to talk...I am so sick of your shit.”