Forgiven (17 page)

After Veronica is back in her room resting and the baby stabilized, I step outside to call Gabby. I feel terrible that it’s taken me so long to get back with her. This day quickly turned into the day from hell. I honestly can’t wait to hear her voice. I know she’ll help make it all better, as she always does.

“There you are!” She sounds frustrated. I wasn’t prepared for her to be short with me. I’m not sure I can handle her being in one of her moods tonight.

“Yeah. It’s been a bad day.” I exhale. “I’m sorry I missed your call earlier.”

“You didn’t miss my call!” She snaps back, “You
ignored
my call.”

“No, I had to turn my phone off. I was at the hospital.”

“Why am I not surprised?”

“Gabby, what the hell is with your attitude?” She’s pissing me off. Does she even know or care as to why I was at the hospital before my usual time?

“Because Bradley, when I needed you, you were with
her
. You chose her.”

“No. That’s not fair.” But she’s right. I did. I chose Veronica, and I chose the little beautiful baby girl fighting for her life right now. Telling her that will have to wait because I want to know what has her so pissy and why she needed me. “Why’d you need me?”

“My car broke down,” she hisses.

“Where are you now?”

There’s a pause.

“I tried to call everyone. You on your cell, you on your work phone, Joe, and Ryan...I couldn’t get anyone to answer my calls. So I called Ian.”

“You did what?” I feel like someone just took my already dizzy head and spun it in circles. I’m seeing red and stars all at one time. All I want to do is get her away from him.

“I called Ian. I was stuck at Gi Gi’s. I knew you didn’t want me taking MARTA.”

“And you thought Ian was better than fucking MARTA? Have you lost your mind?”

“Well there was this creepy guy who offered me a ride. I guess I could have taken him up on the offer.” She’s being arrogant and sarcastic. Snippy. I narrow my eyes, and then take a deep breath as I clench my fist. I know who the creepy guy is. It’s her father. I’m not sure which of these three choices I like the most.

“Quit being a smart ass.” I can’t believe I’m about to do this. “Tell Ian to bring you to the hospital.”

“Why?” she huffs.

“Because. Veronica had the baby today. As much as I hate it, he needs to be here as much as I do.”

“Oh. Is the baby okay? I mean it was super early?”

“Yeah, it was early, but not too early. And I don’t know what’s going to happen with her. We can talk about it more when you get here.”

I hang up and head back inside trying to cool down. So many emotions are running through my mind right now. All I can think about is why she’d call Ian. I think about him being with her. I see him kissing her. It makes me want to punch the living shit out of him again. He deserves to be here just as much as me, though.

I feel bad for wanting to know right now, but I have to know. I can’t stand it any longer. I am getting more and more attached to this child. I need to know so that we can all plan accordingly and move forward.

I make my way back to Veronica’s room. She’s still sleeping. They said she would probably sleep awhile with the medication they gave her. She needs to rest, and she’ll be in a good deal of pain when the epidural wears off. I wander back to the newborn nursery. I look at all the adorable, healthy babies. I realize that I do want that. I want to be a proud father one day. But today, this isn’t it. It just doesn’t feel right. No part of this feels okay.

Faith’s in critical condition in the Neonatal ICU. She’s on a ventilator and has been unable to breathe on her own since she was born. Even though they gave Veronica shots to develop the lungs, they aren’t where they need to be. There is also concern that the baby may have an underlying condition. They said she’s very ‘floppy’. So there is also concern that she’s not been able to breathe on her own because she doesn’t have the muscle tone to be able to physically do that.

Veronica knows none of this, and it kills me to potentially have to tell her this. The only good that I think can come out of today is that we’ll know who is Faith’s father. I think it’s important that if it’s Ian, he has a chance to see her. There’s a very good chance that she’s not going to pull through.

When I see movement in the hall, I look up and see Gabby and Ian are side-by-side walking down the hall. It makes my stomach roll. Seeing them together is revolting. I realize bile is rising up the back of my throat, and my stomach starts to rumble. It’s getting late, and I had skipped lunch at the office because things had been so busy.

“Ian.” I nod, then pull Gabby close and give her a kiss on the forehead. “Gabby Girl.”

She pulls back and points. “Is the baby in there? Can we see her?”

“No.” I glance to Ian. “The baby is in intensive care. She’s not yet been able to breathe on her own.”

Ian turns his head and raises an eyebrow. “What are they saying about that?”

Gabby speaks up. “He gets all the medical stuff. His parents are doctors.”

“They are concerned her lungs aren’t yet developed, and there is also worry about a potential underlying disorder.” I glare at Gabby. She seems far too comfortable with him. My suspicions just continue to grow watching their body language. It’s like she’s with him and not me.

Ian puts his head down and clears his throat. “May I see her?”

“That’s why I wanted you to come. I think you deserve to see her.” I look to the healthy babies. “Even with all the stuff attached to her, she’s still beautiful.” I nod my head towards the NICU. “Let’s go check on her and maybe Veronica will be awake then, and you can stay with her tonight.”

“Is she okay?” he asks.

“She’s fine.” I glance to Gabby, and I can’t read her expression. Maybe half an ounce of relief and the other half of cringe. I roll my eyes as we start to walk. What I witnessed today has changed my opinion of the entire situation to some extent. No one should have to endure what she did today. No one should have the experience of wondering if their child is alive or is going to live. The agony is nearly more than one can bear.

When we reach the NICU, we press the button to go inside. The nurse comes over the intercom speaker. “Only parents are allowed in the NICU. Mr. Banks, we can let you back in.” Earlier they assumed I was the father. They gave me a bracelet like they give the dads. The nurses were all being so kind. I was too distraught to correct them that I have no clue if this is my child. It didn’t seem like an appropriate time. “I’m afraid the others will have to wait in the waiting room.”

I swallow. I have been dreading having to say this out loud because it’s beyond embarrassing. I feel like I’m on a reality television show where they say, “And the father is...”. I press the button on the intercom and begin my confession. “I understand. We’ve not been able to have a paternity test, but there is a good chance that this guy...” I look over my shoulder and point my thumb in Ian’s direction. “Is the father. So it would be great if he could see her.”

“Oh,” she murmurs. Yeah. I fully expected that reaction. “Well often times we can cross check blood types, which is a lot faster than a paternity test. Someone will be with you in a moment.”

I don’t know why I hadn’t even thought of finding out her blood type. I cock my head at Gabby and I slightly smile. That is the best news of my day by far. The not knowing is killing me. I am to the point now to where I can accept whatever this answer may be, but I can’t accept no longer knowing. Gabby smiles back to me, but then she lets her body fall into the wall and she glances away. She’s clearly still not happy with me and aside from this situation, I am still seething mad at her right now. We definitely have unfinished business to take care of later.

An older, heavier set nurse that I met earlier comes through the double, electronic doors. She’s holding a chart. I assume it’s Faith’s. She motions forward and walks through the opening between me and Ian. She ushers us to one of those consultation rooms. “Have a seat and make yourselves comfortable.”

We all sit. I can’t really remember the last time I sat down. The fatigue hits me once I do. I could fall asleep in this chair right now. It’s all I can do to keep my eyes open.
I need coffee.

She opens the chart. “Now I know your name.” She looks at me and then back to Ian. “But we haven’t met. You are?” She extends her hand.

“My name’s Ian.” He gives her a small shake.

“Barb. Nice to meet you.” I couldn’t remember her name, but now it comes flooding back to me. I do remember her telling me her name was Barb and she was some head honcho nurse. Maybe a charge nurse. I don’t know. Who cares, anyway?

“Do you know your blood types?”

“I’m O positive,” I quickly answer.

Ian responds, “A positive, and since I know you can’t tell us Veronica’s because of HIPPA, I know that she’s O positive, too.”

Confused, I look to him. “How the hell do you know her blood type?”

He rolls his eyes. I hate this punk. I absolutely hate him. I just want to slap the living shit out of him. “I just know, okay.”

“Guys. None of that is important.” She looks to Ian. “You’re right. I can’t tell you her blood type. I can tell you the blood type of the baby, then you can confirm Ms. Johnson’s blood type with her. Once you know what it is, then you should have a clear answer as to paternity.”

I nod my head and narrow my eyes at him. The sooner I can get away from him the better. She closes the chart and then as soon as she speaks, we have our answer.