Forgiven (10 page)

She furrows her brows. “You’re not upsetting me. It’s comforting to have you here.” She puts her hand on the side of the bed and I’m pretty sure she’s hoping I’ll take it, but that’s not going to happen. “I appreciate you being here, Bradley.”

“No, I mean I don’t want to upset you with what I am about to ask you.”

“Oh.” She retracts her hand and looks down.

“I don’t want to upset you, but I have to ask. Have you called Ian?” Just the thought of him makes my blood boil. Saying his name repulses me.

She shakes her head and says nothing.

“I know you insist I’m the father, but I insist I’m not, which means that it would have to be him, right?”

She looks up to me and she’s continuously shaking her head. “I don’t know. I promise, I don’t.” A tear trickles down her face. “I know you think that I’m just making this up to try to trap you or something. I know you think I’m a horrible person, but I’m not.”

I glance away. “I don’t know what to think about you.”

“I’ll tell you what happened, but I don’t know that you will believe a word I say at this point.”

I pop my head up and give her an expectant look. “Yeah, I’d love to know what the hell happened.”

She gulps. “You left to go to the wedding.”

“Right.”

“That weekend I wasn’t feeling well, but I went out anyway.”

“Joe’s?”

“Uh huh. I had too much to drink. I met Ian. He was...like I said before. He was kind, caring, compassionate...”

“Ugh. You can spare me those details.” The less I can hear about the prick the better.

“Anyway, we went home together. The next morning I woke up violently ill. He took care of me, took me to the doctor, and made sure I was okay afterwards.” Her eyes wander around the room and then back to mine. “I really felt bad afterwards. I was so confused. I wanted you, but I can’t describe the connection I felt towards him.”

“Keep going, that is if you feel okay and this isn’t stressing you too much.”

“No, I think it’s a ton of bricks being lifted off of my shoulders, honestly.”

“Yeah, I can see where that would be true.”

She closes her eyes and then picks up the water jug and takes a long gulp. She doesn’t put it back, but rather places it on the bed beside her. “I couldn’t get in touch with you. Ian continued to take care of me. Things were great...until I found out I was pregnant.”

“Let me guess? The irresponsible ass suddenly wasn’t as charming as he had been?” He makes me fuming mad. I didn’t even love Veronica, but I don’t think I would care what woman it was. I know how badly he hurt Gabby and I can’t stand the thought of him doing that to other people I do care about.

Nodding, she says, “He just flipped out and ran away.” A tear trickles down her face. “Then I was all alone. I thought for a long time I could do it by myself, but then I got scared the closer the time came.”

“So you thought that you could just tell me it was mine and I’d believe you...that we’d just all the sudden be a happy family?” I narrow my eyes. Part of this situation infuriates me. The other part of it realizes I’m not sure I can blame her. “If you and Ian weren’t talking because he ran away, then why did he show up at Gabby’s the day you showed up at my apartment? How did you two figure this out?”

“It’s not what you think.”

“Then tell me what it is because you have to realize how bad this looks.”

“I do.” She looks up at the ceiling. “When I left your apartment, he had been outside waiting on me. He’d followed me to your place. I only knew of Gabby from what I’d heard and seen around town. He wanted to know what I was doing there with her. I explained to him what was going on, and he begged me to give him another chance.”

“And...”

“I told him no.”

“No because you thought you could get me back?”

“Because I don’t know who the father is, and if I have to pick, then I pick you.”

“I’m not available for you to pick...”
Keep your cool. The last thing you need is to blow up on her and cause trouble to the baby. You’re getting answers. Keep your cool.
I close my eyes and take a cleansing breath. “You don’t get to pick who is the father of your child by process of elimination. It doesn’t work that way.”

“I know that now. I’m so sorry.”

“You keep saying you’re sorry, but you called me and didn’t call him.”

“Bradley, you and I have far more history. Even if we’re not together, you know me well. You are a comfort to me. I would have called you regardless.”

“Is that so?”

She nods. “Yes.”

“So Ian and Gabby. Did you know he was going to her after you left my apartment?”

“No. I swear I didn’t. He just asked me if I loved you, and I told him I did. He told me he wanted me to be happy. Promised he’d take care of everything so I could be with you.”

“Little fucker!” I shoot out of my seat and walk to the bathroom.
Calm down. Calm down. Count to ten
. I flick the faucet handle and splash cool water on my face. Bracing the sink, I lean into the mirror. I look like absolute shit. I grab a paper towel and dry my face and walk back out to the room. “I’m sorry about that. So basically he thought he could have her and you could have me, and we’d all just be better off?”

“I...yeah.” She shrugs. “I guess. He called me the next day. I didn’t answer. He left a bunch of messages on my machine saying he was sorry and how it had not worked. He said it just made him realize he wanted me even more.”

“You know I was a dick to you, but you were never leftovers to me. That’s fucked up, Roni.”

“He told me before I left your apartment, he loved me. I don’t think he went after Gabby because he wanted her. I think he did it because he wanted me to be happy. He has a tendency to make rash decisions, obviously.”

“Well, I’d like to believe he has a few redeeming qualities, but from what I know of him, he’s scum of the earth.” I clench my fists.

“I had a pregnancy test the Sunday he took me to the doctor. It was negative.”

I sigh. Negative. “I thought you said you didn’t know who the father was?”

“When I found out I was pregnant, I explained the situation. The doctor said there is no way to know. Just because it was negative that day, doesn’t mean it’s not yours.” She picks her jug back up and takes another sip. “I was given an antibiotic. It made my birth control not work. Sperm can live a long time. They said it’s hard to say at this point.”

I slouch in my seat. “Unbelievable.”

“I promise. You can ask my doctor yourself if you don’t believe me.”

“No, I get it. You need to call Ian.” I can’t believe I am even recommending this, but she does. He deserves to know.

“I don’t even know what to say to him. I’m so confused.” She throws her hands up in the air. “All of these pregnancy hormones. They’re driving me nuts.”

“Do you love him?” I can tell by the way she talks about him that she at the very least cares for him.

“I don’t know.”

“I think you do.”

“You think I know...” She cocks her head and squints her eyes. “Or you think I love him?”

“I think you care about him. I think there’s a good chance you love him.”

“I love you.”

I look away. “I’m sorry.”

“For what?”

“For making you fall in love with me and not being able to reciprocate that.” I glance back over to her. “You need to call him.”

“Okay. But what does that mean for you?”

“Well, obviously I want the paternity test. That’s clearly not going to happen anytime soon. So until then, I’m just going to act as if this child is mine. I’ll come by every day and check on you. I want to be notified if something changes. I don’t want to miss my potential child’s birth. But I think Ian should be able to decide those things for himself. I don’t think it’s right to make him miss the birth of his potential child because you’re secretly hoping it’s mine.”

“Ugh. You’re right.”

“I wish I wasn’t. I wish this wasn’t happening, but it is. We have to make the right decisions moving forward. It’s not just about us.”

She nods, and a movement in the crack of the door catches my eye. There’s a small knock, and we both say to come in. I’m shocked to see it’s Gabby. I turn my head to the side. I wonder how long she’s been out there and what she’s heard. I look over to Veronica and put my pointer finger up to signal one minute. “I’ll be right back.”

I tug Gabby back into the hall and pull her into an embrace, inhaling her scent. She freezes into place and drops the bags she’s holding. She slowly wraps her arms around my body. “Everything okay?” she whispers.

I kiss her hair. “No. It’s an apeshit mess.”

That makes her giggle. “I’m sorry.” She picks up the bags and hands them to me. “Your phone. It was going straight to voicemail.”

“I should have known better than to think you’d be able to get through. I don’t know what I was thinking.”

“You probably weren’t. It’s not like you have nothing on your mind.”

I smile and chuckle. “You’re amazing. Thank you for the food.”

“You’re welcome. Will you call me when you leave?”

“I will. I won’t be much longer.”

She nods. I can see disappointment in her eyes. I know she’s trying to be strong. I move the stray piece of hair to behind her ears. “Be careful on the way home.”

She leans into my touch. “I will. UIOLYOEV.” She rattles that off so fast. It’s such a tongue teaser. I love it when she says it, though. She made it up one day as a way of telling me she loved me in public so we didn’t seem sappy and gross people out.

I shake my head. “Ditto that.” I kiss her forehead and she turns on her heel and walks away.

As I walk back out of the hospital, I know I can’t really blame Bradley for wanting to be there, but it was so hard to step into that building and peek into that room to see him with another woman, a pregnant woman. I’m already struggling with school. His mom is already drilling me with wedding planning. I mean, in a way I love that Holly has embraced me and we’re already so close, but on the other hand, I am so swamped with school. I’m finding it exceptionally hard to focus. To say I feel overwhelmed is putting it mildly.

I unlock and open my car door, put my seat belt on and look over my shoulder to back up as I start the ignition and put it into gear. Time alone in the car may be just what I need to decompress my thoughts. I knew that this would be tough with Veronica, but I also thought that we’d be able to quickly check paternity and put it behind us. I briefly thought about what it would be like if the baby was really Bradley’s, but he was so sure it wasn’t that it was hard for me to consider anything other than it not being his. This entire situation seems to be unraveling and becoming more and more out of control by the day. I don’t know if it’s this, or a combination of things, but I have been really moody. I feel bad about it, but I can’t help it.